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Morag · 09-17-2010, 04:46 PM

Ah, they were great posts. I love how Sirius is in total denial! And Lily is just hilarious!
PAMS!
Soph x

pbjellytime · 09-18-2010, 08:31 AM

Thank youuuuu!! Here is the next part

SB
Soon enough, Peter stumbles into the dormitory, clutching something in his hand. “Sirius, help!” he cries. “Lily turned James into an ant!”

“I know, I saw. It was hilarious,” I say with laughter, looking at the little black bug, which seems to be glaring at me. “Kidding, Prongs. I’m glad you’re alive. Hang on.”

I wave my wand, muttering a spell; slowly the ant transforms into James Potter, whose face is red.

“How dare she?” is the first thing he exclaims, throwing himself onto his bed. “She turned me into an ant, Sirius! I could’ve been killed!”

“What matters is the fact that you weren’t,” I tell him calmly, leaning on my bedpost.

“Why didn’t you curse her back?” asks Peter, looking confused.

“What?” James and I say.

“When you were turned into an ant. Why didn’t you turn her into, say, a worm?”

“Because I was an ant, Peter,” James answers, looking exasperated.

Peter frowns. “So? How does that stop you?”

“You’re an idiot,” says James in annoyance, rolling his eyes. Peter looks hurt.

“You’re upset,” I say to him curtly. “Stop being an *** and go to bed. You need to let the shock wear off.”

“I’m not shocked!” James exclaims, shaking his head.

“Please. You should see your face. It’s okay, though; you would never have expected Lily Evans to prank you, anyway. Sweet dreams.”

“Aren’t you sleeping?” asks Peter from his bed as James throws his sheets over his head, fuming.

“I will in a bit. I have to order my Charms textbook by today, or else I’m screwed.”

“Oh, okay. Where’s Moony?”

“In the library. He should be coming back by midnight, he always does. See ya, Wormtail.”

When I have climbed out of the portrait hole, I withdraw the Marauder’s Map from my pocket. I check for any teachers, Filch, or Mrs. Norris; they’re all a far distance from where I am, so I don’t even need the map. Then I spot a very interesting dot.

Lily Evans.

Frowning, I watch as it moves slowly along a corridor upstairs. What is Lily Evans, Gryffindor prefect, doing out of bed at night? I consider finding her, but decide not to, as I would probably flirt with her again. Besides, she’s probably doing prefect duty or something.

Quietly, despite how much I want to find Lily, I put away the map and make my way to the shortcut leading to the Owlery.

*****

LE
I sigh in relief when I finally arrive in the Owlery. It seems like it had taken forever; it’s a miracle that I wasn’t caught.

Quickly I fill out the order forms for myself and Desiree. I am about to tie them to a school owl’s leg when someone enters; I jump about a foot in surprise.

Interestingly enough, it’s Sirius Black, looking as though he had been expecting anyone but me.

“Uh, hi,” he says after a moment, his casualness restoring.

“Hey.”

“You, uh, ordering, too?”

“Yes. Do you want to use my quill?”

“Sure. Thanks.”

My heart rate speeds up a little as I watch him scribble; even his calligraphy is breathtaking.

“Did, uh, Potter come back?”

“Yeah, Peter brought him back. You gave him quite a shock.”

“Serves him right.”

I just stand there as he ties the parchment to an owl, which flies away. I am about to force myself to say something when –

“What’s your favourite colour?” he bursts out, watching the owl almost in envy as though he wishes to soar through the sky.

“Um, lime green.”

“Why’s that?”

“I don’t know. It’s freeing, I guess. Like, it’s such a unique colour that no one can really say anything about it except that it’s, well, unique. It’s like I can do anything.”

“That’s pretty interesting.”

“I guess. What’s yours?”

He thinks for a moment. “Red.”

“Why?”

“Because, I don’t know, it’s fiery and intense. It sort of symbolizes loyalty. Also, it’s the colour of Gryffindor.”

I smile.

“I heard you can tell a lot about a person by their favourite colour,” he adds.

I’m surprised. “Can you really?”

“Yeah. I think it’s true. What you said about lime green means that you’re looking for something in your life that would sort of free you from this world. But you’re not sure what you’re looking for, meaning that you’re willing to do basically anything to figure it out. Am I right?”

I stare at him, my mouth slightly open. I had never expected Sirius Black to be like this. “Uh, I guess. Yes. Since when have you been so deep?”

He smiles, an image that I store in my head. “Since I met Remus. And James, too. You should hear what he says about life on his thoughtful days.”

My face falls at the new topic; he notices. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I just don’t like talking about James Potter. I wish he would leave me alone.”

“Why is that? I mean, not just because he’s an arrogant idiot. I always wondered.”

