Tay nodded, "I have no intentions of leaving Maxwell either and even if i did.... Minnie is my best girl friend......" She sighed. "We are being stupid arent we?" Taylor grimaced. "Sorry for messing things up...." Tay took a step back.

He looked at her, "Messing things up?" He shook his head, "You didn't mess things up at all, and Min. wants me to be happy. She even admits even though we're together constantly she thinks I'd be happier with you. Like I said I'm not just going to leave her because of this... I couldn't hurt her like that."

Tay nodded, "I dont blame you.... I dont want to hurt Maxwell either..... " She sighed, "I should of said anything.... I mean we are both dating someone.... what was the point of me saying it?"

Kurumi stopped moving when he stepped backwards until he was pinned against the tree. She knew she shouldn't have taken those steps, but she had. She knew that what her and Lewis were doing wasn't right, but they did it anyway. She knew that she should have told him when she saw him at the fountain, but she didn't. There were so many things that she knew and didn't do. People were always telling her that she was brilliant. That she should have been a Ravenclaw. Brilliant people didn't do THIS to people.

His next words stabbed her. I trusted you....all the time. That was it. That was the difference between her and him. She could point the blame many places, but in return all those places could point the finger right back to her. It didn't matter the outside influences, that what had been done to her by a certain Gryffindor who she refused to name had scared her. That she had been left unable to trust for so long...unable to believe...

But she had broken that. No one else. Her. There was no fixing that. He could never trust her again. He had every right to that.

And then his tone changed and Kurumi felt her heart stop beating entirely. What else? Kurumi's eyes lifted again to his almost hesitantly. She didn't want to see the pain she had caused. Didn't want him to see the same pain reflected in her own eyes. Even though his face was still blank, Kurumi knew him well enough, knew every feature of his eyes, to know that he was anything but blank right now. She couldn't bring herself to answer his question, however, and instead whimpered loudly as she was back to wrapping her arms around herself again.

When his hands were on her shoulders, meaning to be some form of comfort, Kurumi's entire body shook as if in pain. In a sense she was. His touch hurt her. It hurt her heart. She wanted to push his hands off her. They shouldn't be there, or if they had to be there, they should be shaking her. He should be yelling at her. But comforting her....it was torture.

Her eyes were on him again and for the first time she realized just how close he had come to her....and then she gasped. She felt as though Jonathan had just reached inside her and pulled her heart right out of her chest. Her breath was gone now and Kurumi felt like she was in some sort of alternate reality. There was no sound. No light. No anything.

"Y-You know I don't want that..." she whimpered. Never speaking to him again was something Kurumi could not comprehend. Not after everything. Not after she had opened up to him like she hadn't for others. "J-Jonathan...I just lost my mother...don't make me lose you too..."

But it was already too late, wasn't it? Wasn't she already losing whatever part of him she had? He couldn't trust her again, not with her feeling the way she did about Lewis. And she couldn't just stop feeling what she did...about either of them. She wanted to reached out, take a hold of Jonathan's shirt and keep him there. Keep him from leaving...and then his hands were off her shoulders and on his lap...and so hers too remained where they were.

Still, Kurumi knew this was it. That this was the moment where she was faced with a choice. A choice that she HAD to make and while she thought she had already made it...now she found that the lump in her throat was stopping her from saying anything more. So instead she asked a question. "How...how can you still act like you want this, us, when....when you can't trust me?"

That was it. A simple fact. Logic. How could you want to be with someone that had broken your trust not once, but twice, and was still doing so because they still had feelings for the other person? Because, no matter how much Kurumi wanted to be with Jonathan. No matter how much he made her heart race and made her feel things she had never felt before... she still couldn't shake what she felt for Lewis.

It wasn't fair. Not to anyone. It was all or nothing.

