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| Honeydukes Cellar (Incomplete FF) Here is the home to those stories who didn't quite get told in full. |
05-24-2010, 05:06 AM
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#26 (permalink)
| Puffskein
Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Florida
Posts: 1,415
Hogwarts RPG Name: Janet Lynn Gordon Fifth Year | Werecats are people too! Reader of Fan Fictions
Owen! A most intriguing Chapter to say the least! I don't know where to begin honestly. Well, OK, I have to say I love it that both Lily and Rose still confide certain issues with their mom's.
I think thanks is in order to, Cei, for bringing out a side of Hugo we didn't know was there. Quote:
He had somehow transfigured the whole house into ferrets; a transformation that lasted 10 minutes and left Scorpius angry and humiliated.
Cei and Albus together are starting to remind me of Sirius and James. But, Albus clearly has some braving up to do, before he is just like James. Quote:
Cei looked hard at Albus then, the fire's reflection in his eyes was steel, causing Albus to shrink into his chair.
But, then on the other hand Cei is still alone in whatever is going on in his mind. Quote:
Cei began to giggle before once more shutting out everyone with a surly mask as if something had upset him.
I would love to know what goes on in his head. He is obviously very intelligent and very powerful.
I think though the thing that has me most intrigued is the owl from Teddy. The artifacts are figures that depict the battle we read about in the beginning of this story! Correct? The letter from Teddy? It's not from Teddy is it? I think it's from Harry, and the artifacts, he knows are very important. And there is no other safe place than Gringotts (which would not be a safe place for this artifact) to hide something other than Hogwarts. Is Cei looking for it maybe? And he thinks it is at Gringotts?
I don't know! I've read and re-read this four times and other than, "EXCALIBVR" I can't see any slip ups or hints that I can draw any evidence for me to draw on. Is it a tip, or a mistake? Ahh, wait a minute! I DO have a theory! I must ask you about something! No, I'll wait. I can't wait for you to post your next chapter! I know you are very busy, and will be ,even more so now, but I do hope you can post very soon.
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05-24-2010, 05:27 PM
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#27 (permalink)
| Grindylow
Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: A World of my Own
Posts: 14,042
Hogwarts RPG Name: Tabitha Lorraine Cauldwell First Year | ♥ Gone but not forgotten ♥ ♥ S.S. Fan ♥ Willowgirl ♥
Owen...
A very intense and intellectual chapter. I loved it! Also liked the subtle way you introduced so many bits and pieces, as to what was to come.
I can honestly say that Cei is my favourite character now. He is intense, almost fierce in his thoughts, yet is still able to show kindness and dare I say it, love, to the Potter/Weasley kids... Quote:
"The lesson they teach us is simple." Cei's tone had become almost reverent, "fear can be effective against people, at keeping them in line. But all it takes is one individual to stand up, to break that loop and the cycle is broken."
I love this passage. It is so true; yet people seem too dim or maybe self-absorbed in their fear to realize its truth. Quote:
"Fear breeds hate. Hate breeds vengeance. Vengeance breeds war."
A very strong argument... and as in the case of fear, it simply takes one person with a rational thought to break the cycle. Funny how one little glitch or as in this case, person, has the power and ability to eliminate the fuel (fear) needed for war. Quote:
"It happens I do. Love is the most powerful force in the universe. It makes us do crazy things. It thrives on chaos." Cei suddenly slapped his forehead hard, "no. Wait. That's mutual infatuation."
Okay... I'll agree with the first part of this quote, love does cause people to do crazy things; but the jaded glasses must be removed. They blemish the truth, restricting the possibility for true love. Love is not cynical... Quote:
She did not notice an ever present small red bundle that remained a constant 20 feet behind them.
So, Rose didn't notice the moving package... see how self-absorbing even the thought of love can be on a person? Now... the package... could it be the undercover goblin under there? I wonder... I can't wait to find out. Quote:
All four of them failed to notice the ruby on the staff weilding kantauride figure light up as Cei approached and fade as he disappeared.
So... is this like Gryffindor's sword...? Does it light up, because Cei is the one true Gyffindor that will be able to make use of it? I look forward to this particular plot development. Intriguing!
The story is beginning to take great shape Owen. Keep it up; I can't wait until the next chapter! Oh!!!! One last comment! I love how you had the girls tie their hair back while in the blustering wind. The tangles they would've had to battle that evening... makes me want to cringe!
Katie |
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06-24-2010, 02:27 PM
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#28 (permalink)
| Jarvey
Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Wales
Posts: 637
Hogwarts RPG Name: Ambrocinius Fifth Year |
Thanks for you comments. I shall step back from my story to answer them if I can.. Quote:
The artifacts are figures that depict the battle we read about in the beginning of this story! Correct? The letter from Teddy? It's not from Teddy is it?
They are related, slightly to that battle but I'm not yet sure how..
The letter is not from Teddy. Quote:
Okay... I'll agree with the first part of this quote, love does cause people to do crazy things; but the jaded glasses must be removed. They blemish the truth, restricting the possibility for true love. Love is not cynical...
Love may not be cynical, but Cei is...
__________________
The ballad of Gryffindors sword 16+ Chapter 12 up!
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06-24-2010, 03:16 PM
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#29 (permalink)
| Jarvey
Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Wales
Posts: 637
Hogwarts RPG Name: Ambrocinius Fifth Year | Chapter 7:
The wind picked up as Cei went further from the village than Lily and Rose had ever been. Even the shrieking shack was a distant memory.
The wind brought with it cold, autumnal rain that caused the two girls to be bent almost double in an attempt to shield themselves from the elements. Their school regulation cloaks sodden within minutes of the rain beginning to fall.
They began to walk up a steep hill; the ground beneath their feet a treacherous mix of mud and loose stones: all of them a dull, unblemished grey.
"How much further will he go?" Rose muttered, gasping for breath and clutching a stitch at her side.
Lily didn't reply, she was concentrating on ignoring the water that was soaking her feet and looking for places they could use to hide from Cei in this barren landscape. Shivering, she pointed to a lichen covered rock that would at least provide some shelter from the wind.
They reached cover just in time; Cei had stopped walking and, strangely, had the beginnings of a smile. He glanced in the girls direction and apparently satisfied that he was not being watched, took a small glass dagger and an ancient ring from a hidden pocket in his robes.
He also took out a scroll which was then carefully unrolled. Cei held the scroll in his right hand, the ring - which from a distance looked like copper - in his left hand and had placed the dagger on top of his old book like a paper weight.
Rose's eyes widened as she watched the fingers of his left hand play with the ring while his eyes feasted on the contents of the scroll.
Lily nudged her cousin and spoke in a whisper, "hey, look at the dagger, what does it remind you of?"
Rose blinked away raindrops that had landed on her eyelashes, "I've no idea sorry, Lily."
"Did Binns not do South American wizard's of the medieval period with you?"
Achieving the impossible, Rose's eyes widened further, "Ooh, you mean that's a sacrificial blade?"
Lily nodded and turned back to watch Cei, whose face glistened with moisture; Lily assumed her own face looked similarly wet.
"Is he crying?" Rose asked.
"What? How can you tell from here?"
"Water dripping from his eyes is at a different angle to everywhere else."
"I didn't know your eyes were so good. Remind me why you don't play Quidditch..."
Rose laughed surprisingly loudly. She immediately gulped and glanced towards Cei again. The boy remained oblivious to his company.
He had taken his eyes off the scroll and was now studying the ring. With a noticeably deep breath - Lily and Rose could have sworn he temporarily added 2 inches to his already impressive height - Cei put the scroll inside his book and picked up the dagger. Eyeing the blade with apprehension, he sliced into the palm of his left hand with enough force to cause the fingers of that hand to involuntarily twitch. Soaking the ring with his blood.
* * * *
"What is Teddy doing that means he no longer has time to visit us?" Ginny accosted Harry as they sat for a late breakfast.
"He's working for the department of Mysteries so I don't know." Harry sighed, hating this weekly conversation.
Sensing his mood, Ginny changed the topic to one more agreeable to her husband's taste, "I got the tickets for that christmas eve game. When should we tell Albus and Lily?"
Harry allowed a grin to cross his features, "let's keep it a surprise for now."
"But what if they choose to spend christmas at Hogwarts?"
"Have they ever?"
"No, but..."
"Can you see them not wanting to attend christmas at the burrow?"
"No, but..."
"Are they scholars?"
"No, but..."
"Then the library here will suffice for their homework needs as it always has, yes?"
"Yes, but..."
"Stop worrying. They'll be here. Neither of them is James."
Harry instantly wished he had not mentioned their eldest son. He winced at the look of hurt on Ginny's face and leaned forward to comfort her.
Ginny pulled away from Harry and screamed, "You never cared about him! You've forgotten him! Have you even looked for him? NO!"
Stung by Ginny's words, Harry remained motionless as she stepped away from him and disapparated. He fell back on to his chair, holding his head in his hands as tears began to fall.
* * * *
When Lily uncovered her eyes, she noticed a bright ring on Cei's right hand, completely different to the one that he had been playing with - it was still copper-like in colour but much shinier.
She was also surprised at how close he was to herself and Rose.
"Good morning ladies, any reason you were stalking me today?" Cei's voice was cold anger, matching the frown that creased his forehead.
Lily noticed redness around his eyes, evidence that he had indeed been crying.
"Just enjoying the, ah, weather," Rose stammered, quickly concluding that Cei was indeed a psyco.
Cei smiled sickly, "the weather? Really? Why do I get the impression that's a lie?"
Lily decided honesty would be better, "We came because I thought you were upset and wanted to comfort you. Just wanted to do this." Lily's first sentence was said defiantly, her second followed by a hug as she leapt to her feet and wrapped her arms around the boy.
Rose gulped as Cei blinked at the small red head clutching him, scared that he may throw her cousin off without a second glance.
To the surprise of both girls, Cei returned the hug, lifting Lily off her feet as his expression changed from one of grief and anger to warmth, happiness and relaxation. He began to whisper to Lily, softly and quickly so only she could hear.
His mood suddenly changed again.
"Why did you two bring Goblin's intent on destroying what's left of my family with you?"
"Goblins? What Goblins?"
"The horde behind you." Cei. gestured with his left hand - somehow unmarked from it's encounter with the blade.
Both Lily and Rose screamed as they took in a large amount of red cloaks with various weapons pointing from them.
"RUN!" Cei bellowed, moving between them and the charging horde.
Lily ran until she was certain that no one on the hill top could see her. Her mouth agape as she watched the goblins clamber onto Cei like baby spiders up a web. She heard a final roar of defiance before her own world turned to darkness.
* * * *
"You know, I thought I packed this in over twenty years ago. Any idea why Griphook would select me for this trip?"
Ogranak looked at his wizard colleague; they had been in Mexico for three fruitless weeks and Bill had not complained once. Ogranak's ears twitched as he replied in a quiet voice. "It's all very simple. You are part of Harry Potter's family. Griphook's religious leader doesn't want wizards to know what he's up to."
"Aha, that would explain all the sudden reassignments of tomb breakers based in britain?"
"Yes. Shaman Krull has got ideas above his station."
"Is that why you're here?"
"I'm here because I asked too many questions."
Bill laughed, "you're siding with wizards?"
