So just like everyone else, I started out and I sucked. I would start with maybe the third one, I'm hesitant to erase the failures, because there should be evidence of the fact that I have done some truly awful stuff. So start maybe with 'the Anorexic Id', (AKA 'Paint an Inch Thick', title's still in the air) and from there, most should be almost adequate. I hate to beg for readers, but I don't have many, so if you could take the time to tell me what you think, I can take just about anything.

Here's a little song I wrote:

Here I come rushing in,
With all of my vulnerable emotions,
I got carried blindly in,
By that treacherous, fantasy-ocean

With sweet nerve-endings bared,
I hit the rock, betrayed by fantasy,
Not his fault; he never cared
I'll retreat to my sea of fallacy.
...Only to run back again...
Silly me

I know that it's all my fault,
And I've got no one to blame but myself,
I can taste the stinging salt,
Self injuriy's not good for my health.
...But I do it anyways...
Silly me.

I wish you were in the wrong,
But no, you've been nothing but good to me,
Killed myself; cried all night long,
I'm the one who's wrong, please just forget me

I've got no explanations,
I come screaming, claiming I've got something,
Far less than expectations
Maybe I'm dramatic; tell you one thing:
I think this pain is comfort...
Silly me...

(Bridge)

Don't think that you don't know me,
Cause though I tried to feel your perception,
I promise, you have felt me,
I promise, there was no grand deception

Don't jump to that conclusion,
Because I know there's something real inside,
No shallow evolution,
Because the changes were futile and died.
...I'm scared, but I love you...
Silly me

I know that it's all my fault,
And I've got no one to blame but myself,
I can taste the stinging salt,
Self injuriy's not good for my health.
...I'm scared, but I love you...
Silly me


Constructive critisizm is very much appreciated

i really dont think that can be critcized, except by those who dont know wut youre talking about. that line: Self injuriy's not good for my health./...But I do it anyways..., i know exactly what you're talking about, because its happened to me too, and it is painful, but you dont notice it below the pain of the other thing. And that pain never seems to go away until you realize that its pointless to hold onto it, and yet it still stays. That's what emotion is all about. and this song just completely hit me with the emotion and pain it holds. i just wanted to tell you that i absolutely love it.

Wow, thanks! I feel really proud when I can write something that strikes home for somebody. Thank you for taking the time to tell me how you felt, I really appreciate it.

Here's one I jotted down for my sisters... It's sort of deep, but it sort of makes sense too.

What’s it like to be a man?
Do you feel the moon crying?
Do you worship the night,
And linger if you can?
Is the golden sun lying?
Do you hate the judging light?

Do you bleed for your purity?
Are your tears impotent?
Do they fall in vain and scorn?
Do you smile through insecurity?
Do you wait for the starlit moment,
When a life, and your purpose, is born?

The golden god is your lord,
The silver goddess is mine,
You are the king of your kind,
And I am the queen of mine,
The beloved tomorrow is your kingdom,
But my love, the freezing tonight is mine.

Titles?

very very very very extremely good. that one hit it exactly as well, i know exactly what your talking about, nice job. few poems can actually do that to me, i think this is like teh 3rd or something, not many.

Silver and Gold.... how's that for a title? Any suggestions? Thanks so much Alyonna, I'm really glad you like it!

Lovely, I just merged them as it states in the rules you must have only 1 topic for all your things.

-Fuzi

Awesome, thanx!

Wow, here's a really dark one...

The Anorexic Id

Number three, seven, nine,
that’s the wheel I am and I smile just fine
I slip between the cracks,
Made bigger by the axe,
Of something my body lacks,
While Ignoring the facts,
Of the beauty within,
All because I’ve never been thin!
So I'll paint an inch thick,
And let the hunger make me sick,
'Cause family meals are just a trick,
To try to make my body thick.
Oh things are better when you’re pretty,
I wanna get out of this city,
Of caring people and looks of pity,
Gee ain’t it ******?!
Things are better on the other side,
Of the blue jean spectrum of slim and wide,
I’ll cross the great divide...
Things will be better on the other side...
But life is starting miss me,
New Years came and no one kissed me,
It’s my birthday, what will my one wish be?
You thought I was smarter than that,
That I'm good within, so it doesn’t matter that I’m fat,
But I’ve got my own style of insanity,
I’m as deep as a well but I’m full to the brim,
Of cynical optimistic vanity!
I never cared to much about my hair,
But I don't remember a time,
When I didn't stare and compare,
The legs of my friends with mine.
I was the only kindergartner in school,
Who felt a little guilty everytime she ate,
Who lived beneath the mirror's tyrranical rule,
And sat on the scale, crying off the weight
“You’re gonna be sick!”
The stupid ego said,
“Paint an inch thick!”
The superego said,
"MAKE ME PRETTY OR MAKE ME DEAD!"


