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Wizarding Wireless Network News | Episode 456 | 30 September 2103

Citizens of the wizarding United Kingdom, good evening. This is your Minister, Charles Hollingberry, speaking on behalf of this special installment of the Wizarding Wireless Network News.

Today I am pleased to report that thanks to the efforts of Magical Transportation department head Simone Krafft and Magical Accidents and Catastrophes department head Sian Llewellyn and their respective teams the previous hindrances plaguing the functionality of your Ministry have finally been put to rest. All floo networks in and out are fully operational, as are the lifts within the Ministry. We are also in the process of returning all owls to the Owl Post as their services within the Ministry are no longer required with the Interdepartmental memos now functioning as they should. With all of the escaped Azkaban prisoners accounted for, Bain Goldwasser the head of Magical Law Enforcement has turned his attentions to ensuring that all Ministry employees are reliable, trustworthy, of good conduct and character, and loyal to the Ministry. We at your Ministry of Magic look forward to being even more productive in the coming year of 2104 now that the purity of our institutions has been solidified.

In other prosperous developments, Hogwarts Headmaster Malachi Trent along with the Hogwarts Board of Governors have begun the implementation of a new, rigorous and refined curriculum at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. It will usher in a new era for all wizardingkind. Save for the Minister’s Office, all communications to and from Hogwarts have been temporarily suspended to permit students to focus their efforts on their studies.

As a grandfather with my own granddaughter at Hogwarts, a thriving sixth year if I may mention, I understand how upsetting and frustrating this situation must be for all the families and loved ones. We, Headmaster Trent and myself, implore you to understand that this period of isolation is all for the greater good and any inconvenience caused will be repaid a hundredfold in the benefits for our wizarding youth and the greater wizarding population. Rest assured that your children are in capable hands that wish nothing more than for the prosperity of our wizarding youth.

To close out this broadcast, please indulge me as always while I recount a bit of historic trivia regarding the office of Minister for Magic. This evening we will be taking a peek at Millicent Bagnold who served the office of Minister from 1980 - 1990. A pureblood witch renowned for being a very capable leader. Her tenure is most remembered for taking place during the end of the first wizarding war. Bagnold had to answer to the International Confederation of Wizards for the number of breaches of the International Statute of Secrecy on the day and night following Harry Potter’s survival of Lord Voldemort’s attack. Her extravagant displays of breathtaking magic were reported as mere meteor showers by muggle news papers. She acquitted herself magnificently with the now infamous words: ‘I assert our inalienable right to party.’ Which is really rather delightful if I do say so myself.

This has been your Minister for Magic, Charles Hollingberry. Good evening and goodnight!

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Wizarding Wireless Network News | Episode 489 | 16 December 2103

Citizens of the wizarding United Kingdom, good evening. This is your Minister, Charles Hollingberry, speaking on behalf of this holiday installment of the Wizarding Wireless Network News. We at the Ministry understand that the season this year may feel more melancholy in light of the necessary changes at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I would once again like to extend a benevolent hand of gratitude to all of you for your patience and continued understanding during these times as we endeavour to continue our work for the greater good of all wizardingkind.

In the coming weeks, the Ministry itself will be experiencing renovations and a redesign to bring it in line with the times. All these exciting refurbishments will be revealed at our annual beginning of the year gala to be hosted in the Atrium. So I do ask all personnel listening in this evening to be mindful of where they step and to do their best to not get in the way of the design teams as they move about. They should not interfere with the continued work you put into our great nation.

As a holiday gift to the present and future of our sovereign state, we at the Ministry are pleased to inform the public the reversal of the Decree for the Reasonable Restriction of Underage Sorcery will be taking place precisely at the moment the Great Bell strikes midnight on the first of January 2104. Changes to newly invigorate the Improper Use of Magic Office and turn its purpose on its head will likewise be rolled out under the leadership of Magical Law Enforcement department head, Bain Goldwasser.

A new era of freedom is upon us and you are free to stay turned to the Wizarding Wireless Network for its 4 hour long block featuring a festive medley of holidays tunes! I suggest listening over a warm piping mug of apple cider like I myself will be doing. Good evening, goodnight, and happy holidays!

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Wizarding Wireless Network EMERGENCY BROADCAST | 09 MAY 2104

ATTENTION CITIZENS OF THE WIZARDING WORLD. This is your Minister speaking. I regret to inform you that for some time now I have been magically manipulated by a fanatical group known as the Neo-Alliance who seek to finish the work of Gellert Grindelwald. As of this recording, ministry officials are working to take down chief members of the Neo-Alliance who infiltrated the Ministry. They have successfully apprehended Alphonsine Rosier who is currently in custody and will stand trial for her conspiracies and actions against the greater wizarding world.