"The goblin leaders believes your ministry doesn't give goblins the respect they deserve. I believe that 25 years is not long enough to change the prejudices of the masses."
"Okay, good to know."
"No it isn't. We cannot forward this information to anyone - owls are being intercepted."
Bill laughed again, "Don't worry, Ogranak. Have you heard of the fellytone?" A/N: an unnamed chapter for no other reason than a lack of imagination on my part am afraid.
I hope you all enjoyed it nonetheless. Chapter 6 Chapter 8
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The ballad of Gryffindors sword 16+ Chapter 12 up!
Last edited by Derfel; 10-29-2010 at 10:59 AM.
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06-25-2010, 05:41 PM
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#30 (permalink)
| Grindylow
Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: A World of my Own
Posts: 14,042
Hogwarts RPG Name: Tabitha Lorraine Cauldwell First Year | ♥ Gone but not forgotten ♥ ♥ S.S. Fan ♥ Willowgirl ♥
Owen!!!!
This is your best chapter yet! You have everything: love, intrigue, arguments, humour, family... There almost seems to be a difference, somehow, in writing technique, which I really enjoyed. Anyway, on with the comments... Quote:
They reached cover just in time; Cei had stopped walking and, strangely, had the beginnings of a smile.
So, what I would like to know is, Did Cei actually know that he was being followed by the girls? Was it his secret desire for them to know what he was up to, or was he kind of showing-off? Just curious... Quote:
"Is he crying?" Rose asked.
"What? How can you tell from here?"
"Water dripping from his eyes is at a different angle to everywhere else."
He temporarily added 2 inches to his already impressive height -
Okay, so I had to cut and paste a little, but this whole passage was great. Is Cei crying because of the circumstances at hand or because of the pain he is about to incur? The description of Cei before the 'blood draw' was very well thought out and real. Quote:
To the surprise of both girls, Cei returned the hug, lifting Lily off her feet as his expression changed from one of grief and anger to warmth, happiness and relaxation. He began to whisper to Lily, softly and quickly so only she could hear.
Now this, this was MY favourite passage! To see Cei accept Lily's hug and comfort so readily make me truly happy. The boy needs a feminin touch in his life... Lily will be a bright spot, I'm sure, but you better be nice to her... (since you're the writer... )
The conversation between Harry and Ginny was very creative, funny and truthful! Everything is going so well... until... it isn't! Funny how nice, easy-going conversations can turn on a dime and become arguments... life is weird. Quote:
"Don't worry, Ogranak. Have you heard of the fellytone?"
Okay, so this passage comes in as a close second! It sounds so much like Mister Weasley; I just had to laugh! He's definitely a potential to the Weasley part of the family...
Okay, last comment... a titleless chapter just won't do! So, put your thinking cap on, I'll lend you mine, and do a little brain storming...
Great work!
Katie
Last edited by MissWeasley; 06-25-2010 at 05:51 PM.
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06-26-2010, 06:39 AM
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#31 (permalink)
| Puffskein
Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Florida
Posts: 1,415
Hogwarts RPG Name: Janet Lynn Gordon Fifth Year | Werecats are people too! Reader of Fan Fictions
So! Owen I have to say that without a doubt this is my favorite chapter so far. It might even rate as good as or even better than your Prologue, which is no small accomplishment, as I consider that to be some of the most brilliant writing for a Prologue I can remember reading. I have been thinking on the part of that part where you talk how the sword was created. And I think this chapter may confirm somethings I'm wondering about. Am I correct in thinking that the sword that was created was from a great magic from within Gabrielle, the Kantauride Priestess, given to her by Goblins? (the magic) And sense the sword was made from Goblin magic this is why they think the sword belongs to them? AND, they think that Godrik Gryffindor even though he won the sword in battle, didn't have the right to keep it, that the sword wasn't the priestess's sword in the first place, even thogh she made it.
Now, next, forgive me for chopping up your story here; Quote:
took a small glass dagger and an ancient ring from a hidden pocket in his robes.
He also took out a scroll which was then carefully unrolled. Cei held the scroll in his right hand, the ring - which from a distance looked like copper - in his left hand and had placed the dagger on top of his old book like a paper weight.
Lily - "hey, look at the dagger, what does it remind you of?"
Rose - "I've no idea sorry, Lily."
"Did Binns not do South American wizard's of the medieval period with you?"
"Ooh, you mean that's a sacrificial blade?"
Could Lily be refering to the Aztec's? Quote:
Lily and Rose could have sworn he temporarily added 2 inches to his already impressive height - Cei put the scroll inside his book and picked up the dagger. Eyeing the blade with apprehension, he sliced into the palm of his left hand with enough force to cause the fingers of that hand to involuntarily twitch. Soaking the ring with his blood.
That gave me the heebie geebies Owen! But anyway! Cei is showing some very impressive magic if he can really increase his stature.
Stepping away from my thinking for a minute to say that this was totally uncalled for from Ginny! And my heart breaks for Harry! Quote:
Stung by Ginny's words, Harry remained motionless as she stepped away from him and disapparated. He fell back on to his chair, holding his head in his hands as tears began to fall.
Now we get back to my wonderings. Cei suddenly is upon the girls and he is upset, and questions them. And Lily decides to tell the truth and tells him and then hugs him. Quote:
To the surprise of both girls, Cei returned the hug, lifting Lily off her feet as his expression changed from one of grief and anger to warmth, happiness and relaxation. He began to whisper to Lily, softly and quickly so only she could hear.
His mood suddenly changed again.
"Why did you two bring Goblin's intent on destroying what's left of my family with you?"
"Goblins? What Goblins?"
Quote:
"The horde behind you." Cei. gestured with his left hand - somehow unmarked from it's encounter with the blade.
Now how did he do that? I said last time I think Cei is more powerful than we know. And the Goblins climbing him and trying to overtake him reminds me of when the giant spiders climbed all over and overtook Hagrid in the battle at Hogwarts. Quote:
She heard a final roar of defiance before her own world turned to darkness.
Oh No! Owen! What happened to Lily?!?!?
I don't know Owen, I'll have to think on this later when I have a few hours sleep. I need to start working on Cei's bloodline. This statement and his carrying around the book Excaliber, the Gems glowing on the figurines when he was close to them, and the ritual he was starting to do, has me curious. Quote:
"Why did you two bring Goblin's intent on destroying what's left of my family with you?"
Now Bill and Ogranak are in Mexico. Too much of a coincedence for my way of thinking. Of course I could be way off on my way of thinking, it is very late. The fellytone line was hilarius, and a great callback to the books. Loved it. Tremendous post Owen, and I'll be watching for your next one. If you don't want to answer my quandries you don't have to, just don't reassigin me to Britain with the tomb breakers. Hmmm although, come to think of it, may be a good place to do some research! See-ya
Last edited by Connie; 06-28-2010 at 10:05 PM.
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06-28-2010, 09:56 PM
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#32 (permalink)
| Snidget
Join Date: May 2009 Location: I don't even know
Posts: 2,545
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New Reader:
Great story so far! I can't wait until the next Chapter!
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10-06-2010, 06:23 AM
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#33 (permalink)
| Jarvey
Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Wales
Posts: 637
Hogwarts RPG Name: Ambrocinius Fifth Year | Chapter 8
A/N: 'lo to the new reader, nice to hear from you. I'll post a reply to previous comments later on when I'm feeling a bit more typey...
Teddy shuddered with disgust as he took a swig of his drink, hoping no one saw him. Not that they would be able to do anything of course; the ministry had traps in place to catch intruders and he was supposed to be alone for the next few hours. He was still nervous, however, his ears picking up every creaking floorboard and turning it into a horde of Aurors. Though what he was doing was legitimate work for a man in his position; if it reached the wrong ears it would spell disaster and destroy years of work.
Taking another sip of his drink - this time able to ignore the burning sensation at the back of his throat - he bent closer to the ancient document he had pulled from the ministry's vaults., tossing it carelessly aside when he realised it would not help him achieve his goal.
The noise as it hit the stone-flagged floor caused him to wince and take a precautionary, confidence boosting swig of his drink; a quick glance to confirm he was alone helped to calm his nerves.
About to toss the whole pile aside in frustration, ignoring an age that magic could not repair, Teddy noticed a familiar rune embedded in the wax seal of the top scroll.
Popular folklore surrounding the rune suggested the scroll was a work of Merlin. Teddy knew this was not the case - Merlin was a mythical being designed to keep the celtic wizards quiet - but it did not stop him from reverently unrolling the scroll as if expecting Merlin's voice to fill the chamber. Disappointed at the lack of tension release when he had fully unrolled the scroll, Teddy began to read it; a small smile forming and growing with every paragraph.
When he had finished reading the scroll, Teddy let caution take over again; he kept glancing over his shoulders as he grabbed more scrolls with the same seal. Slipping them into his bag, Teddy knew they needed studying in his own home. He needed to be relaxed to study them properly.
Harry finally dragged himself to bed - for three days after his argument with Ginny he had not moved from the dining room. Only a surprise visit from Hermione had caused him to move: more in instinct to the bossiness in her voice than anything else, though he had to admit he felt better as a result - the loss of three days worth of facial hair alone was almost enough to make him smile.
After a heated discussion which had brought up James - Hermione was his godmother - the Weasley temper and 'that Cei kid' - Hermione had agreed to leave after promising to check up on Ginny.
Harry leaned against the door frame, resentful of Hermione's parting hug. He felt jealous of Ron. His best friend had a wife who loved him and no children who filled him with hate.
Feeling the tears threaten to overwhelm him, Harry rushed to the bed, his nostrils suddenly filled with Ginny's scent. An image popped into his head - Ginny lying on crisp white sheets, laughing. Her long red hair framing her soft, beautiful face.
The image hit Harry like a punch to the stomach, causing him once again to stop, eyes looking for a distraction and resting on his firebolt.
Slowly, reluctantly, a smile formed as he flew. The joy of a skill not lost - a few dives, twists and near misses to prove it - of responsibilities slowly slipping away and the wind whipping through his hair. He let out a great whoop of delight.
The whoop died in his throat when he noticed Neville gesturing at him.
Lily woke with a start and promptly screamed. A noise that became louder when she realised she could not move.
The gruff, half familiar tones of an elderly madam Pomfrey did not help as her eyes struggled to get used to the gloom, nor did the tender hand that brushed hair from her forehead - unable to move; it was torture.
Slowly, she adjusted to her surroundings and another soothing voice entered her head.
'Hush princess, everything's going to be alright.'
Lily relaxed when she recognised her father's voice, allowing his hand to stroke her hair and feeling as safe as she did when curled up on his lap as a six year old. She soon drifted off to sleep.
Woken by the light streaming through the hospital wing's windows, Lily turned to the snoring figure in the chair next to her bed. She reached out, wanting to cuddle her father - he looked like he had aged in a short space of time.
A hand slightly larger than her own, but just as familiar, stopped her. 'Leave your father be, Lily, he hasn't slept for several days.' Ginny smiled down at her daughter. Harry had been asleep when she arrived and it had taken all her self control to not wake him and give him a hug.
Mouth agape, arms akimbo, untidy hair bathed in moonlight, Harry had looked peaceful for the first time in months.
