Part Two:

Neville waited expectantly as the trio read their respective copies. It didn’t take them very long, as the newspaper was only one side of one bit of paper. Harry, being a speed reader, finished first and yelled “How dare you Neville? I do not have a secret stash of noodles hidden under my bed”. Harry stood and growled menacingly at Neville, then proceeded to chase Neville out of the Great Hall. Neville’s girlish screams could be heard throughout the entire school.

Ron turned to Hermione, who was being very quiet.

“What’s wrong, love muffin?”

“Am I r-really a dull and boring know it all who thinks she’s the bees knees?”

“Of course not. Neville’s just jealous – he called me a pompous windbag, but everyone knows that Percy’s the only pompous windbag in my family” said Ron, attempting to comfort Hermione. It didn’t work.

“That’s it. From now on, I’m all about having fun. I’ll be the biggest troublemaker ever.” Hermione said determinantly (sp?). She stood up and strode out of the hall, leaving Ron sitting by himself eating toast.

~*****~*****~*****~

Hermione’s plan began in Potions class. Snape had them concocting a tricky potion to remove odours from carpets when Hermione got out her wand, pointed it at Snape and said “Twinkelus”. Snape promptly began singing
“Twinkle twinkle little star
how I wonder what you are
up above the world so high,
like a diamond in the sky”
27 times. By that time, all the students had left the room, because Snapey doesn’t have the best singing voice.

“That was great Hermy, even better than when Dumbledore made Snape dress as Rudolph at Christmas, in that brown spandex jumpsuit. Mind you, Dumbldore did make a good Santa, and Flitwick looked the part of the elf…”

“Thanks Ron” interrupted Hermione. “Anyway, I gotta run. Tryouts start in an hour, I’ve got to get ready”

“Tryouts for what?”

“Cheerleading” Hermione said as she ran in the direction of Gryffindor Tower. Ron was perplexed, why would Hermione want to be a cheerleader? But then he realized that if she got in, he would be dating a cheerleader, and he liked that idea. He decided to go and find Harry, and go to watch the tryouts.

So far so good, Kirstie. I don't see this ending very happily for our darling Hermione, do you?

I am enjoying it. More, I say!

Part Three:

Ron found Harry sitting in his bed, eating a bowl of noodles.

“Come on Harry, you got to see Hermione try out for the Cheerleaders – they’re doing tryouts on the pitch soon” said Ron.

“Ok Ron, but can I bring my noodles with me?”

“Sure, whatever floats your boat”

They made their way down to the quidditch pitch, where a large crowd was gathering around a group of very nervous looking Gryffindor girls. Lavender, being the organizing busybody that she is, was in charge and therefore by default captain of the squad. Among the girls trying out were Parvati (who thought she’d definitely get in – seeing as she is Lavender’s best friend), Ginny (who was there for a bit of a laugh, and for something to do until she could evilly make her way onto the quidditch team by making one of the other members dissapear – she hadn’t decided who yet), Hermione of course, and Zymurgy, Lotus and Cassirin (who weren’t Gryffindor’s, but decided their evil presences were required to keep this story interesting). Lavender strode forward and said “ All right ladies, lets begin. Who wants to go first?”

“I will” said Parvati. She grabbed some pompoms and performed a routine to “Weasley is our King!” – she did okay I suppose – it’s not really important how she does though. Hermione went next, did her best impression of Britney Spears, shaking her groove thing and cheering very loudly (she was much better than Parvati). Ginny also did very well.Then the triefeminate (sp?) founders of the EEFFD walked forward. The crowd fell silent, anticipating the evilness that was sure to come.

Zy began by stomping her foot rhythmically on the ground. Cassirin and Lotus followed suit.

“BRRRRRR! It’s cold in here,
There must be some evilness in the atmosphere.
I said BRRRRRR! It’s cold in here,
We’re here to show you an evil cheer!” they sang.

Lots of evil cheering-ness ensued. When they finished the crowd applauded loudly. Lavender did not look happy, as she felt she was being shown up.

“That’s it! Tryouts are finished! The list will be put up in the Gryffindor common room tomorrow”

Kirstie! How DARE you!? Snapeykins has the most DARLING singing voice EVER! Have you ever heard his rendition of Figaro from "The Barber of Seville"?

... loved Ron using "love muffin" again...

Evilness.

For the record: I do NOT dance. Keep that in mind. Not only are we evil, and elite, we are all overly tall and clumsy. I probably would have tripped over my skirt or something. Which is hard if your skirt doens't reach your feet. Or my glasses would have fallen off and I would have ended up in the Saraha by mistake. As you will.

