Henry is good, he's a bit peeved that i haven't been including him in my fics much lately - i might make him the star of my next one.

BTW, thanks ever so much for the Henry avatar - i love it!

Part One: The Arrival

Henry, after growing tired of guarding the Weasley’s vegetable patch from Gnomes, which don’t taste very good, decided to visit Hogwarts with his owner, me. I was going to Hogwarts to participate in the first annual EEFFD Croquet game, even though I couldn’t play croquet.

We arrived at Hogwarts on a beautiful sunny summer’s day. Henry landed gracefully on the lawn in front of the castle. I leapt off his back gracefully, and walked gracefully towards the castle. In the distance I saw two blond haired people and two cloaked individuals. Being the intrepid investigator (i.e nosy person) that I am, I walked over to have a look. I quickly recognized the two blond haired people as Lucius and Draco Malfoy, and the cloaked beings as Bill and Bob, the dementors in pink tights, and stars of one of my recent fics. The four of them seemed deep in conversation. As I moved closer, I heard the following things:

“Bill, Bob, I’m concerned about Draco. I believe he may be dishonouring the family name by not being thouroughly evil enough at school, and not terrorizing enough of the students. I want you two to follow Draco around and help him strike fear into the hearts of everyone here. I know how scary and intimidating the both of you can be, especially after your march on the ministry to…”
At this precise moment Lucius’s speech was cut short by a squealing noise emanating from Bob’s trousers.
“Bob, why are your tights squealing?” asked Bill. Bob picked a baby pig out of the front of his tights and held it in his arms.
“It’s for my asthma – um yeah madame Pomphrey told me bacon would help my asthma, but the house elves ate it all, so Benji here has to substitute. He’s in my pants because I don’t have any pockets” Bob said matter-of-factly, but with a shifty look in his eyes.

PLEASE read an reply, any comments will be appreciated (and possibly rewarded)

lmao.
Oh terrific explaination for the piggy in the pants bit Kirstie, I loved it......keep it going, I want to see what happens next.

Very, very funny!

The conclusion of my 'thrilling' story...

Part Two: Things turn to custard

“That’s not a very good excuse, in fact, it sounds a bit far fetched” said Henry, who was standing behind me.
“YIPES! A Dragon!!” Lucius screamed, picked up the long green skirt he was wearing, and ran off squealing like a little girl.

Bill and Bob tried to contain their contemptuous snickering, then looking at the distraught look on Draco’s face, Bill said “ So THAT’s where he got the predisposition to wear a pink dress from – suppressed paternal instincts”
“Nice use of big words there Bill” said Bob. “ I also detect a faint smell of parsley emanating from his robes – I think he has a herb obsession.”
“Too right Bob, I concur wholeheartedly” said Bill.

It was at this moment I got bored and decided to go and find the croquet action. Henry also got bored and ate a few random slytherin students.

I walked around the corner of the castle to find a large group of Elite Evil Eliters. The three founders Cassirin, Lotus and Zymurgy were all there, looking particularly evil. Hoig was trying to round up all her hedgehogs, helped by Born2Mugglz. I looked to my left and saw what looked like Edge in a Broccoli costume. I turned to Cassirin and said “What’s Edge doing in a Broccoli costume?”
“That’s no costume. He and B2M had a bit of an argument, and it escalated into a duel. We’re waiting on Madame Pomphrey to come fix him” She said, grinning evilly.
Lotus came up to me then, I said hello, then she said “Yeah and then like Papa Smurf told Gargamel to eat his smurfy shorts"
“O-okay” I said, backing away.
“She’s been talking to Fred and George, they gave her some of their elixir – she’s been like that ever since” Zymurgy said.

Draco walked past the group, scowling and looking like he was about to cry, followed closely by Bill and Bob. I could hear their comments:
“He exhibits a strange fascination with the colours green and silver – that shows a tendency for making floral arrangements when agitated”
“He smells like cabbage”
They soon were out of earshot, thankfully.

I turned towards the croquet field, and saw the match about to begin. Zy took the first swing, and the hedgehog rolled through the hoop thing. It then, instead of staying where it landed, it got up and walked back towards Hoig. Cass, Lotus, Edge, B2M and everyone else tried, but all the other hedgehogs did the same, and the game was stopped, with Zy being proclaimed the winner, as she was the only person who managed to get her hedgehog through a hoop.

