What? Cauldron wasn’t one of the 5 Cs of potions???? She really needed to pay more attention in class. A smile spread across Cordelia’s face when the point was awarded to her. ”Yes!” Cordelia did a fist pump in the air. She was doing great at this troll bowl! Dia noticed Drew looking at her and flashed her brother a smile as if to say I’m having loads of fun and I’m doing great at this. What happened to the diadem? She actually knew the real answer to that one! Now was not the time to demonstrate her knowledge though. Time to TROLL! ”An elephant sat on it and then a nundu used it as a chew toy.” Anything that a nundu chewed up was sure to be destroyed. The fatal breath of a nundu would probably kill off the horcrux soul fragment inside. Including the elephant was mostly for her own amusement.

Lucas couldn't help but smile widely at Sandhu and her wink. It was encouraging. And she was one of the teachers he would want on his team during something like this. Really. He wouldn't say no. She knew a lot about a lot and would probably give really funny troll answers.

But as it turned out, he did have someone (Cordelia) on his team. He vaguely recognised her from around the Common Room but had he spoken to her? Not really. And if he was being honest with himself, it was making him feel very nervous to be in a team with someone he didn't even know. But they had to work as a team, right? So, with that thought in mind, he moved to sit a little closer to her and offered her a smile. Hello.

Speaking of, the girl was really on a roll. His eyes widened as he watched her slam down on the button - literally SLAM - before giving her answers. But that was forgotten about as soon as she said the five, no, seven C's to potion making.

And the highlight? Crying.

Lucas snorted. Crying. Crying. To him, that might as well be one of the C's of potion making. It was one of the C's to him. But he tried not to think about that as he turned to her and gave her two thumbs up for getting them ten points. This was a probably the weirdest quiz he'd taken part in but he was starting to get the hand of it now.

Now. What destroyed the diadem of Ravenclaw? The third year bit his lip, mostly because he had an answer already and was on the edge of answering. The only thing stopping him was nerves but he felt like he had to. Mostly because he couldn't leave this all on the girl, who was already answering this question as well. He wasn't really the funny type but he had to answer too!

So with that thought in mind, he pressed down on the buzzer as hard as he could and blurted out, "My anxiety."

Nah Nah Professor she was going to call you Quizmaster S. But decided against it at the last second. Honestly, Eloise could already tell how this was going and she wasn't going to win any points for Slytherin. Sorry guys tho not like Nina won't be judging anyway. Time for some fun.

Questions answered and now they onto the diadem one and of course a ravenclaw would get it right away. Though Eloise liked the gryffindor answers even if she didnt understand how you get a elephant and an nundu together. Myserty. But anxiety made her laugh.

Ah, right her turn and sadly Deez Knuts was the last thing on her mind.

"Big Chungus"

Now whoever gets this reference should get 100 points. Because its an ancient meme.

This was ludicrous to the nth degree. She couldn't believe the rest of her classmates were so readily taking part in it. This was the exact opposite of what education ought to be! The Slytherin continued to stand her ground, keeping quiet as she listened to one ridiculous answer after the next.

Her eyes grew bigger and bigger which each utterly incorrect response, and had Dorian not offered up an answer from the Ravenclaw table, Nina may have missed Drewett's invitation to sit. She hesitated for a moment, but decided to quickly make her way over to the end of the Ravenclaw table where he sat quietly by himself. Let it be known that she was only going to sit with him because he was one of her favorite people. And because he likely did not want to draw attention to himself either. It was a safe decision to make.

She leaned into him for a brief moment, hoping that he'd understand the gesture meant 'thank you,' just before she heard Eloise's answer.

O____________________O

?????????????????????????????????????????????????? ?????

The Slytherin's entire face went RED. She had no idea what the word 'chungus' meant, but whatever it was she was absolutely sure it was NOT something one should be talking about in class. It sounded inappropriate and Nina was suddenly very uncomfortable????

Archer had remained silent throughout the first few questions, getting a feel for the ridiculousness. And silently judging some of the answers. Like, when did she go back to grade school? Because these were definitely grade school league answers. But this one, she just had to answer herself. "Eleanor Rigby did it for all the lonely people!" That was a Beatles reference, for the uninitiated. And honestly, it sort of tied into the real story of what happened, since Helena Ravenclaw was kind of a lonely soul, no?

