He really did wonder what it would be like to witness someone coming into their magic, just for a brief moment. He hadn’t noticed with any of his siblings, Noah having kept it well hidden for years which he was often still upset about and having already been gone when Lisa and Maya started to show signs. He did pause hearing her mention they wouldn’t want to leave her alone, and he couldn’t help but question that out of curiosity. “Them being gone would leave you alone? What about your dad? Or any siblings?” Did Ash have siblings? He definitely did not think he’d asked that before, or heard of any younger years with her surname. But then again, if she did, her siblings also didn't necessarily have to be magic as well.

The message was clear in her answer her Dad was not a topic of conversation in which there was much to say, though he couldn’t be sure if that was from homesickness or from bitterness. Or maybe something else entirely that he just didn’t know the name of the emotion. Either way, he decided to respect what was unspoken and not asking anything else along that line. Even if he was curious what type of tech and more about the relationship. It really wasn’t anywhere near his place to pry, and he often at least knew his place.

Even if he sometimes decided to ignore it.

…”Did you say antlers?” That was first the most important question he could think to ask in that moment. Because.. Well, what? Was there a spell to give her antlers? And had that been voluntary or cast at her? “I think the blame should fall primarily on Fake!Trent.” Because he was terrible, and he had affected all of their lives in such traumatic ways. Given the fact a lot of their current issues were in fact Trent’s fault, it made sense to him to just pile all blame in every situation on the man. In this particular scenario, he had no love lost on the dead - not when it came to that man.

“It does. Which I guess that also does sound low key terrifying. Because what if it failed somehow?” And instead, they’d just forever marred their faces. There was probably somewhere a fireplace could be found in the castle, but he didn’t feel the need to bring that up when the second point was reason enough to not do it. No way around not having trust, and now that he thought on the suggestion he couldn’t even blame her.

“Do you hate Nemesis?” He didn’t know what to make of the older student himself. And instead he just tried to keep a wide berth because them because he was intimidated. But the Slytherin had not done anything to Evan, not directly. If anyone would have some type of reaction or strong feelings about them, it would be Ash or one of the other students that had been trapped in the mirror. “Who are the three?” Unless she didn’t want to talk about it, which he would entirely understand if she didn’t feel like sharing that answer. It was a personal matter. And while she seemed content to answer most things, he would respect if there was something she didn’t want to.

“Finding places to feel safe is really important. I’ve been realizing more and more it’s… just here for me.” Here. On this floor, staring up at the stars on the ceiling. There was only a limited few who could get into this room. And that made it more secure than most of the castle. He’d much rather be in here. “I’m glad you found places that are good for you.” Truly.

Ash was pretty sure she had hidden magic well, just like she hid a lot of other things. The only weird things she had noticed were her wounds healing a little bit unnaturally fast, and how she must have used magic to save Theodore that day they met because it would have been impossible for her to paddle out that fast and drag him onto her board as an eight year old. Just... not possible. But those signs weren't noticeable unless you were looking. That was the general vibe of Ash. She looked like an open book, but some of the pages were subtly glued shut. So. People could think about that.

"I have a father. And a half-brother. But now that I think about it, they couldn't have left my brother alone either. Eleven year old, fine, but not a four year old. That would have been wrong." She avoided the question of how she could be alone if she had a parent. All the could think was that mansions were big empty places, with lots of places to be far away from your offspring. So. People could think about that.

But there were better things to think about, like the time she got set on fire. That was actually... not as bad considering her life since then. Which was sad to say. "He gave me antlers first. I don't know why." She shrugged. "I agree that we should blame Fake Trent the most, because he was the adult and I never liked him anyway." And she was happy to admit that.

"I don't trust magical transport too much. Especially apparition. Very efficient, but imagine splinching." She shuddered. No thanks, she'd rather take a bus. Or a train. Or a plane. Or a car. Or just walking.

Oooh, that next question... was... hard. "I don't know if I hate Upstead. I don't forgive them- I can't forgive them, but I don't know if I hate them. Because- I don't know, they remind me of myself, and I don't want to hate me." There. She said it. She swallowed uncomfortably, and allowed her eyes to zone out and focus on the ceiling instead of the uncomfortable reality.

"The three people are Rosier, because I hate him and good riddance. I never want to see his face. Cambridge, because... reasons." Cambridge called her a mudblood once, and Ash didn't forget. That memory danced across her vision when she tried to sleep, and it was on her mind when she was awake. She didn't forget. "And 'Healer Poppy', because I can't stand her." She. was. so. irritating. Even more than Cambridge. And Ash didn't deeply believe that Cambridge could ever destroy her completely. Healer Poppy, seemed super suspicious and Ash felt uncomfortable around her.