...There goes the oddball id.
I guess I’ll paint an inch thick...
I guess I already did.

Here's a song I wrote, sort of like the last one... I promise, eating disorders are not all that I write about, but they were begging to be written.



You Won't Be Eating Anymore

You let your weaknesses provoke you,
So take your Q-tip in your freezing hand,
Don't let their loving eyes revoke you,
They'll make you lonely if they can,

Open wide your trembling lips and vomit,
Stir up your worst regrets and force them out,
Let the pain come flowing like a sonnet,
Let it tumble out your wretched mouth

A screaming silence fills your innocent ears,
As troubles seep from out your sorry nose and eyes,
They look to me like ordinary tears,
But they are just your sins in disguise,

Open wide your trembling lips and vomit,
Stir up your worst regrets and force them out,
Let the pain come flowing like a sonnet,
Let it tumble out your wretched mouth

Acid and saliva stream down your aching face,
And you're not hungry anymore,
You cry for the pain that is your saving grace,
But you won't be eating anymore,
You won't be eating anymore.

Hi Auradell! Don't feel bad about advesrtising yourself... I have to do it all the time... (weep)

Anyway, I don't know what you weant by "people run away when they see my name on it." You have a lot more people reading your work than I do! In any case, you're poetry is quite good, though if I had to give you a piece of advise, you seem to enjoy stating thing two or three times in different ways. Poetry and stories are like watching a movie, when you see a character reach the same conclusion serveral times, it gets boring. Other than that, I have no complaints! Keep writing!

This is for JessieHeart, as you requested, something new... it's about falling in love in my basement

Something New, Something Knew

The air was hot but it seemed much colder,
Your fingers lay entwined with mine,
My frightened eyes fit nicely on your shoulder,
I wasn’t looking for a sign,
But suddenly it was staring me in the face,
Suddenly I didn’t know what to say,
And my tongue had a brand new taste.
A dead body floated up from beneath,
You jumped in fear as your shell fell away,
And I could see the beautiful soul underneath,
This was something new.
Your fingers lay entwined with mine,
And suddenly I knew,
I didn’t want to face the passing time,
But to be forever in this moment with you...
With the hot air that seemed much colder...
And my eyes fitting nicely on your shoulder.

This isn't usually my style, but I thought I'd give it a whirl

The Colder Shoulder

I know it’s true.
That life’s not fair,
But certainly,
It’s no excuse,
To stand there,
In front of me,
My life beneath you,
Heart open to the air,
Free to bleed.
And you,
Just standing there,
Giving me,
The colder shoulder.


Yes, I have a thing for shoudlers

No rhyme scheme here, enjoy!

Loud and Drunk
It's nearly eleven o'clock,
She escapes, and heads down the block
She finds a piece of open sky,
And she is happy, all alone.
Without the careless passerby,
Her words cannot be heard,
By anyone at home.

Things are loud and drunk at home.
She doesn't want to be there,
When maternal inhibitions break,
And the bitter truth hangs in heavy air.

Her father "doesn't drink"
And he goes to all him meetings,
But his eyes are hazy and he doesn't blink,
And she loathes his throaty breathing.

This is something i just started writing... with no inhibitions at all... just freestylin' to a beat... wow I love angry-white-girl-emo/rap!!!

A Walking Contradiction

It took me six hours to eat that Darn it! pomegranate. My tongue burned cran-apple, typed in your name, it said “access granted”. *******! You always felt the way you felt, You always made me crazy, just the way you smelled. Nothing is clear, and everything’s hazy. Now my knuckles are starting to melt. We all pretend to be crazy. Of course the rhymes are forced. I never could write, not like you, but look; what a sight: See, I’m the uncertain one, sitting on the horse. I’m looking straight ahead, you’d think I’d know, but then again, we and I put on a show; the real me might just be dead. The only issues that I’ve got, are things I’d rather not, ever tell you or anyone about, I’m in and then I’m out, but I’m not going to leave without, that happy ending. What I know is bending, into something I don’t recognize, self disgust can be heart-rending, but I can’t get enough of my own eyes. Everything I say, is a contradiction in a way, to everything I know, so I’m never going to grow. I’m tired of explaining, you and I are never going to learn, I’m tired of complaining, it’s your turn to burn, in the heat of my concern. I’m a walking contradiction. And not the good kind. My non-existent affliction, is just plain stupid, like life from behind. It’s pathetic, like cupid. Nothing anybody says can please us, and we don’t believe in urban legends like jesus. So there! Who’s being difficult? I never got too worked up, about being hypocritical. I don’t care! Walk away from me! I never let myself believe, that I could hurt anyone but me. Only swear words rhyme with fruit. I made a loop-de-loop, no, a fruit loop, by the way, to draw attention away from WATERMELON is the answer! I should have been a Cancer. I want to write a book about romance or, maybe angst or, crap I’ll never be a dancer! But I’ll call it the fighting pineapple. Now I’ve got to say Snapple. But yeah, That’s a million-dollar name, at least in my domain. I’m not cool enough to be crazy. Being misunderstood is in. And being brilliant, but sad and lazy. They try to make you think they’re crazy, crazy beautiful, or lazy pitiful, anything to feel alive. But I’ll survive, with out your waning affections, all I really need is my reflection, and a great big world to play in, a sweet-smelling bed to lay in, and a peaceful state of mind to stay in. And I can see, the beauty in me, and I do love beauty, but if I can’t be beauty, to anyone but me nevermind! I can’t see. This has gone on, too long, the light, is starting to make me sick, good night, sorry if I made you sick... NOT.

