Neptune dropped her eyes to her toes. She DID know that Finny was Jim's best friend, but.... for all SHE knew - since they NEVER TALKED EVER - it had changed. Girls changed friends ALL the time...

"According to YOU, EVERYTHING is my fault. Forget the fact that you never asked me to be your girlfriend. Yet somehow I'm the one to blame for not claiming you. You didn't WANT me then, like you don't want me NOW, and you're all guilty and just want to blame me."

Something like that. Sounded good, right? Sure didn't FEEL good though...


Neptune STARED at him and this eye thing. If he was going to cry, she'd just...die. Die. Or walk away? THEN DIE for sure. She'd not let him SEE her die. Good plan.

"I did so." He pointed out, jaw clenched still. She'd kind of.... weirdly... tricked him into it a bit, and it had been... a weird sort of shock, and he'd been definitely skeptical about it, but he HAD. And just like he'd said, he wasn't up for being used and she did it anyway. Sulk. "I did want you then, and I don't WANT to want you now." He corrected.

Guh. James had willpower. Lots of it. Manly. Rawr. He overcame the thing that was in his eye and making him blink. Mostly.

"Maybe I am guilty, but you're still to blame." He swallowed and looked down and away.

"You STILL do everything wrong, Jim!" GUHHH! Neptune stomped again, this time less for show but more fueled by actual frustration. "Girls don't ask BOYS. You're supposed to ask ME. And you would have, if you wanted. You'd have been sweet about it, you'd have gotten another magic carpet, you'd have been the JIM you are when no one else is around."

Neptune had less willpower? She threw her arms around him and buried her face in whatever bit of shirt she could find just before she lost it and .. the wet stuff started. Waterworks.

"I dont WANT to want you either. You're SO mean, you're so so so so mean. No one else makes me feel THIS bad."

"I do things my way and if thats not enough then thats not my fault either." He frowned at her. "That... the carpet... and... picnic... and everything, I did that. I did it because, because I wanted to with you. Something special and... " He shook his head. The very fact that he DID things like that, wasn't that a pretty big indication of what HIS thoughts on it all was?

He dropped his arms awkwardly and just sort of stood there, shocked a bit. "You make other people feel bad ALL the time. Especially me. You're selfish. Really selfish." He swallowed and then put his arms around her just sorta... that comforting sort of holding.

"I miss being your friend." He ventured helplessly, just feeling terrible. "We... we never did that part first and maybe it might have been better. I liked it. Once we were that, I mean. Its the other stuff... that makes me angry. Makes me feel bad and makes me want to... it doesn't matter. I just... I miss being your friend."

"Your way ... your way...," Neptune blubbered and was a LITTLE too upset for the moment to get that thought out completely. She gripped his shirt and tugged herself closer, mostly willing him to HUG her back like he was SUPPOSED to. Like what was RIGHT. Nothing was better now, if anything, things were worse.

But at least when he hugged her back, things felt right. It'd been a while since Neptune felt so herself. Mad, hurt, maybe a little more destroyed than she'd started out the day, but ... again....right.

"You want to be friends with someone as SELFISH as me?" SNIFF. SNIFF. "I don't know. I want.." Neptune wanted THINGS. She wanted to be a SPECIAL friend.

.. but that was selfish..?

Making a noise that was somewhere between despairing, frustrated and apologetic, Jimmy could feeeeel his shirt getting all.... wet.

"...faults and all, yeah. Yeah I want to be your friend." Sigh. He lifted his hands up and used the soft pads of his thumbs to carefully brush the tears from her eyelashes, with a gentle, barely there sweep. He was still frowning, brows knitted together.

...

He took a deep breath. "I... theres..." Someone he was kind of... a bit interested in? A few someones if you asked around, but one someone that he liked and wouldn't mind all that much being a bit more exclusive with? An alien thought. It was... too early for James to even acknowledge those thoughts out loud. But they were there, hanging out in his head, being pushed back right now by Neptune being all pathetic and making him feel pathetic.

But manly men did not cry.

"What do you want?" There was something in his eye again.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tegz

Making a noise that was somewhere between despairing, frustrated and apologetic, Jimmy could feeeeel his shirt getting all.... wet.