Nobody was losing braincells, dear Dorian. Goodness, she thought Gryffindor was supposed to be the dramatic house. In fact, she'd argue quite the opposite as generation of ideas sparked different synapses than the recollection of ideas, and when writing your OWLs and NEWTs or in real life when your professor asked you what you were doing out past curfew, when one did not remember what the answer was, what did one do? Precisely, one made it up.

So this could really just be considered practice.

"That's quite a reaction, dear," she said, eyes widening in concern as she nodded.

It was probably as close as she was going to get to someone saying deez knuts, she supposed.



Honestly, you could brew a potion in a saucepan if you scaled everything correctly, and Simran had genuinely no idea why they still used cauldrons at school. All the potion research labs had moved to glassware when they were not working on potions that would be influenced by the metal of the container.

Cordelia's answer elicited a snort, which she tried quickly to disguise as a cough. "The poor diadem," she said mounfully. "I wonder if the nundu got any smarter from it."



"Relatable," she said, before she could stop herself. But oh dear, Master Dakest. Whilst being an entire mood, this was a team event. A team event where it was generally one-answer-per-team. Goodness.

And the worst part was that if just one of them had given the answer, Gryffindor would likely have won the points.

Oh dear, children.

Give her a minute, she had to fan herself.



Then it was 100 points to Professor Sandhu, who was, indeed alive for the arrival of Big Chungus as a meme. She was three years old, sure, but she did have a prodigious memory and remembered something of it.

"Big Chungus," she said, nodding sloooooowly. "I like that."



Well, Miss Castillo. Maybe you'd have a more reasonable and/or appropriate answer if you participated. Just saying.

For now, though, Simran was satisfied that she was sitting - even if it was at the wrong table.



Okay, so Simran was old but she wasn't that old. The Beatles? Way before her time. Her time was whatever came after Billie Eilish and Sam Smith. But she nodded nonetheless, an eyebrow raised in consideration as she did.

Okay. "You did so well, dears!" she said, hopping a little and clapping her hands together excitedly. It was such a Moment. A Moment of Pride. A Grandmama moment as she beamed at her Memeing Students. A Grandmeme Moment.

"The correct answer," she said. "Is that Ravenclaw's Diadem was destroyed by Fiendfyre during the 1998 Battle of Hogwarts."

"Unfortunately, as Gryffindor couldn't settle on one answer, I cannot give them the point, no matter how much I adore their answers. Please remember, children, that this is a team sport." But, y'know, don't be discouraged. Either answer would have won. She loved them that much. Gryffindor was ON A ROLL and they'd get the next one. She was sure.

"So that's ten points to RAVENCLAW! Congratulations, Master Katharos." And with that, the scoreboard was updated once more. "For the next ten points: What occurs, when a Magical Taboo is broken?"

There was a tiny part of her that was quite upset over the fact that her House was not winning. In fact, it was very surprising that Slytherin hadn't earned any points at all. They were notorious for being the House of ambition, no? One would think this would translate to winning. But maybe her Housemates found this just as foolish as she did. Because Nina was not happy. Professor Sandhu was making an absolute mockery out of knowledge.

She folded her arms tightly across her chest as she sat watching from the Ravenclaw table. At least she had Drewett by her side. He was the only reason why she wasn't entirely miserable. Though his presence didn't stop her from judging everyone else. Almost daring the others to give another ridiculous answer. This was such a waste of time. No one was learning anything from this 'game'. This was childish.

Maxie had been ready to burn with embarrassment- ready to hear that his answer had lacked creativity or was simply too plain, yes, even with Aaron's encouraging smile Maxie had been setting himself up for failure but failure hadn't come.

The Chaser had grinned brighter than the sun as the Professor not only offered him warm, beautiful-to-his-ears-praise- but ten whole points to Hufflepuff.

It felt like feathers in his belly, a tickle so warm and cozy Maxie was led to believe he could have summoned a proper patronus just then- No, that was- that was silly- but then again, so was the very game they were all engaged in. Biting his lip to hide him smile, Maxie watched others during their various turns until they reached a point he could help poking back into. His hand shot up into the air. "T-the Taboo breaker is s-s-sentenced to a l-life a-among Muggles-" Maxie paused briefly his mind whirling as he added, "A-a-and t-their m-memories a-a-are erased."

