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RavenSnape's 50 Ficlets for Lucius - Sa13+ 2. Avada Kedavra It was late in the evening. Lucius retreated to his study after dinner. His wife Narcissa withdrew to the parlor. He read the letters he received that day. One of the letters he received was from his son, Draco who was a fourth year student at Hogwarts. Apparently, a professor turned him into a ferret and he demanded action. Lucius grunted and growled then immediately rolled out parchment to send a strongly worded letter to the Minister of Magic. As he was writing a letter, he kept hearing a noise in his ear. It looked like a common housefly. However, it proved to be no ordinary housefly. It was smart and quick. Lucius tried to swat the pest with his hand, parchment, a book, and finally his shoe. Eventually he gave up. Exasperated, he sat back down at his desk and continued writing his letter. The fly continued to torment him. It buzzed around his head furiously. He noticed the fly landed on a bookshelf, not far from his desk. It was as if it was calling him. He rolled his eyes, and in a swift movement, produced his wand and shouted, “Avada Kedavra.” And the fly was no more. |
Lucius and Narcissa arrived home from the Ministry Christmas party. It was a great party but there was a downfall. The food was good, a little too good. Lucius could not stop eating. The buffet was lined with anything and everything imaginable. By the time he got home, his stomach started to turn on him. He went to the kitchen to get relief for his indigestion and it worked…for a moment. After another hour, he couldn’t hold it in any more. He made it to the bathroom just in time. All was fine and he much better afterward. Upon standing, he lost his balance and fell onto the toilet, getting himself stuck in the bowl. He couldn’t get out. He shouted for his wife, even screaming “help” to get her attention. She was nowhere to be found. Finally, he reached for his wand. He put his wand up to his throat and said, “Sonorus!” Then yelled, “CISSA!” She came and helped her husband out of his predicament, but not before laughing hysterically. “It’s not funny!” he grumbled. Narcissa kept laughing, “Oh Lucius, poo on you!” |
Lucius had a rough day of tormenting those less fortunate. He was looking forward to having dinner with his wife. Narcissa decided she was going to make his favorite, steak. He came home and could smell his food. He took a moment to breathe in the aroma. Lucius went to the table and placed his napkin in his lap. Narcissa came in and poured him a drink. “I know you’ve been waiting for this. I’ve been working so hard to make it perfect.” She went back to the kitchen and then brought out the food. An excited smile came to his face. But then, when the food was placed lovingly in front of him, his smile turned into a frown. “What’s this?” he asked. “It’s steak. Your favorite.” He looked down and saw the tiniest steak he had ever seen in his life. “It was the biggest one they had at the butcher,” she said smiling. Lucius grumbled at the sight of his pathetic looking meal. Sensing her husband’s frustration, Narcissa walked away. He had a plan. He pulled out his wand and said, “Engorgio.” His steak doubled in size and he was once again a very happy man. |
Lucius was awaiting the Dark Lord’s arrival at his home. He was upstairs getting ready. Snape was to arrive momentarily to inform him when the guest of honor was to arrive. He was combing his hair when he suddenly broke into song. “I feel charming, oh, so charming. It's alarming how charming I feel! And so pretty, that I hardly can believe I'm real.” He was enjoying himself so much that he didn’t notice Snape and Narcissa standing in the doorway. “Mr. Snape! Cissa! What in the-” “Tell me you weren’t singing that song, again,” laughed Narcissa. Lucius was fuming. It was likely he was more embarrassed than anything. Snape bit his lips in an effort not to laugh. “Sorry Lucius, but the Dark Lord will arrive in a few minutes.” Lucius pulled out his wand and held it at Snape’s throat. “You can’t tell a soul. You have to do the vow. Cissa bond the vow!” Narcissa laughed, and then Snape and Lucius bound hands. Cissa pointed the wands to their hands and the two made the Unbreakable Vow that Snape would never repeat what he saw that day. |
Lucius was so proud. He was able to capture Fenrir Greyback with a slab of raw meat laced with a sleeping draught. He had been waiting days for this moment. Fenrir stole something very valuable from Lucius. Fenrir woke up and was angry to find that he was tied to a chair. He started squirming and fighting to try and get out of the chair. Lucius kept him in a dark room with only a bright light shining on Fenrir’s face. “Where am I?” Fenrir shouted. “I’ll ask the questions, werewolf!” Lucius made himself known. “Where is it?” “I don’t know what you’re talking about!” Lucius didn’t accept that answer. He pulled out his wand and said, “Crucio!” Fenrir howled in pain. “Now tell me, where is my fondue pot?” Fenrir hesitated for a moment, but when Lucius pointed his wand at him again, he confessed. “I needed it. The werewolves are getting together for a mixer tomorrow. I need to provide an appetizer. I’m sorry for not asking first.” Lucius fumed. He began to pace around the dark room. He got right up in his face. Fenrir jumped. “One last question, do you have plenty of skewers?” |
One would think that Lucius’ charming personality would attract many people to his gang. But once upon a time, he didn’t have a gang or a charming personality. Actually, his only friend was food. He was known to eat rather than socialize. Kids at school made fun of him; his popular nickname was “Gluttonous Malfoy.” No one knew that Lucius was a lot more than the weight he possessed. He was quite the powerful little guy. One day a group of fellow Slytherins interrupted his snack/homework time. They, of course, started in on their usual taunting. But when one of them took one of his pastries, Lucius had enough. He shot up out of his chair and broke out his wand. He didn’t care that they were making fun of him but taking his last éclair was the last straw. He cast the Jelly-Legs Jinx at the boys. Their legs began to wobble wildly. Lucius watched as the boys tried to control themselves. He straightened his robes and put his wand away. He saw his éclair on the floor and picked it up. He wiped it and shoved half of it in his mouth. “Das wachoo get!” |
Lucius was very diligent in his Death Eater training. He attended every Death Eater class imaginable: “The Art of Creepy,” and “Groveling 101.” Lucius was especially good at “Financing Your Evil Decision.” One night, Lucius was being taken out, along with a few other recruits, by one of the early Death Eaters, Evan Rosier. He was going to teach them a very important and crucial lesson. “Now, boys, unfortunately we don’t have any real victims tonight. We tortured and killed them last term. However, Muggles like rabbits. You will show me the correct procedures on how to kill using the rabbit. If you don’t remember, please turn to page two in your pamphlet.” Lucius turned and watched all the boys dig out their three-page brochures. But he was confident and decided volunteer first. Evan released a rabbit from a cage. Lucius cast the Killing Curse as the rabbit ran into a bush. The bush exploded. Lucius immediately pointed his wand in the air and said, “Morsmorde!” A green skull glowed in the sky and a serpent emerged from the skull’s mouth. Lucius began to celebrate. “Congratulations Mr. Malfoy. You missed the rabbit and killed the shrubbery!” |
Hahahahhha the one when he was singing in the shower was funniest xD Loved them. |
They are just amazing :D all of them made me laugh ;) |
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