Kurumi had hardly gotten any sleep and the wear was only slightly noticeable on her face. She didn't really have bags under her eyes, but the way she stood leaning against a tree off to the side indicated that she was tired, lethargic. She had hardly touched her food at breakfast as well and not even the pumpkin juice that Selina had knowingly passed her had been able to bring anything that remotely resembled a smile to the sixth year's face.

She didn't want to do this.

Running her fingers idly through her hair, Kurumi waited. Waited for Jonathan to come out of the castle and find her, his usual smirk on his face that made her heart race. Waited for him to look at her with his chocolate eyes that still were capable of making her go weak at the knees. Waited for him to come...so she could tell him the truth.

Kurumi could feel her own heart breaking, selfishly so, but it was breaking nonetheless.

Kurumi turned her back to the pathways and simply looked up at the warm sky, closing her eyes for a moment to just let it all in. She wouldn't be able to see if anyone was coming or not, but she just needed to take a moment to herself. Just breathe...

Jonathan didn't wake up early... that is for sure. He had to cage Ash and made sure that his owl, Coal was on his cage as well. After the welcoming feast, Jonathan had to unpack and made sure that everything was in order in the dorm rooms. Books are placed under his bed and all his clothes are on his big trunk on the side. He had to check if he manage to bring all of his school stuffs unless if he wants to have a howler from his mother. Now, we don't want that.

Waking up, he remembered he promised Kurumi to meet on the pathways the next morning... which is THIS morning. Jonathan hurried dress himself up and ran outside to the grounds, onto the pathways. He didn't bring anything, not even his handy sketch book because he knew that he wouldn't be the one waiting this time.

Spotting Kurumi leaning on the tree, Jonathan ran as fast as he could to her. Tucking in the hat on his head, he made sure it wouldn't fall while he ran over to her. "Am I.... late?" he was still panting.

Kurumi sighed, opening her eyes now and look off no where in particular as her hand idly began to play with the heart shaped necklace Jonathan had given her last year before...before he had been pulled out of the school. She still couldn't help but wonder if things would have been different if he hadn't. She was sure that some things would have been, but she still couldn't help but shake the feeling that some things would have still been the same.

Startled for a moment when she heard footsteps, Kurumi turned around to see Jonathan...panting. All nervousness and anxiety were temporarily vanished at this, seeing him hunched over slightly and holding his hat to his head. "N-Not at all," she replied, a shy smile tugging at her lips. "I haven't been here very long at all."

Her hands continued to play with the necklace nervously as she looked at him, wanting to reach out and take his hand but knowing that she really didn't have a right to. She did so anyway, entwining her fingers with his and averting her brown eyes towards the ground as the color rose in her cheeks.

She still didn't want to do this.

"H-How was your first night back in the dorms?"

Deep breath.

Jonathan calmed his breath before finally standing straight to face Kurumi. It's easier that way. He ran so fast, he forgot to feel Ash in the morning and well, feed himself to some breakfast. But food can wait for later, he promised Kurumi to come see her at the Pathways and so he did. Plus, he's not that much hungry.

After awhile, he fixed himself. His shirt was slightly loose so he tried fixing it and as well as his hat. The weather was starting to change, Jonathan can surely see that but the hotness of the summer was still in the air, which is the thing he hates the most. Staring at Kurumi this time, he saw the necklace that he gave her. It put a smile on his face. He did remember saying that he'll be mad if she lost it. He's not entirely for sure if he will, it's just a necklace after all.

His eyes widened when she replied and quickly looked at his watch. Really? He wasn't late? He's pretty sure that he overslept but still, she could just tell him if she waited long enough. At least he would knew. "If you say so" he smiled looking up at the sky. It was still bright and blue.

Come on autumn... Please arrive soon.

When Kurumi reached for his hand, he stared at it. It's been awhile since they held hands this way. He missed it. He got quiet for awhile. So what was there to talk about? Jonathan looked at her, he was about to open his mouth to ask something or maybe just to say something to get rid of the silence but then she interrupted with a question...

first night back in the dorms?

Jonathan gave a small laugh. "I cleaned for almost 2 hours. Fixed stuffs and made sure everything was in order" he was feeling a bit OCD last night. Most guys looked at him. It wasn't weird for him to clean. He likes to do so, all the time. Returning the question back "You?'

Seeing his smile made her heart race and her own lips tugged into a slightly bigger one, but the butterflies in her stomach were multiplying by the second. No. By the millisecond.