MWAHAHAHAHA

sorry Zy, Mayb he had a cold?

Anyway the concluding chapter in my story - Part 4:

The next day…

Hermione was very keen to see if she had made it onto the squad so she followed Lavender around like a bad smell, continually asking her if she had made it. Lavender finally turned around and said “No you haven’t. with the Evil Eliter’s, Parvati, Myself and Ginny, we simply have no need for you”

“Fine” said Hermione. “ I’ve been offered a place on the Slythrin Cheerleading team anyway – see you in Divination.” She then stormed off. In Divination she was determined to answer faster than Lavender, so she did, even though she didn’t know most of the answers because she wasn’t actually enrolled in the class, but Trelawney didn’t care. Lavender was infuriated by this, so she resolved to answer better than Hermione in all their other classes, which wasn’t hard because Hermione had given up trying to be all smart and stuff, and was too busy pulling pranks on teachers and students to notice.

The next night was the quidditch match. Hermione was looking good in her green and silver outfit. She led the Slytherin girls in a cheer entitled “Slytherin rox!!”:

“Oh Slytherin! Oh Slytherin!
We Love you! You Rock!
Show those Gryffindor’s who’s Boss!
Slytherin rox my socks off!!

To that, the Gryffindor Cheerleader’s replied:

“Gryffindor’s got the best team around,
So Slytherin’s you ain’t got a chance!
Ronald Weasley makes us proud,
He makes us wanna dance!

After the game Ron went up to Hermione and insisted that she was fine the way she used to be, and that she needed counseling. He reminded her that he was a love doctor/psychiatrist and so he counseled her and everything went back to normal, with the happy couple more in love than ever.

(sorry about the mushiness people. had to wrap the story up quickly)

the original dare was:

devils_work's dare:
--A Gryffindor has to yell during a Quidditch match "Slytherin rox my sox off!"
--Hermione tries out for a cheerleading squad [its up to you if she makes it or not]
--A boy starts a newpaper which only has a gossip coloumn
--Someone has to start singing 'Twinkle twinkle' during potions
--Dumbledore dresses up as Santa Claus on christmas day, and Snape as Rudolph
--Either Parvati or Lavendar (or both) answer questions better and faster than Herm ever did in all classes except Divination.

This was absolutely brilliant, Kirstie!!!
Absolutely magnificent!!!

That's a nice spell... Twinkelus...

Hurrah!!! More evillness to our drugginator Flitwick...

Now, I imagine them wearing cheerleader clothes... What a sight!!! :whisle: :whisle:

Excellent mushiness... Maybe I could go to DR. Ron for my love problems???

Okies!!! Here, have a herb... :herb:
Or maybe a peach...
Do you want a take home...
And some bananas too...

thanks Edge! i shall put the herbs on my pizza and have the peach for dessert. i better not eat the dancing bananas tho - they might give me indigestion.

I'm a cheerleader? That frightens me, because, as Zy said I'm tall and clumsy.

Edge! *smacks him* Avert thine eyes!

Excellent work, Kirstie. Very clever... I"m glad you're back. We missed you!

awww *sniff* thanks Cass.

i'm sure you three were wearing very modest cheerleading outfits.

Anyway, here's the first bit of Evlpez's dare:


Hi, my name is Gilderoy Lockhart. Kirstie kindly asked me to write this for her, and because she is scary and evil

Excuse me!

Sorry, really I mean she’s lovely – no really she is. Anyway I’m to write about my re-admittance to H-h- where am I?

Hogwarts, Gilderoy

Thanks. Anyway I was excited about coming back to school. I got sorted into Gryffindor, and I made friends with a nice boy named Colin Creevey, who offered to take my photo’s for signing.

What did Dumbledore tell you about signed photo’s?

That I wasn’t allowed to pass them out seeing as I’m not famous anymore – sorry. I forgot. Kirstie I’m hungry, can I have a snack?

You’ve only just started writing, is your attention span really that short?

Yes.

All right then, lets see what I have. Here, have a Fig Newton and a Goofy Pez dispenser with two left in it. Now please get on with the story or we’ll be here all night. I have a date with Aragorn tonite, and I can’t be late.

TBC after Gilderoy has his snack...

So far so good... I'm loving it. The best part is... I did this dare, and this is going to be SO different, which is great. I love that.

Modest cheerleading outfits? What planet are we from? Bwahaha... that makes me cackle.