Okay, so he probably didn't have to ask that question. It was a bit rude but he just couldn't take it any longer. Jonathan doesn't like to get mad easily, in fact the only person who could let him do so is his father but right now, looking at her and not being to hold her and him running away is definitely frightening him as well. If Kurumi would take that step again he would definitely move into a different direction just so the gap between them would never close. He wasn't ready for it yet and even though he sometimes want to there's that tiny part of him that insists not to.

Which right now, that tiny part is winning.

The pace of his heart beat was getting faster again as she answered his undeniably selfish question. That question that somehow determines everything. He bit his lower lip and for awhile he stayed like that. His thoughts were going around, bouncing from one emotion to another and it was getting harder and complicated to suppress. He hated that feeling.

It wasn't like him.

She didn't want that and he didn't want that too but she was giving him a suggestion of them just breaking up and she expects him to still be friends? That's not fair. He didn't want to be friends. He'd end up wanting something more. That's why this is choice she has to make and Jonathan wants a clear answer. It's either him or that guy, whoever he is. Then as she continued, Jonathan tried fumbling his thumbs. it was awful that her mother was gone and now, with the way she just said that broke Jonathan even more.

I just lost my mother...don't make me lose you too...

He shook his head slowly as he starred at her. He knows that saying this would just hurt her even more.... hurt them both even more but she had to choose right? "Don't you think, with what you did to me...." he said biting his lower lip, afraid to continue it "... you already did?"

Sigh...

What does she want him to do? Just pretend this ever happened and still talk to her like it never mattered? He knew that she is tangled between him and Lewis but if she's ready to break up with him, well......................... so did he. "There is no thinking to be involved in this. If you want him, you could just so" he looked away as he swallowed of what is left of his pride.

Still squatting on the ground he waited for her response but instead of giving it to him, she asked a question that Jonathan could not even manage to answer himself. Why? He's asking himself the same question too. Maybe from the start of this conversation, trust was the first one to crumble and could never be fixed. So why? Why Jonathan? "I....." he took a rather long pause before continuing ".... don't know either" He couldn't answer it as well. He just couldn't.

Jonathan felt silent after that, he had nothing else to say at the moment even though his mind badly wants too. It wouldn't just make any sense if he did. It would just break them more. Everything right now, is up to her. Jonathan can't force her any longer to what she chooses. Jonathan may or may not be happy with it but that was just it. He could no longer do more.

Kurumi held her breath while she waited for him to respond to what she had just said. Her head was spinning in so many different directions right now and she didn't know which way was up. When she had thought about this conversation, how things would unfold...she hadn't expected it to be this hard - which was mighty selfish and naive of her. Maybe this was because, even though Jonathan had said those three words to her before, she didn't fully understand just how deep they were in meaning. Now, seeing the way Jonathan was reacting, the way his body looked broken, the way the light was gone from his eyes....she knew how much she meant to him.

How much she had meant to him.

She found a small part of herself being mad at him. Mad that he wouldn't express his emotions more obviously. Mad that he often tried to keep a poker face even when around her when it came to some things. Mad at herself for not being able to read him better. Not seeing what was all there now. What she had just destroyed.

Kurumi bit down hard on her lip and the taste of blood trickled into her mouth when he spoke and her eyes flew to his again.

... you already did...

Kurumi didn't even hear the inflection at the end that implied he was asking her. In her mind she already had. She had lost him the moment she had kissed Lewis back. It wasn't jut that he had kissed her. That was one thing. They both could point the figures at someone then, say that they took advantage of Kurumi when she was vulnerable...but that wasn't the case. Kurumi had been active in it. Wanted it. As much as it hurt her to say it to herself...she knew now looking in Jonathan's brown eyes that she had lost him.

And so...she nodded, unable to speak.

So then why was she still trying to hold on to him somehow?

Her breath was gone again at his next choice of words. There was that word again, want. What DID she want? It was something that Kurumi had asked herself over and over again since that night in the kitchen. To what she had said then...and the tears just kept flowing.

You could just say...

Only she couldn't. How could she say that she deserved to want either of them now that she saw what pain she was capable of inflicting on a person. So no, Jonathan, she couldn't just say I want you or I want Lewis. It wasn't black and white like that. It was a nightmare.