THE END

The dare was as follows:

Lotus's dare:
1. A character must for some reason be a fruit or vegetable.
2. Dementors, Bill and Bob, follow Draco around the school taking notes, grading or otherwise making useless observations about him.
3. Lucius must be seen to pick up his skirts and run off squeeling.
4. You must include this line: "Yeah and then like Papa Smurf told Gargamel to eat his smurfy shorts".
5. Someone is hiding a baby pig in their pants and keeps making far fetched excuses for it.
6. The EEFFD, sick of partying, decide to play a game of Croquet (crow-kay) in honour of their successful evilness.......Alice in Wonderland style, using Hoig's army of Hedgehogs as balls.
Due date: 4th June.

Oh Hahahaha great Kirstie!
My fav moments are as follows:
LOL

Haha stuborn Hogs!

This shall be my first ever double dare - it's going to be a long one, so i'm posting it in short, easily digestable pieces. Enjoy!

Dumbledore was short of money – again. Now it was time to pay the staff their monthly salaries, and the Hogwarts Vault was dangerously empty. He became desperate, and decided to ring some people using a muggle phone and see if he could get some items for an auction.

The first person he rang, he thought was the old phone company, but it was actually the Dursley’s.

"Hello? Is that the old phone company? Can I please order a pair of squishy maroon socks with a talking leopard? And self-drinking soda?" Dumbledore asked politely.

“What are you talking about?” yelled Uncle Vernon. He then hung up.


Dumbledore thought he’d try the Superhero’s hangout, they were always up for donating to ‘charity’.

The phone rang twice and then was answered by a woman.

“Hello, Superheroes Incorporated, Catwoman speaking. How may I help you?”

“Hello Catwoman, this is Albus Dumbledore, from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I wish to speak with Batman, your head of the Charity division.”

“Albus, how good to hear from you. I’m putting you through now”


Random superhero-y type music was played for a short moment, and then Albus was connected.

“Charity Division, Batman speaking”

“Batman, it’s me Albus – look I need a favour. I’m arranging a charity auction, and I would like you to attend, and possibly offer dinner with yourself, and another superhero, as an auction item.”

“I dunno Albus – we’ve been really busy here lately. I don’t know how we could find the time”

“I believe you owe me Batman – I know you remember that incident in Guatemala with the Monkeys. How I saved you from the embarrassment of s-”

Batman interrupted quickly. “yes, I remember, I wish I could forget. Okay, we have an agreement - Ah it's just as well. Not like I was going to pay him to let me feed his purple iguana mangoes anyways."

“Excellent. Who will be your fellow Superhero – so I can put it on the advertising” said Albus.

“Let me see – I’ll look in our Database” frantic typing ensued, “Oh dear – it seems the only ‘Person’ available is Scooby-Doo”

“That’s fine. See you and Scooby on Saturday then, Bye”

Albus hung up.

His next call was to MTV (don’t ask me why, it will all become crystal clear later). He spoke to a Johhny Knoxville, who seemed very keen to come to Hogwarts and bring his friends and wreak some havoc. Albus didn’t know who this fellow was, but well, he needed money pretty badly. Snape was already threatening to beat him up if he didn’t get paid on time, because he was a coffee addict and was running out of money for his Mocha’s. He was already suffering coffee withdrawal, with paranoia. Everywhere he was going, he was dashing from tree to tree, statue to statue, bench to bench, etc.

Albus also managed to get Evanescence to come perform at Hogwarts on the day of the auction. All in all, he thought he’d done pretty well.

The day of the auction arrived, and the students and staff alike had converged on the shore of the lake to partake in the festivities. Snape was hiding in the bushes. Harry, Ron and Hermione were excited. Harry was a huge Evanescence fan, so he was trying to get into their trailer to meet Amy. Ron had dragged Hermione over to where Johnny Knoxville and other associated john q people were hanging out. They were planning a prank, involving Snape, a catapult, 3 frogs, Bam Margera and Custard.
Ron and Hermion were talking to them when they saw two guys over near the john q van arguing and having a silly girly slapping fight. They went over to investigate.

Very good!
Are you going to write more? I would so love to find out what happens!
I wanna know who wins the date with Batman and Scooby Doo!

i will finish it eventually - it's kind of a block for me at the moment. i should have it finished by the end of the week

As they drew nearer, they realised that the two people fighting weren't really people at all, they were the ghosts of James and Sirius. Ron and hermione ran forward to split them up, but as many people know, it is very hard to stop people fighting when you can't grab hold of them. James girly slapped Ron, and so they decided to let them fight, seeing as they weren't inflicting any damage to each other. Ron and Hermione walked towards the main stage and saw Neville off to the side sneakily doing something with a bottle of ketchup. They walked closer to see him pouring sugar into the ketchup. they then saw him take the bottle over to where Johhny Knoxville was sitting at a table eating and talking to Dumbledore. Handing Johhny the bottle of Ketchup, Neville started to laugh maniacally, then quietened when he was given a weird look by johhny. Johnny then pured the ketchup on his fries and started to eat them. Tasting the sugary ketchup, he grimaced and made to grab Neville. At this moment Neville started with the crazy laughter again, turned and started to run away - he didn't get very far when he tripped on a baseball bat. Johnny started laughing and said "It's only funny until someone gets hurt - then it's hilarious!"
To this statement dumbledore replied "I only have one thing to say. And that is..................... wee wee wee all the way home" and he ran to the stage, realising that it was time to announce the winner of dinner with Batman and Scooby-Doo.