"Really, I haven't been here very long at all," she nodded again. In fact, she thought that maybe she would be the one that was late considering just how sluggishly she had made her way out of the Gryffindor common room. It was a hard thing, wearing a smile when on the inside all you wanted to do was cry and curl up in a ball. But, she had needed to keep her prefect face on while she made her way out of the castle.

But it was faltering now, especially now that her hand was in his.

Chewing on her bottom lip, Kurumi looked up when Jonathan spoke again. "You...cleaned?" she repeated, blinking a little in surprise while not really being surprised at all. She knew how OCD Jonathan could get, it was one of his charm points in her eyes to be honest, but that was a rather odd way to spend your first night back. "Mine was....alright," she said, back to chewing on her lip. "I...I did a lot of thinking...about things..." She could feel a lump building up in her throat, threatening to suffocate her and her hand gave his a soft squeeze.

"Jonathan...do you...do you remember that day at the fountain? The day I went back to Japan?" she asked, her own brown eyes locked on his and her cheeks a rosy pink. "Did you...did you really mean what you said then?"

It had all happened so fast and they both had been caught up in the moment, so maybe it had just slipped out and he really didn't mean it? Kurumi's heart was racing, not really knowing which answer was the one she wanted. Either way, it didn't make what she had to say any easier because....she had meant what she had said then. Still did.

Well that was relieved. Jonathan thought that Kurumi was just being polite again with time. She probably over slept too, she looks like she did. Jonathan had to wash his face and needed to look awake for today. He's trying to go out at Hogwarts because he knew it's his last year already. Making the most of it, perhaps. So no one really had to wait, Jonathan didn't bother going into it too much.

Why was she looking surprise or rather, sounding surprise? Jonathan was a lazy guy but when his OCD behavior ticks in, he can clean the whole manor by himself and surprisingly by hand. It was one of his many secrets actually, Nobi is quite surprised by how much Jonathan can clean the whole day. Jonathan nod as he tried recalling what happened last night. Obviously, the dorms were untouched for a long long time. Maybe the house elves cleaned it but still, Jonathan tried cleaning it as well. "Well, I cleaned my own spot" his own bed, his own luggage, his own place. Why would he clean the other's spot? They can clean it themselves.

He paused and got silent again to what Kurumi said after. Been thinking about things? What's that suppose to mean? That's same starting conversation he had with his father which led him to a house arrest over the term. He cocked an eyebrow and looked confused...

Thinking about what sort of things?

Feeling the soft squeeze on his hand, he knew something was up. Was it her mother? Her father? Jonathan tried reading her, observing her but Jonathan seemed not to know what was going through her head. Then she started talking about the fountain talk they had. Jonathan scratched the back of his neck. She was concerned about this? About what he said during that day?

Not answering her question at all, he locked his eyes on her "Why are you suddenly asking about that?" surely she knew Jonathan means the things he say, whether good or bad. He's the type of guy that is blunt about a lot of things and would confirm what he feels by directly saying it in someone's face. So why was she suddenly asking about it again? And it's not that she was asking him to say it to her, it was more of her questioning him if it is true.

Stare.

A small smile tugged at the corners of her lips again, her eyes looking at his and imagining him going into what she imagined was nothing short of a small frenzy when he had first entered his dorm room. She knew boys could be messy, having three older brothers, but she hoped that they weren't too messy over there in Slytherin. Then again, they were down there in the dungeons.

She didn't say anything though, but instead giggled softly. Yes, that was Jonathan for you.

The silence was terrifying and Kurumi wished that he would say something to just distract them both from the conversation. She was feeling a little sick to her stomach too and sort of leaned towards him subconsciously for support. She could tell by the way he was looking at her, the way he scratched the back of his neck, the way his hand was in hers that he knew something was up. That something wasn't right. Merlin did she wish that the question she had asked was the real issue.

Especially when he completely avoided answering her question.

"I was just..." she began, chewing on her lip some more while her thumb began to trace random patterns over his hand. "It was sort of an intense moment...finally meeting again...me having to go away so soon... and... " She really didn't know where she was going with this other than looking for some sort of confirmation that she knew was already there. Yet she somehow wished that it wasn't, It would make this, what had happened, not seem to be as bad. "I...I meant what I said..." she continued, rather selfishly at that. "I really do love...." French bread. But she stopped herself before finishing her sentence, chewing on her lip some more and averting her gaze downwards towards their hands.

"It's just sort of...scary..."

Again, she didn't finish her sentence. She couldn't. The lump in her throat had grown so much now that she was afraid that it was going to silence her completely. Her thumb stopped tracing patterns now and her gaze lifted to meet his, her eyes searching every part of his face and lingering on his eyes and lips for a moment.

This would be so much easier if Jonathan wasn't so amazing.