Ginny turned her piercing gaze to her daughter, making Lily once again feel six years old.
'What were you doing so far from Hogsmeade?' The voice was quiet. The expression firm.
'Spying on Cei,' Lily's reply was reluctant.
Despite herself, Ginny smiled, 'Death boy? Why?'
'He looked upset. I wanted to comfort him.'
A louder than usual snore caused both Potters to look at Harry. Ginny poked him sharply in the ribs after sharing a mischievous look with Lily.
'How long have you been awake?' Ginny was half accusing, half amused.
She recoiled from an answering stare full of resentment. Her confusion was saved by Neville announcing his presence with a discreet cough, 'I just got patronused by Ron, Harry. He said something about a fellytone call from Bill.'
Without a second glance at his family, Harry bolted from the room.
'Did Ron say what the call was about, Neville?' Ginny asked, still in shock from Harry's behaviour.
'Goblins,' Neville said simply, a habit he had picked up as a teacher.
Both adults turned as Lily gasped loudly, 'Goblins attacked Rose, Cei and myself outside Hogsmeade,' a small pause as she gathered her thoughts, 'where are they?'
'Rose is in the bed next to you, there is no trace of Cei.' Neville spoke monotonously.
'If goblins attacked you, Miss Potter, why am I not dealing with injuries more commonly associated with goblin attacks?' Madam Pomfrey asked from her office.
Faced by inquiring stares and wishing Rose would wake up, Lily began to tell the tale of what had happened in Hogsmeade.
Ron was unhappy, having quoted Bill word-for-word he had been asked why he had not been at Hogwarts last night. The honest answer was the Ron hated sitting waiting for something to happen but Harry in his current mood would never accept that. He shrugged, 'you know me Harry; I can sleep through anything.'
'You're a bad liar Ron.' Harry laughed, 'Ah well, at least we know what the goblins are up to. 'Morning Teddy!'
The young wizard checked his hood was in place before extravagantly sweeping his wand and bellowing 'avada kedavra!'
The twenty captive wizards fell as one. All of them tall, long haired and in their penultimate year of schooling.
Albus found Hugo dumbly looking out the common room window, his eyes unfocussed and his thoughts deep. 'Wake up Bonehead! Can't have you going AWOL the night before a big quidditch game. Who else am I going to prank with now that Cei is dead?'
'It'll take more than a few goblins to take Cei down. He's alive, I know it,' was Hugo's obstinate reply. Albus did not like to point out that thirty goblins was "more than a few".
When Lily finished her tale, omitting only what Cei had whispered to her, she noticed the three adults were a deathly shade of white. 'What's wrong?'
'The rite of passage you described,' Neville surprised himself by answering first, 'was used only by the famous old families that joined Lord Voldemort.' Chapter 7 Chapter 9 A/N: Deepest apologies for the delay, I've been a bit too busy recently to be able concentrate on this.. That aside, I hope you like it and look forward to reading any comments.
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The ballad of Gryffindors sword 16+ Chapter 12 up!
Last edited by Derfel; 01-10-2011 at 07:17 PM.
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10-06-2010, 09:12 PM
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#34 (permalink)
| Puffskein
Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Florida
Posts: 1,415
Hogwarts RPG Name: Janet Lynn Gordon Fifth Year | Werecats are people too! Reader of Fan Fictions
Hello Owen. It's wonderful you've got us some more to read! I've been missing this story! Quote:
if it reached the wrong ears it would spell disaster and destroy years of work.
Ah! Teddy must be very cautious. Oh my goodness, the weight upon his shoulders must be heavy. Quote:
About to toss the whole pile aside in frustration, ignoring an age that magic could not repair, Teddy noticed a familiar rune embedded in the wax seal of the top scroll.
I see a quest for me! I must figure out what this Rune could be about. Let's see it's from 'an age that magic could not repair.' Hmmm ok I'll ponder on that during and after the rest of the chapter. Quote:
Popular folklore surrounding the rune suggested the scroll was a work of Merlin. Teddy knew this was not the case - Merlin was a mythical being designed to keep the celtic wizards quiet - but it did not stop him from reverently unrolling the scroll as if expecting Merlin's voice to fill the chamber. Disappointed at the lack of tension release when he had fully unrolled the scroll, Teddy began to read it; a small smile forming and growing with every paragraph.
When he had finished reading the scroll, Teddy let caution take over again; he kept glancing over his shoulders as he grabbed more scrolls with the same seal. Slipping them into his bag, Teddy knew they needed studying in his own home. He needed to be relaxed to study them properly.
OK! I need to see these scrolls also! Maybe Merlin wasn't a myth! Quote:
Harry leaned against the door frame, resentful of Hermione's parting hug.
Ah, but hugs are wonderful though. Harry needed it, and he needs to go give Ginny one. But, I think I understand Harry sulking in the kitchen. He was very hurt by Ginny. Why didn't she understand Harry anymore? How could she accuse him the way she did of something so wrong!? It seems like all his life people questioned his instincts and motives. She above all people shouldn't question his love for James. I don't think she understands how much she hurt Harry. I hope she doesn't anyway. Still, he needs to put this behind him, and go hug Ginny. He needs to re-eastablish his grip on things so he can consentrate on things at hand. Does he have any reason to think James is mixed up in this mystery going on? Does Bill have anything for him yet? He needs a clear head to work. Get things repaired between him and Ginny, then he can focus on these other pressing issues. Quote:
He felt jealous of Ron. His best friend had a wife who loved him and no children who filled him with hate.
Quote:
Feeling the tears threaten to overwhelm him, Harry rushed to the bed, his nostrils suddenly filled with Ginny's scent. An image popped into his head - Ginny lying on crisp white sheets, laughing. Her long red hair framing her soft, beautiful face.
The image hit Harry like a punch to the stomach, causing him once again to stop, eyes looking for a distraction and resting on his firebolt.
Slowly, reluctantly, a smile formed as he flew. The joy of a skill not lost - a few dives, twists and near misses to prove it - of responsibilities slowly slipping away and the wind whipping through his hair. He let out a great whoop of delight.
The whoop died in his throat when he noticed Neville gesturing at him.
But why did he need a distraction?!!??!! He was so close to resolve the problem! Quote:
'Hush princess, everything's going to be alright.'
Lily relaxed when she recognised her father's voice, allowing his hand to stroke her hair and feeling as safe as she did when curled up on his lap as a six year old. She soon drifted off to sleep.
Awe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Way sweet! I love Harry! Quote:
Harry had been asleep when she arrived and it had taken all her self control to not wake him and give him a hug.
Ginny!!!!!!!!!!! Why did she have to pick that time to practice her self control? Honestly! She should have practiced her self control when she lit in to Harry about James Quote:
When Lily finished her tale, omitting only what Cei had whispered to her, she noticed the three adults were a deathly shade of white. 'What's wrong?'
'The rite of passage you described,' Neville surprised himself by answering first, 'was used only by the famous old families that joined Lord Voldemort.' Really Owen?! Honestly, was this a kind place to leave us? I hope you can post another chapter soon. Outstanding writing Owen. I will be watching for the next e-mail notice.
Last edited by Connie; 01-11-2011 at 07:55 AM.
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10-19-2010, 08:55 PM
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#35 (permalink)
| Grindylow
Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: A World of my Own
Posts: 14,042
Hogwarts RPG Name: Tabitha Lorraine Cauldwell First Year | ♥ Gone but not forgotten ♥ ♥ S.S. Fan ♥ Willowgirl ♥
Owen!
I enjoyed this chapter alot! It kind of had a different flavour to it, which led to an intensity that I quite liked. Your story brought great colour and imagery to mind, which gave the characters a well-rounded feel.
I liked how you were able to capture Teddy's intensity and vulnerability, through the use of drink. The image was clear and very thought provoking. What I would like to know is: What mission has he been working on for ages... and the scrolls he "borrows"... are they for his own personal quest or interest? Are we going to find out that Merlin was actually a "real" person afterall? What was Teddy specifically looking for in the first place? Hm...
Now... Harry. Isn't it wonderful what a little shave will do for a man's well-being? Although, three days was definitely a more than adequate time to sulk, I think, and what's up with Harry's anger at James? Is James perhaps up to no good? Quote:
Feeling the tears threaten to overwhelm him, Harry rushed to the bed, his nostrils suddenly filled with Ginny's scent. An image popped into his head - Ginny lying on crisp white sheets, laughing. Her long red hair framing her soft, beautiful fac
I absolutely loved Harry's daydream! Those crisp, white sheets practically "snapped" in my mind... and the simple but revealing description of Ginny was well done. An excellent piece of writing, I think! What's up with Harry's jealousy of Ron and Hermione's marriage though? Are Ginny and Harry really having that many problems? I think you should clear them up quickly, if they are... poor Harry!
I had to giggle when I realized Madam Promfrey was still very much alive and kicking at Hogwarts; good for her! Again, the simple description you used to describe Lily's love for her father was well done. I definitely liked Ginny's playful poke to the ribs to awaken the sleeping Harry. It shows she still loves him, I think.
Now... the good part! What's up with Bill, "Death-Boy", Cei, and the Goblins??? I know there are some "double-agents" in this story... right, but who? I mean, I keep having to change my mind. Why did the goblins attack Cei anyway? I mean, I was sure he was a spy... and Bill? He's not a spy is he... or is he? Maybe a double agent... which leads us back to James... Maybe the "Boy Who Lived" has a rogue son...? Mwahaha... I'm so confused and have so many questions!
Okay, Owen... WHO killed the 20 captured wizards???? Was it... JAMES? or maybe Cei? Although, I really wanted Cei to be a good guy... :-( Incidentally, I'm with Hugo. There is no way that a bunch of stupid goblins could take down Cei! He's my hero! AND there's no way, he's a Dark Arts follower. There's got to be something else going on... right?
An excellent chapter, Owen. I enjoyed it very much and I'm truly looking forward to the next one! By the way... the suspense is killing me!
Katie
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12-27-2010, 07:46 PM
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#36 (permalink)
| Jarvey
Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Wales
Posts: 637
Hogwarts RPG Name: Ambrocinius Fifth Year | A/N: Once again, apologies for the delay between chapters. my professional life has been all over the place recently but i hope to change that soon.
On a happier note, i hope you enjoiy this latest installment
As always, my reply is to read to find out the answers to your questions...
CHAPTER 9: History repeating itself.
The sun, which had so recently caused Lily to wake seemed to have disappeared. A darkness so complete that lamps automatically lit themselves in the hospital wing. Even the draught that every patient had to endure had stopped.Ginny, all blood drained from her face in terror, slowly turned to Neville. "What?"
Neville's voice shook as he explained, "It's a pure blood practice designed to see if you are worthy of continuing the family line. That is to say, a test of blood purity." He turned his stern gaze to Lily, "the fact the ring changed colour suggests it was a success. Did you notice the crest on the ring, Lily?"
Lily, who had been taken aback by the look of fear in the adults, not to mention the sudden change in light, meekly shook her head. "No, P-professor. Is it important?"
"It could be, Lily, yes. Can you recall his surname?"
"No, professor. Is it important?"
"Yes, Lily, it is important to know everything you can about someone you wish to be romantically involved with." Neville continued as if he had not made one of his favourite students blush, "it is du Seneschal."