It was only after Maximillion Barton Anderson-Belfort had opened his big mouth that he realized he had no idea what actually happened when a Magical taboo was broken, and for all that he knew it could very well have been the scenario he just described.

Bloody-

In the novel, the diadem is inadvertently destroyed by Vincent Crabbe's Fiendfyre inside the Room of Requirement. In Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2, Harry stabs the diadem with a basilisk fang and Ron kicks it to the Fiendfyre (then created by Gregory Goyle).

Fiendfyre. That was the answer. Drewett's strongest subject wasn't history of magic, but he was glad he knew that answer to this one. He'd enjoyed reading about the Battle of Hogwarts. Well, minus the brutal details and the deaths because that was all sad. He couldn't remember the number of casualties, but it was definitely sad to think that so many witches and wizards died for defending the good. True heroes.

Also? Goodness, Dorian. Drewett felt the older Ravenclaw was rambling, and he immediately felt bad for him. He won the ten points though so perhaps it was worth it. The fifth year clapped quietly for his house's win. Dia's was creative as usual. A nundu's chew toy. That would have been adorable if it weren't for the fact that a nundu ranked XXXXX and anything could be a nundu's chew toy. Even him, Drewett.

Now that's just horrific. The mention of one's anxiety, thanks to Lucas, made the Ravenclaw even a bit more twitchy as he rubbed his face. But, clearly, that one didn't bring home the 'most ridiculous answer' award because....

...Because Trolloise happened.

Drewett's jaw dropped slightly at the Slytherin's response, mostly out of shock but also of cluelessness. ".....Whatisabigchungus?" The boy turned to his side, to Nina, and whispered. To him, it sounded like a mushroom. A cheesy fungus. Or something equally gross, like that subtance stuck between the toes of a troll. Maybe that's why Eloise knew what a chungus was. He was also just as uncomfortable as Nina was. It was likely that term would keep him up at night later, just wondering what in the world was a big chungus.

Maybe he should stop thinking about it. Right here, right now. Yes.

Moving on to the new question, which Drewett answered with the right answer at the back of his mind, it gave him a different thing to think about. No, not a big chungus. Please, no. "Do you know the real answer t-to that?" The Ravenclaw quietly asked Nina with a little bit of a smile.

Honestly Nina why are you even here if you aren't going to participate and answer questions for slytherin. Eloise knows you know the answers unless you are just here to sit by Drew the whole time. Which were was Evan for this to get popcorn worthy. Drewie Drewie Drewie. Cant complain if you aren't participating. Anyway Eloise was only a tiny tiny bit disappointed she didnt get a point for that answer.

Oh well.

Wait is she really going to be the only slytherin answeing a question again. Yikes for slytherin.

"You become a weeb"

Honestly that is probably worse than what the actual correct answer was.

While he was usually the quiet type. The one who prefered to sit alone and solve his puzzlebooks over socialising and the one who thought before he spoke. Something in him switched whenever something competitive happened. He wanted to win. No he needed to win. He couldn't explain why but when a competition happened, HE wanted to win. There was just one goal and that was winning the prize for Ravenclaw....whatever it was.... And nothing could come in his way. And sometimes that could cause some rambling but hey , no one was perfect.

He was aware of Drewett at the table as well as a Slytherin girl who's name had honestly slipped his mind but he didn't care for the moment because his full attention was on waiting for the points. And when he won them he "Yes"'d under his breath. WHY was he so in to this?! He wanted to push the button even before the next question was asked cause WHY NOT but when the Professor told them that it was a team sport he ughed in his mind. Whatever, he'd let someone else go.

He sat back on the bench , his hand that had been in reach for the button was now beside him, slightly twitching cause he wanted to press it. Any other Ravenclaw wanting to answer this question do it now or else he was going to slam that button himself.

Oh no.

Oh no oh no.

Lucas flushed with embarrassment. Did that happen? Did that just......? Oh Merlin. This was so EMBARRASSING. He wanted to disappear. Could he do that? Could he slide down and sit under the table until the rest of this quiz was over? Avoid the looks he was sure he was getting?

