Varius let out a small snicker as he could see Daphne's temper boiling. Generally Varius wouldn't be so twisted and would have given up by now, but there was something about Daphne that made winding her up so damn fun!

"Totally rude," Varius agreed in mock seriousness as Garrett joined him on his toilet. "I haven't seen you all term," insert insincere sniff here, "And this is how you greet me when I eventually track you down? *SNIFF!* I think this friendship is OVER DAPHODIL. Sooooo ova. *SNIFF SNIFF*"

Daphne shuffled her feet uncomfortable, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth so frightfully there were marks all over the chewed and red flesh. "Alright! Alright!" she shouted with wide eyes, feeling utterly defeated.

She just wanted to go, couldn't they understand that?!

"Hello Garret. Hello Varius. Now please get out," she responded all in one breath. "Please. Out. No. Tipps! Don't cry!"

The waterworks were hardly appropriate or what she needed right now. "We can...make up, okay? I'll...do something nice for you. Organize your trunk by color, size and daily use. Now let me--Could you just step outside? OUTSIDE!"

OUTSIIIIDE!1111!

Garret felt really bad for Daphne now. The poor girl obviously needed to go, and well... he could understand, from an observer's point of view, how someone would need privacy in order to release their bodily fluids. He himself, on the other hand, had never had that particular problem.

"That's better," Garret nodded and thumped Varius on the back a bit too hard, "Although, Daff, you're really rotten at keeping contact with friends." He too inserted a sniff here, his bright blue eyes taking in the desperate look on her face, "You realise that this is the first time you've said hello to me all term?"

"It is?" Varius turned and acted concerned at this news Garrett just shared. "This is the first time she has said hi to me too, this term!" What a cow, right? Total cow! I mean, saying hi is OBVIOUSLY not a two-way thing at all.

"I think the only way you can make up for this is if you... snog Garrett," ahahahaha, good one Varius! "Yep you have to snog Garret first and then we will forgive you AND let you pee. Fair is fair."

There was a very brief and slight relief when Garret had seemed to concede to leaving the bathroom so she could go about her lady things. It was however promptly replaced with an intense burning and heavy feeling of guilt starting from the bottom of her heart and sinking all the way down to the pit of her stomach. "I-I-guess," she stammered in a weak voice, the corner of her lips drooping.

Even her hectic foot work had slowed down pitifully. Not that she still didn't need to go! Her bladder was insistent after all that she freed it from its pressure at once. Varius too was upset with her and the corner of her lips droop even more.

Guilty, tired, and STILL needing to go, Daphne Hopton instead became highly irritated. "Oh, please! Just...we'll deal with this after you have let me--" She didn't finish her rage rant.

Snog. Garret? In the same sentence? Varius Tipps couldn't possibly mean--no, he was terrible at the English language. Right? Oh, no he wasn't! Insane perhaps but at least he knew the language. He meant what he meant. Turning the color of a pickled beet, Daphne squeaked loudly, nearly tripping with the toilet bowl. "That is an unreasonable request, Varius Tipps! I cannot and will not just snog Garret because you ask me to!"

It wasn't how things worked! Plus, it was Garret Crocker! It made her feel...feel...

Well, she wasn't entirely sure what this tightening feeling meant except she could only identify it on occasion with Plymouth Morgan. That was confusing.

Varius' suggestion almost knocked Garret right off the toilet bowl and into the water where Varius himself had been just moments earlier. Have Daff snog... him? Whaaaaaaat?

The look he gave Varius was one of utter confusion, "Whaaaaaat?"

Snogging... Daphne? He was shaking his head no, but... slowly... as if he wasn't quite sure if he - NO. No. He didn't want to snog Daphne! He shook his head a little more vehemently. It was DAPHNE, for Merlin's sake! If Varius hadn't just brought it up, he would never have even thought about snogging and Daphne in the same capacity.

Nope. Never. Not ever!

Varius was starting to feel slightly guilty that Daphne was taking the words they were saying about her unavailability this term to heart. He made a point of not bringing this up again, but he was determined to get the deal he had put forth sealed! That was for sure.

