34/Parseltongue

Little Miss Hermia Roxy-Astoria Malfoy was going to be a Slytherin one day. She knew Slytherins were package-tongues and Hermia was going to be a package-tongue too. She decided to practice but there were no snakes in her garden.

Hmm…

That’s a worm, Hermia.

“I know. I’m practicing. It wriggles.”

You don’t need to practice. I just remembered that you’re a direct descendent of Salazar Slytherin. I’ll start role-playing you as a parceltongue when you’re twelve and you’ll save Harry Potter from a snake because he’ll forget how to do it himself.

“Okay cool… so can I eat the worm?”




For princess of*hp*

20/Hogsmeade

“We need help,” the Sues appeared in front of Ron on the path to Hogsmeade. The speaker was leather-clad and carrying a stake. “Maybe you can resolve our argument.”

Ron just stared, so leather-girl’s companion contributed her part. She had ginormous topaz eyes and seemed to faintly sparkle. “This girl says I’m the evil undead and that I have to die.”

“Well!” The girl brandished her stake. “That’s sort of my job. Look! I have a Mr. Pointy and a bustier.”

The two seemed inclined to launch into debate again, so Ron interrupted.

“But what are you doing in Hogsmeade?”


Dedicated to the Buffy the Vampire Slayer fandom, which was my first experience with fanfic and crossovers (done well). Dedicated to people who don't know that Twilight vampires are... not the same as other people's vampires. And probably don't belong in our RPG. And dedicated to people who laugh at my jokes.

2/ Muggle Studies

"Well," Summer Juliette Weasley began, "There is one and only one lesson about muggles worth learning: fashion.”

Perched on the edge of the professor's desk, legs crossed, one ankle bouncing so that the pink Louboutin heel she wore made a thwap-thwap-thwapping sound to punctuate each of her brilliant points, Summer continued.

"You don't have any style so that's why I should take your class from now on, and look cute doing it in a sparkly pink outfit and teach everyone that Prada is a way of life.”

“I was hoping you’d say that.” The professor agreed with a relieved sigh.

For Hogwarts fashionistas everywhere

30/Feast

The Slytherin table was jam-packed with students of all ages, fighting over sticky buns and fourteen puddings. Miraculously, though, as soon as Tandy seated herself at the table, they all seemed to disappear.

She heaved an evocative sigh as she settled her chin on her fist, her dark-as-night hair sliding over one shoulder. She was so tragic. Misunderstood. Unappreciated.

Another sigh. Why wasn’t there anyone around to appreciate her poignant sighs? They were so… POIGNANT.

“I have a tragic backstory,” Tandy informed the empty table around her. Maybe she’d just sit here and cry until someone asked what was wrong.

For Ameh, who always laughs at crying firsties.

59 /ignore

She felt sad so her eyes changed colour from wombat-fur brown to billywig blue in seconds. It was so tragic! Flobberworms didn’t deserve to die! She would not be party to flobberworm fritters for school dinners, and nobody else was standing up for the humble brown worm.

She’d transferred from Australia, which made her very unique from everyone else, and her name was Australia, just to drive that point home.

Australia stood on the Gryffindor table to make her announcement.

“G’day mates.” Because she was Australian. “Let’s boycott flobberworm fritters!”

They ignored her and the plates of fritters remained untouched.

for Australians. The real ones. I secretly love you all.

3/ Transfiguration

“I feel like this is a really good time for me to tell you everything about myself,” the girl murmured, breaking the relative silence in the room around her.

The boy seated just to her right grunted in response.

“And then we can do some light flirting,” she added eagerly, her pert little ponytail bobbing as she nodded.

Silence. Pointed silence.

“We can tell our future children that THIS was the MOMENT we fell in love.”

From the front of the classroom, the Transfiguration professor paused in her lesson. “Excuse me, child. Are we disturbing your monologue?”

“We’re good, Professor.”


For my fave Transfig professor. And for those firsties who insist on talking in class.

37 /animagus

There was a series of fluttering knocks on the Transfiguration professor’s door, just loud enough to be heard and considered of the utmost importance, while at the same time quiet as a dormouse singing a lullaby.

Naturally the professor dropped everything and opened the door immediately.

“I’m here to talk about being an Animagus.”

The professor sighed. Not this again. “Well, it’s a very advanced magic, and only older stude--”

“--Oh, I’m already one, I just thought that I should tell you what it’s like. And I’m a Metamorphamagus as well.”

Of course she was.

First years. Sigh.


for poor beleaguered Transfiguration professors and the first years that desperately want to be special.

73/ Warn

Corsica was very glarey-faced at the moment. She had the hard eyes of an angry wildebeest… and the sound of her harsh breathing was rather wildebeesty as well. The itty-bitty Gryffindor had a reputation for being terribly short-tempered, and her classmates knew to stay well back from the small heaving mass of angerball.

“Calm down, Cors,” her friend Robinette warned, making frantic calming circles with her hands (which, truthfully, weren’t very calming).

“I can’t. I’m just. So. MAD.” She pointed a shaking finger at the trembling seventh year boy nearby. “That boy stepped on my shoelace, and it came untied!”


Dedicated to the many many anger management cases we have in our lovely RPG.