"...faults and all, yeah. Yeah I want to be your friend." Sigh. He lifted his hands up and used the soft pads of his thumbs to carefully brush the tears from her eyelashes, with a gentle, barely there sweep. He was still frowning, brows knitted together.

...

He took a deep breath. "I... theres..." Someone he was kind of... a bit interested in? A few someones if you asked around, but one someone that he liked and wouldn't mind all that much being a bit more exclusive with? An alien thought. It was... too early for James to even acknowledge those thoughts out loud. But they were there, hanging out in his head, being pushed back right now by Neptune being all pathetic and making him feel pathetic.

But manly men did not cry.

"What do you want?" There was something in his eye again.

"I d-d-don't know, Jiiim," Neptune, perhaps, needed a moment to gather her thoughts? Since he wanted to know, finally, what she wanted - Neptune wanted to get it exactly right. It would be selfish then to tell all since he'd asked, right?

She stepped back from him, hoping that would clear away all the stupor. It took EFFORT, and almost immediately after parting she regretted it. Though reassured of her patheticness, it did not at all help the stupor. If anything, it worsened it.

"I wanted you to claim me, too. I only... There's only Kellen, Jimmy. And he was before you, and I told YOU about him. I didn't want to lose him...," Neptune was rushing through this, all her plans of thinking and getting it right gone. "How many girls did... do.. YOU have? How many of them knew about me? You act all noble, but how many times did YOU take my hand in the hall between classes....? I wanted THAT. But now..."

One of those pitiful little squeaks escaped her, the sort before more word-stealing tears, a warning signal almost. "But now you have me RUINED." Can't survive with him, can't survive without him sort of thing. Meh. And... the Aparecium thing. Ruined in and out.

"But did you tell him about me?" Jimmy asked quietly. As in, while they'd been... whatever it was that they'd been? Because that was something too wasn't it? Something telling. And really, if you were kind of seeing a person, dating them or whatever, and you were also seeing or dating someone else, what difference did it make if there were extra people on top of that? Not much. Once it was more than one, the point became moot, right?

Now that she'd stepped away and he could look at her again, Jimmy wasn't sure what to say. She was.... well, she was blotchy. Neptune Bott wasn't a pretty crier. Still Neptune though.

"... how many? None like you. None like you." He shook his head and then let out a breath. "Mia, Hailey, Sadie, Brody and Marie. Thats all and it was pretty much all after.... after everything with us and I haven't seen Sadie in ages." and he'd only gone on proper dates with Hailey and Marie. Mia was always just a ... free spirit. Brody was... his friend. And complicated. And a bit of a regret but not in a bad way. Which was impossible but true.

He paused, "When I... at Puddifoots... I wasn't you know, on a date. Thats a different Hayley, she's a friend of a friend and we ran into each other in Hogsmeade and.... somehow we ended up at puddifoots and... that place is horrible." He shuddered. "But... it was after." Really, before, or rather, during, he'd snogged Mia some (but who hadn't?), and Sadie and Hailey had jumped him (though he hadn't complained. Gee, Slytherin girls were good at taking what they wanted.) It wasn't until after things with Neptune had gone sour that anything more had happened.

Alright? So? Honesty.

"... you wanna be my friend with all my faults too?" He tried not to sound hopeful.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tegz

"But did you tell him about me?" Jimmy asked quietly. As in, while they'd been... whatever it was that they'd been? Because that was something too wasn't it? Something telling. And really, if you were kind of seeing a person, dating them or whatever, and you were also seeing or dating someone else, what difference did it make if there were extra people on top of that? Not much. Once it was more than one, the point became moot, right?

Now that she'd stepped away and he could look at her again, Jimmy wasn't sure what to say. She was.... well, she was blotchy. Neptune Bott wasn't a pretty crier. Still Neptune though.

"... how many? None like you. None like you." He shook his head and then let out a breath. "Mia, Hailey, Sadie, Brody and Marie. Thats all and it was pretty much all after.... after everything with us and I haven't seen Sadie in ages." and he'd only gone on proper dates with Hailey and Marie. Mia was always just a ... free spirit. Brody was... his friend. And complicated. And a bit of a regret but not in a bad way. Which was impossible but true.