“He makes it look like a game. I mean, you’d think if he really was in love with me or whatever, he would try in a humane way, instead of showing off and teasing me. I hate it, I hate that he thinks I’m just playing hard to get. But I’m not. I really wish he would just forget about me and move onto another girl. What does he like about me anyway? We’re completely different.”

He takes a moment before answering. “I guess you just fascinate him. I mean, you’re really smart, creative, loyal, friendly, and likable. You don’t feel the need to seek attention, unlike me and James. You keep to yourself, but at the same time you’re outgoing. You’re also attractive –” I blush slightly “—so I guess everything just makes you a unique person. Like your favourite colour.”

I breathe in awe; this speech, this thought, this work of art has just come from Sirius Black. Sirius, who never cares about anything but girls, his friends, and Quidditch. Sirius, who practically shares a brain with his fatheaded showoff of a best friend.

I peer into his eyes. “Your eyes look a bit blue.”

He blinks and frowns at the stars as though he doesn’t want me to see his eyes. It’s as if he knows its cause, and he has gone over this before. He smiles, though he still doesn’t look back. “Would you ever go out with him, though? If he had an attitude makeover?”

“Maybe. Don’t think so. I’m not sure.”

“Well, like I told you before, he’s a good guy, but gets really stupid around people he isn’t close to. Especially you. You’ve got to forgive him for that, though. He can’t help it that he’s head over heels for you. Maybe you could give him a chance?”

I’m careful to hide my great disappointment. He seems so intent and determined on getting me to go out with James Potter. I know he’s just helping out his best friend, but really, does every conversation we have together have to be about Potter?

“Maybe,” I say finally.

“I’m not trying to force you to do anything,” Sirius says after a few seconds, finally turning from the night sky to me. “Just telling you how much James likes you. Who knows, maybe you two aren’t meant to be at all. Maybe there’s someone out there, perhaps in this school, even, that’s just right for you.”

I haven’t realized how close his face has come to mine; I can see the iris and pupils in his eyes. I almost forget to answer, but before I can think of a reply, he seems to realize how close our heads are and pulls back almost instantly.

“I don’t know anything for sure,” he says casually, clearing his throat. “I’m just dumping out my thoughts. Hope it helped in some shrewd way. Goodnight, Lily Evans.”

He smiles and leaves me there with the sleeping owls, breathless, my heart beating faster than it has ever done.

Morag · 09-18-2010, 09:05 AM

Aw James cracks me up. GreatPost btw.
PAMS!
Soph x

Ladybug · 09-18-2010, 07:53 PM

Brillient chapter!
Awww Sirus is so nice

PAMS!

Eviee <33

KatielovesHP · 09-18-2010, 09:26 PM

Great post!! Love Lily and Sirius

LouLou Malfoy · 09-26-2010, 04:55 AM

Sirius is so sweet!

Will be standing on my tippytoes waiting for more!

peaches_11 · 09-26-2010, 06:52 PM

Aww!! Sirius is sooo sweet!! =)
I loves this storyy! Post more soonn

Marauder1T · 10-04-2010, 12:40 AM

hgjnhgjmj

hermione19 · 10-29-2010, 12:58 AM

New Reader!!!!! and i love it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
im usually not a big fan of un-cannon stories...but this one is interesting. i like it

PAMS!!

pbjellytime · 11-16-2010, 06:56 AM

I am so so so so sos os os sos os ososososo sorry for not posting for so long. Life is just a hectic mess right now, gah! Thanks for reading and here's the next part

SB
WHAT HAVE I DONE? I am the biggest idiot in this whole world.

What happened to not flirting, Sirius? What happened to taking her off the list? What the hell happened to James is in love with her?

I am so screwed. I’ve probably left her in an unconditional state, about to faint.

I know that I am good-looking, not because I’m cocky enough to think so when I look in the mirror, but because plenty of girls have told me so, whether I was going out with them or not. Sometimes I wish that I wasn’t, that I was normal. Like James. He is, as girls say, just cute. I am the best looking one out of the Marauders.

I know this for a fact because in third year I’d gotten stuck in the girls’ Quidditch change room after a Ravenclaw Quidditch practice thanks to James; when I’d heard footsteps approaching, I’d hastily crept into a locker, because I didn’t want to deal with their screaming. About two minutes later, the Ravenclaw girls had begun talking about us. How they found me unbelievably hot. How James or Remus would be their second choice. How Peter didn’t even make the list. How I probably could make every female swoon and faint.

I’d found out then that my ‘charm’ is what makes these girls fall for me, when I don’t even want them to. What makes girls obsess over me, so much that it sometimes annoys me to hell.

What makes Lily Evans actually be on terms with me, instead of telling me that she hopes my fat head swells up so much that it explodes, like she always says to James. And she really should say that to me too, because I’m almost exactly like him.