Jonathan wrinkled his forehead while looking away. Listening to what she just said or rather, mumbled made sense but at the same time didn't. She was rambling too many things that left Jonathan clueless to what she was actually trying to say to him. He knew she wants to tell him something but how would he know if she barely completes one sentence from the other. Looking at one specific tree, Jonathan narrowed his eyes unnoticed and tried to unravel what Kurumi was telling or trying to tell him.

Pausing a few more, he thought of her unfinished sentences. It started with 'I was just' What was she just what? It didn't make sense regarding to her earlier question to him. Was she just curious? Was she just wondering if it were real? WHAT? Then it went to 'intense moment... meeting again... going soon... and' and what? Now this one was just not clear to him. He wrinkled his forehead some more and narrowed his eyes again. Then it is followed with her 'meaning what she said that she loves...' okay so that part is probably the easiest to decode. And lastly is 'sort of scary...' What was scary? Did he scare her when he said it? Is saying that scary?

Weird.

No matter how Jonathan looks at it or decodes it or whatever, he couldn't but he knew that she was trying to tell him something. Jonathan knew that every time Kurumi does that, tell him incomplete sentences there's something she wants to tell. Apparently, this is harder than he thought.

Turning his head, he looked at her again and gave her a small smile. All these thoughts were still lingering in his thoughts and he's still trying to figure them out. Starring at Kurumi he took a deep breath, with his free arms reaching to both her shoulders "I seriously, did not understand what you just said" he nodded trying to observe her once more. "Out with it, Kurumi" because she's only worrying him more.

The latter part is the most concerning though, to Jonathan at least. What was sort of scary to her? If it is about him just blurting it out then he surely didn't mean to scare her by doing that. It's not like he's forcing her to say it to him. No. It was just how he felt at the moment. Jonathan stood in front of her, his hands on her shoulders, his bangs getting in the way of his eyes.

Kurumi swallowed and continued to look at him while she nervously chewed on her lower lip. Of course he didn't understand what she had just said. She didn't even understand what she had just said so there was obviously no way he was going to be able to decode her ramblings and incomplete sentences. Yet she wished he would. Just somehow be able to magically piece together everything without her having to say it. Without her having to take complete ownership in her guilt.

When his hands were on her shoulders, a shiver ran through her entire body starting from her toes and moving like a wildfire all the way to the top of her head and then back down again. "I mean...these feelings are scary..." she whispered, lifting herself up on her tiptoes for a moment to brush his bangs out of his face, which only made this conversation more intimate since she could see him more clearly now. Her hand lingered there for a moment before her fingers softly traced the side of his face and her arm dropped back down to her side. "I've hadn't felt this way about anyone before...how I feel about you..."

And THIS was not helping her blurt out what she wanted to say. Not at all.

Both of her hands lifted up and rested on his, just feeling them there on her shoulders while her heart continued to race a like a hummingbird beating its wings. It was now or never. Even Jonathan had just said that she needed to come out with it, right?

Swallowing hard once more, her hands squeezed his and she shut her eyes tight, not daring to look at him as the next words slipped past her mouth. "He kissed me...."

o__________________O?

these feelings are scary??? How on earth are those scary? Jonathan just couldn't seem to put in the puzzle to all of it. To what she ramble and mumbled and now this... the whole scary feelings stuff. What was she trying to say? That she, perhaps felt differently about it? Or was she scared that Jonathan said those words too soon? Was that frightening her? Because right now, Kurumi is the one frightening him... in a way.

Jonathan kept holding onto her shoulders and let his hands stay there. He was trying his very best to put a smile on his face but he might look weird right now considering that he's just simply confused and whatnot. Jonathan let out a deep breath with what she said next. It kept repeating on his head...

hadn't felt this way about anyone before...how I feel about you... those words made his arms shiver and his heart beat faster. Jonathan's lips curled into a smile. She shouldn't really be worrying too much about what he said, after all he's sure about it that she can count on. He couldn't help but feel speechless once more with what she just said. Then he remembered their conversation at the compartment, even though Ash was there to disturb the two of them, that moment really felt good.

Then within seconds, Jonathan's smile turned straight. He cocked an eyebrow with more confusion on his face. He pursed his lips to side and his heart beat just felt like it paused for no reason at all.

WHAT?!

Jonathan's mind just suddenly rambled.... Who is this 'he' person? Does he know him? Jonathan took his hands off her shoulders and left them hanging on his side. "W-w-who?" he said in a low voice and he is not even sure if she heard it or not but that question was rather expected. Obviously, he would ask who it is.