Hahaha, I'm a cheerleader!
Now thats a first. Well not entirely, I used to dance in primary school and I've still got my pom pom, but I wasn't a cheerleader though.

Ahh, Edge you have no idea. I can just imagine what would happen if we tried to do a pyrimid.
"LOOK OUT........they're coming down......run for your lives!!!"

lol, very funny
sounds like they were having a blast being cheerleders

and i cant wait to see what lockhart is talking about
i once knew a guy who's first name was Lockhart.... i laughed

Yay... my dare! Sorry, Kirstie - I'm going to have to deduct evil points for sorting Lockhart into Gryffindor... but you get mucho bonus evil points for using the Goofy PEZ dispenser (and not some made-up dispenser that doesn't really exist).

Good one!

Evlpez's story continues:

Ok Kirstie. Where was I? Oh yes I remember. I was enjoying being back at school until Draco Malfoy pantsed me in the great hall. Everyone saw my lilac, frilly boxers – it was sooo embarrassing! So I swore to get revenge. Colin said that I should talk to Harry Potter, that he would be able to help me get revenge on that greasy, nasty, slimy idiot. I looked all over for Harry, it took me ages to find him. I got the feeling he was trying to avoid me. Anyway I was walking around the castle when I saw professor Snape. The weird thing was, he was carrying a big bunch of red roses. I decided to follow him, see what he was up to. I never did like him much, he was always making comments about the way I look in my school uniform in potions class, he made me cry…
(Gilderoy starts sobbing)

There there Gilderoy, now continue with the story, all these nice people want to know what happens next..

So, I was following Snape. He walked around the castle until he got to Professor Flitwick’s office. He knocked on the door and was greeted by a bleary eyed Flitwick, who looked like he’d just been crying.
Snape said “There there my sweet. Even though Cassirin hates your guts, I will always admire you in a strictly professional way” and handed him the roses. Flitwick seemed to cheer up and he beckoned Snape into his office. I ran away..

sorry mr slashmonster, i tidied it up a bit

Anyway, I found Harry. He was sitting in the broomstick cupboard with a bowl of noodles. I went in and asked if we could talk. He put the noodles down and said “I know why you have come to see me – you desire to get revenge on Malfoy. The one thing that will truly get Malfoy back properly for all the embarrassment he has caused you will be to contact a friend of mine, a muggle actor called Arnold Schwarzenegger, he will come and terminate Malfoy’s confidence. But for this favour, I ask a favour in return. You must tell Hermione and Luna that the Crumple-horned Snorkback can be found underneath Filch’s desk. Oh, and go get me some more noodles, my supply is running out”
“Ok.” I said.

I went and told Hermione where to find the Snorkback and she ran off to find Luna. Arnold Schwarzenegger came and made Draco dress up in a frilly pink dress and parade around the castle. I thought that was very funny. I went to the kitchens to get noodles and I brought them to Harry, who was still hiding in the broom cupboard. I asked him why he was hiding, and he said that he’d decided he was sick of being the hero, and that he was going to stay in the cupboard until Ron of Hermione came to look for him.

He was still in the cupboard when I left to go back to St. Mungo’s three weeks later. The stress of being at school was too much for me. That’s the end of my story, Kirstie, can I go to sleep now?

Alright, thanks Gilderoy. Here’s a signed photo of me and Aragorn for your effort.

tada!! hope y'all like it

very good, i loved it
but be carefl of the *slash monster*
i hear he's not in a good mood, and that snape/flitwick thing?
:unsure:

still, very evil how you put Draco in a dress.
but do you think that pink is really his colour?
i mean, with his pale skin and hair and all, it would have to be the right shade so as not to make him look like a blob

That was great Kirstie! Telling the story from Lockheart's POV made it so much more interesting than telling it straight (not that I've heard any uninteresting ones...all the dares are so wacko! I mean, evil...)..Good work!! Lockheart sound most pathetic...well done!

Yay! Well done!

Thanks for your comments people! Me4ron, thanks for the heads-up about the slash monster, i'm sure it was completely innocent really, maybe they just played chess.

i apologize Mr Slash Monster, it won't happen again

Sorry, lost the evil, but EVIL's back!!!
Good post... :up: :up:
Yeah, beware of Slashy, especially ZY, once she finds out about this Snape/Flitwick shindig...
*runs out*

ok, here's my MOAFF dare story, i thought i'd better post it in here as well, for when the other thread is gone:

2004 Hogsmeade Mayoral Election

Hermione was trying to study, as per usual. However, she was being interruptes by Harry and Ron, who were wrestling around on the floor of the common room:

"Where’d you put it, you silly twit?" cried Ron.