Why am I so stupid? Of all girls in this enormous school, I have to go for Lily Evans, the girl James has been pining over for years. Sure, she’s attractive (okay, actually beautiful), but she isn’t that extraordinary. Yet.

Why, why did my face have to be so close to hers when I told her that there might be someone else for her? Why did I make it seem like I was that person? Why am I flirting with her so much when I know I like Desiree? Do I even like Desiree, anyway? Why can’t James just get over his idiocy and get Lily to go out with him? Why can’t life just unroll itself and everything would be simple?

WHY AM I SO STUPID?

*****

LE
In Transfiguration, I tell Meagan everything.

I tell her how I feel about him. What I fantasize about whenever I’m daydreaming or sleeping. What we talk about last night in the Owlery. I tell her everything.

Thankfully, she doesn’t make a big deal of it, which I’ve been afraid of.

“Well, I thought it was what was happening,” she says reasonably. “It’s not a shocker.”

“Don’t tell anyone. Especially Desiree.”

“I don’t think her relationship with him is working out very nicely today, actually,” she says with a smile.

My conflicted heart lightens. “What do you mean?”

“Well, they had a fight this morning because he seemed so zoned out and wasn’t listening to a thing she was saying.”

“That sucks,” I say, not looking at her.

Meagan smirks. “Don’t lie. You’re so happy that you’d kiss James Potter.”

“Whoa, whoa. I’m not that happy.”

As we laugh, a very distressed looking Sirius enters the classroom, followed by Potter, who is joking around with Remus and Peter. Desiree hasn’t arrived yet.

Determined to smile at him, I keep my eyes on Sirius, who looks anywhere but me. He takes a seat in the very back, so I have no way of glancing at him without being seen. Confused, I grimace when Potter pause at my table.

“Hi, Evans,” he greets with a smirk, “how are you today?”

I am about to tell him to get out of my face when I remember what Sirius had asked me to do. Reluctantly, I reply, “Fine. You?”

He seems surprised at my politeness. “I’m very good. Guess what would just make my day? You going out with me.”

I restrain myself from a nasty retort. “Would it, now? Well, I can think of some things that would make my day. Want to hear them?”

“Sure,” he grins. “Is one of them kissing me? And the other is going to Hogsmeade with me?”

My forced smile vanishes, and I lose my well controlled temper. “No, actually,” I reply through gritted teeth. “It’s watching your fat head expanding to such an immense size that it explodes. Get away from me, Potter.”

He looks taken aback; blinking, he walks away to sit beside Sirius.

“What was that all about?” says Meagan, her eyebrows raised.

“I tried,” I say simply. “It’s just not going to work. I hate James Potter with a passion.”

“You didn’t have to be so hostile, though?”

“I was annoyed. It works, though – it made him go away quietly, didn’t you see?”

“Yeah, but…”

Just then, Desiree enters, looking unhappy. “I’m not late, am I?”

“No, but you missed my experiment with Potter.”

“What do you mean? Oh my god, you didn’t kiss him, did you?”

“No, no, no, no! Of course not!” I say hastily, laughing.

“She was nice for the first few seconds,” explains Meagan, “then she turned into a vicious lion. I’ve never seen him look so surprised.”

“Serves him right. He needs to get it into his head that I will never, ever go out with him. That’s going to be my mission for this year.”

*****

SB

“Did you see that?” hisses James, taking his seat beside mine.

“Did I see what?” I say, raising an eyebrow.

“What just happened! Lily’s having a major mood swing today.”

I glance at her; she is discussing something in amusement with Desiree and Meagan.

“She looks happy enough,” I say to James.

“Well, you should have seen how fast her tone changed. It’s like she decided to give me a chance, but then thought better of it.”

I smirk to myself. “Wonder what made her do that.”

“Yeah, me too. But you know what? It means she’s considering me! I wonder what made her change her mind. In the last few years she made sure to prove that she would never, ever go out with me. What do you think?”

I don’t reply; Lily laughs at something Desiree says, and she looks outstandingly pretty.

“Hello? Earth to Padfoot.”

“Huh – sorry, what?”

“You okay? I mean, I know you fought with Desiree, but why are you so upset? It’s not like you’ve never had a fight with a girlfriend before. What’s wrong?”

So much, Prongs. More than you can understand. “Nothing. I’m a bit tired. Talk to Moony, why don’t you?”

“No!” I hear Remus hiss; clearly James doesn’t, because he addresses his babbling to Remus instead, who shoots me a nasty look. I simply give him a thumbs-up and return to my thoughts. It’s easier, too, because class has started, and everything becomes quieter.

Truthfully, I don’t know what to feel about my fight with Desiree. Sure, I’m a bit upset, but it doesn’t make me want to settle things right again with her – I almost want to leave things the way they are, so that we won’t have to talk again. Craziest thing is, I still have feelings for her, but my attention is now also focused on someone else.