Ron and Hermione walked further towards the stage and saw Draco talking to an unfamiliar blond girl. They walked over.
"Weasley, Mudblood - this is my cousin from Russia, Ursula"
"Hello " said Ron and Hermione
"Hellosh it ish very nish zu meet uz" said Ursula.
"What did you say?" said Ron. After trying to have a conversation with the girl for a few minutes, the pair decided to leave them alone.

Dumbledore stepped up to the microphone holding a small bit of paper.
"Is this thing on? testing 1,2,3 - Raspberries!" he exclaimed, for no particular reason other than i need to put that in somewhere.
"I'm pleased to announce the winner of the dinner with Batman and Scooby-Doo is ...... Professor McGonagall"
Professor McGonagall looked very pleased with herself and went on stage to collect her prize. Batman and Scooby-Doo looked a bit worried.
"And with that out of the way, let me introduce the musical entertainment for this evening - EVANESCENCE!!!"
The crowd went wild and Evanescence began to perform "Everybody's Fool"

The End

That was so so so so funny! More dares soon!

hehe, thanks for reading - i got another dare on the way, should be up by the end of the week.

Part one of Tabbycat's dare:

Professor Minerva McGonagall woke up early one morning and decided to go for a walk before breakfast. As she wandered around the lake, she saw a strangely attired man a little further along the shore. As she drew closer, she saw that it was Professor Snape in a purple bikini. Shocked and disturbed, Professor McGonagall quickly averted her eyes and ran in the opposite direction.

She ended up back in the castle and decided it was time for breakfast, so she went to the great hall, only to find that the doors were locked and a sign was attached to the door. Minerva leant in to read it….

Attention: To all Teachers / Heads of Houses / Students / Miscellaneous Staff / Randoms
Because of someones (*cough*Winky*cough*) inability to maintain basic house-elf hygiene standards, the Hogwarts Kitchen has been closed down by the Magical Food Safety Department. So you will all have to find your own food.

hahah great start. I cant wait to see where this is going. Somewhere evil yet tastefull and hilarious I bet.

Meanwhile, in the Gryffindor common room:

Fred and George, being the sprightly young things that they are, had already been downstairs and back, after seeing the aforementioned notice. Being ever so resourceful, they decided to use their ‘connections’ in hogsmeade to import some food of their own. They also decided, seeing as no-one else had any food either, to sell it at a very reasonable price, to make a little pocket money for themselves. They walked over to Lee, who was in the middle of telling a story to Angelina and Katie. Not being the types to interrupt (haha – not! This is Fred and George we’re talking about)

"This one time, I was playing snog the hippogriff with Dean and Fred and George, in this field outside Hogsmeade. It’s the most brilliant game ever Katie, want to practice snogging with me?” said Lee
Katie looked disgusted and turned away.
“Oh well anyway then we got thirsty so we went to Lotus’s Juice Hut and Sheep farm to get a smoothie. We started juggling with the fruit then this Merino tripped me up and then the pineapple fell in the toilet." Lee looked around awaiting the enthralled laughter he knew was coming. No one laughed.

Harry was hungry. No house elves meant no noodles, and Harry was obsessed with noodles. He needed noodles, and he needed them now. He was curled up in the foetal position in a chair by the fire trying to think of a plan.

Kirstie fanfics Rule!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*is so humble* yes they do Eric


Back by the Kitchen:
McGonagall, being the responsible Head of House that she is, decided she had better go and check on her students, who were most likely to be panicked and hungry. She turned and walked across the entrance hall. Not really looking where she was going, she bumped into an old man with a long black beard and walking stick, wearing bright green pants and an orange top, with a large sombrero on top.
“So sorry, I didn’t see you there – Professor Snape?!?!” she said.
The figure rushed off towards the dungeons, fuming. He could have sworn the disguise had worked on Dumbledore earlier that morning, but then again Dumbledore was an old man. Resolved to go to the lab and work on perfecting his disguise, Snape ran down the corridor, ignoring the single lonely shoe that was lying on the floor.