He paused, "When I... at Puddifoots... I wasn't you know, on a date. Thats a different Hayley, she's a friend of a friend and we ran into each other in Hogsmeade and.... somehow we ended up at puddifoots and... that place is horrible." He shuddered. "But... it was after." Really, before, or rather, during, he'd snogged Mia some (but who hadn't?), and Sadie and Hailey had jumped him (though he hadn't complained. Gee, Slytherin girls were good at taking what they wanted.) It wasn't until after things with Neptune had gone sour that anything more had happened.

Alright? So? Honesty.

"... you wanna be my friend with all my faults too?" He tried not to sound hopeful.

"He knows about you. Not everything," clearly there were some private things between Neptune and Jim. In fact, too many private things, "but he knows. He definitely knows now...," Neptune trailed off. Kellen had sort of been the only thing keeping Neptune from writing home for retrieval.

None like her, huh? After listening to the names, one after the other, some Neptune knew, others not.... Neptune figured that none of them WERE like her. None were stupid enough to believe... like she had. "I didn't add anyone after you. Kellen was a friend before you. And I haven't even snogged him since last Christmas." So.... yeah. Neptune's tears started to subside. Hard to tell why though. It certainly wasn't a decline in upset, if anything she was spiking since hearing of Hayley. And Hailey. And Mia. And Sadie. And Brody. And of course, Marie.

She was more of a shell of herself. A soppy, blotchy, empty shell.

"I don't know. Not right this moment, no. I want to hit you right now. I don't understand you AT ALL, Jim."

But she did understand one thing: no more reservations. SnogSpree of '73.

"Maybe someone like him, that does everything you want, the way you want it when you want it, makes more sense for you. Jimmy mused, crossing his arms over his chest again. He could feel the damp patches where here tears had falling, not quite dry yet. The arm crossing thing was totally necessary because once she'd moved away, he'd felt empty and exposed.

... last Christmas? Okay. Sure. That was a over a year ago but.... that had been when they'd been, you know, together or whatever that whole thing had been. Lessons. And stuff. It felt a bit hypocritical but Jimmy didn't say anything. He didn't really like seeing Neptune so upset.

"Its.... complicated, you know it is." She DID know. SHE was complicated. "Its not my fault if a girl throws herself at me." Granted, it was totally his fault if he flirted with them enough that they couldn't stand it any more and snogged him completely senseless. "They're... nice girls.... not... its not like they're my girls. Not like..." He trailed off a bit helplessly. Not like he was admitting to himself he'd wanted Neptune to be? Like he had wanted her to want to be? "I'll tell you anything you want to know, about anyone." He would. He couldn't make generalisations about all of them after all. They were all so different.

"You... you can do that. If it helps." He pointed at his cheek, turning his head slightly and closing his eyes. Waiting for impact?

"I'm not going to hit you, Jimmy," Neptune sighed. She WANTED to, and she was sure at least for a moment it'd feel good. But long run? She'd never forgive herself. Neptune reached a hand up, also noting the difference in heights now, and pressed her palm to his cheek. "It's just... you HURT me. I want you to HURT, too, and you don't. You're just fine. You'll just to add another girl and be fine. Or several more girls." It was so unfair.

"Can you at least not talk badly about me to all of them? You are right about me not having friends. You saying mean things about me to them probably doesn't help."

This felt like a farewell. A goodbye. Why did it feel that way? Why was Neptune DOING IT? Her big blue eyes, the ones trained on Jim like super magnets, began to fill with tears again. Her thumb trailed across his line of freckles, over his cheek bone. Her Jim.

He gaped at her. Fine? Fine? Was that a joke?

"You don't think you hurt me?"

He was just.... needing a moment to digest that. He was not fine. NOT at all fine. He'd.... tried to hide it and apparently done so well that she couldn't even tell how irritatingly messed up over it he was. His stomach was churning over it. He needed to distract himself from thoughts about Neptune so much that he was actually studying.

"I don't wanna add anyone else." He didn't. It wasn't like that. Even when he'd still been supremely angry at her, the things he'd done had been more an attempt to convince himself that everything was fine, that he was not bothered, than to fool her.