What was worse was the feeling that he'd let his teammate (Cordelia) down, even if she didn't really know him. Awkwardly, he turned to her and gave her and mouthed an apology at her. She wasn't mad, right? He could make it up. He could! He could be funny enough to give a good answer, right?

Ugh, where was that blackhole to swallow him up?

Right. Question. Next question. What occurs when a Magical Taboo is broken? He glanced over at his teammate again, trying to see if she had an answer for them. Because he didn't. He didn't even have a single clue. Other houses were already answering but they were just...... silent. Would he have to make one up as he went along?

No. He was staying quiet because he had no idea. Sorry, teammate.

Cordelia noticed her housemate (Lucas) giving her a thumbs up and grinned back at him. What was his name? Lane Darkness? No that didn’t sound right, maybe it was Lance? Cordelia was in the business of being known by people but not knowing them. Whatever, she could get his name later. Maybe they could even be friends. Professor say what now? They couldn’t get points because multiple people had answered? IT WASN’T FAIR! Wasn’t the only rule to be creative and troll? She was calling dragon dung on the one answer from each house rule. ”BOOOO! You didn’t specify that in the rules when we started,” she cried out to express her disapproval at her answer being disqualified. The professor was such a killjoy. It would be more fun for everyone if they could all just shout out an answer even if only one answer per team counted for points. Moving on to the next question. Couldn’t forfeit the game because of one missed shot. It looked like Luke Dawkins or whatever his name was would be letting her have this one. ”The person who breaks the taboo spontaneously combusts.” Not her finest answer today but the idea of people spontaneously combusting was still hilarious.

She had thought that everyone knew who the Beatles were, but apparently not. Though, Ravenclaw had well-earned that one, so she wasn't really upset (I mean, who doesn't get angry at being denied the bathroom when they need it?).

The next question, Archer was about to go on about Darth Vader and Stormtroopers, but before she could, Maxie had answered. Okay then. What the heck was so wrong with living like a muggle? Being half-muggle herself, she was slightly offended at the thought that this would be an objectionable outcome, even if it was said in jest. There were worse things that could happen (the mist down on the lower floors, for example). But unfortunately, it was now the house's answer. Grr.

Soooo wishing she was a Ravenclaw (who had yet to register an answer) about now.

Au contraire, Miss Castillo, one could argue that there was much to be learned about here. How your classmates reacted under pressure, for example, or who was the quickest on their feet. Which mind to trust in a crisis.

That being said, making a mockery of what people considered Knowledge had always been one of her favourite things to do. When you spend too much time chasing Knowledge, Wisdom has trouble finding you. Maybe someday, when you're grown, you'll understand.



If Simran had expected an extreme answer, she did not expect it from the young Master Anderson-Belfort. However, he had earned Hufflepuff their first (and thus far only) point, and deserved the recognition.

"Yikes," she said, eyes widening. "Muggles are great, my parents were Muggles." In fact, she lived among them her entire life. "Nevertheless, I don't quite fancy life without my wand. Best we don't do that, then."



Simran nodded at the... extremely detailed information from the Ravenclaw table. "Well, yes, dear. Thank you."

She did enjoy History of Magic, but it was never her favourite. That was always Astronomy. So it made sense that a few details never quite stuck.



The thought of oneself as a chew toy, for whatever creature, was not quite pleasant. And Simran could definitely tell that he was at least mildly horrified because, well, it was all over his face.

No answer from you, though, Master Gunther? That's too bad.



Yikes for Slytherin indeed, but Simran was entirely Here For It. Chaos was her home court. She thrived in it. Relished it. You know what else she relished?

Trolling.

"Not the worst thing that could happen, admittedly, but still not ideal."



Simran had to say that she was at least a little bit bummed that none of the Ravenclaws were answering, especially since the last responses she'd elicited from them. Truly, such a shame.

Intelligence without ambition truly was wasted.



The whole point of this game was that it didn't matter if you had no idea, Master Dakest, but she definitely could understand the hesitation. What if you accidentally got it right? It'd be like the moments when Eloise Fairfield accidentally hit the nail on the head in class, and then everyone fell silent because when was Eloise Fairfield ever right?

Anyway, digressing.

No answer from you, Master Dakest? Cue sad puppy eyes.



