Kurumi was finding the atmosphere hard to breathe in. She had never seen Adam so fierce before and it was almost like he was clinging, reaching for her, as if she were a lifeline. It made her heart race, but not exactly in a good sense. She was surprised that he hadn't just grabbed her and hugged her tightly. That seemed to be what his body language was indicating it wanted to do. "What response do you think I would have had?" she asked. Adam clearly had a vision of what would have happened and she would like to hear it.

Her arms swung at her sides. She wanted to be friends with him, but she didn't know how to act around him now. She didn't want him to misinterpret a look or a gesture as meaning something more than what it did. "I still want to be friends too," she whispered. "You know that you will always mean a lot to me." Heck, even Jonathan had said he hoped that Kurumi and Adam's friendship was something that lasted a long time. It was nice to know that Jonathan didn't want her to avoid him. Then again, she really had no idea what had been said between the two of them on that day. Jonathan had't said a thing.

It wasn't as if he were expecting her to suddenly find no fault in him,to run into his arms as if they hadn't seen each other in years after going through a long distance relationship that had lasted,but he had expected a bit more of an explanation.Granted,she has given several ones in the past.Perhaps giving me one last chance-I'm not asking to get back together,but to give me an opportunity in the future..If stuff happens between you an Jonathan,maybe,maybe you might consider me." It was a long shot,yes he knew it,but it could be possible,just barely possible.

"Friends is a good place to start,an keep at...." Well,since they had been talking about friendship an a bit about Jonathan,an if he hasn't told her yet,maybe Adam should,it might make a bigger impact to Kurumi if he,the jealous one,told her this,she might seem him,Adam in a different light."Jonathan an I are willing to be friends together-to make this less difficult an awkward for all of us."

Kurumi's arms folded across her chest. "That is hardly fair, Adam," she said with a small frown. She didn't like the attitude that he was asking her to have. It meant that she was supposed to hold back something and constantly keep a small hint of doubt in the back of her mind about her new relationship. Jonathan and her had only been dating for about two months, why was Adam already trying to make her think about them not lasting? "You're asking me to not put my full effort into my relationship with Jonathan...trying to hold me back. That's not fair. Even when I had a crush on you and you were dating Katie...I never tried to force myself in..."

She took a small step backwards, away from him, and rubbed her arms awkwardly. She glanced back up at him when he spoke again. "R-Really?" Is that what the conversation between the two of them had been? It surprised her that Adam had either offered or accepted the offer to be friends. "Less...awkward...right..."

Kurumi felt even more awkward now to be honest.

He bit his lower part of his mouth when she began to talk again to his possible suggestion.I'm not trying to force myself in-I told Jonathan I wouldn't intrude-an I won't,I won't do anything to you guys.What I meant if something were to happen an if I grow up as a person,perhaps then,maybe,you can consider something.Maybe.." He was exhausted.Whatever happened to them starting all over,as if this were their first year at Hogwarts.Adam knew that part in their life would never be forgotten,but couldn't they just change the year when he wasn't there.Be back to their awkward selves,but they were accomplishing that right now,but in a different manner.

Taking a deep inhale of air Adam put his two hands together an spoke calmly,he had to think this through.I know that I am being the world's biggest jerk to you right now an I will ask for nothing more from you from now on.I beg an beg an want an want something out of you,that you know you can not give of me.So,I will stop begging for your answers on us,what you think of us right now at this moment-I will leave that hanging on the side." He wanted to ask her if they could just go back to being friends,but if he did that his comment would only sound stupid,as if he didn't care.

"Yeah..I suggested it.I told him it'd make things better for the all of us.At the moment this is the least I can do for you-an not in a wanting manner.I will try to have a friendship with him for you-because it will make you feel better-I hope." He told her in his still calm manner.There wasn't much more he could say now.His thoughts were beginning to run dry an he needed to replenish them soon or he would have a great deal of difficultly explaining himself more to Kurumi whenever she asked of it.