Put on edge by the darkness, both of the room and the conversation, everyhone jumped at the sound of a raven's call. It came a second after Neville had announced Cei's surname. Madam Pomfrey, a firm believer in logic, unconsciously crossed herself at the sound's third repetition.
"Should that mean something to us?" Lily snapped. the reverence in Neville's tone had annoyed her - had he not just condemned the family as death eaters?
"Yes." Neville reverted to blunt answers. His face also showing the strain of the terrifying environment. "Now, if you excuse me, Mrs Potter, I have work to do."
"But..."
"I teach, I do not provide the answers," with that, Neville left the hospital wing without a backward glance.
Exchanging exasperated looks, Ginny and Madam Pomfrey simultaneously shrugged and began separate tasks - one focussing on her patients, the other on her daughter. Neither noticed the sunlight return.
********************
"Are you sure killing them all was such a good idea?" the speaker's voice was muffled by a thick, rough woollen scarf. His eyes hidden in the shade of a hood made of the same material.
"Gaining a conscience in your dotage, old man?" the second was mocking, his tone harsh and totally lacking in remorse. "The texts demand blood. Our paymasters demand blood."
"Was one of them du Seneschal's boy?" the first voice now spiked with hurt pride. Careless of their busy surroundings - a traditional muggle pub that stank of vomit and disinfectant - it's slate flooring uneven and it's chairs a mix of pine and stained oak. Despite decades of regulations, the limewashed ceiling was still smoke stained, as if the landlord refused to give up on an almost forgotten era.
"No." the second chuckled a little at his matter-of-fact tone.
Before he could react, his partner fired a curse at him, causing blood to spill uncontrollably from his mouth. Unprotected by a scarf, his chin and robes were a deep sanguine in seconds. Realising his mistake, the elder of the two quickly knocked over the table to disguise foul play before running from the pub and disapparating a short distyance away, leaving his partner in an ever deeper pool of blood.
To the muggle regulars it went unnoticed - two strangers falling out was none of their business. That changed, however, when half a dozen child sized figures entered the pub. All in rich scarlet cloaks and wearing a ridiculous amount of jewelry. Ignoring the drinkers, who were now calling for their attention; they gathered round the fallen man and carried him out, one of their number warning the muggles not to follow them. After a few minutes, all that was left was the pool of blood, immobile on the uneven slate floor.
One of the drinkers waited a few minutes before walking outside, on the pretence of 'wanting a smoke', he whipped out a wand and contacted the ministry.
*****
Ignoring the piles of paperwork on Harry's desk, Ron leant against it and tried to calm his friend down; Fletcher had done the right thing in waiting to try to find out the identity of the scarfed wizard before contacting the ministry. "C'mon Harry, give 'Dung a break - out on the field by himself he has to play the long game. Every time. Besides, he was probably drunk and didnt want to be recognised by the, er, victim."
Harry ignored Ron's muttering to delegate an obliviator team to the site.
"What was that, Ron?"
"I said you cant blame 'Dung for the victim getting away." Ron knew better than to mention the victim's name.
"I'll take your word for it, mate. Any other news from your contacts?"
"Increased Goblin activity in Brittany, nothing to worry about though."
"Nothing in Wales?"
"Some worries about increased mist in the black mountains. Nothing unusual, though."
"Increased, probabable magic, activity is always unusual, Ron." Harry laughed, "If you're sure it's nothing, that's fine. Keep an eye though, will you?"
"Sure thing." Ron glanced at his watch, "Im supposed to be meeting Hermione for lunch, want to join us?"
"Surely, thanks." Harry held back a comment about Ron's expanding waistline, using the excuse of grabbing his coat to hide his expression.
"So, where are we eating?" Harry spoke to take his mind away from London's thick smog - it put him in mind of evil goings on in recluse mountain areas.
"Some poncy muggle restaurant, it's french." Ron sounded disapproving.
*******
After making sure her daughter was comfortable, Ginny left the castle grounds, ignoring the cheerful waves from her son and nephew, her mind was too preoccupied to notice the black sheets and empty bird cages they carried. Hermione, she thought, Hermione will be able to make sense of Neville's rambling. Checking her watch, she knew exactly where to find her friend. Chapter 8 Chapter 10
__________________
The ballad of Gryffindors sword 16+ Chapter 12 up!
Last edited by Derfel; 01-14-2011 at 12:06 PM.
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01-01-2011, 04:08 AM
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#37 (permalink)
| Puffskein
Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Florida
Posts: 1,415
Hogwarts RPG Name: Janet Lynn Gordon Fifth Year | Werecats are people too! Reader of Fan Fictions
Hello Owen. Ok, so I've read and reread this and I'll comment on some things, but, other things I need to wait to gather more information before I can make any conclusions on. First and mostly, thank you for giving us such a wonderful chapter. I love your writing and story telling abilities. Such good work! Quote:
Neville's voice shook as he explained,
Just to say, more than my voice would be shaking if I was there and that happened. Quote:
"Yes, Lily, it is important to know everything you can about someone you wish to be romantically involved with." Neville continued as if he had not made one of his favourite students blush, "it is du Seneschal."
Put on edge by the darkness, both of the room and the conversation, everyhone jumped at the sound of a raven's call. It came a second after Neville had announced Cei's surname. Madam Pomfrey, a firm believer in logic, unconsciously crossed herself at the sound's third repetition.
Neville gave Lilly a very straight forward answer, which happens to be very true, but, did he forget what it is to be young and feel embarrassed by statements like that? He seems to be on top of things here. Is he following up on something for Harry? Now, the raven's call; is it significant that it called three times? And where did the Raven come from? Hmmm, maybe Cei is an animagus! And his animal form is a raven! Don't mind me... I have periods of excitement that escapes me when I read a brilliant story like this. But I do wonder if the raven calling three times is significant.
Now.... the sir name of Cei; du Seneschal... This I need to take more time to study on. I know that Sir Lancelot's dad was of that name. And his kingdom was ruined. I know also that Cei is... well maybe I better not say anything else. I'll study on it some more. Lots of rumors and speculations, but somewhere in there is an explanation I'm sure. Quote:
"Should that mean something to us?" Lily snapped. the reverence in Neville's tone had annoyed her - had he not just condemned the family as death eaters?
I'm not sure, but I don't think he did, did he? Quote:
Exchanging exasperated looks, Ginny and Madam Pomfrey simultaneously shrugged and began separate tasks - one focussing on her patients, the other on her daughter. Neither noticed the sunlight return. Owen, I loved this sentence! It's something I can visualize happening when a scene changes in a movie. Very nice.
OK, I'm finding that I need to just tell you instead of highlighting almost all of the next setting at the pup. I keep thinking of different guys these two characters could be, but, I'm thinking we haven't met them in the story yet. Or maybe they are two of the wizards that were at the meeting from the beginning of the story. I'll have to ponder on this for a bit. At first I wondered if the younger one might be Teddy or James, but, I'm thinking not. Especially sense the younger one got killed. But I also get the feeling that this younger one is fond of Cei in one way or another. (family or a friend?) Quote:
Fletcher had done the right thing in waiting to try to find out the identity of the scarfed wizard before contacting the ministry. "C'mon Harry, give 'Dung a break - out on the field by himself he has to play the long game. Every time. Besides, he was probably drunk and didn't want to be recognised by the, er, victim."
Dung was one of the "muggles" hanging around drunk? And he was undercover? I don't see it the way Ron is seeing it. I think Dung is a suspicious guy. And I don't know why Harry is trusting him. (or maybe he's not. ) What's up with Ron anyway? Quote:
"I said you cant blame 'Dung for the victim getting away." Ron knew better than to mention the victim's name.
RON! It would have helped me so much if you had been just a little brave to mention the name of the victum!
Owen, this part concerns me. I asked earlier, what's up with Ron? Quote:
Any other news from your contacts?"
"Increased Goblin activity in Brittany, nothing to worry about though."
"Nothing in Wales?"
"Some worries about increased mist in the black mountains. Nothing unusual, though."
"Increased, probabable magic, activity is always unusual, Ron." Harry laughed, "If you're sure it's nothing, that's fine. Keep an eye though, will you?"
"Sure thing." Ron glanced at his watch, "Im supposed to be meeting Hermione for lunch, want to join us?"
"Surely, thanks." Harry held back a comment about Ron's expanding waistline, using the excuse of grabbing his coat to hide his expression. Ron seems to be getting complacent,... or mercy! worse... not carring, maybe thinking Harry's chasing ghosts or something. I don't know. Or maybe he's tired of fighting and getting through just by the hair on their chin... He doesn't seem like a very good right hand man at the moment. And he's not taking very good care of himself what with the expanding waistline. Anyway, Owen, you really did a great job on this installment. I can't wait to read more. I might need to bug you on details about Cei's bloodline. (if that's ok) Don't worry, I won't try and get any information about the plot or anything.
Happy New Year Owen. I hope your New Year is everything wonderful. I'll be watching for your next chapter.
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01-10-2011, 07:23 PM
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#38 (permalink)
| Grindylow
Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: A World of my Own
Posts: 14,042
Hogwarts RPG Name: Tabitha Lorraine Cauldwell First Year | ♥ Gone but not forgotten ♥ ♥ S.S. Fan ♥ Willowgirl ♥
Owen...
Wow!!! For one of your shorter chapters, it was well worth the read. You had an awful lot of information in there for us to digest.
Okay, so, the first paragraph was so dark, very intriguing, almost hypnotic! Very well-done. I loved how you used Lily's answers to Neville's questions to draw the reader in. It was one of my favourite parts. I don't think I'm liking Nevile much though; he sure has changed from the Neville of old, and how does he know about Lily and Cei? I mean, I don't even think Lily and Cei know what's going on yet! He's become quite a 'know-it-all' in his old age!
The use of the blood-draw has now been made a lot clearer in Chapter nine. I like how it has completed an idea, concerning the test of a 'pure-blood', but you have only succeeded in drawing me even farther into your plot and causes many more questions. Could it be that Cei cried out, not in pain, but because it has now been proven that he could be a death-eater if he so choses?
Okay... paragraph two... WOW! It brings nothing but questions to mind for me. I was enchanted by it. So, you did answer one of my questions, I think. Cei is still ALIVE! Right? So, it was Mundungus who was watching from the bar, right? I do dislike that sleezy man, with a passion! A typical rat! Hmm... it was goblins that came in and took the injured man away, right? I mean, although you called him a man, could it be a goblin that was injured and/or bled to death? And who, I'm wondering, was the older man that said the curse? For that matter, who was the younger man? Was it the infamous 'Septum Sempra' curse... just wondering... Nothing but questions here, Owen. Well done.
Next... why was Harry so mad at Mundungus? I mean, if it was me, I'd want to know who the heck those two mystery men were. I need to know who the tricky older man was that tricked the younger smart alec!
I loved the use of 'poncy' to describe the french restaurant! lol. For 'poncy' and 'frou-frou' it may be, but mighty delicious as well. Great use of humour there. I also loved the mention of Ron's 'expanding waist-line. I guess Hermione must be a pretty good cook or Ron is getting lazy in his old age OR does Ron finally have enough money that he is able to go out to fancy restaurants regularily!