This one I tried to vary my choice of words a little, to make it sound more like me actually talking. It's a bit more of a narrative than anything I've really done so far... see what you think... even though no one is seeing these AT ALL, haha.


Oh My God

One night, somewhere, someplace in the past,
But it really doesn't matter when,
I lay in a bed that seemed colder then,
And regretful tears were falling fast.
I had never felt so entirely lost,
My hopes were about as high as dirt,
I was burned out, turned down and hurt,
And even the happy thoughts came at a cost.
And out of nowhere I started articulating;
Through the bleak and twisted emotional hell,
Came fragments of truth, and things I really felt,
Though random and aimlesss and often reiterating.
I was all alone, naked soul open to the air,
Too vulnerable for human eyes to see,
All my precious secrets dancing out in front of me,
Too painful for loving hearts to bear.
But to have something listening above me!
Something above the human's understanding,
Something above the human's reprimanding,
A perfect, invisible, silent force to love me.
And I said,
"Oh my god,"

I think this is my favorite. I really like it.


You gave me something

I cried unrequitted
Screaming all or nothing
You played uncomitted
Looking back for something
You were good and sensible
You looked at me with something
I was reprehensible
And I took all the nothing

Wow...Just wow...That was...wow. Ahem anyways those were good they are better than mine. Just wondering if u ever sent a poem to poetry.com....u can enter some in contests and stuff. its really good keep posting.

Thank you so much! I'll have to check out Poetry.com, thanks for the info!

You are truely a great writer. I know that you will make it far. I think that A walking Contradiction is my favortie. It really has no limitations. It was fun, witty and angry all at once. I love hate. Okay secondly, In Oh my god, there is just something that doesnt fit right here, I mean it is great and very intrigueing but I think this is what threw me off from the beginig.
Okay, Tears and a cold bed fit in perfectly together, but I dont think that the word wicked worked too well in there. The rest of your poem seems very intellectual, and wicked just kinda threw me off there. Also, I think you threw fast in there just to rhyme, but it still sounds just as good. =) Okay now on loud and drunk, I think this is a very good poem, except for your rhymetical changes. The begining has no rhyme scheme and the rest of it rhymes very well. But the poem itself is very powerful.

I love them all and just wanted to provide you with some helpful critisim as you did to me!

Thanks so much! Constructive criticism is my favorite! I'll definately try to work on those, thanks for taking the time to tell me what you really think!

You Ain't Seen Nothin' Yet
I should have been a lesbian,
But I wasted all my time,
Trying to be a thespian.
And now all that I really am,
Is a lukewarm drama queen,
With a tongue like the hoover dam.
And if that great big dam should break,
Mama’s gonna buy me a birthday cake,
But will you be there when I awake?

this is all really good!!

Wow, thanx!

Here's one more,

Dead Perfection
I live in a playground divine,
And I’m swinging on a swing in between,
Two volatile extremes,
I’m getting closer all the time,
When I find the stillness of the golden mean,
I’ll be sleeping without dreams.

The Easy Way Out

We were silent like the grave,
Frozen mist coating brittle throats,
We were something I might have saved.
All the hope wasn’t enough to float.
My greatest friend is well and fine,
But it wasn’t worth the risk of his sorry lips,
Simply still, not wanting mine.
I was wrenched from the white-hot plastic grip,
Of the final line of communication,
Of the sickening ringing from a telephone,
Of the coward’s means of confrontation,
Missing the feel of a shoulder bone.
I like to think it’s all his fault,
Denial is more than just a river.
So I couldn’t have it all...
The depth of him still made me shiver.
I didn’t look beneath the steel blue line,
Beneath the bitter ultimatum,
The pain’s not worth something only fine,
It's easier to cry and hate him.

The Land of Someday
The pretty present came in the mail today,
Potato in my hand, I had to stay,
And listen to the ticking of a passing sun,
The bitter countdown had just begun,
I was fully paralyzed,
My life was fully sterilized,
And only a few seconds remained
Until the day was drained,
Until the dark hailed in my friend,
Until the sunset bomb announced the end,
Of another wasted day.
Oh sweet dreams won’t you take me away,
To the beautiful land of someday?