He starred back once again to her and this time more worried than before. The question that he should have asked a long time ago to her. The one question that he has been avoiding to ask her... But with what she just said or rather, confessed. Jonathan knows this is the right time to ask that question.

"What happened while I was gone?" he said in a flat tone.

Kurumi could tell from the confusion written all over Jonathan's face that he didn't have any doubts about feelings, what he was feeling at least, and didn't find it frightening at all. Maybe for her it was because she had trust issues, opening up to people and putting herself completely out there was something that was hard for her. She had done that now, with Jonathan, and he had seen her at her most vulnerable. Well, what she had thought was her most vulnerable at least.

Kurumi could actually feel the shiver that ran through him now and her own heart quickened its pace because of it. He smile too. Kurumi whimpered softly, seeing his lips curl like that, and she chewed on her lip even more fiercely and her hands attempted to interlace their fingers with his that were on her shoulders.

And then...his smile was gone. For how long she did not know. But that may have been the last time she was going to see him smile in front of her for a long time. And it was all her fault.

Trying to hold onto his hands as they left hers, she whimpered again as his fingers slipped through hers and fell to his side. Her own arms went around her waist, hugging herself as if trying to protect herself from the truth. Only the truth wasn't coming from the outside. It was coming from the inside.

"Does...does it really matter who?" she asked softly. If he asked again, she would tell him of course. She couldn't keep secrets from Jonathan. She didn't want to. He deserved the truth. He stammering was like a knife twisting in her chest and her body hunched forward slightly, eyes now looking at the ground. She couldn't look at him. Didn't deserve to.

However, at his next question her reflexes took over and she looked at him - straight in his eyes as her own began to water. What happened while I was gone? His question rang in her ears like a mermaid's song on dry land. How was she supposed to answer that? Only she knew what sort of answer Jonathan wanted and she swallowed hard, shutting her eyes again for a moment as a few tears trickled down her cheeks before opening them again and meeting his gaze head on. "I...I cheated on you, Jonathan."

SPOILER!!: Kurumi

Quote:

Originally Posted by sweetpinkpixie

Kurumi could tell from the confusion written all over Jonathan's face that he didn't have any doubts about feelings, what he was feeling at least, and didn't find it frightening at all. Maybe for her it was because she had trust issues, opening up to people and putting herself completely out there was something that was hard for her. She had done that now, with Jonathan, and he had seen her at her most vulnerable. Well, what she had thought was her most vulnerable at least.

Kurumi could actually feel the shiver that ran through him now and her own heart quickened its pace because of it. He smile too. Kurumi whimpered softly, seeing his lips curl like that, and she chewed on her lip even more fiercely and her hands attempted to interlace their fingers with his that were on her shoulders.

And then...his smile was gone. For how long she did not know. But that may have been the last time she was going to see him smile in front of her for a long time. And it was all her fault.

Trying to hold onto his hands as they left hers, she whimpered again as his fingers slipped through hers and fell to his side. Her own arms went around her waist, hugging herself as if trying to protect herself from the truth. Only the truth wasn't coming from the outside. It was coming from the inside.

"Does...does it really matter who?" she asked softly. If he asked again, she would tell him of course. She couldn't keep secrets from Jonathan. She didn't want to. He deserved the truth. He stammering was like a knife twisting in her chest and her body hunched forward slightly, eyes now looking at the ground. She couldn't look at him. Didn't deserve to.

However, at his next question her reflexes took over and she looked at him - straight in his eyes as her own began to water. What happened while I was gone? His question rang in her ears like a mermaid's song on dry land. How was she supposed to answer that? Only she knew what sort of answer Jonathan wanted and she swallowed hard, shutting her eyes again for a moment as a few tears trickled down her cheeks before opening them again and meeting his gaze head on. "I...I cheated on you, Jonathan."

Does it matter who?

What kind of answer is that? Does it even answer his question in the first place? Jonathan's mouth hung a bit for a moment while on of his hand turned into a fist. Jonathan looked at her firmly while she looked away. Suddenly he can feel tension for both of them. There is something she's not telling him and there is something he wants to know. However, Jonathan can pull of a poker face for Kurumi.

So he took a deep breath and calmed his hands. He swallowed what is suppose to be his anger and tried to shake it off. He couldn't obviously get mad over this? He's trying to convince himself that there is nothing to get so hyped about. Scratching his forehead, he locked his eyes on her "You're not going to tell me who?" he asked calmly. "Do you want me to guess?" he added yet this time he followed where she was looking at. Which was at the ground.

