Kimi was amazed that he had stumbled upon a quiet area where he could study and read in peace and he took a seat at one of the tables and got to thinking what he should read first

STUDYING!!!


UGH


Why did that have to happen in the first week? Nat took her homework and headed to the library. Finding an empty place she sat down and soon scattered everything around her. What to do first was the issue. She didn't want to do an of her and soon she was staring up at the stain glass. Her mind headed to other places and people.

Focus was not her thing right now.

Kimi saw an older Slytherin girl sit down close by him and saw that she was attempting to study but looked distracted and said "Hey there i guess you are kind of not wanting to study"

Her mind was fully away from studying and her books laying in front of her forgotten. She had been staring at the glass. Where was this term going? What was she doing? How could it only be September? These were the main things running through Nat's mind when she heard someone speak.

"Hmm?" Her brown eyes moved to see the younger student near her. Glancing at her books she finally remembered why she was here, "No, I guess I"m not really feeling it. Having a hard time getting back in the swing of things I guess."

Kimi nodded and said "Yeah i guess so, I am Kimi by the way i have just started my first year and everything so far has been overwhelming me"

Oh a first year Nat nodded and noticed his puff robes. He wasn't much of a talker, which was good since they were in the library, but really what did he have to be overwhelmed by? "Muggleborn?" That would make sense, though she figured any first year could easily get lost in this castle with everything that went on.

"What classes have you had so far?" She didn't know many of the new professors, but she knew the classes at least.

Kimi looked at the girl and said "Well pureblood actually and just the size of the castle has overwhelmed me and well i have had Potions and Charms so far"

Oh pureblood, so it wasn't spells and magic that was overwhelming it was the castle in general. "Have you seen the staircases move yet? That can be interesting to see where you end up. " She had gotten lost from those staircases before so she understood how easy it was.

Charm and potions? Well she like one of those classes at least. "Professor Newton is pretty cool. He'll help you all you need if you want extra help or have a question or problem." She had asked him for help before, but she didn't know the new charms professor that well yet. Only being a few lessons in. She stayed towards the back and made sure not to do anything dumb. Wand subjects were still not her best.

Kimi nodded and said "Yeah i have seen them and well it has got me lost a lot and yes i get that and i will probably need extra help in potions as it is not one of my stronger subjects"

She couldn't help but giggle, like really giggle when he said that he had gotten lost by the stairs. She knew many people did get lost and maybe some got even more lost because of older students. "You will get use to it. Then it will be easy."


Glad that potions was one of her better subjects she could understand needing more help. "It is your first year and first month, so give it time. You'll find that the classes get easier. If they get harder then you can always get help from someone. Your prefects are good to go to." He was a puffer all puffers like to help.

Kimi nodded and said "Yeah i am sure of that and yeah i will go to my prefects if i am struggling in my classes and yeah i understand that i need to give it time" Kimi thought that this girl was giving him good advice even though he didnt know her name yet

So things she had learned. Puffs were always nice and this first year was of little words and very agreeable. He said Yeah so many times she wondered if she should start a game of keeping track. Watching him, she just nodded. "The prefects or head of house are your best options. Though any older students should help you unless they want to mess with you." She had one first year she messed with because he called her old. UGH, she wasn't old.

"Time is your best bet. First year always blows to be honest. Your always learning so much and making new friends. Plus getting use to being at a school for so many months." Though for Nat that was the plus of it all when she lived with her mother.

Sam dropped her quill on the desk, and rubbed her eyes tiredly. They still stung from all that perfume in Divination, and she was struggling to keep her full attention on the Ancient Rules text book in front of her. She was meant to be translating a handful of words, but it wasn't coming easily. Spelling wasn't exactly her strong point in normal letters, not alone these weirdly angular ones.

Maybe she should just take a break and come back later?

The older girl was absently making her way through the library, a list of books in her hand. She had some catching up to do, after all. Dora wasn't yet back at 100% but she felt LOADS better than she had... where her health was concerned, anyway. A slight frowned obscured her features as she weaved thorough the last few shelves and stopped to squint at her list. Hmmm.