McGonagall, telling herself that she was delusional due to lack of food, scaled the stairs in record time. She was about to enter the Gryffindor common room when she noticed a small movement out of the corner of her eye. A piece of toast was in the corner, tap-dancing. Eating it quickly, McGonagall entered the portrait hole to find chaos. There were students everywhere, ripping furniture apart in vain attempts to find something to eat. Harry was in the corner, with something hanging out of his mouth. Striding over, McGonagall recognised them as being Professor Flitwick’s green suspenders.
"Potter! Put those green slimy suspenders back where you found them this instant!!"

He did as he was told. She then turned to the room full of Students and yelled “SILENCE” in a very Dumbledore-like way. They all went silent (surprise surprise). Professor McGonagall looked around the room, about to speak when she noticed there were 2 students missing. Two red-headed students…

“Where are Fred and George?” she asked. A few students pointed to the corner, where the twins were lying, their faces purple and furry, with carrots growing out of their ears. They were groaning slightly.
“What happened?” McGonagall asked Lee.
“Professor, they were hungry so they owled some food in from Hogsmeade, they meant to get it from the Three Broomsticks but they ended up getting off some dodgy looking Russian guy on the street.” Lee said.
“Better take them to the hospital wing I suppose” McGonagall said. She conjured up stretchers and floated the boys out into the hall, down the stairs and into the hospital wing.

The next morning…
There was a loud knocking at the castle door. Snape, who had just been to the kitchens to see Stewey, Dewey, and Ratatalouie the house elves to give them some industrial strength detergent to ‘clean’ Winky, answered the door. Standing outside was a door to door salesman, wearing a crisp blue suit and a big name badge that said “Hi, my name is Eric – I like Monkeys”.
“What do you want?” said Snape , who was clad only in boxers and a feather boa.
“Umm, are you interested in purchasing a velvet cage of miniature monkeys?” Eric said hopefully, trying not to laugh at Snape’s pasty skin.
“No” said Snape as he slammed the door and went back to bed, his breakfast in hand.

THE END

The dare was as follows:
TabbyCat's dare:
)Must be centered around Professor McGonagall. I dont think she gets enough credit and therefore this dare must be about her.
2) Someone must tell a story that begins with "This one time, I was playing snog the hippogrif..." and end with "...and then the pineapple fell in the tiolet."
3) The gruesome twosome(Fred&George) must become sick due to something extremely weird. And when I say weird I mean extravaganty and insanely weird.
4) Snape must make multiple obvious costume changes through out the fic. One must include a frether boa.
5)The following items must appear:
-a tapdancing piece of toast
-3 house elves names Stewey, Dewey, and Ratatalouie
-A door-to-door salesman selling something
-a single lonely shoe
6) McGonagall must say "Potter! Put those green slimy suspenders back where you found them this instant!!"

Oo yeah I am a character in the fanfic'




Yes I love u Kirstie

twas brill kristie. you did my dare justice. i especially liked

Alrighty, presenting my first ever poem fanfic. I apologize if my rhyming is a bit off, but yeah, so here goes:

Hairbrush Advetnure

Twas a random night in the Gryffindor Common Room,
And not a creature was stirring – except Crookshanks,
Who was skillfully hiding Hermione’s hairbrush
Under a sofa in the corner of the room.

As expected, she awoke with horrible bed hair,
And went searching for her sparkly purple brush.
She walked graciously down the Girl’s Dorm Stairs,
And saw Harry and Ron sitting there, looking flushed.

“What’s wrong?” she asked of the bespectacled one.
He replied “It’s the teachers, they’ve all gone nuts.
Dyed their hair purple, started speaking in tounges,
And worshipping the Evil Lotus”

“Oh no” said Hermione, concerned for their plight,
“Have either of you seen my hairbrush?”
At the mention of the word hairbrush Ron took flight,
Diving on top of the cubboard in quite a big rush.

“Ewwwwwww” he cried with digust,
“There’s this purple fuzzy pumpkin and tuna stuff
Up here – it’s gross and it smells really bad,
Worse than Fred’s old sweat socks!”

Hermione’s reaction was masked by a commotion outside,
They ran over to the window to see what made that noise,
And saw Lotus and Cassirin standing en guarde
Wands at the ready, preparing to strike.

“I make better juice than you Lotus” cried Cass.
“Na-ah, with my army of teachers I make the best” cried Lotus.
“Oh well, prepare to kiss my (insert word that rhymes with Cass here)”
And they battled for the prize of champion juicer.

THE END.

the dare was as follows:

Lotus's dare:
1. The students discover something shocking about the teachers.
2. Ron reacts badly to the word hairbrush.
3. Apearance of the purple fuzzy pumpkin stuff with tuna.
4. Evil Elite members engage in a battle against each other.
Due date: 7th September