Her thoughts were lingering on his next answer, the why answer. For her, that could change everything. Whatever reason he had could be what convinced her that the decision she had made now wasn't right. That she needed to reevaluate everything. Only...the answer he gave broke what bits of her heart were still intact. He didn't know. This was it then...they both were just afraid of letting go. Kurumi was petrified of the idea, letting the boy who had forever changed her potentially walk out of her life forever. She didn't want to lose him. Couldn't. But what choice was there? "Jonathan...." she whimpered, her hands forming tight fists while she sucked on her bottom lip that was still bleeding slightly.

"Jonathan...." she whispered again, still not completing her sentence.

They could never go back to the way they had been before. Never forget this no matter how hard they both tried or wanted. Never have the trust that he had in her restored. It was just....gone.

This wasn't something she necessarily wanted. She didn't want to hurt Jonathan. Didn't want to crush him. But the reality was that she had and it would be naive and selfish of her to pretend that she didn't. This was the only way she was sure that she would never hurt him again. She couldn't give him all of her...and he deserved better than that. He deserve so much better...

"Jonathan....you will never stop being important to me..." she began, realizing just how cruel her words were to him, to herself, to them. "...but...I...I can't be her. I'm...I'm not the right one...the one you need... We...we can't...do this...anymore..."

Because without trust...there was no 'we'.

They say 'two wrongs can never make a right'. Before, Jonathan thought that that saying was just something the adults would tell their kids so that they'd behave properly next time. However, he just realized right now, at this moment that yes indeed that saying is powerful. He just felt petrified, his knees were getting weaker by the minute and his throat just feels like it has a lump, it wasn't going down no matter how much he tried to swallow it.

And that, those words... those heavy words that he said to her back when he thought everything was okay, was still there... he still meant it, but he could no longer say it. No more...

The silence was beginning to deafen him and as much as he doesn't like it, he hates them both talking because through it, it was either, she gets hurt or him gets crushed. Right now, there was nothing else to do but to give themselves both a break. She's crying and he's mad, so what's really there to continue. She knew what she was doing and he knew that this is just bad. Normally, Jonathan would react to this in a manner that Kurumi wouldn't like to see... but he couldn't It was best if she wouldn't see it.

Jonathan looked at her for awhile and this time not to observe her... nothing. He just stood there, looking at her not reacting at all. It felt like he was already tired from reacting any longer because he'll just end up destroying more of what's left............ what is really left?

There are so many things left unsaid, however he already feels like they both did say everything. Whatever she was still hiding she can already keep it to herself. Whatever relationship she has going on with the Lewis guy, it was hers to keep. Now, she can just pretend that Jonathan was just someone she knew and left during her Hogwarts days... that's more relieving than trying to work this thing out, right?

Jonathan heard her say his name but his eyes still wandered across the view, the trees, the grass, the stones on the gravel. He didn't want to hear it anymore. He shut his eyes, trying to act like a 5 year old version of himself everytime he didn't want to listen. No more. STOP!

STOP!!!!

How badly he wanted to shout that out... When she finished her sentence, Jonathan's hand moved over to his cheeks to wipe what was something he never wants to see. He just wants to just go away and stop this from continuing any longer. He wanted to sleep.... no, he wanted to eat.... no, he wanted to... WHAT DOES HE WANT TO DO? He couldn't even make up his own mind over something so simple.

Jonathan didn't want to leave because he knew that when he stands up and walk over to Merlin knows where, this... everything will be final and what he said earlier about not speaking to her again will put into place. This is why he didn't want to leave just yet........

Suddenly she said it again, doesn't she know that it hurts him everytime she says it. I'm not the right one. It's painful to the ears. It feels like someone cuts through your flesh and stayed it like that. We can't...do this...anymore.

