You caught me out, no I haven't.............yet. But when I do you will be the first I send it to.

Kitch? What is Kitch?

Kitch: when something is so utterly comercial and tacky that it's...funny. In a way. You know, those big pink plastic replicas of the leaning tower of Piza that you buy for suveniers are kitch. Also stuff over comercialized. So, your HP Christmas tree ornaments also qualify as kitch. And the overdrawn, cookie cutter character, mushy romance novle is also kitch. Comprende?

Oh yes.......for a minute I thought it was something to do with Cass's Chiller Kickens.
Now that I think about it, yes I should have known.
BTW:Is the list of Kitch stuff, something personal to you.....maybe? (eg. your HP Christmas tree ornaments)

No, not really. I haven't got any HP ornaments... (Bar three lighting bolts that my brother stole from me, but deal) because we mostly hang candy on the tree anyhow...

Chiller kickens are really the antithesis of the kitch, right? LOL... maybe I'll name one kitch just for you guys.

I never knew that was how you spelled kitch. Hmmm...

OOPS! Oh dear, Cass, your righ- that is NOT how you spell it. It's Kitsch. With an s. Because it's German. *hides face in shame* How could I? Yes, Cass, The Chiller Kickens will never ever be kitschig.

Aww... *pats Zy on the back* I didn't know how to spell it.... but you even went and found it... that IS impressive.

Lotus, That was so funny.

Poor Hermione having to wear ugly dresses. (Who cares about Cho hey?)

*sniffle* My Hedgehogs have made me proud *sniff*

So wonderfully evil.

Can't wait for your next one!!

Good job, Lotus... Evilly funny!!!
And, Cass, the Chiller Kicken shipper is here to save you from the clutches of Flitwick... don't fret!!!

Okies, so i finally read all of you ffs. I learned loads. For instance, i didn't know you had a personal evil cheerleading squad. I would very much like to hear one of their cheers. I also now know who lives in a pineapple under the sea, which may be useful knowledge (you never know). For all of Flitwicks faults, at least he has good taste in women. Although i must criticize his taste in pumpkins. In my experiences, a fuzzy pumpkin is not a desirable thing. You are so lucky, you got to pinch Legolas. I will forever be jealous.

Luvs :wub: your fics!

Oh... ComaDoll... I never thought about it that way.

Lotus... dedicated a fic to you and Zy.

Hahahaha! I loved that line!

lol, very funny
i finally got around to reading about Cass' almost-wedding
it was even funnier than i thought it would be
and i think the brides-maids' dresses sounded just super :sorcerer:

can i order one in a size 10?

Sure thing me4ron, it'll be ready in a week.

ooh, yay how exciting

and your romance novel sounded great, such a pitty you havent actually written it yet
i think you should... very... insightful

Okay, me4ron, you can order and pay for the dress, the shoes, and my wedding present, but I'll NEVER marry the king of the gnomes. My heart belongs to another...

awesome story

i know you'll never marry him, Cass, and u didnt, right?

i just think the dresses sounded particularly fetching and i wanted one. ARE there matching shoes? how cool!

and i'll be sure to give you a wedding present when you marry 'another' :flowersmile:

mwa ha ha ha
people are refering to Flitty as the king of the gnomes. I love it.
Cass-perhaps you should reconsider the marraige now that Flitwick is a king. JK :whisle:

still loving the cass-flitwick fic, awaiting your next story, keep up the good work, like your avvy, and most of all - have a nice day! :flowersmile:

Since the MOAFF is being deleted I am posting my entry here......

:star: Lotus's MOAFF :star:
This story begins at breakfast, for, where else does one start the day?
The house tables were a buzz with students chatting about the ‘Man of the Year’ Awards. Which coincidentally, is being held at Hogwarts……….why? Because your author said so.

All the male teachers were on their best behaviour, believing that they might be in with a chance to win. “Ha……er.…Sorry”. blurted the author.
The students were loving the contest because it was making the teachers act rather strangely.
It was even overheard, some of the teachers were buying votes.

