THE EVILEST DARE OF ALL
(AKA Luna's Wacky Wedding)

“Hello Harry.” Luna said brightly.

Harry looked at her a little strangely, but then, most people did. “Er, hello Luna.” Harry bit his lip. Luna had something on her head. He couldn’t help but stare. “Umm, Luna, what’s that on your head?”

“Oh,” Luna reached up; whatever it was crawled onto her hand. “This is Phil.” Phil was a ladybug, a blue one.

“He’s blue.” Harry said lamely.

“Yes, of course he is. I like it much better than the red ones.” Luna beamed at him then went skipping off, Phil the blue ladybug on her hand. Harry would never understand her.

Just then, a scream issued from somewhere. Looking around, Harry noticed Pansy Parkington running about, screaming. Something appeared to be attacking her head. To Harry’s intense surprise, Hermione was the first to rush to the screaming Slytherin. Now he realized Pansy wasn’t being attacked; it was her hair!

“Calm down, Pansy.” Hermione said. “It’s just a bad hair day. It’ll pass! Trust me!”

Pansy looked at Hermione like she was about to say something mean, but seemed to change her mind. She stopped screaming. Hermione put her arm around Pansy’s shoulders and led the girl off. They had found something in common.

The chaos wasn’t done for the day, though. Ron came running through, fleeing a bodiless voice.

“You have to help me!” he begged. “She’s crazy!”

“Who?!” Harry exclaimed.

“Lavender!”

Speaking of which, Lavender herself came bursting into the courtyard. “Ronald,” she screeched, “come back here this instant! I don’t give a toot what you think about that Granger girl, you are my boyfriend, you hear? Mine!”

Ron took off running without another word, Lavender hot on his heels. From the look on Lavender’s face, she could not believe he had broken up with her, even though it had been weeks – no months – ago. She also looked ready to squish him like a bug.

Harry left in the opposite direction, following Luna. He found that he preferred Luna’s quirkiness to the chaos that had already met him. Neville though so too, it seemed. He was already talking to Luna. Harry could hear what they were saying, and wished he hadn’t chosen to follow Luna.

“I’m going to marry Phil, Neville. Isn’t that great?” That was Luna.

“Yeah, I guess.” Neville didn’t sound excited, and he looked even less excited. Rather jealous actually, and as though he, like Lavender, wanted to squish the little bug.

“You’re going to be our best man.” Luna went on excitedly. “And we’re going to have a huge cake; with a pickle then icing, or vice versa…”

Neville just looked blankly at Luna. Thinking it was a questioning look, Luna elaborated. “You know, icing first, then pickle instead of the pickle then the icing…”

“What? Oh, yes, Luna sounds great. When is it?” Neville still sounded distracted.

“Later today.” Luna smiled brightly. “See you then Neville. Oh, Harry, you’re invited too. And I have something for you to wear.” Luna had noticed him.

“Sure, Luna, I’ll be there. Wouldn’t miss it.” Harry turned and left, feeling rather uncomfortable. Hogwarts was going crazy.

He heard Luna say, “Now to find Hermione. She has to be there to sing. This is going to be perfect.” Luna was following Harry now. “Did you see where Hermione went? I need to find her.”

Regretting already what he was going to say, Harry offered to take Luna to Hermione.

They found her with Pansy, chatting about girl things and bad hair days. Pansy was still sniffling a little.

“Hello Pansy, hello Hermione.” Luna said brightly. “I wanted to know if you would sing at my wedding, Hermione. Phil and I are getting married today.” Luna held her blue ladybug up proudly.

Hermione seemed completely unperturbed that Luna had decided to marry a ladybug, let alone ask her to sing at that wedding. “Of course I will Luna,” Hermione said, “But Pansy has to sing too.”

Harry gasped. It was like Pansy and Hermione were best friends now. Luna didn’t care though. “Why not?” Luna beamed. “The more the merrier!”
Luna skipped off again, no doubt to prepare for her wedding. He could see her talking to Phil, but due to the arrival once again of a screaming Lavender and fleeing Ron, Harry couldn’t hear what was said. Harry could only shake his head and wonder what Hogwarts was coming to.

*****************************

“I’m not coming out!” Harry called. He and Ron had taken refuge in the Gryffindor boy’s dormitory from Lavender. “I can’t believe I let her talk me into this.”

Ron finally got Harry out the dormitory door. Ron was dressed for the wedding. Luna had said he could come. She’d also said Lavender could come, so he was on the look out for his crazy ex-girlfriend.

Harry wasn’t as lucky. Where Ron had on dress robes, Harry was wearing a dress; a blue frilly affair with lace at the wrists. When Luna had told him he was invited to her wedding, she had failed to mention he was the maid of honor. Harry would have given anything to be the jealous best man, Neville, or even Ron, who had a psycho ex out to get him.

Hermione was waiting in the common room for them. “You look… nice.” She said awkwardly. Recovering, she hurried them on. “Come on, we’ll be late, and Pansy’s waiting for us.”

No matter how often he saw them together, Harry still couldn’t believe Pansy and Hermione weren’t enemies… at least for the day.

At the wedding, Neville brought Luna down the aisle, which was in a rather nice part of the Forbidden Forest. Luna’s bare feet heavily contrasted with her pristine dress. Harry stood near the ‘alter,’ holding Phil, the blue ladybug groom. Ron sat in the back row, looking about nervously for Lavender. Hermione and Pansy stood together on a platform and each held their wands.
The wedding was quite short. Luna and Neville came up the makeshift aisle, and Luna took Phil the ladybug from Harry. She put a little golden dot on the Blue insect with her wand, and took a ring from Harry, who had held it for Phil. Then Luna kissed her blue ladybug.

The small congregation clapped happily for Luna and Phil, except Harry, who had to wear a dress, and Neville, who, if possible, looked even more jealous of Phil the blue ladybug.

At a gesture from Luna, Music came from nowhere and Hermione and Pansy broke into song.

“Some boys kiss me, some boys hug me
I think they’re o.k.
If they don’t give me proper credit
I just walk away

”They can beg and they can plead
But they cant see the light, that’s right
cause the boy with the cold hard cash
Is always mister right, cause we are

“Living in a material world
And I am a material girl
You know that we are living in a material world
And I am a material girl…”

Many of the guests to Luna’s wedding stood with whoops of glee and began to dance. Some just stared at Pansy and Hermione, or maybe just at Pansy with her bad hair day. Really, it looked like some crazed furry thing was attacking her head.

“Some boys romance, some boys slow dance
That’s all right with me
If they cant raise my interest then i
Have to let them be

”Some boys try and some boys lie but
I don’t let them play
Only boys who save their pennies
Make my rainy day, cause they are

“Living in a material world
And I am a material girl
You know that we are living in a material world
And I am a material girl…”

Ron raced about, still pursued by an even angrier Lavender, who screeched, “Why wouldn’t you marry me!? Luna married Phil! Ronald!”

Harry and Neville just stood there, both angry with their lot in life: Harry, who was forced into wearing a dress, and Neville, jealous of a blue ladybug.
________________________________

Criteria for:
The Evilest Dare of All
1. At one point,Pansy or Hermione must sing "Material Girl"
2.Must include the words pickle, squish, vice versa and toot.
3. Must center around a bad hair day, a psycho ex girlfriend and a ladybug named Phil
4. Luna must marry Phil and Neville must be jealous
5. Harry must wear a dress. You can choose the situation!