"I don't talk badly about you." He shook his head. He tried his best lately not to talk to anyone about her because... he felt it was completely obvious how... pathetic over it all he was. Brody was the only one he'd actually said anything at all to, about Neptune. But again, that was different. He'd known her for an eternity and he had to explain.... why he felt bad about certain things. Regrets. And stuff.

"I'm not fine." He added, grudgingly. It was a hard thing to admit for Jimmy. He blinked at her as she traced his features. What was she doing? Better question, what was he doing? She was crying again, and Jimmy? He didn't mean it, it was just.... he did it anyway, kissing one of her eyelids and then the other, tasting salty tears, trying to make them go away.

.... nobody saw that right? Nobody saw him having a heart?

"I didn't... mean to...," Neptune returned gape. "I usually mean to hurt when I do. Like with Ola. Ells. Mother." Those people, on occasion, Neptune WOULD hurt with mean things... Mostly for attention. All for attention, actually. She'd never aimed to hurt Jimmy though. Never, never, never in a million years. Not even when he continued to do EVERYTHING wrong and never do anything the way she wanted.

Neptune had said she wanted to him to hurt too, but now that she had that? She wanted to take it back. Turns out, that wasn't what she wanted after all.

"I'm not fine, either. I miss you. I'm jealous. I'm MAD at you. I'm SO mad at you, James Sacheverell Wilkes!"

Her hand fell to his shoulder, and her eyes closed. Neptune Bott soaked up the little attentions from him. She'd been CRAVING this. It would probably not do her any favors later, but she was going to TAKE all he'd give her. Neptune pressed herself a little greedily to his lips. She WANTED him to kiss her tears away.

"I don't ever hurt anyone on purpose." It was a point of difference between them. If he did things that hurt or were mean or whatever, that wasn't the reason for it, it was like, a byproduct of something else, of like entertainment or something.

Jealous? His eyebrow went UP at that and he scrubbed at his face with one hand. Start with the miss you one. "Miss you too." That was why he was.... hanging about. "I wish I didn't. Wish I could just.... not care. I tried that and it didn't work so well. I told you.... I wanna be your friend. Again. Or maybe we weren't ever that, not really. Kinda think we need to be."

After a bit of the eyelid kissing he pulled back, lips still tasting salty. Eh. Aww... he... couldn't... He tugged her a little closer and just sort of held her a bit, leaning down so his chin was on her shoulder, cheek against cheek.

"Its bad... I want to kiss you even though you... make me mad and I'm probably gonna hate myself later." Nobody made him hate himself like her. And he didn't hate anyone the way he hated her. Because it wasn't hate at all. Thats the part he hated, really. That he cared and was all vulnerable and ridiculous and pathetic.

Neptune was complete again, that right feeling that she'd miss and want again sooner than it would be available. She pressed her cheek to his and looped her arms under his and around his middle. She held him for a LONG time before speaking.

"You mean... just friends...?" Neptune wasn't taking a side in this proposal yet, just wanted to be clear into what he meant. Exactly what he meant. No more open for interpretation. If he wanted her to be his girlfriend he needed to ASK and ask RIGHT, but if not...

... if not, then were kisses still okay? Wasn't that sort of what they were doing all along?

Did it REALLY matter at the moment? Neptune kept him close, but pulled her face back enough so she could see him. Her lashes still held moisture, and her eyes were growing puffier. If only she could read minds, she'd have agreed with him on this issue of hate. If he kissed her, then walked away like she knew he would, she'd HATE HIM. And hate herself. And hate herself for hating him because that was entirely the wrong way to feel.

Up she went.

She had no idea why she was going to the sixth floor with this creepy practice spider but she had done one practice on a lower level and now one up high as well. Well she did have to practice it all over the school, might as well have some variation. And what did homework mean? Points. And points meant happy blondie.

As she turned the corner however she caught a glimpse of someone familiar. Oh goodness, the girl quickly turned back round the corner. Didn't want to get involved in any of that. Besides here was good anyway, great in fact. Though practicing indoors was a little pointless. Whenever were they gonna encounter spiders indoors? Well ones THAT big anyway. La dee da....

She placed her fluffy thing on the floor and took 5 steps back. Yes 5 to be exact. Then she clearly pronounced the spell.

"Arania Exum... *Cough!splutter*well at least it WAS clear until she managed to choke on her own words. Yeah that one was a failure.