He can tell that she was avoiding all of this but NO! Jonathan doesn't want this topic avoided. She decided to have this talk and so it will be discussed. He was beginning to think she was also not going to answer his last question. When he was about to open his mouth and ask a different question, she interrupted him...

Cheated...

The word itself doesn't imply anything good after it. It's such a big word to and as much as he feels relieved that she told him about it, he wasn't. Nobody likes being cheated on. Hearing those words, that sentence, felt like the hairs on his back just immediately stood. When? Where? With who? Those were the questions he wanted answered. He tucked both his hands on the pockets of his pants and moved a small step backwards from her, he wanted to just lean on the tree, have himself calm down.

Blink. Blink.

Jonathan felt like his blood pressure went up 10x than the usual. He stood there with a frozen, blank expression looking at her. Her words just kept circling through his ears and couldn't say anything about it. He had words to say but neither of it were coming out. It was like at that moment he can no longer speak nor move. He wants an explanation to why she did and to who. But that was just it, he could no longer speak, he just stood there in silence.

Out of the corner of her eye Kurumi saw Jonathan's hand curl up into a fist and she inhaled sharply, not knowing what that meant exactly. She knew he was upset, angry, and probably a whole slew of other emotions...but she had never seem him do THAT. He told her one several occasions that he could have a temper and she had a hard time believing some one as peaceful and kind as him was capable of being fierce - even if he was a Slytherin.

However, in this moment, Kurumi was frightened and forgot to breathe for a few seconds.

His words were what brought her back and she hugged herself tighter. "N-N-No..." she replied. She didn't want him to guess. That would just make everything worse - especially considering she was pretty sure that he would never guess who considering they had only met once and it had been very VERY brief. "L-Lewis..." she replied, her voice quivering and soft.

But that answer probably wouldn't be enough. Not for Jonathan. Kurumi braced herself, hugging her small frame even tighter.

Kurumi had stopped breathing again. In fact, she was pretty sure that her heart had stopped beating as well. Looking at him now, his silence, the way his body was, the way his eyes looked...it was worse than she had imagined and she was pretty sure that she could actually hear her heart breaking now. What was left of it anyway.

She gasped, out of pure reflex, when he took a step back. A step away from her. A step away from them. What was she expecting? That he would be all smiles and say that everything was alright? That was naive, Kurumi Hollingberry, even for you. The question on her own mind was...was that what she wanted? For him to forgive her? Kurumi was afraid to answer those questions right now and instead lowered her gaze to his hands as they shoved themselves in his pockets.

Kurumi looked at Jonathan, nearly taking a step forward but didn't. She remained exactly where she was with her gaze hesitantly on his. She should say something else, but what? What could she possibly say to him now? What did he want her to say? She was pretty sure that now she could also hear his hear breaking and she felt as though she were about to collapse right there. Her knees buckled, stiffened, but she didn't waver. She was simply frozen there looking at the Slytherin boy who had her heart, and her his, and now...neither of them had a heart left to be held.

Lewis...

Now why is it everytime that name comes up Jonathan feels annoyed. He barely knows the guy but there was something definitely there, the slight twitch he feels especially when it's Kurumi who says his name. He tried recalling this Lewis person. He knows that he met him on the train, that was for sure. Even Kurumi confirmed it back when they were talking at the fountain. Jonathan seems to recall his face but not as much. Plus, thinking about this is just making him just more annoyed. Jonathan didn't focused much on the guy, however he focused more on Kurumi.

He can deal with him later and hopefully when he's already calmed down.

Jonathan didn't respond to her once again even though when he wanted to. He was just running out of decent words to say. Right now, his mind is not as stable as it should be. In fact, unstable is an understatement to what he feels right now. He no longer knows who he is really mad at. There was a lot going on and it's just the FIRST day that he is at Hogwarts. Way to start his term off.

Brilliant... Just pure brilliant.

The silence between the two had became longer than he expected. He was expecting that she would just blurt it out and explain everything, then let him talk but no. She turned mute and he as well. Jonathan frowned and for some reason just felt like he needed a water to drink, or just something to make him move. He felt like his feet just suddenly glued on the ground and he was stuck there.

His eyes followed her shoes until he was left staring at her face and her expression. Okay, maybe she's waiting for him to talk thus, he will. "are you not going to tell me how it happened at least?" he said with a blank expression again. His heart beat felt somehow calm but for some reason, it doesn't feel like way. He felt everything is just too pressured, too awkward.

He doesn't like it one bit. Jonathan is so used to having an easy-going personality and it is breaking his soul that this is suddenly happening to him... to them. He paused for another while again and tried to search for more words. This will never go anywhere if they both kept their mouths shut. So now, it's time to give it some use.

Gulp.