Kurumi shook her head slowly. "You might not mean to, Adam, but you are," she said softly, taking another small step backwards. She was suddenly brought back to the day when she had seen him in the Great Hall and had experience about a billion emotions all at once. Some of those had been good, and others had been bad. Right now, she was feeling frustrated and... some other things. However, none of them were really things that were what Adam wanted to hear. "I'm happy now...and...really....all I can see is him. I know I am naive for thinking that now but, he really does complete me...like yin and yang..." At least, that is how Jonathan had described them.

Her heart ached a bit. All this time she had assumed that he had moved on and had stopped clinging to her...but now, in this moment, she realized that it had been all a show. Perhaps something to make himself look stronger and braver than he really was. However, the front that he had put on, even while he was in Mexico, had done just that for her. She realized that she didn't need to cling anymore. Her hands were at her sides now, clinging to the edge of her grey Hogwarts skirt.

Why...was he trying to hold on so much? Did he really still care about her THAT much? Could he not see how much this was hurting her? She was beginning to feel like she didn't deserve to be happy...or, that at least he thought she couldn't be happy without him.

Her eyes widened a bit more. HE had suggested it? That surprised her even more. "Adam...you shouldn't do things because you want to impress me or because you think it would be easier on me," she said shaking her head. "You should do it because you want to..." Perhaps, becoming friends with Jonathan would help him see a few things about himself.

Although they were on opposite sides of the world in their life's at the moment,could she not see all that he saw was her.After all he had done,after all they had been through,could she not see him.Perhaps it was the desperateness in his voice to have her back that was pushing Kurumi further an further away,closer an closer to Jonathan.Should he just give up all together?Act as if he had not stopped caring,stopped fighting for her,would that leave them in a better place for both of them?What else could he say,he had said so much already an she was falling back an he was more pathetic than ever before.He was beginning to wonder if he would earn himself another slap if he went any further with this ordeal he had been going through.

"All I can see is you.If I didn't I would've stopped a long time ago this year.." He knew he was falling deeper into the well,but there wasn't much more.

"I'm not trying to be friends just for you-but for us-maybe that part can heal our friendship slowly..Get back on track to our would be friendship." Though,it's mostly for you. But she didn't need to know that part,because she already saw through that.

Kurumi took a few more steps back after his next comment. Why...was he doing this now? All the pain from the time he had left, to finding out about is kind-of-sort-of betrayal, to slapping him at the opening feast...all of it and it was almost too overwhelming to bear. Her knees became a little weak, and she stumbled back again a few steps. Don't worry so much, everything will be fine... Jonathan's word echoed in her head, as did the feeling of the embrace that had followed. Had Adam not heard her? She was happy now and he was trying to sneak in and take that from her. In this moment, Jonathan seemed to be more Gryffindor and Adam more Slytherin.

Kurumi swallowed. She needed to be blunt and to the point right now. "Adam...there is no us, not in the way you think there should be or hope there is," she said, once again wrapping her arms around herself as if giving herself a protective shield. "The way you are acting now...trying to force things...being your friend is going to be hard..." Friends wanted friends to be happy. That had ultimately been what had helped her get over the whole Treyen thing. Seeing him smiling and not frowning because of what had happened between them - or not as the case had been -had been tough, but in the end she knew it was for the best.

This time he truly listened to her. Heard that she wasn't even willing to try an be friends.He still couldn't find out the part about him forcing himself in,but he guessed he needed to consult with someone about that-himself maybe.There was nothing in the world that he said to her these past previous months that even she remotely could believe in.Everything he said was not good enough,an maybe,like how she said,he should just walk away from it all.Maybe the better choice was not to be friends at all.

Just hearing that it would be difficult for her to be friends with him because he was 'forcing' himself in,was the blow for him.He looked her straight in the eyes,both narrowed like slits as he watched her.Slowly he began to walk backwards,watching her the whole time until he hit the corner an then hit the wall with his fist as he now attempted to find the common room-somewhere he could just sleep an forget everything.

Great. She was an idiot. A pathetic idiot that seemed to only be able to make things worse. What was she supposed to do when he told her that he only saw her, that he was trying to become friends with Jonathan because he thought it would help her and him... Everything that Adam had to say to her now was somehow connected to Jonathan and she wanted him to leave the Slytherin out of it. It wasn't fair to him, it wasn't fair to her, and it wasn't fair to Adam.