Attempt number 2..... "Arania Exumai" okay well that one was better, well it would have been if she'd done the right wand movement. Swish and flick must have been embedded in her mind.

Third time lucky yes? "Arania Exumai" she produced the flat figure of 8 with her wand and thankfully the spell worked as the spider was repelled. She picked up her spider and decided on where to go next. You know, variation and all that shizz.

Arabella-Marie was heading back up to the common room and sighed as she stopped in the sixth floor corridor she was tired and wanted to go home already

Sapphinelle walked around the corridor and decided to practice Accio. She opened up her purse and took out her pink quill. Setting it on the ground, she stepped a few feet back and firmly stated, "Accio quill!" The quill shot up in midair and zoomed towards her, landing lightly in her opened hand. She quickly stored it back inside the Juicy Couture bag and admired the quaintness of the castle. She really loved it here!

Arabella-Marie heard movement behind a turned around and said "Hey don't you just love being able to use magic"

Sapphinelle raised an eyebrow at a voice that called her. She turned around and gave out a laugh. "Yeah, guess so." she said slyly, eyeing the girl and her outfit. Typical Sapphinelle. "I'm Sapphinelle Della. And you are...?" She waited for the other girl's response, while she quickly checked her makeup in her compact mirror.

Arabella-Marie smiled and said "Nice to meet you Sapphinelle, I am Arabella-Marie Kingston but you can call me Arabella for short"

She nodded and put her mirror back inside her purse. "Cool, cool. Where are you from, then?" She asked in her French accent, noticing that she was being a little prissy and stuck-up. Ah well, that's what she did best.

Arabella-Marie smiled and said "I'm from Wiltshire, where are you from?"

What was gonna happen when he answered her? Jimmy didn't answer immediately either. He was thinking. A lot. About everything. He didn't WANT To like, you know, like her as much as he did. Like wasn't even the right word but he wasn't about to let himself think of other words. He was only a fifth year for Circe's sake! And Neptune was HARD WORK and he really did think that things were a mess and that they needed to know each other better. Or not better, just differently.

"I think thats what I mean." Oddly quiet James Wilkes. "I don't.... trust you." He didn't trust her not to be fickle and demanding and couldn't possibly picture a world where he let her have the upper hand and it kiiiinda felt like that was something slipping away from him. He wanted to DO stuff for her. It was kind of RIDICULOUS.

"I don't know what that changes except maybe knowing where we stand. And... it'd be nice if people knew we were friends..." And it'd be nice to feel appreciated and wanted for something other than snogging and how good he knew he could make her feel.

"I dunno." He stayed there, holding her, all quiet and thoughtful.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tegz

What was gonna happen when he answered her? Jimmy didn't answer immediately either. He was thinking. A lot. About everything. He didn't WANT To like, you know, like her as much as he did. Like wasn't even the right word but he wasn't about to let himself think of other words. He was only a fifth year for Circe's sake! And Neptune was HARD WORK and he really did think that things were a mess and that they needed to know each other better. Or not better, just differently.

"I think thats what I mean." Oddly quiet James Wilkes. "I don't.... trust you." He didn't trust her not to be fickle and demanding and couldn't possibly picture a world where he let her have the upper hand and it kiiiinda felt like that was something slipping away from him. He wanted to DO stuff for her. It was kind of RIDICULOUS.

"I don't know what that changes except maybe knowing where we stand. And... it'd be nice if people knew we were friends..." And it'd be nice to feel appreciated and wanted for something other than snogging and how good he knew he could make her feel.

"I dunno." He stayed there, holding her, all quiet and thoughtful.

Neptune bit her lip to keep from telling him just HOW DUMB it was that he didn't trust HER. She'd... she'd ... just... it didn't make ANY sense at all to her. But, to be fair, not much with Jim did make sense.

It was ALL wrong ALL the time. From the first day, to this - Jim Wilkes did e v e r y t h i n g wrong.

And yet.... that wrongness was everything right in Neptune's world.

She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Okay. Friends for all to see." That wasn't totally clear though, was it? They were going to take away all the secrety dating and notes and kisses... "You'll sit with me sometime and partner up with me in class. Sometimes." Neptune brought her hands around to rest at his front and idly fumbled with the buttons of his shirt.