And lastly... what's up with the black sheets and empty bird cages? Are they from the crows we heard 'cawing' at the beginning of the chapter? Did they die? Does it signify death for three people as well? AND why the religious aspect in paragraph one? The sign of the cross? Grrr... more questions Owen!
A great chapter, Owen. I'm really looking forward to the next one. There are just too many unanswered questions, and the suspense you've created is fantastic! Keep it up!
Katie
Last edited by MissWeasley; 01-10-2011 at 08:42 PM.
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01-10-2011, 07:34 PM
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#39 (permalink)
| Jarvey
Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Wales
Posts: 637
Hogwarts RPG Name: Ambrocinius Fifth Year |
About time i responded to comments about chapters 7 and 8 Quote:
So, what I would like to know is, Did Cei actually know that he was being followed by the girls? Was it his secret desire for them to know what he was up to, or was he kind of showing-off? Just curious...
He didn't know.. Quote:
Okay, so I had to cut and paste a little, but this whole passage was great. Is Cei crying because of the circumstances at hand or because of the pain he is about to incur? The description of Cei before the 'blood draw' was very well thought out and real.
Quote:
Now how did he do that? I said last time I think Cei is more powerful than we know. And the Goblins climbing him and trying to overtake him reminds me of when the giant spiders climbed all over and overtook Hagrid in the battle at Hogwarts.
I hope Neville's description of the ritual helped answer this. Quote:
Ah, but hugs are wonderful though. Harry needed it, and he needs to go give Ginny one. But, I think I understand Harry sulking in the kitchen. He was very hurt by Ginny. Why didn't she understand Harry anymore? How could she accuse him the way she did of something so wrong!?
She's just frustrated by his apparant lack of conviction in looking for her firstborn child. Quote:
Ginny!!!!!!!!!!! Why did she have to pick that time to practice her self control? Honestly! She should have practiced her self control when she lit in to Harry about James
I have no idea to be honest, I think she didn't want to disturb him, however. Quote:
liked how you were able to capture Teddy's intensity and vulnerability, through the use of drink. The image was clear and very thought provoking. What I would like to know is: What mission has he been working on for ages... and the scrolls he "borrows"... are they for his own personal quest or interest? Are we going to find out that Merlin was actually a "real" person afterall? What was Teddy specifically looking for in the first place? Hm...
His mission will become clear soon enough......
__________________
The ballad of Gryffindors sword 16+ Chapter 12 up!
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01-10-2011, 09:01 PM
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#40 (permalink)
| Jarvey
Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Wales
Posts: 637
Hogwarts RPG Name: Ambrocinius Fifth Year |
Chapter 10: Blood is thicker than water
The exterior was Edwardian in appearance, masking a thoroughly modern interior; itself a throwback to the age of jazz. Luxurious carpets and gold edged chaise-longues dominated the interior of the hotel. An elaborate ceiling of gold, blues and greens surrounding a central chandelier welcomed the gaze of anyone willing to look up, beyond a marble staircase that screamed wealth more than any other part of the foyer.
Ron feeling distinctly out of place in somewhere so obviously wealthy, quickly made his excuses and left before even looking at the menu, leaving Harry and Hermione to greet a surprised Ginny.
"Why are you two eating here? A bit expensive for lunch between friends is it not?" Ginny's cheeks were flushed from the effort of climbing the staircase - it's polished surface had played merry hell with her stilletto heels - her friends, however, thought the redness was a symptom of increasing anger. Harry recovered his shock first. "I was invited here by Ron, actually. You've just missed him." Harry looked careworn again, as if his peaceful, content sleep the previous night was a very distant memory.
Ginny looked at Hermione, taking in an expensive red dress that showed off her currves. Something, Ginny believed, Ron would never have given to her or appreciated. "Ron, hmm?" Without giving them a further chance to explain, Ginny quickly turned and left the resgtauarnt, the clack of her heels on marble echoing throughout the building.
Hermione gave Harry an apologetic glance before setting off after her friend, leaving him to deal with 3 disapproving waiters, sighing, he reached for the wine list and asked for the specials board.
****
Kurzog groaned when the injured wizard was brought to his attention. There were rumours the man was behind the end of a distinguished wizard family. Unfortunately, the man claimed to have influence over the ministry and, as a result, was Krull's favourite pet. He needed to be kept alive.
"Get me Griphook!"
*****
Recovering from his envy in the restauant, Ron had headed over to Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes and asked George for a couple of weeks off. A request that had been approved without any hesitation, "Rediscover yourself, Ron. You're no fun anymore."
Within seconds, he found himself in the Black mountains. Following a trail of bones that, to him, stank of black magic. The look of decay was well established here; moss covered stone walls, grass not much different to the moss in length or density, overgrown gorse, horses with matted coats, any metal covered liberally in rust and any building long collapsed. But it was the errant skulls that told him something bad had happened. Looking at the few remaining animals in the area, Ron guessed they were from sheep. The sight of one, fire blackened and missing its jawbone persuaded him to continue with his wand held outwards.
Strangely, the mist began to thin the further he followed what appeared to be a farm track. It twisted and turned up one of the mountains, teasing any users that what they searched for lay around the next bend. Ron was convinced he could hear laughter in the wind; increasingly cruel and mocking with every passing minute. Surrounded by mist, miserable from the cold - his cloak was drawn tight around his neck and ears - desperate for protection from the persistent drizzle, he could not help but be reminded of being hunted by death eaters more than twenty years ago.
Finally, he stumbled across the ruins of a castle, like everything else in the area it looked as if it had been decaying for centuries, but Ron sensed a large amount of magic had been performed there recently. A brief exploration of the outskirts all but confirmed his theory. The castle was far too big to have played host to muggles - they would never have placed much value on a place like this.
Ron shivered, fearing he was being watched. Taking a deep breath, he tried to remember what Hermione had told him about castles, began looking for the main gatehouse, knowing it would reveal a lot about the history of the castle, if it was good condition that is.
Despite their obvious age and decay, the grey stones were still oppressive in the thick mist. as if they themselves were alive. Ron worked his way round them until he found the gatehouse. Ignoring the uneven ground caused by extensive tree roots, he sank to his knees and began some incantations to make faded details above where the gate should have been clearer.
He froze as one of the first things to become clear was a serpent's head.
********
Griphook sighed as Kurzog questioned him. The Head Goblin no longer held any sense of fear for him, only Krull was worth following in these times where strong, uncompromising leadership was needed.
Seeing this, Kurzog changed tack, taking his ceremonial axe moving with blinding speed and burying itself in Griphook's neck, bellowing rage all the while. Any Goblin that had not bowed low at the first sign of Kurzog's temper flattened themselves when Griphook's blood covered them.
"Is there anyone here who challenges my right to rule?" Kurzog's bloodlust was up now, he needed a bloodletting to slake his thirst. He dominated the room, bellowing challenges at random goblins, killing any that held his gaze too long.
"I am your KING!" He bellowed the statement a final time before dragging his personal shaman from his throne room.
The remaining goblins breathed a collective sigh of relief before realising that the usually immobile gold and ruby decorated goblins around the edge of the room were slowly moving towards them, their own axes swinging in unison and sparking panic. Every unarmed gboblin fled towards the exit, each thinking their leader was spending too much time consulting the gods of battle.
******
Rose, having missed the excitement of the morning, had slipped into Lily's bed and pestered her cousin about the conversation and was now leaning out the hospital wing window cheering on the Gryffindor quidditch team. If they won the game, Gryffindor would lead the house championship over the christmas break.
In the stands, even Hugo was being cheered up by his team's performance, forgetting about Cei with every successful pass and over-aggressive bludger contact. He did not notice Scorpius until the slytherin was right behind him, idly kicking his head. "So, Hugo, now your bodyguard has gone, who's going to stop me from punishing you for all your pranks this year?" His tone was cold, making everyone who heard him sure he wasn't bluffing.
*****
"Who dares enter the house of Seneschal?" the serpent head demanded. It was surrounded by a green aura, it's lifeless black eyes rooting Ron to the spot in fear, he did not see the roots reacting to another force, forming a rough trap door underneath him.
"ANSWER ME!" the shout led to the trap door opening, causing Ron to disappear from ground level, starting an uncontrollable slide along a passage of roughly dressed stones, dirt and tree roots that clawed and tore at his clothes and skin. Above him, the sky had become a mix of black and purple before the trap door sealed itself.
His sense of direction disorientated, Ron was sure he'd seen a hooded figure look at him just before the trap door shut, now all he could think of was the chamber of secrets and how the passage seemed like the coiled insides of a snake.
Hitting the ground with a thump he lay still for a few moments trying to catch his breath and make sense of everything he'd seen so far. It all pointed to the Seneschals, whoever they were, being dark wizards.
As his senses returned, Ron realised that, despite now being in the premises, it was almost in as bad a condition as the exterior - he noted he had fallen into a rusty iron cell - the door was on the floor, long abandoned. Ancient papers littered the dimly lit passage, itself another collection of dirt, tree roots and badly dressed stones. How could anyone have lived here?
Tentatively moving forward, into the passageway, Ron paused when he heard the mocking laughter that had plagued him earlier. Wiping his forehead - unsure if it was sweat or rain he wiped off - he set off again, treading softly and careful with every placed foot.
***
Albus watched the game from the top of the astronomy tower, hoping Gryffindor would win so he could show off some custom-made Weasley fireworks. His eyes straining not to miss any of the action. He wished Cei was there - the sixth year had had an impeccable sense of timing. Alas, he was gone, killed by an errant goblin horde. Albus sighed, looking forward to the forthcoming winter break.
Blinking, Albus swore when he realised the match was over, his refreshed eyes scanning the crowd, trying to find the winners. Satisfied, he set the fireworks off and ducked from the skyline.
Much to his surprise, the firework started as a flaming dragon, diving down toward the main student body before exploding above the heads of the other students, it became a lion toying with a snake before finally exploding into a series of letter;
"HA HA. Stupid Slytherins still can't win." Chapter 9 Chapter 11
__________________
The ballad of Gryffindors sword 16+ Chapter 12 up!
Last edited by Derfel; 01-26-2012 at 02:23 AM.
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01-12-2011, 09:02 AM
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#41 (permalink)
| Puffskein
Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Florida
Posts: 1,415
Hogwarts RPG Name: Janet Lynn Gordon Fifth Year | Werecats are people too! Reader of Fan Fictions
Hello Owen. What a nice surprise that you posted so soon. I'm very thankful you did too. Thank you for your replies also, that was another nice surprise. Now to the story. As it is very late, I won't be able to make this long at all. I will say that I truly love this post. I'm not sure where you're going with Hermione changing so much, and Ginny getting so jealous. But, I'll go with the flow of it for a while. I know Ginny is overwhelmed with Lilly being in the hospital, and James being gone, and thinking Harry isn't doing all he can do to find James, but still, I'd want to be closer to my husband for comfort and strength than alienating myself from him. Anyway, we'll see what becomes of that situation as we go along. Just remember when you read what I have to say that Harry is my favorite character, and that's why it's hard for me to think of him as having any fault or wrong doing. NOW..... Quote:
Kurzog groaned when the injured wizard was brought to his attention. There were rumours the man was behind the end of a distinguished wizard family. Unfortunately, the man claimed to have influence over the ministry and, as a result, was Krull's favourite pet. He needed to be kept alive.