"I guess I passed the Runes section back there somewhere," she muttered to herself absently. Ugh. Turning around (so her back was now to Sam's line of sight) she put one hand on her hip and just LOOKED. Where had she seen that title before?

To force herself to stay here and finish, or to take a break? That was the question that was currently playing on Sam's mind. She'd tlkd herself that she could go exploring once her homework was done, but EURGH, it. just. wasn't. happening.

With a frustrated sigh, she started to pack up her things. She could at least go back up to the common room, where maybe she'd find someone to help. Her quill and parchment went into her bag, and then she absentmindedly went to return the textbook to the shelf where she'd found it. "Oh, sorreh, d'ya mind if I just put this ba..."

Oh. OH.

She was pretty sure recognised that silhouette...that hair...that stance.

"Hey Dora."

Dora turned when she heard the voice and her name... and instantly felt horrible. She had been so crazy with Sam lately, but she really had her reasons... and was holding onto them for dear life most days. A small smile did tug at her lips, though. "Hey. Want me to put that up?" She was taller, after all.

"'Before you get mad... I just got back. Like I have been to the common room, Professor Newton's office and then here. I was going to finish all of the tedious stuff then send you an owl or something." Like, she was NOT avoiding her this time, she simply had a lot to do.

And maybe she was still avoiding things a little bit. A LITTLE BIT.

She didn't know what to say, so instead just held the book out to her friend with a nod. It'd be easier for Dora to reach the right shelf anyways. "Thanks."

After that, she simply stood there for a long moment, torn. She wanted to just shrug off Dora's excuses, like nothing had happened, and yet she wasn't sure she could do that. Not after all the resistance she'd had to put up with for the last...well, she'd given up counting how long.

Instead, she ran her gaze up and down the books in Dora's arms, her eyes settling on the Gryffindor's hand. It was there. That was a good sign, right?

"So, does this mean yeh betteh?"

Dora took the book with a sigh. She recognized a cold shoulder when she saw one. Hell, she was the MASTER at cold shouldering people. It just hurt that they had gotten to this point... a point of no return it seemed. "You're welcome."

"Yeah, all better. Thanks for asking," she said before turning to go to the shelf and put the book away. "Back to school and everything." Not that Sam seemed the least bit enthused by this, or anything. Dora was trying to push the angst and pain away, but it was starting to consume her even as they stood there.

"Well, you looked like you were busy. I will... just leave you to it," she said after some hesitation. She felt like... her friendship was over and wanted nothing more than to run away and go cry in Myrtle's loo.

This polite indifference; in so many ways she knew how they'd gotten to this point, and yet in so many others, she had no idea. She knew the distance it encompassed felt stifling though, and that in itself was foreign. Dora was one of the only people ever to know Sam for what she really was, and had done so since the very first time they met.

In many ways, Sam feared what she'd lost in their fight over the summer more than anything else. Regardless, she was reassured to hear Dora was better though, and Sam's lips curls upwards slightly. "I'm glad. Welcome back," she said quietly.

She started to grab her bag, but Dora's words halted her. "I'm not busy," the Ravenclaw answered, turning to catch Dora's hand in that moment of hesitation. The words surprised even Sam herself, breaking past the cold shoulder she'd inadvertently put forward. They just felt right to say then. "Don't go. Or, at least...don't go without me. Not again."

Dora had been hurting so much lately, for so many different reasons, but this here... this thing with Sam, it hurt her more than she could ever admit. She had, much like Sam, perfected the cold shoulder and the innate ability to shut out people and things that she didn't want to think about in a moment. Sam had managed to break down most of Dora's walls, but this one was apparently very well constructed.

"You're the one who went off... without me to begin with," she muttered before she even had time to think about what she was saying. Yes. Okay. YES. She was still mad about the summer holiday. M A D. Hurt. Sad. Feeling replaced. Her absence was... just perfect. It proved that not many people had even noticed her gone or cared enough to hunt her down. Of course, this did not extend to Sam, but the pain it caused was undeniable and had lent itself to reinforcing this wall she imagined was built all around her.

"That was insensitive of me, but I don't take it back. I know I haven't been easy to deal with, but you just don't understand." She couldn't. Could she? Probably not.