Basically, I’m torn between Desiree Harmon and Lily Evans. What’s worse, they are two very different people. Desiree has a personality unbelievably similar to mine, while Lily just… makes everything great.

It’s evident that I have now completely given up on my goal of forgetting about Lily. But after what happened between us last night, there’s obviously something going on. I wouldn’t have said those things to her if I didn’t like her, and she definitely wouldn’t have said the things she’d said either.

But to make sure I don’t actually fall for her, I would have to stay away from her for a bit. If she gets upset about it, then that would be when I would talk to her again. And I can’t just stay in a fight with Desiree, either. I would make up with her, tell her I’m sorry for not listening to her (I’d been brainstorming what I would do about the whole Lily situation while Desiree was talking).

“I think,” says Remus in a low voice as we left class, “I like Meagan Lara.”

“Finally you admit it!” I say loudly.

“What do you mean?” he asks in confusion.

“Moony, it’s so obvious,” says James, rolling his eyes. Remus frowns.

I put my arm around him. “Well, I’m glad you’ve decided to come to your senses and ask her out.”

“I never said I was going to,” his face flushes.

“Uh, then what are you going to do? Pine over her for the rest of your life? You need to learn to take risks and let excitement into your life. Like me. I never hesitate to do anything, do I? It’s what makes me cool.”

“Ha!” Remus snorts. I ignore this.

“Well, are you taking her to Hogsmeade?”

“I don’t want to ask her out.”

I grin. “You know, you’re a horrible liar. Don’t worry; I’m sure she likes you too. You two would be so cute.”

Remus smiles, but James looks rather bitter, probably at the fact that we all have lovers except him. Well, not Peter, but as long as there is food and candy, he doesn’t need a girl. And sometimes, like now for example, I’m jealous of him for that phenomenon.

Ladybug · 11-16-2010, 11:09 PM

Brillient chapter!
LOVED IT!
The wait for fine

PAMS!!

Eviee <33

malfoygrl · 11-17-2010, 12:12 AM

New Reader!
Love the story!

I love when people focus on the lesser characters of stories!
Pams!

xx Sara

hermione19 · 11-17-2010, 08:24 PM

loved it!!!! great chapter!!!!!

PAMS!!!!

Cassiopia Malfoy · 12-24-2010, 05:57 AM

Hmm, really interesting! Siri/Lil.. Hmm.. Seems like it's pretty nice..
Daww, what am I playing at?! SIRIUS IS ADORABLE!

And he and Lily wouldn't be to bad off together..!
I love it to death! (well not death, but yea) it's awesome!

KatielovesHP · 12-24-2010, 11:18 AM

This was great!!!

Sirius loves her

K x

aaetha · 01-18-2011, 05:17 AM

This is amazing you're a really great writer! I <3 your story! PAMS PAMS PAMS!!!!

demented_death_eater · 01-22-2011, 09:33 PM

Last update 15 NOV 2010

demented_death_eater · 04-14-2011, 03:08 AM

Reactivated per request

pbjellytime · 04-14-2011, 03:45 AM

Sorry it's been forever. I hope I still have readers!!!!!
PS I had to change the rating because, well... I think it's best, hehe.

LE
At lunch, when I sit down at the Gryffindor table, Desiree is suddenly grabbed by Sirius (who hasn’t looked at me all day), who mutters an apology and kisses her. She responds slowly, which means that she accepts his hasty apology.

Jealousy overwhelms my body. I practically throw the food onto my plate; Meagan just looks at me with a sort of amused smile. I force myself to calm down.

“I suppose they’ve made up,” I say, trying to sound conversational.

“Yes, probably,” Meagan answers too understandingly for my liking.

“I’m not jealous,” I say hopelessly.

“Of course you aren’t.”

“I’m not.”

“Please, Lily. You’re the worst liar in this whole world!”

I grin sheepishly. “Okay, so I’m jealous. But whatever. It’s not like they were never going to make up.”

When Desiree and Sirius finally finish their makeout session, she sits down beside me; suddenly, a voice says, “Can’t you and your boyfriend get a room?”

We all look up to see Desiree’s seventeen-year-old brother, Silas. He is very, very, very handsome; he has light brown, shaggy hair, with light blue eyes that can dazzle any girl.

“Go away, Silas,” says Desiree, rolling her eyes.

“His name’s Sirius Black, right? Quite the infamous guy you’ve got there. Haven’t you heard any of his stories?”

“I said go away.”

“Of course, all the guys think he’s a cool guy. That actually includes me. But still, I don’t want to see you, my little sister, get hurt or anything.”

“I’ve heard his stories, alright? And I bet you’re just doing this because Dad paid you to.”