"It’s my Barbie doll, not yours. I might let you play with her if you give me your strand of Millicent Bulstrode’s hair" said Harry

"Never! You always steal my things, like those Skittles I had last week. That hair is mine, fair and square!"

They tumbled around, Harry pulling Ron’s hair and Ron tearing Harry’s sweater.

“Hey”, yelled Ron. “you’re wearing my lucky, grass stained shirt! Give it back!!” He then attempted to pull the shirt over Harry’s head.

“Haha, that won’t work, unfortunately for you I have a large head and a very small neck” cried Harry as he got free of Ron and ran behind Hermione’s chair. By this stage Hermione was getting decidedly annoyed at the boys.

“Why do you stupid boys always argue? Can’t you see I’m trying to read? Don’t you realize exams are only 10 weeks away? Shouldn’t you be revising? Get lost!” Hermione yelled. “That’s it! I’m going to bed!” and with that she stormed off to her dorm.

“Whoa, she needs to calm down” commented Harry. “Maybe we should go get her something from the Kitchens”.

“Ok” said Ron, and the two boys left the common room.

~** At the Kitchens**~

Ron tickled the pear and the two entered the kitchen. It seemed strangely deserted, as usually the house elves would greet them.

“Wonder where they’ve gone?” said Ron.

“I’ll go look for them, you get Hermione something out of the fridge” said Harry. Harry walked across the kitchen towards a door on the other side.

He was nearly there when he heard someone coming into the kitchen. It was Professor Snape and Lord Voldemort. Voldemort was wearing a purple backwards cap.They didn’t seem to see Harry, as Snape opened a cupboard and pulled out a jar of coffee. Snape dumped the contents of the jar into a mug and proceeded to pour boiling water into it from his wand. Harry snuck forward for a closer look, and heard them talking.

“Milk, Severus?” said Voldemort.

“Milk? No, no milk. Black coffee decreases the risk of diabetes” Snape replied as he sat down and began to sip on his coffee.

There was another slam as 3 more people entered the room. Two of them looked like Dementors, but with pink tights, and the third was one of the evil elite, Born2Mugglz.

“Man, I’m starving. This place better have doughnuts’ said Bill.

“And coffee Bill, don’t forget about the coffee. Does this place have doughnuts, B2M?” said Bob.

“Ja, wir finden Koffee” she said, looking a bit confused.

“What’d you say? Sounded like German to me. Oy, you over there with the coffee, where’d you get that from?” asked Bob.

Severus looked up. “Just used the last of it I’m afraid. But there’s plenty of tea and biscuits in that cupboard there”

“That’ll do” said Bill, as he, Bob and B2M settled down for a spot of tea. Harry decided he’d better get on with finding the house elves, so he quietly snuck towards the far door.

He opened it to find all the elves crowded in a corner of the pantry, seemingly protecting something. Harry spotted Dobby near the front.

“Hello, Dobby. Say, what are you doing?”

“We house elves have been entrusted by master Dumbldore to guard this most sacred piece of smelly cheese. You see, it is the Hogsmeade Mayor’s crown of cheese, and whoever wins the election will wear it,” Said Dobby.

“Fair enough” said Harry, as he cautiously backed out of the room and sprinted back to the common room.

~** The next day**~

Dumbledore announced at Breakfast that Hogwarts would be hosting a school gala and the Mayoral debates later that day. Hermione was attempting to brush her hair when she cried out:

“A Grey Hair? At my age? Arrrgghh, it’s you two that have caused this, your constant arguing” directed at Harry and Ron of course, as she stormed outside. The other two struggled to catch up.

They went outside to find the school grounds decorated with streamers and balloons. There were a multitude of activities for them to do. Ron’s attention was captivated by the pony rides, seeing as he’d never been on a pony. Hermione was more interested in the stalls selling books, and Harry wanted to go look at the Gnome tossing. So, they went their separate ways.

Ron ran to the Pony rides, where Snape was riding a pony, because Dumbledore had dared him to. Ron was next in line when Harry came running over with a bit of paper in his hand.

“Ron, you’ve got to come quick. Hagrid’s been arrested!” said Harry, dragging Ron away from the pony rides. Ron promptly began to cry and thrash about all over the place yelling “ But I wanted to ride the pony!!”. Harry then slapped Ron, which seemed to bring him to his senses.