“Psst……Malfoy! called a voice from under the slytherin table.
Draco looked around for the source, but gave it up to his imagination.
“Draco! Down here, under the table.”
“Huh?” draco looked down, and there was the head of flitwick in his lap. He gave a very girly shriek and nearly fell backwards off the bench.
Luckily for him everyone else was distracted by Sirius’s (who turned up for the Awards)rendition of Hakuna Matata, from the lion king, which he started when someone far....”Ted!” interrupted a voice for no particular reason. Anyway back to the issue at hand.

“What are you DOING?!?” malfoy demanded, recovering from his almost heart attack.
“My apologies Mr Malfoy but I really must talk to you, it’s urgent, and I must not be seen.” squeeked the little man who happened to be wearing a banana muffin costume.
Glancing around draco answered. “I can see why…..Fine, but meet me in the hall closet, that’s where I have all my secret meetings.”

All of a sudden a commotion broke out, over by the Griffindor’s.
Voldemort was standing in the middle of the table, wearing a pointy princess hat, with his hands out stretched towards Harry.
“Die Harry Pott…....ahhh no, must-not-kill! Yesss Killll!! Nooo!” voldy seemed to be having trouble deciding.
Dumbledore stood. “Tom, what are you doing here?!? This cannot be, it’s against the rules!”
“Geese, I finally found a way around apparating on Hogwarts grounds, and now that the Man of the Year Awards are on, if kill Harry now, I’ll lose votes.
Grrrrr……bah, alright but I’ll be back for you later…….how’s 2:00 for you?” with that he dashed down the table and out of the hall. His princess hat veil steaming out behind him.
Everyone just turned to look at their neighbour and shrugged.

But Ron just sat there staring at Harry, with his eyebrows raised.
“Ron.” demanded hermione. “Lower your eyebrows this minute, or I’ll take them away, and you will have no eyebrows to raise.”
One of Ron’s eyebrows went down, but he continued to stare.
“……both-of-them.” added hermione. “That’s better. Come on we better be getting off to class considering how weird the teachers are, who knows what will happen.”

--------------------

The three of them got up and as they past by the kitchen, Harry stopped.
“Wait…….I can smell something. It’s coming from the kitchen. Lets go look!” he tickled the pear and opened the door.
They saw a table near them with a single doughnut on a plate, they looked past it. There in the centre of the room was a gathering of house elves around what appeared to be a large block of quite smelly cheese. The elves turned to see the three students standing in the doorway, and began edging toward them. From behind, a figure rose, pointed and said something that sounded like Bushman talk, with a lot of tongue clacking.
“Who is that lady, and what is she saying?” asked ron.
“Oh my goddess,”
“Yes?” Interrupted the author but everyone just ignored her.
“It’s Cassirin Queen of Cupcaketopia and I think she’s speaking House Elvish, (which sounds remarkably like Bushman).
I may be wrong, but it sounds like she is saying ‘Protect the sacred cheese, kill the intruders.’”
The house elves approached, carrying some dangerous teaspoons which they had magiciked into existence, oddly enough, when they could’ve just blown the intruders to pieces instead, but we’re not picky.
“Umm, Hermione……you might be right…….I’m thinking we should RUN!!” screamed ron, after grabbing the doughnut, then he fled up some stairs. The other two were hot on his heals, and as the sounds of tiny feet and house elf war cries faded into the distance, pretty soon they found themselves in an unfamiliar corridor with one triangular shaped door.

“Wow, where are we? What a strange door.” ron moved closer, til he had his ear right up against it.
“Be careful Ron, you never know….” but it was too late.
“Wahhh-uhh.” ron screamed as he fell through the oddly shaped door, hit the floor and dropped his doughnut.
Laying on his back he looked up and saw a horrifying sight, two dementors gliding towards him, and even worse, towards HIS doughnut. The air grew chill, Harry was already passed out with Hermione slapping him as hard as she could. When that didn’t work she started kicking his shins too. (the author watched on, giggling)
“Oh, your-stressing-me-out!” she says in between kicks, as her hair starts to go grey.
Without a second thought, Ron dived for the doughnut and crammed it into his mouth as fast as he could.
At the sudden movement, the dementors moved faster, but carelessly tripped on their own clumsy feet.
“We are not clumsy! There was a bump in the carpet.” they protested.
The author scoffed. “There was no bump, this room doesn’t even have carpet, it’s got polished wood floors .”