He grins; both Meagan and I slightly gasp in awe at the sight. “So very true. You’re smart; maybe you are my sister after all.”

“Please get lost!”

“Fine. See ya.”

After Silas is out of earshot, Meagan bursts out, “Desiree, your brother is so good looking.”

As I nod in agreement, Desiree looks revolted. “Gross. Don’t ever say that again to me, ew.”

Meagan sighs. “He is, though. Almost as good looking as Sirius, I think…”

I glare at her as she pointedly smirks at me.

“That much?” says Desiree incredulously, frowning. We both nod and she groans. “Well… I guess he isn’t like, hideous. He’s somewhat okay looking.” Suddenly she smiles mischievously. “You know who else you’d find cute? Remus Lupin.”

“Lay off me,” says Meagan with a scowl as I laugh loudly. “Oh, shut up, Lily, I bet you think James Potter is good looking.”

That places a horrified look on my face.

The whole day, Sirius doesn’t look at me. I’m beginning to get very annoyed, and I almost want to go right up to him and force my face in front of his. But why is he avoiding me, though? It isn’t like we kissed or something. We just talked. About very deep things, yes, but still, it was just talking. What’s pulling him back?

After dinner, I sit alone in the common room, as Meagan forgot to return a book to the library, and Desiree has detention for being late so many times to Transfiguration. With a jolt, I spot him walking out of his dormitory with James. As I get up to approach him, however, he sees me and quickly leaves the common room; looking confused, James follows, flashing me a grin and a wink. I roll my eyes.

“What’s up, Evans?” says Eric Whale with a devilish grin. I look at him closely and realize, for the first time, that he is good looking. No wonder Desiree was obsessed with him in fourth year.

“Where did Sirius go?” I ask.

“No idea. Why, do you like him?”

I scoff, trying not to react. “No. Next time you see him, tell him that I want to talk to him.”

“I will if you make out with me.”

Okay, how pathetic. Here sits an attractive boy, and he turns out to be a total git. But what if Sirius is like that too?

He isn’t, I tell myself. He’s a good guy. I think. “That’s not going to happen, sorry.”

“Aw, too bad. It would’ve been fun. Say, what happened to going out with James?”

I grimace. “For the last time, I never said yes to him. He just spread rumors – I have no idea why, I just know that he’s an idiot.”

“I don’t see why you don’t like him.”

“I don’t see why you do. Now leave me alone, please, I’ve got homework.”

*****

SB
“Why the hurry, Padfoot?” says James.

“What? Oh, I’m late meeting Desiree.”

He grins. “Alright. I’ll see you later, then?”

“Yup. Have fun in detention.”

We say goodbye and I walk, thinking about how long I could avoid Lily. Desiree is waiting for me outside the Transfiguration classroom, looking bored out of her mind. “There you are,” she says in a huff. “I’ve been waiting forever.”

“Sorry, babe.”

“And I’m hungry. Great.”

I’m surprised to find myself irritated by this perfectly normal comment, but still take her hand. “I think I can think of something that will distract you from your hunger.” We walk outside; the weather is a bit chilly, but the night sky is fantastic. We sit on a bench, where I can see other couples spending their Friday night together.

“It’s cold,” says Desiree, shivering. “Couldn’t we have just gone to the common room?”

“The common room isn’t private. I like it out here.”

“Me too. The moonlight’s so pretty. But still. It’s like, winter.”

I put my arm around her. “There. My body heat will go to you in a bit.”

“Let’s hurry it up,” she says quietly, and kisses me. I accept willingly, since this would let my body heat transfer much faster, and the feel of her lips and tongue feel good.

“What does Sirius look like?” Desiree asks suddenly after a few minutes, peering at the sky.

“Excuse me?” I say, surprised at both the abrupt end of the kiss and her question.

“The star, I mean. Not you.”

I laugh. “Oh. Uh… a dog,” I say lamely.

“Can you see it right now?”

“Don’t think so.”

“Aw, that sucks.”

“You know what? I think you’d be a fox if you were an animal.”

“That’s random. Why do you think that?”

“I don’t know. You just look like one, I guess. They’re witty. Dogs like foxes.”

“Do they really?”

“Well, I do, at least.”

She raises an eyebrow at me. “You’re not a dog, Sirius.”

“Oh, um, I mean – I like foxes. Not dogs. Well, maybe they like foxes too. I just – yeah.”

“You’re a funny kid.”

I smile quickly and secretly sigh in relief. If I let the Marauders’ cover blow, I’m screwed. Which then gets me thinking: Would Lily have figured it out in that split second of my mistake? Or would she have just casually let it pass on, like Desiree has just done?

Stop thinking about her!

Desiree kisses me passionately; this, I think, is one of the best parts of dating. Especially when the girl is a good kisser.