They ran to find Hermione. She was in a tent, talking to Professor Vector and Lord Voldemort, who was wearing a pink turban with green feathers coming out of it.

“Harry, good news. Voldie here has decided not to try and kill you anymore, because he wants to concentrate on his electoral campaign, and lets face it, trying to kill the boy who lived just isn’t good publicity.”said Vector, who is Voldemort’s campaign manager.

Suddenly Sirius appeared and began to sing “I’m gonna be a mighty King, so enemies beware” to Professor Vector. Professor Vector blushed, because he’d never had this much attention paid to him before.

“Anyway”said Harry, interrupting Sirius in his song. Sirius disappeared. “Hermione, we’ve got to go rescue Hagrid from the Muggle jail. They caught him driving Ron’s dad’s old car through London while he was drunk on Firewhisky!” cried Harry.

“Ok” said Hermione. So the trio ran to the muggle jail, which was conveniently located outside the gates of Hogwarts so they didn’t have to run far. They slipped in under the invisibility cloak and set Hagrid free. He was most thankful.

When they'd returned to Hogwarts, the Mayoral debates were about to begin. Sirius was attempting to introduce the candidates, but kept bursting into song "It's the circle of life", "I'll be king, undisputed, respected, saluted, and seen for the wonder i am" etc. Dumbledore took pity on him and took over the job.

"Our first candidate is Michael Jackson. Michael, would you like to say a few words.."

"Hello, My name is Michael. I'm not really sure why i'm here, i just walked out of muggle jail and this looked like fun. I want to be mayor so i can make Hogsmeade a happy place to live, and i want to spend time with the children"

"Thank you Michael" said Dumbledore. "And now, our second candidate, Professor Flitwick!"

Professor Flitwick made his way forward and climbed up a pile of boxes to reach the micro phone. This was a bit awkward, as he was wearing a banana muffin costume.

"Ahem, yes hello, i'm Professor Flitwick, Head of Ravenclaw House at Hogwarts. I think i should be mayor because i'm short and being mayor will hopefully increase my pulling power with the ladies".

This statement was met with laughter. Sirius stood up and yelled "Flitwick is the King of gnomes, i've seen him in his office doing the dance of the gnome king. Don't vote for him!!". He then stumbled off the stage.

"And finally, Lord Voldemort" said Dumbledore.

Voldemort stepped forward. he was wearing a fluorescent orange top hat with purple spots on it.

"Hello everyone, i'm Lord Voldemort, but you can all call me Voldy. I want to be mayor so i can improve the living conditions of all the inhabitants of Hogsmeade. Oh, and I think Harry Potter is a lovely boy, I wouldn't want to harm a hair on his little hobbity head".

Everyone cheered, except Harry, who could smell something fishy going on. He scratched his hobbit ears. People began to line up to vote.

After an hour Dumbledore returned to the stage with an envelope.

"And the new mayor of Hogsmeade is... Lord Voldemort!"

"MMMWWWAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!" yelled Voldemort, as he grabbed the sacred cheese and placed it on his head, " Now I am free to kill that stupid Hobbit Harry Potter!!". He sprung at Harry, who ran into his Hobbit hole and slammed the door.

THE END

the evil-ness is overwhelming

Here comes B2M's dare, in installments:

Summer before 5th year, Kitchen of 12 Grimmauld Place, London:

Harry and Sirius were sitting at the Kitchen table, having a chat while Hermione and the Weasley’s were outside gardening. Harry was trying to get more information out of Sirius about Voldemort, but Sirius wasn’t too keen to talk about it. Then Hermione and Ron burst into the room, holding a small object in their hands. They ran over to show Harry and Sirius. Harry looked closer and saw that it was a tiny banana riding a llama. He chuckled, then looked at Sirius, expecting him to be laughing too. He was perplexed to see Sirius gazing at the banana riding a llama with a look of adoration.
“Bobby! Hey Ron you found my Bobby! He was my pet at school”
“Uh, really?”asked Ron, looking confused.
“Yeah, I’ll tell you the story of how I got him shall I? It’s quite an adventure” said Sirius.
“Ok” said the trio together, as they sat around Sirius, waiting for him to begin.

You have wowed me again, Evil One!

but.. Snape/Flitwick??? WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU!?

EVILNESS!

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! K. I think I'm done. (I wouldn't want to scroll the board would I... haha. Evilness. POST THE REST OF MY DARE!!!! Please. :flowersmile: