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| Finished Poetry Finished poetry threads come here to rest and be remembered. |
07-28-2003, 06:26 PM
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#1 (permalink)
| Firecrab
Join Date: Sep 2002
Posts: 941
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Hey everyone!
About Christmas 2002, for no reason whatsoever, I started writing poetry. Totally random. Most of it is how I feel about my boyfriend (now ex0boyfriend) and stuff, so if you're a romantic, come on down!
Here's one of my favorites, a pretty early one too, but still good: Almost Over
It's been awhile
Since you hugged me
Or told me you loved me
So I wonder
Is it almost over?
I start to believe it
In my brain
But not in my heart
So I hold on
Though it's probably almost over.
But all it takes
Is that one
"I love you", or
A brush of your hand on mine,
Or even your frustration when
I'm upset,
And very hard to cheer up
And I know it's there
Strong as ever
And it's not going away anytime soon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Well, tell me what you think! I'll post some more poems after people read this one a bit
-:heart:-
Jenn
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07-28-2003, 06:59 PM
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#2 (permalink)
| Gnome
Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Earth ( most of the time )
Posts: 385
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I love it! You can really understand and feel what the poem is giving out. Do you have any more? :rose:
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07-28-2003, 07:08 PM
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#3 (permalink)
| Imp
Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: At your neck!
Posts: 489
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nice job on this one! I seem to find this one everywhere I go. lol. I really really really really like this one. great job (yet again) put more up soon!
__________________ What shall I call thee when thou art a man? |
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07-29-2003, 03:50 PM
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#4 (permalink)
| Firecrab
Join Date: Sep 2002
Posts: 941
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Ha ha ha Alyonna (for the clueless, Alyonna is my best friend, so she's read all of my poems already)
Ready for a little drama? Here's one I wrote right after my boyfriend and I split. Full of passion and hurt. Hope you like it! A Nighttime Prayer
Dear God,
Please help me
I’m lost
Help me to forget
It’s so hard
It hurts so much
I just want it to stop
Please make it stop
I can’t stand it
It’s so horrible
It’s making me cry hot tears of pain
Fire through every vein
Ice through my heart
Please, just make it stop
I can’t take much more
I’ve been through this before
But never this bad
They say it’ll stop soon
They say they know how I feel
But no one knows how I feel
I don’t know how I feel
Except I know I feel hurt
Lost
Used
And in desperate need of help.
Dear God,
How can I get over this?
I just………don’t feel like myself
I’ve lost some of myself
I want it back
But that’s not all
I want my life back
I need my life back
The life I used to have
I lost a part of myself God
He took it.
Dear God,
Bring him back
He was my life
My soul
My real reason that I’m alive
The proof that I have a purpose in life
I miss him
Everything
I see him everywhere
He’s haunting me
I remember everything he used to do
The way he held my hand
The way he’d surprise me by coming up from behind me
And putting his arms around my waist
The way he looked at me
Dear God,
I remember every time he looked at me
The first real time
When I saw the love in his eyes
When he asked me to be more than
His ex-girlfriend’s best friend
And the first time
He ever voiced his feelings aloud
And the first time
He voiced his feelings
From his lips on mine
And the one time
I caught him staring at my eyes
So I stared back
Right into his black pupils
You see God, I believe when you do that
You can see into someone’s soul
Literally
But I also remember
The way he looked at me
And I stared back into his soul
And he knew I knew
What he had been planning to do
That afternoon
Dear God,
It hurts to remember
So I want to forget
But it hurts to forget
I don’t know which hurts more
But I need to do something
I can’t do this alone
But even though I hide it
I’m alone
All alone
And I hate it
I really do
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Well, how's that for depressing? Trust me, it was quite an awful break-up. But I love that part: "It hurts to remember / So I want to forget / But it hurts to forget". That's the best thing I've ever written! Well, please review!!!!!!!!!
-:heart:-
Jenn
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07-29-2003, 04:02 PM
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#5 (permalink)
| Firecrab
Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: MIDDLE TN
Posts: 898
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Wow,that a good poem!!!!!!!!!!!! :sorcerer: :sorcerer: :sorcerer:
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07-29-2003, 08:21 PM
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#6 (permalink)
| Gnome
Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Earth ( most of the time )
Posts: 385
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*jaw hangs open*
wow....I'm speachless
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07-29-2003, 08:40 PM
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#7 (permalink)
| Firecrab
Join Date: Sep 2002
Posts: 941
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Hehe, I like A Nighttime Prayer a lot, but this one's my absolute favorite:
Dedicated to Alyonna Soul Sista
The white in the black
The light in the dark
Without trying or knowing
You leave a mark
Pulling me back when I'm too fast
Pushing me forward when I'm too slow
The world's mysteries and their solutions
Without you I would never know
Sharing my jokes until we'll write a book
Sharing my laughter until we'll both cry
Sharing my joy until we'll get questioning looks
Sharing my tears until we'll both feel we could die
Sharing my struggles as we'll get through life
Sharing my dissapointment until it's your own
Sharing my confusion until we'll both wonder "Why?"