This is such a mystery to me. For some reason, Draco keeps coming to mind. I think on it, then dismiss the idea that it isn't him, but then he comes back to mind. I'll keep thinking on it then.
Onto my favorite part of the post: Quote:
Within seconds, he found himself in the Black mountains. Following a trail of bones that, to him, stank of black magic. <---> Ignoring the uneven ground caused by extensive tree roots, he sank to his knees and began some incantations to make faded details above where the gate should have been clearer.
He froze as one of the first things to become clear was a serpent's head. Forgive me for chopping up your story, but, I don't feel like I need to paste the whole paragraph to say it was my favorite part. That being said, I'll get to why I love it so much. I've been thinking on Cei, and his bloodline as I told you I would. And I'm thinking that this castle in ruins belongs to Cei of the Knights of The Round Table, and that our present day Cei is a direct descendant of the same Cei of King Arthur's Court. Which happens to bring up an interesting conundrum for me to figure out. The ancient Cei was obviously a dark wizard, according to the powers he was rumored to have. Although no accounts I've ever read claim him as being a wizard. But, if he was a dark wizard, how did our modern day Cei become a Gryffindor? I don't think the Hat chooses the House one is to be put in by lineage, but rather what is in the heart of the student being placed. So, although Cei comes from,(unless I'm wrong on this) the old Cei, and he is wanting to establish his bloodline again, I still don't think he is evil. And plus, we don't even know if he is still alive. All I can say to that is, I think he is.
Moving on... Quote:
Seeing this, Kurzog changed tack, taking his ceremonial axe moving with blinding speed and burying itself in Griphook's neck, bellowing rage all the while.
This was very unexpected! I can't believe you killed off Griphook! Now what will Harry do without his right-hand double agent man?! Kurzog is just as power lusting as the wizards who become Ministers of Magic. Most of them anyway.
Next... Quote:
Tentatively moving forward, into the passageway, Ron paused when he heard the mocking laughter that had plagued him earlier. Wiping his forehead - unsure if it was sweat or rain he wiped off - he set off again, treading softly and careful with every placed foot.
This worries me. It's as if Ron knows what or who is up ahead. Is he meeting up with someone, or is he following a lead of Harry's. Harry did tell him to be watchful of the place. (I'm not saying the castle, rather the place the castle is at though.) Who will he meet up with either way? I'm wondering is it Goblins, and the ghost of Cei. (although, I don't know that he would have become a ghost.) Will it be Goblins and the wizards that were in the meeting that claimed to know a way to overthrow the wizarding government and put Goblins and the dark wizards in control again.(Something like that anyway)Will Teddy be on the same conclusions as Ron, and bring Harry to the same place, and maybe end up saving Ron, Cei, (I'm hoping that this is where he was brought) and James. I think James has been trying to find the ruins that the crazy Goblin was trying to find. Will the sword of Gryffindor come to him? These are the thoughts that are in my head. Maybe way out there but, your story takes me to over imagining these things.
I can't wait to read your next post.
And lastly these two things. What is Scorpius planning for Hugo? And will this Quote:
"HA HA. Stupid Slytherins still can't win."
go over well with the teaching staff? Odd though that Albus was surprised at them also. Wasn't it what he was expecting?
Super post Owen. I can't wait for your next chapter.
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01-18-2011, 09:27 PM
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#42 (permalink)
| Grindylow
Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: A World of my Own
Posts: 14,042
Hogwarts RPG Name: Tabitha Lorraine Cauldwell First Year | ♥ Gone but not forgotten ♥ ♥ S.S. Fan ♥ Willowgirl ♥
Owen!
Great work! I had to laugh when I read the description of the hotel. The first thing I said to myself was, "Wow, a beautiful place to visit for its historical appearance and story, but I'd never eat there!" Then, I wondered why on earth Ron suggested it; truly above his station, I think. Then, the answer... Hermione. Ron would do almost anything to please her. When he turned around and left, I thought, now, that's the Ronald Weasley I remember! What I'm wondering is why did Harry stay? I mean, if it was me, I'd have been right behind Ginny.
Which leads me to my next question. What on earth was Ron doing, alone, without his faithful side-kick, Harry Potter, wandering in the Black mountains? I mean, when has he ever had the ambition or gumption to explore on his own? This is where he chose to vacation? I really enjoyed the description of the castle and surrounding area, it created the perfect atmosphere for the story. I also liked the fact that Ron had to once again draw upon Hermione's vast knowledge even though she wasn't there.
Next question? Will we ever find out who the hurt wizard was? Do we/are we supposed to know yet? When has it ever been important to keep a person alive, even if he is privy to a bit of information... it reminded me of the deatheaters when they went on and on about keeping Harry Potter alive at all costs for Voldemort to kill. Another question? Why call for Griphook? He's a banker not a doctor or a healer... just wondered. I loved Kurzogs burst of excessive rage by the way... guess Griphook wasn't much help after all!
Okay, two questions come to mind... who was the figure Ron thought he saw outside of Senechal castle and who was the owner of the mocking laughter inside, or were they one in the same? Okay, so three questions there. Ooops!
Grrr... that Scorpius is just as weak and sneaky as his daddy. Always kicking a person when they weren't looking. I'm so glad Gryffindor won against Slytherin! I wish I could've seen their faces! I guess the firework must've been a surprise from George to Albus? Given on the condition that he only let it off if Gryffindor won?
One last question? When will everyone finally figure out that Cei is still alive? He is still alive after all, right?
Once again Owen, another exciting chapter. I look forward to your next post, hoping to find more questions and answers!
Katie
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03-01-2011, 05:31 PM
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#43 (permalink)
| Jarvey
Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Wales
Posts: 637
Hogwarts RPG Name: Ambrocinius Fifth Year | Chapter 11
Scorpius screamed when the dragon stage of the firework swooped towards the crowds, soiling himself in the process and allowing Hugo to escape. The gryffindor grabbed the opportuinty with both hands and sprinted through the motionless crowd, not stopping until he reached his common room. His nose was sore and in need of attention but he ignored it to write a letter to his dad; asking for advice.
Albus took a moment to come to his senses and retreat from the roof. He had only asked for a lion and snake in combat. Uncle George was going to get ignored over the holiday, Albus decided. Lost in thoughts about christmas, Albus forgot he was still well above ground level and slipped; his arms flailing as he fought to regain balance and tried to find something to grab on to. A half-demolished gargoyle was several metres away but he was desperate to avoid it. Too late he realised he could not miss it, his eyes closed in anticipation of the collision but he could not prevent the agonised scream as his exposed groin hit the gargoyle, stopping his descent completely. Deep breaths to fill his suddenly empty lungs felt like a losing battle as he tried to ignore the pain. His wide eyes threatening to spill tears as he slowly recovered from the shock of impact.
After several agonising minutes he resumed his journey, careful to keep his steps to an absolute minimum after a few experimental steps had shot lances of pain through his groin.
Hermione caught up with Ginny just before the younger witch entered the Leaky Cauldron, "Ginny, honestly, Ron was there. I didn't even know Harry was coming until he turned up. Though I'm not sure which of the pair wanted to reach the table first; they both looked uncomfortable." Ginny looked at Hermione for the first time since leaving the restaurant, her friend had sounded so earnest that Ginny could not help but believe her.
"Why that dress though?" Ginny could not believe Ron woud ever have bought it.
"Ron and I were planning to have a long, romantic weekend. Starting with lunch today, the dress was a treat for him."
A flicker of pain crossed Ginny's face and she felt an overwhelming need to be with Harry. Guessing what Ginny was thinking, Hermione wrapped her arms around the smaller woman, comforting as Ginny broke down. Guiding Ginny into the pub, Hermione offered a sympathic ear as Ginny began to complain about the past few days and how what James had done was tearing the family apart.
A refreshed and well fed Harry returned to his office to find chaos - reports of mass goblin sightings near Glastonbury, a memo detailling the deaths of twenty missing wizards and the department of mysteries wanted to know if Harry had seen Teddy Lupin in the last couple of days.
Sighing, he sent his last obliviator team to Glastonbury and began reading the file attached to the memo, his face frowning ever deeper with every passing detail. It certainly explained why there was no trace of 'death boy' near Hogsmeade.
The blue sky in his offfice window was not helping his mood - it represented a cheerfulness he had not felt for a while. Grabbing his wand, Harry conjured a dark blue blanket to cover the window, plunging the room into darkness. Only the muted glow of the automatically lit torch at the far end of his office provided the light he now read in.
Madam Pomfrey was as uncompromising as ever in her final check up of her charges, eyeing the two girls suspiciously as if determined to prove they were faking their good health. She eventually let Lily and Rose return to the common room to join in with the Gryffindor celebrations.
The two girls thanked her and set off at a run, eager to celebrate with Albus and Hugo before leaving the school the following morning.
"Ah, Miss Weasley, glad I caught you. Your brother is upset about something." The fat lady remarked as they neared the portrait.
"Probably missing Cei, ma'am," Rose could not think of any other reason.
"Ah, yes, a pity about him. I knew his Great-great-great-great-great-great Grandfather." Her eyes glistened (Glistened? Lily was sure she was seeing things) as she remembered Cei's ancestor. "Such a wonderful man. Very much unlike his latest descendant"
Before the fat lady could talk about a dead aquaintence in more detail, Rose blurted the password, (hinkypuff) and ran into the common room before the hole was completely revealed. Lily followed at a slower pace, making sure to close the hole behind her.
Both girls greeted their housemates with enthusiasm, relishing in the win and being out of the hospital wing. They did not notice Hugo or Albus' absence at all as they were plied with butterbeer, gossip and the attentions of several boys.
Having started his letter, Hugo was distracted by the sight of a few centaurs on the edge of the forbidden forrest -it had only been brief, but it had reminded him that he had never seen a female centaur before. He began to sketch what he imagined they would look like - adding progressively softer features to the face of a male centaur before moving down; slim graceful shoulders and. Hugo started as if coming out of an intense daydream; guiltily checking his surrounds iin case someone was watching him - in his teenage mind, he pictured them with bare breasts but did not want to draw them in case the parchment fell into the wrong hands - he would be teased mercilessly. Perhaps the subject of female centaurs was better discussed with his mother. On reflection, he thought, maybe Aunt Ginny would be easier to talk to about it - he did not want to discuss something with his mother that could also have embarrassing consequences. Hugo stuffed the parchment into his trunk and went to bed, struggling to ignore the weird thoughts circulating his head.
The young wizard blinked as light returned to his eyes, he felt like he had slept comtinuously for more than forty eight hours, his limbs were stiff and the growl from his stomach was deafening. Before he could get up, a hand appeared above him and dropped the familiar blood red cloak on to him.
"Are you aware that your little stunt nearly exposed our operation?" the unmistakeable tone was Shaman Krull, "go back to the boy's house. There must be more information about the sword there."
The older wizard hauled him to his feet, "you are lucky the goblins were nearby. I would have happily let you bleed to death. Come on!" The last command was reinforced by an abrupt push, causing the younger wizard to stumble, ripping his robes across his knees before he was forced into side-along apparition.