He wanted to be friends, and she did too. He was a very important part of her life and would always have a place there...but not if he kept talking the way he did.

She jumped when he punched the wall and really did feel as though her knees were going to buckle underneath her. Maybe this is what he needed, a way to let off stress and a way to just vent. Clearly, she was only making matters worse since her tongue always became essentially glued to the roof of her mouth whenever they spoke to each other.

Still, he said he wanted to be friends, but she knew he wouldn't be satisfied with just that. Every movement she made, every look...he would be examining, searching for something to give him a hint that she wanted the same thing he did...and Kurumi couldn't handle that pressure. She just couldn't.

Now the rage was building up inside her, and her hands clenched into tight fists at her side. "ADAM NO BAKA!"*

It didn't matter if he heard her or not, but chances were he only heard a distant echo of her pain. He thought she was the one throwing their frienship away? She wasn't even given the chance. He was doing it all on his own.


*Adam no baka = Adam you idiot

Adam leaned against the cold,dark corridor wall an just stood by it,his head touching the wall.He then turned to face it,his elbows creating a small box that covered his face from any passing by students.For the first time in his life,he let his emotions run dry.He knew he was being wrong in doing all this-he knew that-but he just couldn't stop himself.Adam knew he was making things worse on himself but he just couldn't stop an sometimes it killed him an he would go to sleep with all those lingering thoughts in his mind.As he faced the wall he began to sniffle slightly,he could feel two wet rain drops slowly dripping down his face,just a few more-not a full on crying fest but just a few.Again,angered with himself he then kicked the wall an turned around,but didn't want to be seen again-though the hair might give away whom he was.

He was crying.He had never cried before in his life.This was a first.

Then,he heard something.

Kurumi's voice.Or at least something that sounded like her voice.She must've been speaking Japanese because he had no clue what she had said.

Wiping the tears off his face with his robes,Adam calmly walked back to the corridor where he had been talking to her.Although his eyes were watery he could clearly see her standing there,full of rage an anger.

"What does that mean?"

Kurumi's hands were still in fists at her side and she hadn't expected to hear his voice again. Looking up, she was surprised to see that he was standing before her looking like he was going to cry. He really was an idiot. Why was he crying? She was the one who felt like crying and her own violet eyes were shimmering with tears.

She swallowed hard and folded her arms across her chest. "Nothing...it's not important," she said as she took her gaze off him and looked to the side. Yeah, she had seen how he had just kicked the wall and him hearing that she had just called him an idiot was not going to help anything. She only managed to make EVERYTHING worse and worse and worse.

Her arms fell to her sides again and she began hitting her legs in no particular rhythm as they did so. Great...now what was she supposed to do? She thought that he would be all the way back to the boys' dorms now and hadn't counted on him coming back. She glanced back at him and saw the tears softly falling down his cheeks and felt even worse. Those were because of her. This must have been how Treyen had felt when she had told him about her feelings and he just couldn't return them. This was heartbreak of a different kind and it almost stung more. She bit her lower lip and looked at the ground.

Adam Burn was not going to make her cry. He had already done that enough.

It.Wasn't.Important.

If it hadn't been important,then why had she screamed at him.If it wasn't important why was she still standing there-granted she might be paralyzed or something-but she was still standing there after their talk.

He wasn't sure what he could do or say.If he said anything it could be the wrong thing that would push her even over the edge of the cliff.Adam began to loosely lift his arm up an down unable to speak as his tongue had permantly glued itself to the top of his mouth.

How could he be calm enough to ask her how it wasn't important.

"You're angry at me-maybe even more than that-so what you have just said is obviously important to you.I've had a lot thrown at me because of me this year,I'm sure I can take that comment you just screamed at me."

Way to make it awkward Adam.

She would probably walk away an leave him there.

"Perhaps it's just best I...I give us both time?"

"Angry doesn't even begin to describe what I am feeling Adam," she said, hugging herself tighter now. What she had yelled at him really wasn't that important. It wasn't like she was telling him some secret or anything. She had merely yelled at him out of frustration. "But if you must know...I called you an idiot." Because he was one.

She hugged herself even tighter now when he mentioned giving THEM time. She really wished that he would stop talking about them as an us, there was no us anymore when it came to her and Adam. There was he and she as friends, but not an us - not in the way that Adam thought there still could be.