Sharing the troubles we should have never known
You give so much
So it's a mystery why
You get so little back
But I'll try and make it all up
I'll try
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
No different than before people! Tell me what you think!!!!!!
-:heart:-
Jenn
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07-29-2003, 08:46 PM
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#8 (permalink)
| Gnome
Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Earth ( most of the time )
Posts: 385
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That....is....AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :up: I love it! I can totally relate to that with by best friend!
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08-01-2003, 04:07 AM
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#9 (permalink)
| Firecrab
Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: MIDDLE TN
Posts: 898
| Quote: Originally posted by FireboltFlyer@Jul 29 2003, 08:53 PM That....is....AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :up: I love it! I can totally relate to that with by best friend! DITTO!!!!!!!!!
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08-01-2003, 08:33 PM
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#10 (permalink)
| Back to Hufflepuff Nogtail
Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Finland
Posts: 4,705
Graduated |
*Clap clap clap*
Bravo! Encore, encore!
*Throws flowers*
__________________ **Graphics made by Loki** |
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08-02-2003, 05:19 PM
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#11 (permalink)
| Augurey
Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Here
Posts: 11,990
| Here or not er, DITTO!
__________________ Graphics made by: Luna Laufghudd |
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08-14-2003, 12:23 AM
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#12 (permalink)
| Imp
Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: At your neck!
Posts: 489
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Hmmmmmm......... i wonder where I;ve heard those before? totally love them as usual!!! LUFF YOU!!!
Luff Always,
Your Soul Sista
__________________ What shall I call thee when thou art a man? |
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08-14-2003, 12:30 AM
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#13 (permalink)
| Imp
Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: At your neck!
Posts: 489
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Hey .Jenn!!!!!!! AWESOME poems (I'ts Soul Sista's sista on Alyonna's comp) Anyway AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!
Please write more!!!!!!!!!!
__________________ What shall I call thee when thou art a man? |
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08-14-2003, 08:36 PM
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#14 (permalink)
| Bundimun
Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: MA
Posts: 26
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wow, i was crying after A Night Prayer, i didnt know how much you cared for him Jenn
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08-14-2003, 08:41 PM
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#15 (permalink)
| Bundimun
Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: MA
Posts: 26
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*A Nighttime Prayer :crysmile:
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08-14-2003, 08:48 PM
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#16 (permalink)
| Firecrab
Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: behind your house
Posts: 773
Hogwarts RPG Name: Darian Fifth |
THESE :crysmile:...ARE :crysmile: ...AWESOME! :crysmile: :crysmile: :crysmile: I LOVE SOUL SISTA!
__________________ SNPKLSDMBLDR *whistlewhistle* |
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08-17-2003, 07:34 PM
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#17 (permalink)
| Firecrab
Join Date: Sep 2002
Posts: 941
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*Eyes fill with tears* I never knew I had so many fans! This........is...........great!!!!!!!!!!!
Here's another poem that I thought up.......gee, I'll have to write some more!!!!!! Waiting
Waiting, waiting, waiting
Will it come today?
Hoping, wishing
Please come today
Day's over
Not today
I know it couldn't have been today
Prehaps tomorrow
New day
I hope it comes today
I bet it comes, yes, I know
It's coming today
Day's ended
It didn't come today
But if it wasn't today, and it wasn't yesterday
It's got to be tomorrow
Now it has to come today
It's the perfect day for it to come
Now all I have to do is wait
wait
wait
Day's over
It wasn't today
I'm getting pretty sick of this
It's been a long, long time
It probably won't be tomorrow
But that's ok
It'll be here someday
Soon
Till then, I'll wait
Wait
And when it comes
I'll write
When it comes
Tomorrow
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
OK, that's not one of my best ones, but it's still pretty good. Can you guess what I was waiting for. No one knows, except mayyyyyyybe Alyonna, I don't know if she figured it out. Anyway, a few things to say:
Alyonna's sister- Thanks a bunch! Guess appraising my poems runs in your family...lol
Fenboy62- AHHHHHHHHHH! I should have know......stupid........stupid..........stupid.... ........