He swallowed what was left of the air that he could breathe, his hand on his pocket and the other holding his hat on the side, he once again opened his mouth to ask another pride degrading question "Honestly... tell me the truth. Do you like him then?" he blurted out. Was he regretting he asked that question? Yes. But curiosity got the best of him. Regret was not even an option right now, because this conversation already started with it.

So it's your turn to talk Kurumi. Jonathan looked at her and looked at the wide space he left in between them. She needed to explain and he needed to hear.

Kurumi averted her eyes again, selfishly not wanting to see the way he was reacting to all of this. It all only confirmed what she already knew. He deserved better than her. He had seen her in this one light and she had let him down. That was the worst part of all this maybe. That she wasn't the girl he thought she was. She wasn't the girl that she thought she was. She had been weak. She was weak. Jonathan deserved better. Kurumi wanted him to deserve better.

Still, it was still true. What she had said that day at the fountain. That was what was causing her body to tremble right now. The tears to fall. Her hands to form tight fists at her side while she continued to hug herself tightly. The fact that he wasn't saying anything only made it worse. Only drilled deep down into her just how much she had hurt him. How much he was hurting. Jonathan had always been the quiet sort, but not around her. Around her ... he had always been different. Now he was silent and it was frightening.

Looking at him again, she inhaled and exhaled several times, her body shaking like a flutterby bush with each breath. "F-F-First was...in the owlery..." she said, her eyes reflecting an almost eerie honesty before she continued. "...or....so I was told..." Her arms tightened around herself and she tried to make herself look smaller. It had been so long ago now...but still those memories were missing like newspaper clippings taken out of the Sunday paper. "I...I don't remember....that one..."

Tears were burning her cheeks now and she lowered her gaze to his mouth that was frighteningly in a neutral position.

His next question nearly did cause her legs to come out from under her and she regretted looking into Jonathan's chocolate eyes because what she saw there...was the worst feeling in the world being reflected back at her...and she was the cause of it. All of it. She shut her eyes tight, trying to block the image of him looking at her like that from her mind, but it was impossible. It was burned there and would forever remain there like a scar on her very soul. Slowly, she breathed in again as the lump in her throat was cruel enough to allow her to find her voice again. "Yes..."

Kurumi was back to being frozen again, her eyes meeting his, her breath uneven, every fiber of her being being shattered to pieces. She knew that this was going to be hard. That it was going to break her heart and his...but she never imagined it was going to be like this. This was agony. This was....well, no words could even begin to describe what this was.

"J-J-Jonathan I...." but she didn't even know how to finish that sentence. And so it remained there. Unfinished. Broken, just like them.

There are so many emotions lingering through his mind right now and it's not even the positive ones. He doesn't know whether to be sad about this or be furious about it. He keeps doubting himself with the emotions he's experiencing right now. Half of him is just wishing that he could just stop time and everyone else and just let him be, starring at her and not knowing what to do. He couldn't even express himself right now, not even one bit but he knows and he can feel that Kurumi can sense his agony as well.

Even with his breathing, it doesn't feel normal anymore. At least now, his hand are no longer in fists. He watched her as she was hurting herself. Believe me, Jonathan was hurt enough to see her like that and he couldn't even just walk up to her and hug her... Was that a bad thing though? That he could no longer give himself a chance to do it? Jonathan felt weak everytime he sees Kurumi cry but this? This was a little bit different. They just needed to sort things out first. And Jonathan is not stopping her. She can cry all she want, scream if she wants too.

Then his face just looked even more confused this time. Or so she was told? Was this all making sense right now? How come he doesn't understand any of it? And what was worse with this whole thing is that latter part of what she said. She said it in her low voice and yet to Jonathan it felt like that sentence just screamed at him.

Cocking an eyebrow, he repeated what she said "You don't remember that one?" he said, puzzled with it. "Am i expecting another one as well?" he wanted to raised his voice with that one but he couldn't, he could never raise his voice at Kurumi. Not when she's like that. Jonathan looked at the sky, the bright sky. It wasn't even gloomy like what he is feeling right now. Surely right now, looking at the blue sky, a small part of him just wanted to scream. When you have a lot of emotions bottled up inside you, shouting seems to be the only way out of it.

And that is not even the worse part of all of these...

What she said next just completely broke him just like that. Somehow he was wishing that she wanted her to say no. Apparently that is not the case here. His eyes shifted back to her again as he took a big sigh. It's all sinking in and yet at the same time he couldn't understand any of it. Jonathan took another step back, worried that he would fall on his knees. This is just shocking him and not even in a good way. He may look so calm but if given the chance, he would break a tree.