There was a fleeting moment of hope that things could be repaired when Dora didn't immediately pull away. But it was her muttered words that shattered that illusion all too quickly. They cut through Sam, and it showed in the dismay on her face.

"I don't know what I need to say...to do..." She sighed, dropping Dora's hand and pulling her bag up on to her shoulder more fully. "I've tried. I've tried so hard. Maybe if you let me get close enough then I would, but you down shut down on me everytime." She shook her head sadly. "I'm sorry. I made a decision. I didn't do it to hurt you...but I know in hindsight it did. And if you're gonna keep making me feel like street trash after building me up to so much more than that..." Then, she didn't want to say it...couldn't bear to verbalise her fears. So she didn't, not quite yet. "Then...I don't know what else to do."

"I shut down because I don't want to get hurt anymore, okay. By anyone. For anything. After feeling so horrible I just don't... want to feel that way again." Sam knew what she was getting at yeah? The thing she proclaimed and... got rejected. YET AGAIN! It was just the way Dora's life worked,it seemed. "Everytime something or someone good comes along it inevitably gets torn away from me. Whether it's hurt feelings, lies, rejection, or... death. I lose everyone. "

Whoa. WHOA. Street trash?! "I have never. Not one time. EVER considered you street trash, Sam. And you damn well know it! "

"I'm garbage. Just... garbage. " And with that, she turned and started to dash through the library, tears welking, but not falling yet.

Sam's brow furrowed into frown. "But I'm not tryna hurt yeh. I've only ever been fighting for yeh to make it better. I hate seeing you upset, and I'm on your side." And it showed on her face. The strength that Sam had been trying to project whenever they had interacted of late was starting to crumble. "You're not the onleh one who's lost stuff, you know." Dora had a loving family, a house to go home to, a full wardrobe, money. Sam had a father in Azkaban, her rat Ollie, and the contents of her school trunk. Once upon a time she hadn't known anything else, but now she did.

She knew she deserved Dora's reaction for the street trash comment, and Sam regretted immediately the choice of phrase. "I'm sorry, okay? That was me lashing out." She looked up at her friend, a mixture of guilt and hurt in her eyes. "I know you don't feel like that. But you've shut down on me so much recently, avoided me...it kinda feels like that. The way people used to treat me 'n' t'other kids around Diagon Alley...as if we didn't mean anything to them." And she thought she meant something to Dora. Maybe only hoped she still did at this point. The Gryffindor had been her family, and she thought families stuck together.

...and then the older girl started to take off through the selves. Sam shook her head as she picked up her bag. "No, no you don't," she said under her breath, following closely behind. "You're not garbage, Dora. You're my best friend." She looked down at her feet, trying to hide the tears that were welling in her own eyes. "...if you still want to be, that is."

"I don't think that I am the only person to lose someone... or something. I simply know how it makes ME feel. How bad it hurts ME. I don't know how anyone else feels about their own losses," she said as she slowed, but kept moving toward the door. It pained her to be having this fight YET AGAIN, but it didn't mean she didn't believe what she said. How she felt was valid and Sam had really hurt her, whether she meant to or not.

Sam's next remarks made Dora stop short though, caused her steps to falter. That hurt HER. Likening her to every other person in the world... every other person in the alley. She noticed Sam from day one. Was drawn to her. She never thought, in a million years, that Sam could compare her to one of those people that ignored her existence. Never. "You say that like you're the only person I have shut down on, Sam. Seriously, you're not the only one. I avoided Charlotte for an entire summer... and part of the term previous. It's not personal. It's how I cope. Which you, of all people, should know by now. I told you I needed time to figure things out and you kept pushing. I am not used to people caring enough to push, okay." Which probably wasn't much of an excuse to Sam's ears, but it spoke volumes to Dora. Legit.

"Best friends don't tell the other they are in love with them... when they aren't. And then make them feel like crap... like trash, like you said. I did those things to you. How could you still want to be my friend? I don't understand." She truly didn't. Dora had caused her friend so much pain... why did she still care? "I mean... I still care about you and you're definitely the one I consider my best friend, but how could you put up with all... that?"