"What I want you to do, Adam, is accept what we are," she said. "I am not the one who needs time. You are the one who keeps insisting. I don't pretend to know what is going on in your head, but your gesture of asking to be friends with Jonathan frightens me a little." Not something that she had voiced to the Slytherin because he had seemed to want to think the best of Adam. Something Kurumi was very VERY reserved about doing. "I really like him, a lot. He makes me feel the happiest I have ever felt and when I'm with him I don't feel so lost..." She knew that those word were going to sting, but Adam needed to hear it. Needed to hear that whatever fight he was putting up now was only hurting the friendship that they could be salvaging. Then again, sometimes feelings like these needed a clean break...and that thought scared her. "If you try to do anything, ANYTHING at all to make me feel lost again...I will never forgive you. Never."

He had to see them as two separate people.As Adam Burn.As Kurumi Hollinberry.Not as Adam an Kurumi Hollinberry,two very different people.

Jonathan had made Kurumi feel found-not lost.But,but Adam had done that for her a long time ago.Now he had to accept the fact that when he had mentioned earlier about wanting to replace himself with Jonathan,those words really wanted him to be replaced with Jonathan because that had been something he had provided for her,an now he could not give it to her.He really was being replaced.Now she put it out in the open,how Jonathan was now the one providing everything he used to give her,he could no longer be there for her because she had found someone new who treated her so much different than he currently has been.

Adam usually tried to find some words to fight back,to beg but hearing that she would never forgive him ever if he put one toe out of line just made his heart ache.It's not that he needed to watch over himself-which he did-but more of the mere fact was that in order to keep thing stable between them as friends he would have to find himself again an let them become friends when she would be ready.An when he would be ready.Not when she wanted them both to be ready when only he was going through those emotions.This time though,Adam had nothing to say he merely stood there looking at her,having those words sink deeply into his soul an skin an mind an heart.

She had forgiven him so many times before but this,this was completely an utterly downright serious.He had struck out so many times before,but now,if one wrong mistake he would get an out an would have to walk back to the dugout by himself,head hanging low.

He bit the lower portion of his lip,still looking at her.He had nothing more to say because she could not explain it any more clear than she had just done right now.

Oh Merlin what has she done?

Not that she was regretting being honest with him, because she needed to have him hear it and needed to tell him. She hadn't said something with that much emotion in a very long time and she felt both wonderful and horrible about it all at the same time. In regard, Kurumi had just defended her relationship - hopefully for the last time in a long while - and she felt even more confident about it. Which brought an invisible smile to her face. She couldn't bring herself to really smile now, not when Adam was looking at her that way.

The other side of the coin was that she had crushed the spirit of her first friend and the first person she let fully into her life. That didn't mean she wanted to push him away entirely, because that wasn't true, but the Adam she had been seeing recently wasn't the Adam she had known and the Adam that she had liked so much. This person was a stranger.

She looked up at him, her arms now swinging at her sides.

"Please...say something..."

He had to know that if the role was reversed, if she was trying to ruin something he had or if someone were trying to ruin them if they were a couple that he would be in the same position she was.

For the first time in their life,together as friends,both of them were at a stand still.Speechless.Neither of them were arguing but rather listening to each other,but their words were being drowned out by their feelings.

Adam had never wanted to fully lose his friendship with her,they both completed each other in a way that no one else could understand,as he had mentioned a few days back,so losing each other,whoever ended the friendship,they both knew a part of their soul would be dead.But this whole time,not the school year,everything they had gone through,they had done it as one soul,one friendship.They couldn't just end it like that.Cut each other in half.They had to complete it together,their life.

They were both just staring at each other for a very long time,both of them silent,both of them thinking their own thoughts.An then the magical silent spell that had been casted over their heads had weakened an Kurumi spoke up.

She sounded desperate to hear him say something,since he usually had something to say,it had changed an she was waiting for a response from him.

Sometimes he could feel himself changing,but he wasn't sure how to stop it.A power within him had been controlling him this whole school year an he was changing,an not for the better.