Hermione noticed something peculiar when the two cloaked ones stumbled.
“Are those pink TIGHTS?!”
“No!”
“They are!” she rushed over and pulled up their cloaks. “You’re wearing PINK TIGHTS!”
“Hermione! You don’t go pulling up…uh…other...things cloaks!” yelled ron.
After grabbing back their robes, one of the dementors burst into tears.
“Now look what you’ve done. Not only have you hurt Bob’s feelings, but you ate the only doughnut we’ve seen in two days! We’ve been forced to eat biscuits and milk instead of our coffee and jelly doughnuts. How are Dementors supposed to live on milk and cookies, I ask you?!?”

Hermione was dumbfounded.
“I…ah…um……sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you, it’s just not everyday you see dementors wearing pink tights.”
“Yeah, I’m thorry too.” said ron as he finished his mouthful.
“Ah it’s ok, we’re just a little peeved because they kicked us out of Azkaban for trying to make the death eater inmates happier. We got sick of feeding off all that unhappiness, and tried to make them taste better.
But does anyone care about us? No….”

Voldemort runs in through the open door, this time wearing the Cheshire cat on his head. He walks up to unconscious Harry, checks his watch and says,
“It’s 2:00, I believe we have an appointment.”
“What happened to your other hat?” asked ron.
“Someone stole it, now I have to use this.” he pointed to the cat. Then pulled out his wand and casts a spell at harry.
“Creshio Hobbitus.”
Harry is turned into a hairy footed hobbit, but is still unconscious.
“Oh drat! That was meant to cut his legs off, since I can’t try and kill him. I guess I’ll have to wait for it to wear off and come back later to finish the job, because Hobbits are resistant to magic you know.”
“How convienient.” commented the author.
“What was that? Hmm, oh well must dash. Evil to kill and people to do………wait, reverse that.” with that said, voldy strides out of the room.

Continued..............

Part 2

In a closet somewhere.
*knock knock*
“Hang on a……ok come in.” said a draco.
Flitwick steps into the closet, still wearing his muffin outfit that is beginning to smell like rotten bananas. But there is another smell.
“Wait……are you drunk?!?” cried the outraged author.
“Not really……...ok, maybe.” said the little man swaying.
“I don’t want drunkenness in here, take it somewhere’s else mister!”
“But I have stuff to plan.”
“Ok, quickly. Then your outta here!”
“Right, allllrighty then. Draco I have a proposition for you.”
“I’m listening.” cooed malfoy.
“I want youuu to help gnomes take over the school.”
“Gnomes? Why?”
“Because I said so………I’m the Gnome King! Now here’s the plan…….psssspsssshicpssss(whispering hiccup).”

----------------------

We got to Hogsmead, where an election is taking place.
A large crowd of witches and wizards are enjoying themselves with a range of activities.
The Inn keeper is being dunked into a vat of water and vaseline by Dumbledore, who snuck out of school with half the staff and is throwing balls at the target.
Snape is riding a pony around in a circle, crying “YeeHaw!”
That is, until McGonagall saw this and started to scream that it was her turn.
“No it was my go!” responded snape. “You can ride the flamingo.”
Over yonder stood a handsome, evil looking young man and a pink flamingo in leg warmers, awaiting a rider.
“But I wanted to ride the PONY! Waaaaa!” mcgonagall picked up her skirts and ran off crying.
She runs right past Sirius, he spins around and struts up to Snape and the pony.
“Black, what you want?” said the snide snape sitting on a pony.
Sirius breaks into song again.