"There is nothing unreasonable about it! You desperately need to pee and Garrett desperately needs to get smooched on!" That was what Crocker and Celandine had been discussing in the common room after all, right?. "Why not kill two grindylows with one punch?"

Ready to give up on her bladder control, Daphne groaned and lunged herself at the stall wall, pressing a cheek against it with closed eyes. It was so cold. So cold. It wasn't helping her control her bladder at all!

But Daphne feared if she moved too much she'd might cause an accident so she kept her legs tightly against each other to prevent mishaps. "Garret's desperation to participate in such scandalous behavior is not my problem," she mumbled surprised she could even put a sentence together. "As to why not--I don't like violence."

Maybe she had taken Varius too literally again.

Garret was now stuck in an odd bout of stammering as he vehemently attempted to deny what Varius had just said, "I don't - I - no - you - wot? - st - I'm NOT desperate!" he finally managed to get it out, glaring at Varius as they both still hovered over Daphne. He couldn't even look at Daphne at the moment, his hair covering his eyes and his skin burning a violent shade of red under his freckles as it was wont to do whenever he was extremely embarrassed.

Like now. What on earth was Varius Tipps on about?

"Violence?" Varius repeated, cocking his head, slightly confused as to what Daphne meant. Did she assume Garrett was going to be a violent snogger? Slap her as soon as they had finished? Or maybe it was herself she feared to be violent once the deed had been done... oh wait! no! The Grindylow stuff. "Not literally Daphodil."

Plans were harder to execute when you had BOTH of the people being defensive and denying to take part in what was asked of them. "Come now Garrett, think about it! You could go back to Celandine and rub it in about how wrong she was and how much of a stud and lady-magnet you really are," did this sort of motivation speech even work on him? They were soon to find out.

"And Daphne. Would you rather be known as Garret Crocker's first kiss or the girl who peed herself with two witnesses? HMMM?"

Stud? Lady-Magnet? Daphne wrinkled her nose at this bit, sinking slightly against the stall wall, the one she was nearly kissing herself. Her hands flew down to her skirt and she whined loudly.

Social demise. Either way she looked at it she was ruined! RUINED. Varius Tipps was no friend. He was Voldemortist incarnate; hanging over her shoulder whispering evil deeds and leaving her no way out. "I'd rather be known as the girl who survived torturing camp," she hissed, looking up at Tipps through golden lashes with a melting honey gaze.

She'd kill him. Kill him good--once she WENT TO THE LOO! "I need to go! I need to go! I need to go!" chanted Daphne loudly, almost losing her mind. At the moment she didn't bloody care about kisses or Garret or Varius or what the school kids would say.

If she didn't go she'd very nearly wet herself--then she'd have to run away and change her name to something like Sue Anne and live at a farm raising geese for money. "I don't care. I'll kiss the stall! I'll kiss the toilet bowl! I'll even kiss you, Varius! Just get out already!" Whoever. Whoever. It hardly mattered when she could feel her own legs protesting at being held tightly together.

The bladder was a toughie.

Garret's face fell ever so slightly as Daphne offered to kiss everything - but him. Not that he wanted to kiss her. Not at all, he never ever even thought about it. Or HER like that. Nope. He wanted to kiss Lyra Noir, and he wouldn't settle for anybody else. However, it was clear that Daphne was at the end of her rope, and he suddenly didn't feel like taking part in all this anymore... it had simply lost it's fun.

"Well then," he said in an overly bright voice, his hair still hiding his eyes which were looking everywhere but at the other two occupants of the bathroom, "hate to be a party pooper, but I've got things to do, people to see."

He waved at Daphne and bumped Varius on the shoulder as he hopped off the toilet bowl, "Cheers!"

Varius watched as Garret left the bathroom. He couldn't deny he was slightly disappointed his plans hadn't worked out "I think you hurt his feelings," he admitted. "By saying you'd kiss a toilet bowl over Garrett," he nodded as if to emphasise the point.

"Well," he started becoming more light-hearted again, "It's all you and the toilet bowl now Daph!"