She puts a hand under my shirt while I stroke her leg. I slide my hand under her skirt while she continues to kiss me. Soon enough, all I can think about is how I haven’t done it since this summer. She sighs and kisses me harder.

I wonder if Lily is a good kisser. Oh, no, no, no, stop –

Too late. Desiree is replaced, and now I am kissing Lily, stroking her hair. I kiss her neck as she strokes my hair now, and then we kiss again. When we break apart, Lily smiles, and I don’t see anything but her emerald green eyes.

“You know, you mean a lot to me,” she says.

“Yeah,” I answer without thinking.

“Yeah?” she repeats icily.

I am thrown back into the real world when I hear Desiree’s voice ring in my ears. Lily’s smile and eyes vanish, and Desiree returns, her blonde hair a little messy from my stroking.

Oh, crap. “I didn’t mean –”

“Tell me, Sirius, are we on the same page here? Because I certainly don’t think so.”

I’m very, very annoyed. “I don’t know, I – you can’t just say things like that out of the blue! It requires some thinking, you know –”

“And the first thing that comes to your mind is ‘yeah’?”

“Desiree, I didn’t mean that. Come on.”

She pushes me away and puts her head in between her hands, frustrated. “You know, the girls you’ve dated have talked to me about you. They don’t want to see another girl get manipulated by you again. They told me to watch carefully for any signs that you’re cheating on me.”

“Oh, so you think I’m cheating on you with someone like, I don’t know, Lily?” I’m a bit angry at myself that she is the first person I think of.

“I don’t know what you could be doing. I don’t know what goes on in your brain when you kiss me. Are you sure you’re not fantasizing about some other girl?”

The secret truth pangs my brain, but I recover, “Why are you so full of doubt about me? Just because those girls –”

Desiree blinks, gaping at me. “Because you’re Sirius Black!” she exclaims like it is the most obvious thing in the world. “I’m scared that you’ll hurt me like you’ve hurt every other girl!”

“Then why don’t we just break up?”

I blurted it out without meaning to; she looks at me as though I’ve slapped her. What’s wrong with me? Stupid, stupid. “Fine,” she says in a low voice.

She gets up to leave, but I grab her arm. “Wait, are we – we actually are?”

“Yes. Unless you have a good reason why we shouldn’t.”

As I gaze at her I can tell that she half wants me to give a reason and half wants to break up. But I can’t give a reason because it isn’t what I want. What do I want? Well, the answer is obvious.

“I…” I have nothing; I let go of her arm. “Sorry.”

Disappointment flashes across her face, then anger. “Then yes, we’re breaking up. Goodbye, Sirius.”

I stand there, confused as ever. Goodbye, Desiree.

Ladybug · 04-14-2011, 03:55 AM

Brillient chapter! (:
I'm still here!
Aww Sirius and Desiree.
pamspamspams

Eviee <33

KatielovesHP · 04-14-2011, 01:17 PM

This was a good post!

K xx

pbjellytime · 04-16-2011, 12:32 AM

A quick post...

LE
“I forgot to ask you. What are you going to do about James Potter?” says Meagan, watching me chew my toast.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you’ll break his heart, you know. Then he’ll murder Sirius. Do you really want to regret shattering a heart so fragile already from your neglecting him so much?”

I snort; she’s joking. “You’re kidding, right? Why am I supposed to care what happens to him? He can find someone else to bug out of their mind.” I’ve taken a bite of my toast when I notice Meagan staring at me. “What?”

“You don’t get it, do you?” she says with a frown. “James loves you. No, listen to me. He loves you, Lily, and whatever you say won’t change that, because I know it, he knows it, we all know it.” And before I can argue, “And just maybe you love him too, but you just don’t want to say it because then you’ll be admitting that you’ve been wrong this entire time.”

“But I don’t!” I exclaim in annoyance. Meagan raises her eyebrows. “I don’t love him and I never will. You know who’s on my mind right now.”

It’s her turn to snort. “Sirius? Come on, that’s just a crush… any day now, it’ll all be over, and you won’t even remember it the rest of your life. He’s too busy being a ladies’ man to like you.”

Suddenly, it’s as though sweet, compassionate Meagan has never existed. She also seems to have realized it too, because her eyes widen and her mouth opens to apologize. But I get there first.

“You know what, Meagan? Have fun pining for Remus, because he’s probably never going to ask you out.”

“Lily –” she begins, looking hurt, but I get up.

The moment I exit the Great Hall, I regret what I’ve done. I should have been reasonable, and actually discuss the problem that I’ve been avoiding the entire time. She’s right. James, no matter how much I told him to bug off (that is probably the nicest way of putting it), would still have feelings for me; crush, love, lust, whatever it is, it would still exist.

Also, as much as I hate him, I care enough not to want to hurt him. The blow would be harder if I go for his best friend, too. But what am I supposed to do?