While under the influence of a series of potent and sinister entrancing enchantments...I have green-lit harmful legislation and assisted them in sowing the seeds of discord. I must now call upon all willing and able citizens of this great wizarding nation to assist in repairing the damage done, and to save our world.

The Neo-Alliance has turned Hogwarts into its stronghold, our children and future held captive within. Our Order of the Phoenix, led by Senior Undersecretary Fletcher, moves tonight to strike against oppression. In the words of legendary Minister Kingsley Shacklebolt, “every human life is worth the same, and worth saving.” We must save our children, our grandchildren, ourselves, and our future.

This broadcast will loop henceforth. I implore you to spread the word and assist us in fortifying our defences. We move on Hogwarts tonight.

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Wizarding Wireless Network News | Episode 497 | 13 June 2104

ATTENTION CITIZENS OF THE WIZARDING WORLD. This is your acting Minister, senior undersecretary Dun--- er, Fletcher, just Fletcher, speaking. I have some important updates for you regarding the status of the Wizarding World War.

First, I must inform you your current Minister for Magic, Charles Hollingberry, is currently in recovery at St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries. He IS expected to make a full recovery, but he will require some time off to heal from the injuries he sustained saving our world from the threat of the Neo-Alliance. As many of you already know, Charles did successfully end Lucien Rosier's reign of terror at Hogwarts in an epic duel to the death. Rosier's death, that is. Good riddance, I say.

Here at the Ministry, we are... er, dealing with some fallout from the same battle. Our Muggle Technology Center is closed until further notice and is, in fact, actually, ah, ahem, excuse me, I got a chocolate frog in my throat there. The Muggle Technology Center is currently being renovated as part of our new and improved Ministry Renovation and Remodel Plan we have going on. That's right. In addition to giving this beautiful historic building a much-needed facelift, we are also in the process of removing all references to the Neo-Alliance as we renovate our facilities and round up the remaining members of the Neo-Alliance cause. I don't know how to transition to a new topic yet but er, I'm just going to say that here are some of the personnel changes we have in store.

Raini Youngbird has just been hired for the Department of Accidents and Catastrophes to replace Sian Llewellyn, who has been taken into custody. Up on Level Six, Anna Marie Howard will be leading our very important Department of Transportation since Neo-Alliance member Simone Krafft perished somehow in the battle at Hogwarts as well.

Finally, the Department of Magical Law Enforcement will be led by a former classmate and friend of mine, auror Jake Upstead. Jake has asked me to announce that investigations into the activities of the Neo-Aligned citizens are currently ongoing, and the DMLE is seeking any information on the whereabouts of Bain Goldwasser first. If you or a loved one would like to assist with our vam-- man, er, manhunt, please send a post to Level Two as soon as you, your beast, or your beings, can.

Now I would like to take a somber moment to thank everyone who fought on the side of the Order of the Phoenix. I uh, I have to admit that my own family was threatened throughout this fight for the light. This struggle to save humanity is not one we will soon forget. I will personally be writing to everyone who made the ultimate sacrifice for the sake of those in the wizarding AND Muggle world, and especially for those of us who exist in both spaces at once. We will come together as a community to heal from the wounds we all sustained, and please know that your Ministry team will be in touch as the healing process continues.

If anyone needs me, I'm just an owl away here at the Ministry.

Fletcher out.

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Wizarding Wireless Network's Wand to Know | Episode 832 | 21 June 2116

Good evening, magical folks tuning in across the realm! You're listening to the one and only Wizarding Wireless Network, and I'm your host, Raena Marchbanks, ready to take you on a whirlwind ride through the wizarding world. On tonight's episode of Wand to Know, we've got a special guest who will leave you spellbound. Grab your best cuppa and settle in because we're about to take a journey through the art of Apparition itself. Our special guest tonight is none other than Beitris Urquhart, Lead Apparition Instructor and Examiner at the Ministry of Magic. If anyone knows how to get you from point A to point B without splinching, it's her!

So stick around because we'll be diving into everything from Apparition's most mind-bending techniques to the secrets behind its high-stakes training. Don't go anywhere—you won't want to miss this! But first, a word from our sponsors.

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Welcome back to Wand to Know, where we dive into the wonders of the wizarding world with the experts who know it best. As I'm sure you all already know, I'm your host, Raena Marchbanks, and today, we're thrilled to have a very special guest with us: Beitris Urquhart, the Lead Apparition Instructor and Examiner at the Ministry of Magic. Beitris has dedicated her career to ensuring that witches and wizards across the world can travel safely and efficiently, mastering the delicate art of Apparition. With a wealth of experience and a keen eye for detail, she's the perfect person to talk us through the magic behind the magic. Welcome to the show, Beitris!