"I don't want to lose you as a friend.You were my best friend-my only best friend until I stepped into Hogwarts-an we share something that no one else can understand.An I hope we can continue being friends in the long run,an I hope that we can become those people everyone will remember as the awkward best friends,but I think in order for that to slowly start happening, I need to find myself again." Something they probably both knew,he was changing.

"I love you,I really do.But now I love you as a friend.An even if we can't do it,even if we can't get back to how we were when we were younger-I'll still love you deep down inside.Even after all I've done-I'll never forget all the times we've had."

He needed to stop saying that word,love.Kurumi might get the wrong impression,but from what he had said,he was positive she would know which type of love he was referring to.

Adam then made a daring move.Probably the only Gryffindor characteristic move he'll ever do in his life,this year.

Slowly he put one hand out,just his right hand,for her to hopefully look at an just..Well...Hug...But that part was entirely up to Kurumi.

So it waited..Hanging in the air...His hand.

Kurumi rocked on her heels slightly as he continued to speak. It frightened her slightly, how much he was floundering and gasping for air only to reach out to HER as if she were his lifeline. It was a role that he had once played for her, until she learned that she was perfectly capable of standing on her own two feet.

But...she couldn't be that now. It wasn't healthy.

She jumped slightly when he extended his hand towards her and she stared at it for a few moments, unsure if she should place her hand in his or not. She hated to admit it, but she was afraid of what he would do once she had. He was different, so wild, so desperate right now...so.... unpredictable.

Slowly...she reached out and lightly put her hand on top of his.

His hands froze in midair as she put her's in his.She had taken a long time,no doubt in her mind thinking about everything that he had done an said an wondering if it was time to come back together as friends.

When he had put his hands out, it was a way of hoping that things could slowly change between them.That all will be well,that they were on the same page when it came to him,an him needing to change into the old person he was.It was the only way.

Adam was speechless as Kurumi.He had half expected her from retreating,to leave his hand hanging in the air,but she rested hers upon his.As much as he wanted to smile,he wasn't sure if Kurumi might take that the wrong way.But,the corner of his mouth turned upwards just slightly.

He slowly pulled himself into her an just hugged her.So many emotions were running through his head as he did this.Adam was lucky enough to have her put her hand out also,so,he hoped she didn't mind his hug too much.He hoped it wasn't too much with that one simple hug because it could be the last one shared in a long time an he was going to take it all in,before it would be stolen away from him.

It was his time to change an show himself,the old Adam Burn,to revive himself.

She opened her mouth to gasp, but nothing came out as Adam drew her into him and immediately wrapped his arms around her. Her body responded by becoming very stiff at his strangely familiar touch and she was pretty sure that she had forgotten to breathe. So much was transcribed in the simple gesture and none of it made her able to relax as her arms hung limply at her sides. Her brain was telling her to push him away, but her body just wasn't responding. It was in too much shock and her heart was racing.

Finally, her shoulders relaxed a bit and her chin rested on his shoulder just for a moment before her feet attempted to rock backwards to pull her out of the hug, only his grip around her prevented herself from being able to do so. He wasn't letting go of her and nothing showed that more than what was happening right now.

As much as he wanted to be stuck there in the moment,it was probably making Kurumi more an more uncomfortable,or more than they already were in the first place.He wanted to stand there forever,just the two of them,as if there were a force field around them,an this was a new found broom cupboard where they talked about everything on their mind.

He wanted her to be relaxed again an let go of the hug an merely grabbed her shoulders an stared right into her eyes again.Raising one eyebrow,thinking about his next move,Adam leaned in near her cheek an patted her head with his hand.Adam then leaned back to see her shocked expression.

Adam an his awkwardness

She felt relieved when Adam pulled away, or at least when his arms moved away from her back. Now she could finally pull awa----

o_________________O

She felt paralyzed again when his hands found her shoulders and all she could think was one word: run. Her eyes widened and whatever breath she had found in the brief moment he had released her from the hug was gone again. "Adam...don't..." she whimpered as he leaned in and her eyes shut tight as tears began forming in the corners of her eyes. Her hands clenched into tight fists and her head turning slightly to the side. When she felt his breath on her cheek, she whimpered again and the whimper even surprised herself. "...Jonathan..."