"I'm glad we both have safe places then. Up here is pretty secure. I also called unofficial dibs on a closet somewhere around here, and the treehouse is pretty great. It's important to have places you can... work stuff out, y'know." Ash needed a place to think, which was why begged all the older students to go kiss somewhere other than the one very specific closet she liked to cry in... like literally they could cry there too.. but kissing like literally why... anyway. "It's important to like, think about stuff. Whether that means going to a professor or a friend or just sitting alone." Ash had learned that, somewhere down the line.

Only a four year old? And just a father? He considered asking where her mum was, but decided that was too prying for someone he hardly knew. It might have been a sensitive subject anyways, and he’d hate to be rude. ‘Are you and your brother close?” Because he got the general jist she was not with her father. A part of him wondered if it was hard to be close to a four year old though when there was such a large age gap. He’d always been lucky and happy to have his siblings so close in age to him. Maybe that was actually one of the benefits of being a middle child.

… So it was Minjae who had decided on the antlers. That seemed an odd thing, but he was also curious about what spell that was. Another mental note to search for that as well. “Suppose it was probably a harmless type of spell?” Maybe the older student had wanted to hurt her, despite the fact that’s probably exactly what fake!Trent had wanted. Which Evan also decided to not call him that anymore. They knew it was Rosier and it seemed a discredit to the Headmaster to continue to associate him with the former Neo-Alliance leader. “He was terrible so makes sense to not have liked him.” He’d certainly shed no tears over that death.

“I usually prefer muggle options to magic too.” In everything, but he could agree specifically regarding transportation for now. “Boats are fun modes of transportation.” Maybe he’d own one one day like his cousin’s soon to be husband. Or maybe Aziel would just take him out on the water. Either would be fine.

He was… surprised by her answer. Enough so that Evan actually sat up, sit cross legged now instead of sprawled out staring at the ceiling. He eyed Ash curiously at her words, his expression probably showing how much he.. Didn’t understand what she meant. How was she like Upstead? “How do they remind you of yourself?”

The first one made perfect sense, so he just nodded in understanding at that. He raised an eyebrow at the ‘reasons’ portion, not privy to what happened between them and very much having kept his head down and not paid much attention to his peers. He would have been appalled however, and also entirely understood why she was upset. “Healer Poppy is a quack and doesn’t even seem to adequately know how to actually conduct therapy sessions. She’s going to cause more damage than good.” He knew these things from watching his Eomma. She might not have been perfect, but she still would have broken up the groups for a therapy session by similarities. Like ages, or blood status or room vs… not room. Categorizing was not something he was usually an advocate for but when it came to therapy.. It might have had it’s uses.

“Me too.” Safe spaces were good to have. And the common room was becoming more and more important to him the more he realized how alone he was. His friends had bounced which did not leave much room for anyone to talk to. Though in reality, he wouldn’t have talked to them anyways probably. “A closet? That’s one of your safe spaces as well?”

"I guess we are close. He's six, so he's kinda like... my little bro but I act like his mom sometimes." Because he didn't have a mom anymore, and he barely had a father. And it was Ash's greatest wish for him that he would end up less reckless and more happy than she did. So she acted like his mom in their small dysfunctional family, and tried to hide her recklessness around him. For better or for worse.

"Yeah. The antlers didn't hurt. No idea why he gave me antlers in a duel." Really, just why??? But no matter how stupid it was of Minjae to give her antlers and set her on fire, she was absolutely NOT going to blame him. Nope. No thanks. Minjae= good. Enough said. She had enough complicated opinions on people. Speaking of...

oh no, why did Evan have to sit up all surprised like that? She already knew she was weird. Well, too late now, she was gonna have to explain it. But she wasn't gonna sit up. She just stared at the ceiling. "I don't know. Everybody thinks that they know Upstead. And that they are easy to understand, easy to write off. They think that about me too." She WASN'T simple to understand. She WASN'T what they thought she was. Sigh. "It's complicated. Maybe I do hate them. I definitely hate what they've done, obviously." Because they had basically hurt her beyond repair. No question about that. And at some point she had to stop caring about WHY a person was doing horrible things, and just run.

Healer Poppy was so much easier to think about than Upstead. Ash's opinion of her was not complicated at all. "I agree. What kind of healer thinks that mandatory group therapy is a good idea?" Not a good healer, that was for sure. And her bread was suspicious and Ash had never once dared to try it. "Who even hired her?" Ash couldn't remember. She just... showed up, didn't she? And tried to make them eat the bread. And she stomped all over the place being melodramatic and strange. And all this 'everything is fine if you go to these therapy sessions and eat bread' stuff? Ash found it alienating.