That was it right? His cue. She finally made her decision after all this time and he was just too hard headed to believe it. He thought that maybe somewhere in between, she would have just change her mind. But no, she never did. Jonathan stood up and put his hat back on. He stared down at her as she was hugging her own self. "You know what..." he said in a low tone. He can feel the wind, moving the trees and the grass in a swaying motion "... for all this is worth. I hope Lewis takes good care of you" that's it. Right there, he just wanted to cry. It was not about him trying to be selfish anymore and it's no longer about pride. Heck, he just gave his most pathetic blessing ever.

His feet started to walk toward to anywhere. Maybe he could go back to the common room, Ash still hasn't eat. He could feed Coal something to eat at the Owlery. Or he could clean the whole dorm room instead. Whatever it is that he wanted to do.

He turned his back on her, knowing that this is all over. She knows it, he knows it. But before leaving just yet, he stopped and moved his head sideways. Only the corner of his eyes can see her on the ground, taking a large deep breath and letting it out, he finally said "... Goodbye."

Goodbye... forever.

Damon shook his head, "I'm glad you've said something. You just aren't making things very easy for me..." He sighed, "But right now both of us have someone else... and neither of us are breaking up with that someone else."

"I'm glad that i finally said it." She sighed, "I'm just sorry i didnt say it sooner." Tay nodded, "It would be silly to break up with them..."

Thea was in a mood. It was hot, and she had been wandering around here for HHHOOOOUUURRRSSSSS. OHMYGOOOOOOD. She was really tempted to actually go down on her hands and knees and start to crawl.

She didn't even know what or who she was looking for. This was lame. Very lame.
Plonking herself down on the floor, Thea pushed her sunglasses up onto her head and sighed. Leaning her head back, she almost.. ALMOST fell into a bush. Sitting up again, she picked a few leaves out of her hair. And crushed them. Thea did not like nature.
WHY WAS SHE EVEN OUTSIDE?!?!?!
So many questions..

Damon sighed, and looked at her, "We can't change what happened in the past, Taylor. We just see where things are going to go now... and one day maybe..." He trailed off, almost to afraid to believe that it was true.

The moment those last words had left her lips Kurumi had curled even more into a ball on the ground. Those words...were they really going to be the last ones she ever said to him? It couldn't be true? Could it?

Looking up at him again, seeing him still close enough to her that she could reach out and touch him, made her heart race and the tears to fall even more. And then there were tears in his eyes. Tears that he quickly removed again like he had done earlier...but they had still been there. Kurumi remembered a conversation they had had before about crying, how he had playfully teased her about how often she did and that it was one of the things that made her beautiful. He admitted then to never having cried in front of anyone before.

And now he had.

Kurumi sucked on her bottom lip fiercely again, almost thriving in the pain it caused because it provided her from a distraction from the pain in her heart. Or what was left of it.

Kurumi knew that people were going to get hurt, were already hurt, and she knew from the start who was going to get hurt the most...and it was the boy crouching in front of her. She opened her mouth to say his name again...just saying it was enough to convince herself for a brief instant that this wasn't happening. That this was just some nightmare that she was going to one day wake up from. But that was selfish. That wasn't being honest and that was all she could ever be with Jonathan, honest.

When he spoke, saying he hoped Lewis would take care of her, the lump in her throat was so overpowering that she gasped and froze in place. Her eyes were locked on his. She hadn't said that. That it was either one over the other. It was her telling him that he deserved better. Deserved someone who wouldn't do this to him. Someone who would care for him more than she was capable of. Someone who he could trust and trust him. In the end she could say nothing...and instead just watched him as he began to walk away.

Away.

Before she could stop herself, Kurumi cruelly reached out for him, managing to find his hand with her own, but he was moving too swiftly for her to be able to hold on. Her strength completely gone. Her fingers felt as though they were on fire with this last desperate effort for physical contact and only intensified with his final words to her.

Goodbye.