Daphne had somehow found herself slinking into the cold tile floor. Her knees keeping her up, she held her skirt between her legs. Varius. Varius was going to be the source of her destruction. "I'd..." she'd hurt Garret's feelings. Looking up at Varius with wide eyes, she began to feel sorry for herself, her bladder, and Garret.

Drooping lips, she sniffed before taking a deep breath. "GAAARREEEEEEEEEET!!"

There was no way she was kissing that toilet bowl! No way! That's it! She'd just have to wet herself; or run away! From her kneeling position, she struggled to open the locked stall door and pushed it open, falling forward on the cold tile. "Garret! Don't leave me!"

Not to Varius Tipps! He'll make me lick the toilet seat! Where was the nearest GIRLS lavatory she could run to?

Garret was nearly at the door when Daphne wailed for him. He had heard Varius' ultimatum and had snorted, even as he had felt a twinge of sympathy for the poor little Gryffindor in that toilet stall. If it was him in there, he would have simply punched the slimey git.

He heard Daphne unlock her stall door and despite himself, he went back and looked in on her. Leaning on the door of the stall, he bit the insides of his cheek as he pondered putting her out of her misery or milking this for all it was worth.

She was actually BEGGING him to help her by kissing her.

Nah, he thought with a secret smile, that was enough, "C'mon," he knelt down and placed his hands on her shoulders, picking her up off the floor in a quick move, "Stop beggin' me to kiss you, woman and just GO, for Merlin's sake."

Wait. Wait.


Wait wait! WAIT.


Flobbeworms, Garret Crocker had come back to save her? Bottom lip shook briefly before she grabbed Garret's robes. "You shut up!" she hissed when he mentioned the begging even as her cheeks flushed crimson. "I'm not begging for anything. I am ordering you to either take me to a girl's lavatory right now or you kiss me because there is no way in this shining magical world I am putting my ever so prestigious lips on that disgustingly cold and wet toilet bowl!"

Garret reared back at the venom in her voice, though he could only pull back so far as her maniacal grip on his robes was surprisingly strong, "Woah, Daff, honestly," he tilted his head up and away from her as he wiggled his shoulders, trying to get free, "I'll hold 'im down and you can pee wivvout snogging the bowl or me!"

He really didn't feel comfortable with all this snogging talk. Especially snogging talk in relation to Daphne. With Daphne so close to him and forcing him to kiss her. He wasn't keen on the idea of his first kiss being a forced one in a school toilet.

Oh for Merlin's sake it was like watching the Titanic but instead of Rose Dawson being all ZOMG NUUU JACK! She was being all DIE JACK BWHAHAHA YOU SILLY GOOSE! PUNK'D!

He jumped from the toilet seat and was, at first, startled by the sudden change in height. He walked over and shoved Garret out of the way, taking Daphne's face in his hands and planting his lips on hers. More practice? Why not! He tried altering his sloppy kiss using the advice given by his previous victims: Celandine and Kayla. Less tongue. Less Saliva.

He parted and felt a bit dizzy. "Now go and pee Jack.. I mean, Daphne." Yep DIZZY!

The sudden actions of one Varius Tipps had Garret pressed up against the side of the toilet stall, where he was then forced to watch in agonising closeness as he snogged Daphne Hopton. While the other boy was still talking about silly things to Daphne, Garret couldn't quite control his next action as he put a hand on Varius' shoulder and pulled him around rather roughly.

"What the hell, mate?" he shouted, shoving the blonde against the other side of the stall, "You got me to come here so I could watch THIS?"

The last thing she remembered was looking into Garret's startled eyes with so much determination she almost forgot she had to go. Then, her vision was assaulted by a blurry mess of blond hair and mismatched eyes before she felt warm, chapped lips against hers.

The surprise was enough to shock her body into a paralyzed state and she could do nothing but to hold out her arms as her mind screamed in agony over Varius' horrible mistreatment.

Her first kiss. Ruined. Smashed. Killed.

Then she was slamming against the bathroom stall and she stared with wide watery eyes at Garret and Tipps. First, they assaulted her in the stall and stopped her from attending to the basic necessities THEN--she was forced to endure having her soul sucked out of her body by Varius Tipps.