“Hi, Lily.”

I have absentmindedly wandered over to the boys’ bathroom, which Remus walks out of. “Oh, hey, Remus.”

“How are you? Anything bothering you?” he says, peering at my face.

“Oh, no, it’s just… well… I think I, um – actually –”

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” he interrupts, giving me a smile.

He and Meagan would be perfect together. “No, I do, I just don’t know if I can.”

His head tilts slightly to the side, his amber eyes questioning.

If I arrange my words carefully, then maybe he wouldn’t have a clue. And I really need advice from a wise person. “Let’s take a walk.”

Once we are out of everyone’s (including ghosts) earshot, I take a deep breath. “Okay. I like someone. But I know I shouldn’t, because it would really hurt… someone else.”

Remus frowns and motions for me to go on.

“So I don’t know what to do.”

“Alright, so, let’s call the one you like… Bob. Do you love this guy?”

I think for a moment. “Maybe. I don’t know.”

“Well, what about the other one? Shall we call him Joe? What do you feel about him?”

“Nothing whatsoever. He’s not even a friend or anything. I hate him.”

Remus’s eyebrows rise and I pray that he doesn’t catch on. “Okay,” he says slowly. “Then why would liking Bob hurt Joe?”

I struggle to maintain the mystery. “Because… because Joe is, um, incredibly… infatuated. With me.”

I think I see him smile, but it vanishes as quickly as it appeared. “So basically, Joe loves you. Okay, but if Joe loved you so much, shouldn’t he be able to let you be happy?”

“I don’t think so. Not if it’s for Bob,” I mutter, staring at my shoes.

“Why not?”

“Because… because. Because Bob is… off limits. Because Bob is the one person in this world that Joe probably couldn’t bear to lose me to. Because if I’m with Bob it would tear them apart. Because Bob is…”

“Joe’s best friend,” Remus finishes quietly.

I look up tentatively as though scared he would hit me, but he merely gives me a sad, understanding smile. “I don’t know what to do,” I say miserably.

“You’re right, though,” he says gently, patting my shoulder. “It would tear them apart.”

“Please don’t tell anyone.”

He nods. “I promise I won’t. When did this start?”

“September 1st. On the train ride.”

“Ah.”

“But I can’t tell if he feels even close to the way I feel.”

“Why not?”

“He always tells me that Joe – I mean James – is a good person, and that I should give him a chance.”

“Well, I agree. You should.”

“Yes, but then the next moment he acts like he likes me! I don’t get what he’s trying to do. And he’s always snogging Desiree everywhere he goes…”

“They broke up, though.”

“What?”

“They broke up. Didn’t she tell you?”

I gasp. “No, I haven’t seen her! When? Why?”

“Last night. He didn’t tell us much, just that it wasn’t a serious thing and there was no point to it. But now I know why. The real reason.”

I stare at him, breathless. “You think?”

“Well, you see, he keeps this list of girls that he’d like to date; he made it first in our second year. He makes a new one every year, and then he crosses off names when he’s dated them. Pathetic, I know – typical of him. But a few days ago, I was suddenly dead curious to know who the lucky girls were this year, so I took a peek – I mean, he never told us not to look or anything, or that it was private – and at the bottom of the list were your initials, with a question mark beside them.”

I stop in my tracks.

“I tried to convince myself that it had to be another L.E., that there were probably plenty of other L.E.’s in this school, but the fact that he’d written it in initials and that he’s now a bit quieter than usual just proved that it was you.

“I didn’t say anything to him; his thoughts don’t like to be disturbed when they’re so confused, I know that about him. But maybe he’s finally made a decision.”

I can’t speak. “B-but what about James? He’s just going to –?”

“I don’t know. I did worry about Sirius, but now that I know that the feelings are mutual, it’s clear that he knows what he’s doing. I just hope he knows the trouble he’s getting himself into.”

“I don’t want to ruin their friendship.”

“I know you don’t. But what can you do? You can’t control what you feel.”

I suddenly want to cry. “That’s… so true. You’re so right.”

He smiles. “Ha, well. I try. Talk to him, see what happens.”

There is a pause. “Do you like Meagan?”

He takes in a sharp breath. “Um. Why?”

“You obviously do. Ask her out, please? She likes you, too.”

“Um, I never said I like her,” says Remus, flushing.

“You’re a horrible liar. Come on, for me?”

“I’ll think about it. Honestly, I will.”

I hug him. “Thanks, Remus.”

Ladybug · 04-16-2011, 10:00 AM

Quick!? Blimey!
LOL!
Brillient! Love it!
pamspams

Eviee.

KatielovesHP · 04-16-2011, 11:36 AM

Aww, this was nice!!

Sirius and Lily

K xx

pbjellytime · 05-01-2011, 06:17 AM

THIS is a quick post hahaha. Enjoy!