Simran eyed the young Gryffindor sternly, and then sighed deeply. If this had been any other day, points would have been taken for unsportsmanship, but Simran was in a good mood today.

"Yes, dear, but there is a reason I gave you buzzers," she said gently. First one there gets the chance, you see. "Try to be a good sport."

...... also, this was extremely morbid. And all she could do was blink in response. Wow. What an answer.

It took almost a full ten seconds for Simran to recover, and then she simply nodded and turned back towards the Ravenclaw table.

Nobody?



Internal Grr was the right spirit, Miss Calrissian! Take it out on the buzzer at the next question! Think really really hard of how hard you want to slam the button and take out all that pent up fury on it. Hit it like a Whack-a-Mo-- okay, this line of thought was getting a little out of hand

Anyway. Her point was that there would be more questions! Never fear!

With one final glance at the Ravenclaw table -- were they really not answering? "A Taboo is a powerful charm, and usage of it is restricted by the Ministry. It was used in the Second Wizarding War to track down members of the Order of the Phoenix as speaking the Taboo would alert the caster and weaken protective enchantments around the speaker."

The charm itself wouldn't kill you, but the person who cast it likely would. "Hufflepuff takes the point and also the lead."

"For the next ten points: What are the effects of ingesting the Pompion Potion?"

Gunnar was bored and that was probably the only reason he was here. He had never participated in the quiz bowl before, but he was running out of things to do in the overly crowded castle and was tired of studying, though it seemed as many others had the same idea. It was fairly crowded in here as well.

The entire premise of wrong answers got you points was a little odd for the Slytherin, but it seemed right on point for the Astronomy professor. She was fun and Gunnar appreciated her wicked sense of humor.

But even with the weird way this quiz bowl was being conducted, why was Slytherin in last place with zero points? Especially with Eloise, the queen of nonsense and wrong answers, seeming to represent their house? Like??? What even was a big chungus or a weeb? Ancient pop culture was not his thing for him to even have a clue and he continued to give her odd looks every time she said something bizarre.

Gunnar knew the answer to the next question, but that wasn't apparently how one played this game. Pausing for a moment to compile his answer in his head, he hit the buzzer for his team.

"It allows the drinker to see exactly five years into the future for precisely five minutes."

Excuse you, Mr. More Boring than a Dead Person. If you were here the whole time why weren't you answering or Nina for that matter if you actually cared? She didnt necessarily want to answer. She wanted to judge answers like Nina. And really nothing to judge on his since it was boring and wrong. Yawn. See none of her answers were rejected and Sandhu was right it was not ideal and honestly being a weeb did sound worse than the real answer. Maybe Gunter is a weeb. Possible. Not likely tho since he makes a big deal about stupid quidditch.

Maybe she would brew some Pompion Potions for fun and give them to Cora and whoever wanted to use them

Chaos and Fun for all.

Okay, so she might've Whack-a-Mole'd the buzzer a little. She was just so excited about what she'd come up with. So sue her. "It turns the drinker into a pom-pom!" Crafty-crafty! Or you know, whatever you want to use them for. You do you. Only, don't tell her, she soooo didn't want to know.

And hey, Hufflepuff was in the lead. Yay!

Dorian was very dissapointed when none of the other Ravenclaws had pressed the button. He had given them a chance by waiting his turn but when it became clear that he was one of the only ones who actually wanted to win, he sat upright again.

His hand went to the button when the Professor rewarded Hufflepuff with new points and when the next question came, the sixth year slammed the button....three time cause excited "When you drink the potion, it will turn your ears in to pumpkins" he said more calmly now than how he felt. Thank Merlin his rambling was over.

Nina responded to Drewett's whispered question with a mirrored look of shock and absolute cluelessness. She had absolutely no idea what big chungus were, but they did not sound school appropriate. Which is why she was even MORE shocked when Professor Sandhu responded with 'I like that'.

Nina Castillo was absolutely flabbergasted. How could their Professor encourage this kind of behavior??? It was entirely ridiculous and this particular Slytherin was not having any of it. Thankfully she was sat next to Drewett, who kept her from wearing a big frown. He was the only good thing about Quiz Bowl right now.