"I like tight spaces. I don't like dark spaces that are really big, like the room. But I do like small dark spaces, like closets. As long as I know that I can always leave. Because otherwise, it would be like the mirror and that's worse. I just picked one specific cleaning/broom closet that I liked and decided that it was mine now. Nobody's gotten mad yet." Maybe the professors would, if they knew. Did they know? Maybe. Sigh. Sometimes it felt like there was nowhere in the castle that wasn't triggering. The tech lounge, classes, the spare room, the dungeons, the courtyard, the headmaster's office, the great hall, the second floor bathroom, the whomping willow... they didn't feel the same anymore. And Ash was determined to change that. She wasn't going to accept it. Since when had Ash accepted anything traumatic without a fight? Never, that was when.

“That does seem like a natural thing that would happen with such a large age gap between you guys.” Again he contemplated asking something about her mom, but left it alone. For the first time really sitting down and having a conversation with Ash, they had certainly been getting pretty deep into things. Not that he minded. He wasn’t sure if he’d ever just had such a frank conversation with someone like this. And if he had, it certainly had not lasted this long. He’d rather not ruin it now and upset her by asking about the wrong thing.

“Maybe it was just a spare spell he could think of?” His own way of protecting. Everyone had certainly had to get … creative with figuring out how to keep each other safe in the last few years. Something else they never should have had to deal with. But there was no changing that all now. “Do you remember what spells you tried to use on him?” Taking on a sixth year was definitely a gutsy move, and yet that seemed on brand for her. Though he did not think that in a judgmental sense. Rare for him.

It wasn’t so much that he actually found her weird, really he didn’t, it was all just curiosity. It was a statement that definitely felt like it had needed follow up. He was glad she was willing to provide more insight into the remark. “They do?” How unobservant of everyone was he really? Nemesis Upstead confused him to no end, he just didn’t know how to get a read on the Slytherin. He’d tried a bit the previous term, but only through observation and never anything direct. But then one thing he DID hear fairly often came to mind, “Do you mean how people automatically label them a traitor?” Obviously Ash would know what it was like to be labeled something and then being written off as anything but their predetermined conceptions. So… maybe he did understand what she meant. Maybe a little. “You can hate a person’s actions without hating the person.” And well… they were all just kids weren’t they? So maybe it was too soon to make full judgements on what type of people their fellow peers -- kids -- were.

“Especially combining groups with different experiences. It’s like they were asking for a disaster.” No wonder it hadn’t lasted long. Evan was not usually someone to talk back to authority, but well… Healer Poppy certainly brought that out in him. “My mom is a psychologist and she would never encourage that.” Which was why he knew how WRONG it had been. And as for the who hired her question well… “I just assumed the ministry sent her to us?” Could it be… no one had and she had just made up some type of credentials? Was that something that people would not be leery and careful of even after what happened before???

“I’m.. pretty claustrophobic.” It was a new thing, but he couldn’t handle most enclosed spaces anymore. If there was no window or felt too crowded, he had incredibly difficult time keeping himself calm. Not something he’d really said to anyone though, he just.. Tried to avoid the situation. “I don’t see why they would be mad if the closet makes you feel better. Helps you find some peace.” And if they were mad, then they were monsters. The safe spaces were limited around here, they had to take what they could get and the least everyone else could do was respect that.

There wasn't even much to say on her mom. She was dead. She'd been dead for so long that Ash never even thought about it. Pretty much the same for stepmom. She wasn't dead for quite as long, but Ash had hardly met her and never liked her. Any thoughts about either of them were just locked away in the back of her mind, next to other things she didn't want to think about. It wasn't very interesting.

"I only used one spell, the one that makes you unable to move. Didn't quite work. It was only the first day of school. At 8 AM. So I didn't know that much magic." In fact, she only knew that one spell, and not very well. "In my eyes, that duel was a win. Because I went to the hospital wing, and he forgot to take my wand. So we totally won that activity because neither of us had to lose our wands for a week." Accidental loophole, but it was still a loophole.

Ash sat up 1/3 of the way, basically lying on her back but propped up by her elbows. "Well, I think they are a traitor, at least in some way. But I don't think that's all of them, and I can't claim to know why they do what they do." That was what she related to. Very unfortunately. "I know that I'm reckless, people are right about that. But they like to think they know why that is, when they've never even spoken to me. Never bothered to see if I'm anything more than that." Never bothered to tell her they hated her so that she could tell them the truth. She was telling Evan the truth. Maybe he could connect the dots as to why she was like this, but random kids who avoided her like the plague sure couldn't. Sure, you could make inferences about anyone, but they were unlikely to be true if you had never really met them.