She wasn't even sure if he had heard either of the things she said and that is why he patted her head, but that didn't stop the tears from now falling down her cheek. NOW her body responded and she pushed his hands off her and took a big step backwards. "D-D-Don't look at me like that," she finally said when her voice and breath returned. "It makes me feel uncomfortable." In fact, don't ever put your hands on her shoulder like that again either.

She bent down to scoop up her textbooks that had fallen to the floor earlier and looked towards the opposite end of the hall.

An she whispered Jonathan's name.Adam looked at her for a few seconds surprised that she had whispered both of their names,but when she spoke Jonathan's it sounded more as a plea to Adam not to try an kiss her on the cheek because she could sense that it would complicate things with her an Jonathan.Reminding Adam it wasn't his turn to kiss her,but it was to Jonathan now-if they ever did kiss when they were together,it was Jonathan an Kurumi.

But what surprised Adam more was the fact that Kurumi thought he would do it,to try to put a move on her after everything they had spoken about.Ok,so maybe he had thought about it,a kiss on the cheek but he had to restrain himself,it wasn't the time to do that to her.They had to be two different people,an Adam had to realize he didn't have her anymore an that was off limits for him.

Then she pushed herself away from him.He expressed a shocked,hurt an madden look.Adam furrowed her eyebrows even more when she mentioned about feeling uncomfortable being around him,that the way he had looked at her had a strong effect on her.He had only been taking one last look at her,he hadn't been trying to make her feel uncomfortable in anyway.But she had seen it in a different,seeing as they both had different perspective on their situation.

"Uncomfortable? " He spoke completely confused.It was only a small hug an pat on the head,he always did the pat on the end."It was only a hug an pat on the head.But I'm sorry for showing a small gesture,obviously,that is also wrong for you.." His voice was rising with anger again,but he tried to keep his calm.

Perhaps she was just over sensitive to the whole situation or perhaps Adam was just unaware of how much feeling he had transferred in the gesture, but Kurumi suddenly felt a million times smaller than her already small five foot one inch frame.

"Y-Y-You don't have to be sorry," she said shaking her head. Merlin, she hadn't stuttered this much around him since they had first met. "I-I-I'm just not ready to be that close to you yet...not after what all has just been said..." She hoped that he understood what she meant by all that. Telling her that he hadn't really move on and that he wanted her back, knowing that he still had those feelings - even if he said they had changed to those of friendship - made her feel very awkward. "I thought that you were...were...." Now she was swaying a bit and she looked at the floor. "I thought you were going to try and kiss me..."

He thought he had made his words clear.Adam would not interfer with her feelings an her relationship.Out of what he had said,that much,from there on out would be true.He wouldn't do anything.So why would he completely abandon what he had said an go do the exact opposite it would only make his words seem like a lie,which did him no good at the moment.

It would be difficult for him to try an start being a friend an find himself again,but he wouldn't hurt her in any way.

Sorry,I wasn't going to try an do it.I wouldn't go against my word-from here on out I'm not going against my word.I'm gonna stick true to it.I hope you can understand that much.That-what I just did-was my friendly gesture,nothing else.So,is that clear now?I'm not gonna go downhill again-I'm gonna be climbin that mountain-no matter how long it takes-I'll get to the top." He said.Adam then stopped when he realized he started to sound like a preacher.

"I'm gonna do everything in my power to be friends with you-I don't want to make you uncomfortable.Or at least,try to be a better,old self Adam Burn friend."

Hopefully that would make her a little bit more sure of what he was trying to get at.

Adam was making some pretty big promises to her right now, and she really wanted to believe them but his track record with promises were not the greatest. She looked up at him now, her violet eyes locked on his and a fleeting smile spread across her face. IF he had tried to, she was not entirely sure how she would have reacted seeing as she had been frozen in place.

Once thing was sure though, Jonathan wouldn't have taken to it.

Hadn't they already started over once this term? Then again, that time had been before her new relationship had happened so expectations were a bit different. Kurumi had at one point hoped that her and Adam could go back, but that time had passed.

"I...um...thank you," she said with a small bow. Adam Burn had A LOT to make up for. "I...um...really should get going," she said after a few more moments, looking down at the books in her arms. "Jonathan is waiting for me."