Hearing Kurumi spoke again and couldn't finish it once more, he stood up more firmly. What did she want to say? What does HE want to say? What was there to really say that could not make this conversation any more upsetting than it already is?

However, Jonathan couldn't keep it any longer to himself, whatever happens happens. Whatever this is. "So it took you the whole summer to not to tell me about this?" he said narrowing his eyes. "How long do you think you could keep up with this charade?" he made sure that she heard him clear this time. This wasn't fair... none of what's happening right now is.

The urge to take a step towards him, especially after he took another one away from her, was overwhelming. She wanted to just run to him, throw her arms around him, and cry into his chest while he held her. Just like they used to do. Just like he had done not a few weeks ago when she had happened to meet him in the aisle of whatever store that had been. She couldn't even remember what shop it had been. The only important thing was that he had been there. He had been there for her and now...now she couldn't be there for him or he for her.

Kurumi gasped for air as the tears overtook her, different tears from the last ones he had seen falling down her face. Kurumi couldn't even begin to describe what all was in these tears. Sadness. Guilt. Depression. Anger. Frustration. Take your pick, because they were all there in some shape with each tear that ran down her pale features.

Things only got worse when he began piecing together what she had just said. That there had been two kisses and only one of them was one she could remember. It didn't matter though, the fact that there had been more than one was what made Jonathan look at though he were about to fall over and this time Kurumi DID step forward, reaching out her hand towards him before stopping when he spoke.

Shutting her eyes tight again, her eyes burning from the liquid fire in them, Kurumi opened her mouth to speak, but found her words were gone again and all she could do was nod. Nod to confirm that yes, there was another time. Another time where her loyalty had been tested and she hadn't remained true.

And then the way his body changed after she had said just one word sent a cold shiver through her entire body and her hands went to her face to hide it as she cried even more fiercely. She hated this. Hated seeing Jonathan like this. Hated knowing that she was the cause of this. Hated realizing that he cared for her THAT much to be reacting like he was. Hated that she wasn't the girl he thought she was. Hated that she wasn't the girl he needed...or maybe even wanted.

He shouldn't. Not after all this.

Kurumi lowered her hands suddenly, eyes back on him, and her mouth hung open as she was temporarily stunned by the firm tone in his voice. "What was I supposed to do? Put all this in a letter? I had that happen to me...and it was awful...cowardly... I...I wanted to tell you sooner...in person" Like the day at the fountain. "...but....being near you again... I... I couldn't..." Her hands were on either side of her neck now, holding her head in place so that she wouldn't look away. She needed him to see the strange honest in her eyes. "And what charade? The one...the one where I love you?" Because that was no charade. That was real...and that was why this hurt so much. That is what made Kurumi feel sick to her stomach and like she was about to collapse.

She needed to hold on to something, anything, but the only thing close to them was the tree he was leaning on...and she dare not get too close right now - even if she had taken a step or two closer earlier.

And then...the words that she had been telling herself over and over again inside her head suddenly came out before she could stop herself. "You deserve someone better." Someone not like her. Someone who trusted him completely, because she hadn't. She had faltered when he had given her no reason to.

Jonathan felt a bit cautious with everything right now. He observed her every move and even though he hates that he can't even do anything for now but just to stare at her like that. Somehow looking at her like that, he was reminded of what it was like before. Before this happened. He remembered every piece of memory they both had like it was photo. The time when they first confessed to each other at this very same place, the time when he played her the piano on Valentines' day, the time when his mother took her shopping, the time when she laughed how silly he looked like in his blonde hair, the time when they danced in their traditional costumes... It was a lot an for awhile, just for that second, his eyes went blurry.

But his fingers immediately wiped it away. It was a reflex of him everytime he can sense that he is about to cry. He doesn't want to be seen this way.

She nodded. Of course she did. Jonathan was ready enough for that which already made him feel uneasy even from before he asked her that question. He once again shifted his gaze on the scenery behind her. His thoughts just going around like wildfire. It's too much to handle even for him. His hands were a bit shaky but he can still manage it.

"You mean to tell me that I have been gone for awhile and this happened?" now he already blunt about asking her questions. Jonathan was having a hard time trying to reel out answers from her and he doesn't go well with that. He may sound really rude right now but it was the only way to give him the right answers.

What was done is already done, Jonathan was just surprised that she never said anything to him before. She even waited the whole summer and the whole train ride to be finish and now this happens? How would he obviously react to it? He understands that it has been so long since they last meet and she was hurting because of her mother's condition but was there really a need to postpone this issue too? That he couldn't understand.

Jonathan right now just feels completely stupid about all of these.