SB
Life doesn’t change much after Desiree and I break up. All that changes is that I don’t have to be committed to one girl, and that I can’t stop thinking about Lily. I’m not interested in any other girl anymore. This means something, right? I’m focused on one, only one girl, something that has never happened to me.

It’s also starting to affect me. I can’t be myself with the guys anymore, in case something slips out of my mouth. I now despise participating in James’s How-Do-I-Get-Lily-To-Go-Out-With-Me discussions. I find myself looking forward to meals not because I can joke around with them, but because I can sit near and talk to Lily. I’m quieter in class because I’m busy secretly watching or thinking about her.

And then when I do talk to her, I become so absorbed that nothing else matters. I become aware that she’s so smart, witty, honest, and unique; she’s also one of the nicest people that I’ve met. Why didn’t I notice before?

Then when I talk to James, I’m constantly paranoid that he knows something is going on. It definitely looks like Remus does, judging from the way he now looks at and talks to me, but I don’t ask of it. Peter, as usual, notices nothing and goes on with his life.

It’s killing me. So frustrating. Could I afford to lose a best friend, a brother, for the greatest girl that I know? How do I deal with the fact that the perfect girl is so available and yet so limited? Could I betray James? And what about everyone else; what would they think of me? Would I lose Remus too, or would he understand?

I can’t lose James. I don’t know what I would do without him. It’s so cliché and so cheesy, but there are no other words: He completes me in a brotherly way.

But will there be someone that is as great as Lily, or even better? Could I really wait so long to find that person? Friendship is the most important thing to me (well, most of the time), but Lily Evans is different. She isn’t just some girl. She’s one in a million, too good to be true. Much too good.

I sit in a couch in the empty common room at midnight, trying to write my Potions essay but failing to do so. James and Peter are still in detention for pulling a prank on a Slytherin third year, while Remus is already asleep in the dormitory, having finished all of his homework. I’ve written only a single paragraph, and half the time I am gazing into the fire, pondering.

“Hey, am I interrupting?” says a beautiful, angelic voice. It somewhat soothes me, and I feel a kind of a wind blowing in my body, settling everything down.

“No, not at all,” I reply as Lily sits beside me.

“Is that Potions?” she asks, glancing at the parchment. I nod. It is the first time in my life that I don’t know what to say to a female.

“Do you… need help?”

“No, I’m okay.”

The world’s most awkward silence follows; she just sits there, fiddling with her robes while I speculate on whether I should confess to her now. Her eyes shine from the glow of the fire.

“How was your day?” I ask timidly, hating how pathetic my voice sounds. She doesn’t seem to care, however.

“Oh, it was good. I kind of had a fight with Meagan, so I’m hoping to talk to her first thing tomorrow. I saw Potter and Peter hexing that third year, have they no shame? What has that poor boy done to them, you know? It’s good that they got detention, I was so –”

She breaks off, realizing that she has been babbling. Not that I care; I could listen to her talk all night, watch her eyes display different emotions and her lips meet and part numerous times.

“Sirius, I want to talk to you about something.”

Surprised, I blink. “Okay, go ahead.”

She seems to have trouble finding the words. Then, all of a sudden and to my own surprise, I interrupt. “Can I go first?”

She looks taken aback. “Yeah, sure.”

Just do it. Do it, Sirius, or you’ll never get the chance.

“In the past few weeks… I’ve developed…”

She raises an eyebrow when I don’t go on. “Developed physically? As in puberty? That’s totally natural, Sirius,” she says with a small smile.

I laugh but stop abruptly. “No, I – I’ve developed feelings for you. Serious feelings. Ever since this year started, I can’t get you out of my head. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this way about a girl, and it’s kind of killing me.”

I can’t believe I’ve actually said the words. I carefully watch her expression as it morphs from surprise to denial and finally to… happiness? I can’t tell. My heart is ramming against my chest, my ribcage, this room, this castle, this whole world – it wants so badly to be part of the heart that beats softly in this girl in front of me, this beautiful girl who is gazing at me. “That’s pretty big,” she says quietly.

“Yeah, and problematic,” I mutter bitterly.

“Because of James.”

“Yeah. Nevertheless, I’m head over heels for you, Lily, but if you don’t feel that way at all for me, it’s fine. I’ll get over it. But otherwise…”

I look anywhere but at her, beginning to wish that I’d never told her; I half expected this to happen. But then –

“Well, Sirius, I hope you’ll be happy to hear that I have feelings for you too. Maybe more than you, actually.”

I turn to her and swallow. “Yeah?”

Magnificent as ever, Lily nods with a big smile. After making sure the common room is empty, I gently kiss her soft, beautiful lips; my frail heart that’s been beaten down so much yearns for hers, which I can almost hear as it beats.

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