Several hours had passed since Harry had reduced the amount of light in his office, he had begun to doze off when the ethereal form of Hermione's patronus interrupted his thoughts, he'd been dreaming of Ginny and unaware of the smile that crossed his face when Hermione's message arrived. "Go home, Harry, and show your wife what she means to you."
Like a lovestruck teenager, Harry dropped everything and sprinted out of the office; Hermione's message telling him that Ginny was not mad at him anymore.
Bouncing through his front door, Harry remained unaware of Ginny's presence until he noticed the smell coming from the kitchen - his favourite meal was being cooked. Silently, he crept into the kitchen, a bouquet of roses in each hand. still silent, he wrapped his arms around his wife and kissed the top of her head, whispering "I love you" as he held her.
Ginny took a deep breath taking in the smell of the roses and her man. revelling in being back 'where she belonged.' How could she ever have doubted him?
Breaking apart after an eternity, they apologised, giggling as they talked over each other.*Ginny conjured some vases for the roses, setting them down on the kitchen worktop before pulling Harry into another embrace and kissing him fiercely.
An hour later, the dinner was a forgotten, burnt mess. Harry and Ginny were snuggling in bed, enjoying their reunion, neither looking foward to the morning and having to get the house ready for four teenagers.
After comforting Ginny and sending her home, Hermione finished her drink and apparated to her own house, running to the bedroom in the expectation Ron had decorated it in such a way as to make up for skipping lunch. Annoyed at his absence, Hermione ran herself a hot bath, lighting lavender-scented candles and putting Greig's Peer Gynt on at a non-intrusive volume, she settled down with a book hovering out of reach from splashes. The text concerned the cause and effects of Goblin Rebellions.
Ron involuntarily shivered, the dark surroundings and overwhelming sense of evil he felt from them was beginning to crush his spirit. Every few feet he could make out the features of serpent-esque carvings, there was something different to the ones he had seen in the Chamber of secrets but he did not want to risk increasing the chances of being detected - he felt like he was being followed but could not tell where the stalker was, if there was one. He could not even summon the will to examine the broken pottery and scroll fragments that littered the floor
Ahead, a torch with a green flame lit the entrance to a stairwell. The shadows of the serpents near it seemed to come alive as the flame moved. The laughter had long gone, replaced by murmuring voices that were always close but too far away to understand.
Ron stumbled on a cracked flagstone and before he could stop himself, swore loudly. Before he could recover from the shock of hearing his own voice, wind assaulted his senses and he saw two robed, hooded figures in front of him. One, more comfortable in the eerie surroundings than the other, quickly bound Ron and hauled him from the floor, the conjured ropes hanging him from the ceiling and cutting into his skin.
"Hello, Uncle." Chapter 10 Chapter 12
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The ballad of Gryffindors sword 16+ Chapter 12 up!
Last edited by Derfel; 01-26-2012 at 02:25 AM.
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03-10-2011, 06:16 PM
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#44 (permalink)
| Puffskein
Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Florida
Posts: 1,415
Hogwarts RPG Name: Janet Lynn Gordon Fifth Year | Werecats are people too! Reader of Fan Fictions
Hello Owen. I do so much love this chapter. You did exceptional quality writing especially with the conversation between Ginny and Hermione. I'm sooooo relieved Hermione isn't having some mid life crises the way she was dressing and the place she chose to eat. It all makes sense now that we know what her plans were. I can imagine her shock when Harry comes strolling along with Ron. Anyway, Ron shouldn't have left. It looks like they had a great week-end planned.
Poor Hugo. It doesn't look like he'll be getting a response back from his dad anytime soon.
Albus is in a world of hurt. I hope he's ok. It sounds like he needs to get to the hospital wing on a stretcher. Quote:
Sighing, he sent his last obliviator team to Glastonbury and began reading the file attached to the memo, his face frowning ever deeper with every passing detail. It certainly explained why there was no trace of 'death boy' near Hogsmeade.
I'd love to be reading that file attachment over Harry's shoulder. I'd need more light though. But, I am ever so curious as to what it says. Something helpful to Harry I hope.
It's good the girls are released from the hospital Wing. And I would loved to have heard more from the fat lady about Cei's descendants. But, of course Rose wouldn't be interested in that. I bet Lily would have listened to more before she went into the common room.
Hugo was adorable with his thoughts and drawing of the Centaurs. I wonder why there aren't any woman centaurs in JK's story.
Loved loved loved the message Hermione sent Harry. The perfect thing to say. And you wrote this wonderfully, Quote:
he'd been dreaming of Ginny and unaware of the smile that crossed his face when Hermione's message arrived. "Go home, Harry, and show your wife what she means to you."
Like a lovestruck teenager, Harry dropped everything and sprinted out of the office; Hermione's message telling him that Ginny was not mad at him anymore.
Bouncing through his front door, Harry remained unaware of Ginny's presence until he noticed the smell coming from the kitchen - his favourite meal was being cooked. Silently, he crept into the kitchen, a bouquet of roses in each hand. still silent, he wrapped his arms around his wife and kissed the top of her head, whispering "I love you" as he held her.
Ginny took a deep breath taking in the smell of the roses and her man. revelling in being back 'where she belonged.' How could she ever have doubted him?
Breaking apart after an eternity, they apologised, giggling as they talked over each other. Ginny conjured some vases for the roses, setting them down on the kitchen worktop before pulling Harry into another embrace and kissing him fiercely.
An hour later, the dinner was a forgotten, burnt mess. Harry and Ginny were snuggling in bed, enjoying their reunion, neither looking foward to the morning and having to get the house ready for four teenagers. Makes my heart sing!
Poor Hermione, waiting for her husband and he won't be returning anytime soon it appears. My heart goes out to her. Quote:
Ron involuntarily shivered, the dark surroundings and overwhelming sense of evil he felt from them was beginning to crush his spirit. Every few feet he could make out the features of serpent-esque carvings, there was something different to the ones he had seen in the Chamber of secrets but he did not want to risk increasing the chances of being detected - he felt like he was being followed but could not tell where the stalker was, if there was one. He could not even summon the will to examine the broken pottery and scroll fragments that littered the floor
Ahead, a torch with a green flame lit the entrance to a stairwell. The shadows of the serpents near it seemed to come alive as the flame moved. The laughter had long gone, replaced by murmuring voices that were always close but too far away to understand.
Ron stumbled on a cracked flagstone and before he could stop himself, swore loudly. Before he could recover from the shock of hearing his own voice, wind assaulted his senses and he saw two robed, hooded figures in front of him. One, more comfortable in the eerie surroundings than the other, quickly bound Ron and hauled him from the floor, the conjured ropes hanging him from the ceiling and cutting into his skin.
This you wrote brilliantly. I was able to see completely with every step Ron took. I actually was telling him to be careful walking over the pottery that was scattered on the floor. But, alas, he couldn't hear me. I was soooooo afraid of this.
Tremendous chapter Owen. I loved it so much. I'll be watching for your next post.
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03-11-2011, 05:14 PM
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#45 (permalink)
| Grindylow
Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: A World of my Own
Posts: 14,042
Hogwarts RPG Name: Tabitha Lorraine Cauldwell First Year | ♥ Gone but not forgotten ♥ ♥ S.S. Fan ♥ Willowgirl ♥
Owen!!!
Another great chapter!
So, let's begin with the important stuff... Scorpius soiled himself??? I'm thinking this is wishful thinking and unrealistic enjoyment on both of our parts, my friend! Next... poor, poor Albus! How dare that gargoyle have the nerve to be in that place at that time! I guess that will teach Albus to keep his mind on the matters at hand... I bet he gives Uncle George a piece of his mind for the rogue firework! lol. A great piece of comic relief, Owen! I don't think Albus will be running any races in the near future!
Now... what on earth was Ginny thinking when she thought Harry was at the restaurant to meet up with Hermione? I mean, she must know that Harry would never have feelings for Hermione... They're just the best of mates; and besides, Hermione only has eyes for Ron... go figure! Mind you, I'm still having a hard time wrapping my brain arouind the idea that Ron was planning a romantic retreat with Hermione. I'm thinking it was at Hermone's urging and planning? Let's face it, when it comes to romance, Ron isn't the sharpest tool in the shed. What really irked me, in this and the last chapter, was the fact that Harry actually stayed and ate, alone, at the restaurant... Grrr! For this reason, I'm glad you had Harry so irritated by the incoming sunlight in his office. He deserved it! I think I'd have added a rainbow as well!
Alright then, onto the kids... I'm thinking, for my sake, that you should have let the Fat Lady rattle on just a wee bit longer. It might have just shed a little light on the 'Cei' mystery. As for Hugo and the female centaurs, I'm thinking there are never any females mentioned in literatue, because then the subject of certain body parts would come into question... I loved the way you handled Hugo and his drawing. It was very lovingly and tastefully done. I can just see the red creeping up Hugo's face at the mere thought of his drawings being seen by his peers, especially with his red hair. And you are right... Hugo would definitely be better off asking his Aunt Ginny about females of any sort! Hermione seems a little too tightly strung and clinical to me.
Now for the greatest mystery! Who is the young wizard that has yet to be reveiled to us? I'm thinking it is either James or Cei. I have yet to fully figure this out. Just when I make a final decision you throw in a new detail that causes we to change my mind! Due to the ever present red cloak, I'm now thinking Cei is the younger wizard... I think, but then, whose house is the Shaman asking him to go to? Albus' maybe? I guess we shall see in due time?
Thank you for the romantic passage between Ginny and Harry. It was very nicely written and thoughtful rather than profane. I could just imagine the roses, giggles and passion... I had to laugh at the idea of the burning and forgotten food though, very intense. I wonder if the roses were powerful enough to disguise the overwhelming smell of burnt, shall I venture to guess... chicken? I also enjoyed the way you incorporated the idea of romance in Hermione's homecoming as well. A solidary evening filled with warm, lilac-filled water and a bit of non-fiction... very appropriate, I think.
And finally, we return to Ron, his clumsiness, and ability to string a few good words together when angered. Here in lies yet another mystery! Who are the two people who join him? Well... seeing as the one 'boy' called Ron, 'Uncle', I'm thinking it's James. Mind you, it could also be Teddy, since he married Victoire, so Ron is his Uncle through marriage... The second boy, I'm thinking, could be Cei or call me crazy... Lucius Malfoy? Cei would be comfortable in the castle, since it is the home of his ancestors... and Lucius is just plain evil and he seems to fit the profile!
So, there you have it. An excellent chapter Owen! It contained everything for everybody: romance, humour, mystery and excitement. I can't wait until your next chapter! I need to fulfill my many questions with answers!
Katie
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05-12-2011, 05:59 AM
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#46 (permalink)
| SS Featured AuthorTürk Bilgini Bugbear
Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: {in a leap of faith}
Posts: 31,791
Hogwarts RPG Name: Sarani Glass Graduated x12
| ♥ Mrs. Itachi Uchiha™ & MAJNOO! : Bleach & Kyo & Natsume ♥ [ Maxh!Jesh ] Last updated: March 01, 2011.