"Well, either she's not really sent by the ministry or the ministry is dumb. Both likely options." Ash sighed. They were both highly likely options. Seriously. She wasn't sure which one she believed more. It didn't matter. Ash still didn't like her.

And claustrophobia... Ash understood. Ash never felt claustrophobic though. She was afraid of big spaces and empty spaces. She really liked small but cluttered spaces. They were small enough for her to only meet one person at a time, good for hiding, and had lots of stuff that she could hold and reassure herself that she was in reality and not a dream. She felt considerably less safe when in tight spaces with other people... unless she trusted that person? In which case it was better to not be alone? Basically, it was insanely complicated, and that was because it was hard for Ash to feel safe anywhere. "I guess they kinda have to respect that it's a closet for crying in now. What good would being mad do? It's not like I'd necessarily stop or anything. Plus, I think it's a good idea for students to have spot they can go to chill out. If anyone else wants to cry in there, the space is free." Ash was not a big fan of rules, and she was going to 'repurpose' that supply closet whether the school administration liked it or not. She was gonna do it. She was gonna.

“petrificus totalus or another one?” He only knew the one, so if she had another he’d been very interested in hearing it. Even if he didn’t really like casting spells, it was still good to know them. “Trent, fake and real, reallllyy like those ridiculous first thing 8am classes don’t they?” Those used to be hard for him. But sleep was harder still back in the castle so it didn’t bother him nearly as much as it had done before. “It’s strange he’d forgot,” because wands were powers and dictator type personalities usually did not forget to remove other people’s power, “but definitely a lucky thing. Even if only lasted another week.”

He supposed someone wouldn’t be able to not be a traitor in at least some capacity when they had been the reason, indirectly or directly however you wanted to call it, for the imprisonment in the mirrors for some of their peers. And if anyone was going to call them that, or make judgements about the Slytherin, it seemed Ash or any of the others that had been in the mirrors were the ones who had the right. It seemed like an invitation to ask why she did do the things she did, so Evan decided to take it. “Why are you reckless?” Or maybe she didn’t know? He couldn’t claim to know why he did most of the things he did either. He had no idea why he wasn’t capable of having a conversation with his best friend, when he was having an easy enough time chatting with Ash right now. He didn’t know why he hadn’t been able to put aside all of his own feelings to be there for someone else. And now? Now he was alone. At least that he could explain away. So maybe she didn’t know. Maybe she just was, and that was okay too. So long as she did not get seriously and gravely injured.

“I think it’s an and/or situation there. The ministry is definitely dumb regardless.” And no, he did not feel bad about saying that.

Another thing he could understand was complicated feelings. And he was a firm believer in the fact they were kids and had every right to be complicated and messy and emotional as they needed to be. Maybe he didn’t practice that, but he still believed it. And he wished more of the adults would remember that too. They. Were. Kids. And they were traumatized. And no one was doing a good job of coming up with a way that made SENSE to help them. So yes, she was right, they had to find their own ways and if a closet helped someone then the closet was theres for the taking. “I hope more people are able to use it and feel better. If even just the smallest bit.”

"Yeah, that one. I gotta hand it to Hogwarts, this school always keeps me on my toes. From fire to murder threats. Even at 8 AM on the first day of school, it's always unpredictable around here." If she were a BBEG, she WISHED she could be as unpredictable as the chaos and pain that was happening around here. Hogwarts was the biggest source of pain she had ever seen. Just saying.

Chaos... speaking of... "I guess I'm reckless because I've never been taught otherwise. From day 1, my life has kinda been like 'do whatever, as long as you don't die and the newspapers don't find out.' And it's been more than 13 years, and I haven't been able to stop." People assumed she'd learn after she faced consequences? She'd been allowed to do whatever she wanted for 11 years, and that involved a LOT of almost dying. People couldn't... they couldn't expect her to just like, completely change her personality after 11 years? That was a dumb expectation. And pain wasn't really helping this whole 'change' thing... it just made her more reckless. Ash required a very specific type of authority to change, and that was the type of authority who could make her do stuff without pain. Which was rare. And sure, she had found people like that, but there were... obstacles. Changing your entire personality was hard. So. Yeah.

Ash was grateful for the ministry comment. It wasn't... it really wasn't funny, was it? But she laughed anyway. Because it was so true. "At least one of those things is absolutely correct, and the other one is possible." It really was sad, how they could have so little faith in an institution that was supposed to be helping them. It wasn't funny at all. But really, what was funny? They laughed at scary things in the past, when there was nothing else to do. That was probably going to continue. Things didn't just stop 'cause the war was over. Some things lingered. Like laughing at things that weren't funny.

"I hope other people will use it too. At least the ones who aren't afraid of small spaces." She hoped that she could help somebody. Even if it was just one person. Even if that one person was only herself.