"I wasn't expecting you to write in a letter" he replied back as soon as she said it. He kicked the stone and looked at it as it slowly rolls on the side. "I was at least expecting you'd tell it to me sooner" he added. Sooner... she could have just said it to him when they met over the summer, right? It wouldn't even be hurtful that way.

He locked his eyes over to her once more as he tried fixing his eyeglasses "Funny thing was..." he said not cracking up a smile "... I was expecting you to hex me for leaving you just like that and not even sending you all the letters you want..." he added, "and right now, hexing me would have been less painful" he said whimpering. Yes, hexing would have really been less painful than being cheated on.

I love you??? He can no longer look at her the same way that she wanted him too. It was a bit harder to believe this time, considering that her kissing Lewis happened months before they both said it. He shook his head slowly, subconsciously. He wasn't even aware that he did it.

You deserve someone better.

Is it? Because right now he doesn't feel anything. He felt like he just suddenly felt numb that even if it suddenly snowed, he wouldn't even feel cold. He wiped that sweat on his forehead with his handkerchief, her words pierced on him like a needle. "W-what are you trying to say?"

And he doesn't even want to know what she really is trying to say.

Kurumi could feel his eyes on her, burning through her into her very being and seeing everything that was there. There was no hiding anything from him, not that she ever could to begin with. Jonathan had always been able to see everything, even without her metamorphagus abilities reflecting her emotions for her. She had never hid anything from him...until now. She couldn't even think back on before this moment, back when things were simple and they were together. All there was for her right now was this. This pain. This pain that SHE had caused because....because she selfishly couldn't bring herself to trust him.

And then she saw it. Even though he acted swiftly and removed it to try and hide the fact that it had been there, Kurumi had seen it and she took several steps forward to try and reach him, but his words stopped her again. Still, she had closed the gap between them considerably and she didn't know if that was a good thing or not. Probably wasn't...nothing that was happening now between them was a good thing. None of it.

"Y-Y-Yes," she said honestly, her breathing shaky and her entire body trembling. It didn't matter that the instances had been back towards the end of the term and then nothing in between. She couldn't try to sugar coat it with that fact, she didn't want to. What she wanted was for Jonathan to get angry. Get mad at her. Shout. Throw things. Make her frightened of HIM so that she could say what had been haunting her thoughts for a while now and do so in the heat of the moment. But he wasn't. Jonathan wouldn't do that to her...not even after all this. "I...know..."

Regret. Kurumi was now feeling it and it was a terrible emotion.

His next words were the worst said between them so far and this time her legs actually buckled underneath her and she feel to the ground. Melted was a better way to describe it. Kurumi melted into the ground and her hands were back on the side of her face as if trying to drown out the world. She couldn't even bring herself to apologize. Those words...they wouldn't mean much, not like this.

She missed him shaking his head seeing as her face was buried in her hands as she sat there in a pile on the ground, but she certainly heard him. He couldn't possibly...after what she had just told him...he couldn't possibly still want her, could he? Want them? Kurumi knew she didn't deserve a second chance. She wouldn't have given one to her if she was in Jonathan's position. It wasn't fair...

"I...I...I..." The lump in her throat was back, chocking her and making it hard to breath while her heart was pounding in her chest. It felt like it was going to break her rib cage it was pounding so hard. "....I...I don't think...we...we should be together..." She whimpered and burried her face in her hands again, her black hair a tangled mess around her shoulders. "You...you can't trust me...you...you should be with someone you can trust and...and....and....I'm not her..."

Surely he had to see that, see that she was awful. See that she was the one at fault here. See that see was the source of everything. Why would he want someone like that? It broke her heart to think this, but she still cared for him...and it would be selfish to ask him to take her back when she knew that she would never full be his again. He could forget her easier than he could forgive her... at least that is how Kurumi felt about it.

Damon sighed taking one of the random paths, hoping that he might actually get away from everyone for a while.

Tay was writing a song when she heard footsteps. She looked up and muttered, "Great..." under her breath. Taylor stood up and tried to get away before he saw her.

Damon was looking down at the ground, he was really just trying to think. Then he bumped into someone. He sighed taking a step back, "Taylor!" He sighed, why must he always run into her?

Taylor turned around looking annoyed, "Yes, Damon?" She wasnt happy running into him. Tay didnt want to talk to him. He didnt even apoligze for rudely running into her and she wasnt too happy right now.

"Sorry..." He winced somewhat at her look, "I didn't mean to, I was just thinking, not paying attention and..." He trailed off, the glare she had on her face wasn't making him all to comfortable at all, "Are you alright?"