Kurumi's eyes widened and her heart pounded in her chest. That wasn't just any goodbye. Kurumi knew that tone in his voice and she felt the entire world collapse around her. She felt dizzy and her vision blurred save one thing: Jonathan's final glimpse towards her and his frame turning away. Away from her. Away from everything.

"...Jonathan....Jonathan....JONATHAN!"

Kurumi's entire body was shaking again, her eyes never leaving his figure even after it was out of sight. She tried to will her body to run after him. To chase him. Catch him somehow and try to...do what she didn't know. But in the end all she could do was stay on the ground off to the side and hidden from view where no one could see her. No one could see her broken body as she lay there crying.

"....I'm sorry.....Jonathan..."

Tay nodded, "Yeah one day...." She felt that, that one day would never come... Taylor sighed, "Should we go back to avoiding each other?"

He sighed, he knew that question was coming, "I feel we should... but I honestly don't want to. Maxwell's jealousy will probably worsen now, and Min... I don't even want to think about how badly it would upset her." His mind went back to everything Minnie had told him she had done to Justin or whatever her exboyfriend's name was...

Tay shook her head, "We have to avoid each other... I dont want my boyfriend getting jealousy because we are still friends and i dont want my best friend upset that i am still best friends with her boyfriend..." Taylor sighed, "So we have to." She looked away. "Sorry for everything, Damon..."

Damon looked at her, "What if... What if they didn't have to know?"

Tay looked at him and bit her lip, "They will find out....." She sighed and shook her head, "No... we have to avoid each other unless it is a family thing....." Taylor so wish they could though.

"Not if it's like this. The two of us just 'accidentally' run into each other and they didn't know about it." He looked at her, "I don't want to lose you again."

"Wont that be lieing to them though?" She sighed and looked at him. "I dont want to lose you again but Maxwell might get jealous and who knows what Minerva would think.... I dont want to lose her as my best friend either and i dont want to deal with his jealousy....." Taylor frowned.

Oooooh Oh No! Oh No! OH NO! This was the worst! The Worst the WORST! nothing could be as terrible as it is right now! only one week in and Oakey's bad luck stricks again (although it is better than last terms day of feast incident). BUT THIS TOPS THAT! Oakey had lost his charmed Rabbit Foot somewhere on the grounds, stupid chain loop needed to be replaced. He frantically scurried around looking under bushes, leaves, pushing grass aside and doing an army crawl across the pathway to get a mouse eye view of the area. He stood up and brushed himself off. He reached in for his wand and pulled it out. He concentrated heavily on his lucky charm. Accio Rabbit's Foot! He waited about a minute but nothing came. He sat down to the side of the pathway letting others pass him by. Five minutes now and still nothing. He swished his wand again, Accio Rabbit's foot He said again. Ten minutes now and still nothing. How long does this take! he thought becoming rather impatient. He stood up quickly and walked back to the Castle to retrieve his Cat.

He looked at her, "No, if anything I think it would benefit them. I miss my best friend." He sighed, may as well just forget going back now, "I want things to just go back to how they were. When I could come to you with anything and everything... before I was so stupid to tell you how I really felt." He frowned at her, "I mean, if they knew we talked like we use to... If they knew about this even, how would they react?"

Tay shook her head, "I dont know how they would react...." She sighed, "But i miss how things were and i want it back too....." Taylor sighed. Her scroll pointed out of her pocket.

He looked at the scroll... He knew she'd still had it, but he thought she would have stopped carrying it with her... As would Minerva and Maxwell! He looked down at her, "I think I know a way we can make them believe that we didn't talk the way we used to... but you gotta trust me."

Tay nodded, "Yeah of course i trust you." She smiled at him.

"What if the one thing that let's us have our private conversations were to be taken back?" He motioned to the scroll, "They see you give that back to me... They'll think that means end of it all." He nodded, almost positive of it, "I mean, I'd give it back later. When we meet up somewhere else. They think friendship's done, no more jealousy, and we could still talk whenever we felt like... of course you'd have to keep the scroll hidden and I'd have to act like I gave it to someone else."