Thank you, Raena. It's an absolute pleasure to be here. I've listened to Wand to Know for years, usually while tweaking the pieces of the Apparition curriculum or evaluating splinch reports. So, being on the other side of the conversation is quite a treat.

We love to hear it! Now, let's get the quaffle rolling here then, shall we? As Lead Apparition Instructor and Examiner, Minister Hollingberry has informed us that you've implemented several so-called "improvements"—safety protocols, structured visualisation techniques, and the like. Enlighten us: which of these changes do you believe has had the greatest impact, and do you ever worry that over-regulation might dull the instincts required for real-world Apparition?

If I had to choose one, the structured visualisation techniques have proven to be the most transformative. Within the last decade, we've developed and introduced cognitive anchoring exercises that help first-time Apparators construct detailed, stable mental landscapes before attempting Disapparation. It reduces panic. It boosts accuracy. And, most importantly, it encourages an appreciation for the process.

As for over-regulation dulling instinct, I would argue the opposite. Instinct without structure is guesswork. True instinct is forged through repetition and honed by discipline. Reckless spontaneity might feel exhilarating, but it's just chaos wearing a charming hat.

Ah, so it's all about precision over panicked flailing—commendable, truly. Though I imagine some would argue that a little reckless spontaneity keeps things exciting. But I digress! We wouldn't want a trail of splinched limbs in the name of thrill-seeking, now would we? Speaking of high-stakes travel, let's indulge in a bit of hypothetical fun. If there were an Apparition Cup, what would the events be, and—more importantly—which one would you secretly dominate?

Quite right—we certainly don't need a trail of limbs strewn about. The Accidental Magical Reversal Squad has their hands full as it is, and the St. Mungo's healers, I imagine, would rather not spend their afternoons reattaching various body parts to overzealous thrill-seekers.

An Apparition Cup would need to test true mastery. I imagine events like micro-locational targeting (say, appearing directly into a moving carriage seat without disturbing the cushion), Disapparation under duress, interrupted-path correction in unstable zones, and controlled multi-point relay. If I were competing, I'd quietly dominate the last one. Four destinations, four displacements, no breath between. It is quite the challenge, but there's nothing quite as satisfying as Apparating in immediate succession without leaving a margin of error.

Four destinations in rapid succession? Impressive—especially considering you've managed to keep all your limbs attached! A true feat of both magic and self-preservation. Speaking of which, let's talk about every student's worst nightmare: splinching. Given that nerves, miscalculations, and sheer foolishness are an inevitability, how do you ensure your students not only master Apparition but also manage to keep all their limbs where they belong?

When it comes to Apparition, I tell them: magic is not impressed by how quickly you vanish; it is impressed by how precisely you return. So we practise the three principles—Destination, Determination, Deliberation—until they're muscle memory.

The classroom is deliberately designed to be a place where failure is instructive, not fatal. They're encouraged to stumble, to reflect, and to try again. We treat splinching not as a shame but as a signal: slow down, refine, and reconnect. This way of thinking is meant to better channel that instinct and provide some structure so that they can arrive with all their parts, including their dignity, and, ultimately, a licence at hand.

Ah, the old "practise makes perfect" approach—sensible, if not slightly nerve-wracking for those of us who prefer all our bits firmly attached on the first try. Still, I suppose there's something reassuring about knowing your students leave the classroom with their limbs and their dignity intact. Well, as much as one can expect from teenagers teetering on the edge of adulthood, convinced they've already mastered the universe.

Now, let's take a slightly more... entertaining approach to the horrors of splinching. If you had to misplace a body part during a botched Apparition, which one would be the least humiliating to explain?

If nothing else, they leave with a healthy respect for this advanced mode of transportation and will come to appreciate the art of not leaving parts of themselves behind.

If there were an alternative universe in which I experienced splinching, I would find it less humiliating to misplace... I suppose... my left earlobe. It's inconsequential enough, offers just enough theatrical flair to make a story out of it, and can be regrown by lunchtime. Plus, the asymmetry would be rather striking while it lasts.

Ah, the left earlobe—practical. Of all the possible bits to be left behind, that is a statement piece. But speaking of things that shouldn't go missing, let's talk about fairness—or the alleged lack thereof. Whispers in the streets suggest that not everyone gets an equal shot at their Apparition licence. Nothing new there. During the Third Wizarding War, it was no secret that Muggleborns were systematically denied the opportunity to obtain their licences, while others seemed to sail through the process unchecked. While the Ministry has long since claimed to have eradicated such biases, there are those who believe traces of this inequity still linger and claim some students appear to face far greater scrutiny than others. Tell me, Beitris—how do you respond to claims that the Apparition testing process is not as impartial as the Ministry would have us believe?

