Blah my shot at poetry...Tell me what you think.


I saw you walk in as i sat reading in that bleak room
You sat at a corner and played your guitar
I pretend to read as you pretend not to care
I listen to you play that guitar
Play a song i have heard many times before
Not a word you utter as we sit in silence
My mind wants to let you know
Let you know those feelings that i feel
But my heart tells me to stay silent
For it is afraid of what you might say
So i sit Pretending to read
As you pretend not to care
And i wonder what your thinking
And why you wont even say hello
And i hope you can answer my questions
but the words never come

this poem is dedicated to someone i wish was mine. Just a bit of info...teehee

Your poem is painfully good. You can tell that your poem is sincere also because you repeated some of the words like

Quote:

play that guitar

Quote:

pretend to read as you pretend not to care

This is a sad poem and the ending is beautiful

Quote:

but the words never come

I hope I'll see more of your works!

Yes, I agree with the person above me...I love how u repeated those parts! I really like it! And I could picture the whole thing happening...Post some more soon.

Wow thanks a lot...awesome...well heres another one, hope u like it too.

An abyss of oblivion consumes everything
An endless sea of vast space reaching as far as the eye can see
Yet in all this oblivion, I see you there
I see you and I stare, wondering why you are here
Nothing except this abyss consumed my thoughts
But then you came and I saw a difference in my mind
No longer was this dark void
Now there was your face
Glimmering through the darkness
Changing my mind
Changing my world
Just by your appearance
Yet you know nothing of this
Nothing of what you mean to me
I have sat in this abyss of oblivion surrounding me
But you suddenly appear
Oblivious to everything I am saying at this moment
Oblivious that your face has set a difference in my life

thank youse

Great job!
Ah the beauty of repeating lines. I enjoy your poetry because it has a style of its own. Your lines carry a huge amount of feeling. They're overwhelming. Oh, and thanks for replying in my thread.

Your welcome snowface, your writing it very good. And im glad you like mine

You looked past me this dark cold night
You didnt seem to care that i was standing there in front of you,
alone in the shadows.
Standing there i wonder what it is your thinking
Why you pretend not to care that im here before you
hoping you would listen to this silent voice
screaming to you
screaming to make you hear exactly what i feel
Yet you are deaf to this voice. You only listen to what you hear around you
What im saying doesnt seem to matter although i wish it did
I close my eyes and your face is there
Does the same thing happen to you?
Silently i scream
Alone you look away
And i stand in the shadows.


hope you like this one!

nice mix of angst and sincerity! I like them! :flowersmile: :flowersmile:

Thanks

A silent drizzle of blood flows down
Hits the floor with a soft splatter
A silver dagger in the palm of a hand
A numbness seeping through
A soft gasp A mad look
A difficult understanding
Yelling and cowering in the same room
Looks of anger and a menacing voice
A broken heart
terrorized by one soul
A darkness consumes and a fear is unbearable
One last look of dread and remorse
One ultimate yell to tear apart

heres another one

Cast out in a world of shadows
Tainted blood running through my vains
Tears roll down my face
As i stare at the blood soaked knife
Darkness embraces me and doesnt let go
Numbing my senses Suffocating my fears
Alone in my mind
Some place no one else can see
I am lost in this abyss
Lost in my own thoughts
Who can save me?
No one can
So im lost in this nothingness
As tears roll down my face
And i sit here and wonder
What would happen if this changed.

Wow! You're really good- your poems are so "deep"- PAMS!