Dizzy, stunned, and red on the face, Daphne lowered the seat on the toilet bowl and sat.


Soul? Where did it go?

When Garrett forced Varius to turn and face him, he could not deny that he was sure Mr. Crocker was going to put one very large Huffie fist in his pretty little face. "Well... no," he said truthfully. Actually, his initial intentions were just to spook Daphne and leave... but as things do when you are Varius Tipps, they got outta hand. "I was just doing what you were to chicken to!" and then the realisation hit that there really was no need for snogging at all and that it had been Varius that had made it such a life-or-death situation. Oh well, he couldn't say he HADNT enjoyed it -- it had been the best so far.

Then, of course, he remembered that Daphne still existed! She had went off into the stall once more probably doing the business she had so longed for, but he couldn't help but worry at the silence. "Erm... Daphne, you ok?"

She breathed out, her shoulders seemingly wanting to follow as Daphne Hopton's usual perfect posture left the stall. All her years of hard work. Working away at that cello, memorizing rules of etiquette, which spoon and what fork went with what. Years of listening to her Mother's critique with a polite and cordial smile. Years of guarding herself from ill-advised social circles all so she could make the Hopton name proud--as the only daughter.

Except, Isaac Hopton's arrival sligthly ruined that. Now marrying well would be a problem. Still she held hope; She still had hope except now...now, there was a tight feeling in her throat and she hiccuped repeatedly, as her eyes watered.

Her lips had been soiled by Varius Tipps no less. Tipps. Tears dripping down her cheeks, Daphne's face contorted horribly NEVER the pretty crier. "I'm ruined. Ruined. Ruinedruinedruined."

Mother was going to end up in Mungo's. Father would probably not care--too busy wiping Isaac's drool.

Hiccup. Sob. "I'm going to KILL YOUUUU VARIUS TIIIIPPS!"

Cue wail.

She surfaced from the stall looking completely, well... terrible. So terrible in fact that he felt almost guilty. He almost turned to Garret and offered him a free punch just to see if it would make him feel better. Celandine and Kayla and reacted BADLY, but more angry not UPSET. This was becoming to much to handle.

Now she was wailing and threatening to kill him? Oh boy. This really WAS the worst. He opened his arms and took her in an embrace. "I'm sorry Daphne... at least... your bladder is empty?" he tried to lighten the situation. It would probably fail dramatically... but she needed to stop crying!!!

Oh it was too late.

Tears began to trickle down his face too! Some people laughed when other people laughed, yawned when others did or puked when they saw someone else chucking up, but Varius? No. He cried when he saw others crying, even if he wasn't sure what they were crying about.

"IM GONNA KILL ME TOO!" he sobbed, placing his head in Daphne's shoulder. WHY CRUEL CRUEL WORLD.

Having emerged from the stall, she had the roll of toilet paper in one hand, face wet, brows furrowed and ready to clobber Varius to death with PAPER. Except that it was pretty hard to clobber anyone with anything when they were hugging you. Making disgusted sounds she tried to shimmy her way out of his embrace before kicking him on the shins.

No, she did not feel bad for his crying. If anything, he was crying out of pity for himself because he knew he was going to DIE. Ripping off chunks from the toilet paper roll, Daphne shoved as much as she could up each of Varius' nostrils. "You are a very bad boy, Varius Tipps!" yelled Daphne wagging a disapproving finger at his toilet paper nose. "You should not be kissing girls without their express permission!"

Then as if to make things even, Daphne shoved a big wad of toilet paper in Varius' mouth.

Garret watched, stunned and horrified as Daphne began to cry. That was bad enough, but then Varius - the little sneak - wriggled out of his hold and proceeded to burst into self-pitying sobs as well. He scowled, taking a step forward as he was about to rip the little ferret off Daphne's shoulder and then comfort her himself...

Only to stop.

Watch.

And then laugh his scrawny little pale butt off at what Daphne was subjecting the silly little Tipps to, "C'mon, Vee," Garret took pity on the overly hormonal boy and grabbed the back of his collar to pull him up to his feet, "I fink it's best if you stay away from Daff."