The young Slytherin nodded, "Do you?" she asked in return. She didn't like the ridiculous answers, but she had been answering with the correct responses in her head each time. And so far, she hadn't missed a single one.

She turned back when she heard Gunnar offer up an answer. It wasn't surprising to see him participate, only because she knew he was competitive. He was one of their strongest Quidditch players, after all. But his answer... Where had he even come up with that?

If Simran could read minds, she'd be extremely gratified to hear what Gunnar McCarthy thought of her propensity for chaos and enjoyment of the unusual. She was wicked fun, thank you, and she was inclined to believe that he was as well.

And when he slammed the button, she gave him a smile so bright it could have shone through the Mist downstairs. "Very creative, Master McCarthy. Well done."



It was extremely unlikely that Mr McCarthy was a weeb, but Simran wasn't a mind-reader and that was for the best. However, Chaos and Fun were two things she was in full support of, as long as those people who took the potions weren't going to report you to the Department of Magical Law Enforcement.

Fun was most fun when had with fun people.



"An interesting thing to turn into," she said, smiling to herself as she visualised it. "I wonder what would happen if one was glued to something while being a pompom."

Nothing good, that was certain.



Believe it or not, Dorian, Simran was proud of your for being a good sport and giving other participants a chance. "Not terrible, Master Katharos," she smiled gently. "But sadly too close to the actual effects of the potion."



A Big Chungus was entirely school appropriate and Simran was really quite tempted now to get herself a pet rabbit and name it that. Just so that when Nina Castillo inevitably ended up in her office, she could bring it up really casually.

Nothing malicious, just a little fun with a meme as ancient as she was.

Turning back to the assembly at large, she clapped to get their attention. Was this whole clapping bit going to be a thing? Yes. It had been a thing since forever.

"Right, so as many of you likely know, the Pompion Potion turns the drinker into a pumpkin," she said, and flicked her hand at the blackboard for the score to update itself once more. "Congratulations, Slytherin. Point for you for the most interesting potion I've heard of. If any of you develop it, I'd love to hear about it."

"For the next ten points: Who was the longest-serving Headmaster or Headmistress of Hogwarts and how did their term end?"

Cordelia frowned slightly and avoided eye contact when the professor reminded her about buzzers and good sportsmanship. ”Well, okay.” Not answering after she did was going to be on Lupus Dracon though. Whelp. Spontaneous combustion didn’t go down well with the professor. Looked like she had completely missed the professor’s sense of humor. Obviously a pompion potion would turn the drinker into a pomeranian dog. Maybe her next answer would get a better reaction. ”The longest serving headmaster at Hogwarts was Yoda, serving Hogwarts for 400 years.” A little but powerful green alien from an old muggle film franchise which she admittedly didn’t really know enough about to keep this going. ”His term as headmaster ended when Luke Skywalker summoned him back to his own galaxy.” Yeah she really didn’t remember that much other than some character names. She had seen those old films a very long time ago. Honestly she was surprised that she could remember this much.

Why couldn't they just have a normal Quiz Bowl? Jade had actually studied for this, so when Professor Sandhu announced that this was a Troll Bowl, she was deeply disappointed. For the first few questions, she merely sat listening to the other students' outrageous answers, then inadvertently found herself stifling a laugh. Okay, she had to admit this was fun. And relaxing, given the tense atmosphere around the school at the moment. She liked creative thinking, so this was the perfect chance to challenge her mind.

When the next question was given, the Ravenclaw decided to join in. She hit the buzzer quickly and said, "It was Oprah Winfrey. She decided to step down to start a talk show about... life as Headmistress, Wizarding politics, common magical ailments, stuff like that." Imagine Oprah Winfrey as a witch! How cool was THAT?

........... Who is Oprah Winfrey?

And who was Yoda? Where did that name even COME from? It was so entirely ridiculous that Nina couldn't help the frown that landed right on her face. She had been trying very hard to conceal her displeasure this entire time (something she hadn't been so good at, granted), but this was the final straw. What was the point of an INCORRECT QUIZ BOWL?

Nina didn't get it. And she got most everything (again, very untrue she also did not get most of the humor that other kids partook in at her age). This was beyond ludicrous. She turned to look at Drewett, was he feeling the same way or was she the only one left with even a centimeter of sanity?