Moving to HS Inactive Fics. |
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09-21-2011, 09:15 AM
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#47 (permalink)
| Abraxan
Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Perth, AU (GMT +8)
Posts: 25,070
Hogwarts RPG Name: Jasper Hart First Year x10 x10
| ˝ EagleBrain ♥ Creeperdoodle ♥ Raven Dor ♥ Berry ♥ ˝ Team House Elf
Re-activated 21/09/11
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09-21-2011, 09:59 AM
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#48 (permalink)
| Jarvey
Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Wales
Posts: 637
Hogwarts RPG Name: Ambrocinius Fifth Year |
Chapter 12
There was a strained silence on the Hogwarts express as it left Hogsmeade; Albus sat next to a window, his face pale and drawn as he stared into the surrounding countryside, ignoring the greetings as others joined him. Hugo sat opposite him and adopted the same pose, his thoughts surrounding the previous night's dream. The consequences of which had left him confused.
Lily and Rose joined them out of habit, but were uncomfortable in the company of the boys' expressions. Any attempts at gossip were frowned at by Albus, whose grimace worsened whenever the carriage passed over an uneven rail joint. He closed his eyes, hoping sleep would come.
Ogranak did not need to study the bushes to know a priest of Dedun was watching him; the priests had long given up on subterfuge and had taken to almost escorting their targets. Only in Gringotts was he not watched, though the prefect chosen to replace Griphook, one Hrolfgar, was clearly a highly regarded member of the Dedun sect.
Ogranak had returned from South America the previous day, bringing with him several aztec blades and gold sculptures, each of them depicting a legend of Dedun. The artifacts had been taken by Krull's men, bypassing the usual procedure that recommended further study in Gringotts' hallowed halls.
Bill Weasley had convinced him that siding with Krull was the wrong option, even if it meant Goblins would 'take their rightful place' - the magical world had suffered enough from war in recent years.
Ogranak paused, suddenly aware of another presence in the forest, just to the south of the Black Mountains. He studied the surrounding trees closely, a small grin when the Dedun priest quickly dropped from view behind a fallen oak. He could not find the other presence. Sighing, he broke from the oppressive cover of the ancient groves, only to find himself in an area that reeked of black magic; a short distance away, a red haired man fell through the ground; the clouds changing colour to suggest foul play. Rooted to the spot in fear, Ogranak jumped when a black shape emerged from the treetops, landing on the Dedun priest, not allowing that goblin to even open it's mouth to scream before leaving it's decapitated body to tumble toward him.
Ogranak could not move; his fear rendered him totally immobile, his limbs not even protesting when the priest's body rolled to a stop next to him: blood still spurting from it's jugular. Blood which had caused the priest's scarlet robes to become almost black, and which now did it's best to soak Ogranak's shoes.
Tearing his eyes away from the horror at his feet, Ogranak blinked when he saw a mighty castle emerge from the ruins that had previousy dominated the landscape. Aside from the winged serpent that doominated the gatehouse, it put him in mind of the muggle fortress at Harlech. A castle designed to inspire fear in the locals.
Forgetting his mission, Ogranak instantly turned and fled in the direction he had come; not even worried about whatever had killed the Dedun priest.
Ron stared, shocked to see James Potter sneering at him - the young wizard's profile lit by a green flame, giving his skin a serpentine pallour - struggled ineffectively at his bonds.
"James? What are you.... Why are you doing this?"
"Silence."*James' leather-gauntlet covered hand whipped across Ron's face, turning his world black.
Eventually used to the morose silence from the boys, Lily and Rose began discussing the new set of boys that were interested in them, though Rose could tell that Lily had her heart set on the absent Cei.
Albus picked up on it, ignoring his pain to rub salt in his sister's wound, "Cei is gone Lily. No one could have survived that kind of goblin assault." He flinched as Hugo kicked him in response. Only the sensation that the train was slowing stopped a fight from breaking out. Staring out the window, they realised they in Kings Cross and, as if by magic, their dark moods lifted - the holidays had truly begun.
Ginny beamed as the four teenagers ran toward her, enveloping each in a big hug, she asked seemingly inconsequential questions about school and homework, all the while promising at least a week of fun at the Burrow.
Attracted by the sudden change in the sky, a small group of centaurs had gathered near the edge of the forrest. It had been decades since the Seneschals had greeted quests in such a manner. It made them uneasy, they could not afford to be dragged into another wizard conflict. One of them, not watching his footing, laid a heavy hoof on the decapitated body of a goblin, a startled neigh of terror escaping his lips as the corpse shifted under the new weight, causing the group to panic and flee in various directions.
None of them had noticed a dark, immobile shape above them, staring in the direction of the castle's gate.
Several hours passed before the shape moved - the clouds had dissipated, showing a moonless night, shadows caused by the far off orange glow of a muggle settlement.
A Barn owl , it's hunt finished for the night, landed near the shape, it's beak clicking affectionately as a metal covered hand petted it. "Hail, Seren, well met." a deep voice spoke from the shadows. The hand took a package from the owl's left leg before follwoing it's owner to the forrest floor. A soft grunt as his feet hit the leaf mould the only sign of unaccustomed stiffness.
Comfortable in the darkness, he removed his black dragonhide top, wincting as the stiff, thick leather caught a bruise. Carefully unwrapping the bundle he had taken from the owl to reveal a small amphora, he broke the wax seal and carefully poured half the contents onto his upper body, swallowing the rest and rubbing the mixture over his various cuts and bruises. He relished the sudden increase in heat on his skin as the mixture began to work, easing his muscles and healing the injuries. He was slow, out of practice, hi sinjuries mute testament to that fact. Reaching to his jacket, he pulled a short asian sabre from a hidden pocket and stood, shaking his limbs in a final attempt to relax before settling into a fighting stance. Holding the sword in his left hand, a modified shuriken in the other, he began the battle movements drilled in since he was old enough to walk.
Despite the darkness and the cold, it was possible to see perspiration rise from his bare skin.
Ron drifted in and out of consciousness, his body awash with pain. All he could hear was James' mocking laughter and the crack of a whip as it was sent towards his exposed back.
He recognised another voice that seemed to be cheering James on; the way he was bound, however, meant he could not turn his head to find the source. All he could see was the corridor he had been walking in, now brilliantly lit by green flame, the serpents on the walls seemingly coming alive.
Hermione was first to greet the kids when they entered the Burrow, excited about the holiday, they did not notice how careworn and tired she looked. They crowded round the kitchen table, somehow not disturbing their grandmother while she cooked. Chatting about boys, quidditch and planned activities.
Ginny held Hermione back, a comforting hand steering the older woman into the living room, "Harry's gone looking for him, I'm sure they'll be with us for christmas day." Ginny pulled Hermione into a hug, a brief look of irritation crossing her face when she noticed Fleur putting up decorations while humming along to Celestina Warbeck. Ginny presumed the frenchwoman's presence meant that Bill was still out of the country and promptly did her best to ignore her sister-in-law for the remainder of the evening.
The evening was uncomfortable for Hermione and Ginny; Bill had returned and the lovey-dovey attitude he and Fleur displayed made the two younger witches feel their husbands' absence all the more keenly.
"Would you consider taking Scorpius back?" Lily and Rose were leaning on the windowsill in Ron's old Room - now decorated with shades of purple and red to match their tastes - staring at the stars.
"I don't know," Rose's forehead creased in concentration as she considered her answer, "sometimes yes, but I think that's because I miss being in a relationship. He was so nice at first." Chapter 11 Chapter 13
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The ballad of Gryffindors sword 16+ Chapter 12 up!
Last edited by Derfel; 01-26-2012 at 02:27 AM.
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09-21-2011, 06:14 PM
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#49 (permalink)
| Puffskein
Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Florida
Posts: 1,415
Hogwarts RPG Name: Janet Lynn Gordon Fifth Year | Werecats are people too! Reader of Fan Fictions
Hey Owen, how good it is to see this story active again! As always your writing is spectacular, and captivating. I love how you opened the chapter with the kids return home for the holiday. Poor, poor Albus! I hope he recovers soon. Such a thing to recover from though. And Hugo is needing to talk to his dad about things troubling him but alas, Ron is in dire circumstances of his own. Quote:
Ogranak had returned from South America the previous day, bringing with him several aztec blades and gold sculptures, each of them depicting a legend of Dedun. The artifacts had been taken by Krull's men, bypassing the usual procedure that recommended further study in Gringotts' hallowed halls.
Bill Weasley had convinced him that siding with Krull was the wrong option, even if it meant Goblins would 'take their rightful place' - the magical world had suffered enough from war in recent years.
I love this part, ^ because it shows loyalty to his wizard friends and his ability to be smart about things. And also to be rightfully scared out of his mind.
This next bit is interesting... I must keep this in mind for things to come. I'm wondering why Griphook would be replaced by such a high definition Goblin. Quote:
Only in Gringotts was he not watched, though the prefect chosen to replace Griphook, one Hrolfgar, was clearly a highly regarded member of the Dedun sect.
Yes, a Goblin of interest to be sure. Quote:
Aside from the winged serpent that doominated the gatehouse, it put him in mind of the muggle fortress at Harlech. A castle designed to inspire fear in the locals.
Forgetting his mission, Ogranak instantly turned and fled in the direction he had come; not even worried about whatever had killed the Dedun priest.
Obviously it inspires fear in certain Goblins too. But then, who wouldn't be afraid if they saw such a massive castle appear like that!
Now Owen, the rest of this is way too much for me to highlight and comment on separately, so I'll just have to wing it without highlighted aid, so please be patient with me.
The description of the figure in black that killed the Dendun priest, I'm thinking is Cei. And he would be stiff and out of practice because of the near death he escaped from the Goblins when they captured and beat him. If this is the case, then there is hope for Ron because Cei can start devising a plan to help Ron escape. But there is a rub to this theory, I think Cei has his agenda, and saving Ron might not be as important. He might take care of why he was waiting there all this time in the first place. If Ron works into the plan than so be it, otherwise Ron will have to wait for Harry to rescue him. Also to Ron's benefit is the fact that Organak must have been following Ron, and since Cei didn't kill Organak, then he can run back and tell Harry what he saw. Here's another question for me to think on; Do the artifacts play an important part in what Cei has going on? Why didn't Organak hand them over when he got back from South America? Is he a double agent? And the last thing I'm wondering is if Teddy is following Organak, and what part he plays in this dilemma.
Lastly; Quote:
Ron stared, shocked to see James Potter sneering at him - the young wizard's profile lit by a green flame, giving his skin a serpentine pallour - struggled ineffectively at his bonds.
"James? What are you.... Why are you doing this?"
"Silence."*James' leather-gauntlet covered hand whipped across Ron's face, turning his world black.
Owen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was so afraid of this! I hope James is just way undercover and has to play his expected part. But, I'm so afraid (at this moment) that he has turned away from the light and gone dark.
Great come back Owen! I loved this chapter and hope you can put up the next one really soon.
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10-08-2011, 04:57 AM
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#50 (permalink)
| Grindylow
Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: A World of my Own
Posts: 14,042
Hogwarts RPG Name: Tabitha Lorraine Cauldwell First Year | ♥ Gone but not forgotten ♥ ♥ S.S. Fan ♥ Willowgirl ♥
Well done, Owen. Glad to see you back and writing again. I will be checking for new updates. |
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