Keep reading/reviewing! I'll be back soon with more poems!!!!!!!!
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08-18-2003, 02:04 AM
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#18 (permalink)
| Gnome
Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Muggle world :(
Posts: 392
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uh...Waiting was....slow. No offense, it was nice repatition and rythm, specially with that last "write".
It seemed dry, without much emotion. Try building up reasoning in the first couple stanzas, and then conclude cuz the last part was nice, but it didn't have a lot of affect cuz I didn't have much understanding of why it was that way.
__________________ If all the world were made of paper, And all the sea of ink, And all the trees were bread and cheese, What would we have to drink? |
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08-19-2003, 04:50 PM
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#19 (permalink)
| Imp
Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: At your neck!
Posts: 489
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that was amazing and yes i do know what it is and yes i have read this one before (as all the others) and hey guess what? I'm gonna start my own poetry portfolio thingy!!! YAY!!! sorry, this is supposed to be your glory moment so back to you, that was simply amazing!!!
:flowersmile: :flowersmile: :flowersmile: - for you!
__________________ What shall I call thee when thou art a man? |
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08-19-2003, 10:59 PM
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#20 (permalink)
| Firecrab
Join Date: Sep 2002
Posts: 941
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Ok, here it goes again So Close
You were so close,
I could have snatched you up in my grasp.
The tension was so thick it could have been cut with a kinfe
I was so sure........
But then you left.
I thought it was right
This seemed a better time
A few more minutes, and you'd be mine
I knew it, I knew it.......
But then you went with someone else
I thought you were over her
I thought you liked me now
I thought that this was the moment
The moment I'd been waiting for........
But then someone else came.
I've been waiting too long
Should I give up?
You've given me reason to
I've almost stopped believing until.........
You come up to me ask ask me to be yours again
****************
A bit weird, I know, but I wrote that on the spot. It's my life right now, except for the last line. That's what I want to happen.
Plese review!
-Jenn
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08-20-2003, 07:03 PM
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#21 (permalink)
| Imp
Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: At your neck!
Posts: 489
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that was beautiful, simply beautiful, and so sad... and yet so poetic. so filled with emotion, so.......... you!!! nice job keep it up!
__________________ What shall I call thee when thou art a man? |
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08-20-2003, 07:36 PM
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#22 (permalink)
| Billywig
Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: USA
Posts: 3,204
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This is great. Really good writing. If I HAD to pick, I especially loved the emotion and writing in "Waiting." That was a really good one. Keep writing, you're a great poet!
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08-21-2003, 07:50 PM
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#23 (permalink)
| Imp
Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: At your neck!
Posts: 489
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CAN'T...GO...ON...MUST...HAVE...MORE!!!!!!!!1
__________________ What shall I call thee when thou art a man? |
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08-25-2003, 03:51 PM
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#24 (permalink)
| Firecrab
Join Date: Sep 2002
Posts: 941
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Here's another "on the spot" poem My Special Memory
The beating of the music
Pounds through my heart
The floor rumbles
The music is so loud
And yet, between us
There's silence
So soft and quiet
I can hear my friends next to me
Breathing
We could talk
But we couldn't hear each other over the music
So loud, so close
Pounding into my head
But we don't want to talk
It would distrupt the silence between us.
The floor rocks with the music, swaying, swaying
You fall if you're still
And yet, we're standing
Practically standing
Except swaying to the beat
Of the music
There's a bubble around us
So quiet, so calm, so still
So peaceful
So right
So perfect
I don't think it could get better
Till....
We're connected
The most powerful connection in the world
Tidal waves of emotion are burstinginside me
We're one
As quickly as it starts, it stops
The beat changes, it's new music
I'm left with the memory of that moment
Tatooed into my head forever
Uneraseable for all eternity
And it's mine
My own
My special memory
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hey, that didn't come out too bad! I kinda like it!!!!! Tell me what you think!!!!
-Jenn
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08-26-2003, 06:50 PM
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#25 (permalink)
| Imp
Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: At your neck!
Posts: 489
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wow that was ............ words are not enough to describe how amazing that was. and i still cant believe you didnt show it to me first. that was .......... wow. i have never read anything like it. its like i'm a completely different person now. i .......... i dont know what to say.
__________________ What shall I call thee when thou art a man? |
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