Any process involving evaluation must be examined for bias—be it systemic, unconscious, or inherited. I will not pretend that the Ministry's record is without blemish. The past cannot be sugar-coated; it is stained. But in my tenure, every candidate is assessed according to magical control and demonstrable skill. Surnames are irrelevant. Blood status has no bearing. What matters is focus, execution, and safety. Our curriculum is transparent. Our evaluation rubric is universal. We don't need illusions of fairness—we need its reality. I believe in equity, not illusion.

On the subject of scrutiny, critics claim that the Apparition licencing exams are unnecessarily harsh. How do you justify the rigour of the exams, and what do you say to those who believe the system is set up for some to fail?

Apparition is not a charm you cast on a teacup or some parlour trick. It is the violent rearrangement of space to accommodate your body. If we are not rigorous, we are irresponsible.

The exams are not designed to create failure—they are designed to confirm readiness. A licence grants autonomy and power, yes, but also accountability. We owe everyone safety. If we lower the bar, we risk lives and exposure. Competence is essential. If that makes the test "harsh," then I consider that a necessary discomfort.

Competence is key, and safety absolutely comes first. But, come on, there's always that fine line, right? We can't just wrap students up in cotton wool and treat them like unicorn foals. This brings me to my next question: There's a growing debate on whether Apparition should be introduced at a younger age, long before students reach seventeen. Are we stifling magical potential by enforcing this restriction, or is this one of those rare Ministry rules that actually make sense?

Those rules actually do make sense, believe it or not. Magical potential is not the same as magical maturity. Apparition requires a stable sense of orientation, emotional regulation, and finely tuned spatial awareness. A child might wield power, but that doesn't mean they are ready to use it appropriately or wisely. Some magic must wait until the body and brain are ready, so it is only a benefit to introduce Apparition when our children are older.

Ah, I see. Protecting them from themselves, in a way. Well, speaking of things that cost a pretty knut, there's the matter of the 12-Galleon fee for Apparition training. Some are crying foul, claiming it's a barrier that keeps the licence out of reach for too many. Do you think the ability to Apparate should be a fundamental right, or is it really just another luxury for the wealthy? And, let's be real, should the Ministry be footing that bill?

In an ideal world, yes, basic magical transport would be freely accessible. But Apparition training involves significant overhead: secured facilities, regulated environments, qualified personnel, and healers on standby. That's not inexpensive. That said, I fully support bursaries, need-based exemptions, and Ministry sponsorship for those unable to afford the training. Access shouldn’t be determined by income, but quality can't come at no cost.

I hear you—funding magical transport isn't exactly as simple as waving a wand, but still some interesting knuts to mull over in all our minds. Speaking of things that might be a bit out of whack, let's dive into the latest buzz from magical conservationists. They claim excessive Apparition is wreaking havoc on ley lines, disrupting natural magical energies and generally spelling doom for the environment. Is there any truth to these concerns, or is this yet another case of fearmongering? Should wizards be more conscious of their Apparition habits?

There's some truth there. Frequent Apparition in magical hotspots, especially along naturally unstable ley lines, can lead to energetic distortion. It's not dramatic... yet. But like with any magic, excessive use without care has consequences. It is something for all to be more conscious of.

The solution is simple: moderation. We teach Apparition as a convenience, not a crutch. There's no shame in taking a broom, a winged horse, the Knight Bus, or—Merlin forbid—walking.

Moderation and awareness—couldn't have said it better myself! You hear that audience? Absolutely no need to continue behaving like bowtruckles defending their Home Tree and stop making mountains out of pebbles.

Now, I have to ask, what's the single most important thing every witch and wizard should know about Apparition—besides, of course, "don't splinch yourself"?

Your mind must arrive before your body. Apparition isn't about power; it's about clarity. If your focus drifts, so will you. You don't simply just move through space. You must become the destination.

And one final question before you Disapparate from this conversation, I have to ask, what's one thing you wish people would stop saying about Apparition?

"It's just like blinking." Blinking has never put anyone halfway into the wall of the Leaky Cauldron.

Well, there you have it—straight from the top on Apparition, splinching, and all the fine print we never thought to read. A huge thank you to Beitris Urquhart for sharing her insights and setting the record straight. If you're out there practising your Apparition, remember: it's all about precision, focus, and not overestimating your instincts—trust me, your limbs will thank you!

And for those of you still waiting to get your Apparition licence—yes, I am looking at you lot who keep "accidentally" vanishing from queues—send in an owl to the Department of Magical Transportation and book your test properly. No, you cannot "just show up and give it a go." Yes, they will notice if you try. Do it right, or enjoy the scenic route via Floo Powder.

Stay safe out there, keep your wits sharp, and until next time, don't forget: Apparate with care... or at least with a little more planning than a troll. This has been your favourite magical airwaves, signing off. MWAH! Stay dazzling!