“It's clear from your vacant expression
The lights are not all on upstairs
But we're talking kings and successions
Even you can't be caught unawares

So prepare for a chance of a lifetime
Be prepared for sensational news
A shining new era
Is tiptoeing nearer
And where do you feature?
Just listen to teacher

I know it sounds sordid
But you'll be rewarded
When at last I am given my dues
And injustice deliciously squared
Be prepared!

It's great that we'll soon be connected
With a king who'll be all-time adored!”

With his song done Sirius gives Snape one last intense look and then skips of to sing to someone else.

“Would all candidates for Mayor of Hogsmead please come up to the podium.” called a voice, who, is irrelevant to the story.
A dozen people came forward.
Bill and Bob were there. Voldy too, in a jester hat, no less. Also McGonagall, the Inn keeper, A Hag from the tavern, Flitwick in his muffin, and the moonwalker man himself Michael Jackson, plus some others that I just wont mention. But there was someone missing……..Snape?
He was standing with his back to the crowd……drinking coffee?
Everyone turned to look.
“What!?! It's known to decrease the risk of diabetes.” he said in his own defence.
After tossing his cup, he took his place by the podium with the others, eyeing off Michael as he went.
“Uh Oh!” said the author as the Slash monster burst onto the scene. Bopping Snape and Michael so hard he knocked them out. Then he bopped Michael as few more times, for good measure.

“Ooookkkk? Lets move on shall we, if we could all…….” the nameless person was cut off.
“WAIT!” it was flitwick, in the muffin and still drunk with Draco tagging along.
“I am the Gnome King and demand to be mayor!”
People snickered at his muffin and kingness.
“Don’t laugh at me. It’s not my fault, unfortunately, I have a large head and a very small neck...” which just made the crowd laugh even harder.
Flitwick was embarrassed, he wanted to run away and hide……..a car, he must steal a car.
Luckily for him Meandering was in the crowd, and she had brought her new red car.
He bolted to the car and Draco followed, they got in. Flitwick knew how to drive but he little legs couldn’t reach the pedals, so he had to direct Draco who had his hands on the pedals, while he steered and they dove off out the gate. But as soon as he got out of the gate, the wizard police were onto him. They used their wands to immobilise his car, arrested him leaving Draco behind, and took him to a muggle jail, since Azkaban was having staff problems.

----------------------
We return to Hermione, Ron and Harry the Hobbit.
“WAKE UP!! Harry, for heavens sake……..they weren’t that scary.” hermione’s hair turning greyer by the second.
“Come on, lets get out of here.” she said to ron as she picked up one of harry’s feet and dragged him back down the stairs, past the kitchen door which was still open.
Cassirn was in there, dancing around the sacred cheese and cackling madly, with no elves in sight. She stops, gins Evilly, takes a pinch of cheese walks up to Harry and shoves it in his mouth.
Immediately he becomes conscious and turns back to being Harry the person, screams and tries to strangle Ron.

“What was that?!?” cried hermione, grey hair making her look like she’s an old lady with plastic surgery.
“That was the sacred cheese of the pure Evil.
Only pure Evil can reverse a Harry Hobbit to it’s true form.” said cassirn in her clickedy, house elvish tongue.
And Ron still being choked in the background.
“You stole my barbie and got a grass stain on her skirt!” yelled harry to ron.
“No, I didn’t. I stole your skittles not your barbie!” sqeeled a strangled ron.
“So that’s where they went, and what about my Precccioussss Millicent’s hair? I know you took that!”
“Ok, you got me there………here take it.” ron pulled out a single hair from his breast pocket, kissed it and passed it to Harry.
“My Preccciousssss!” cried harry as he let go of ron, then started caressing the hair.
“*gasp, sigh* No more precious for me.” ron said sadly.
“Gahhh, Millicent?!? Your stressing me OUT!” hermione runs screaming into the night, even though it’s not night.

Then Sirius turns up once again to give Harry some good news.
“Harry guess what? I’m the new mayor of Hogsmead!”
“Your kidding!?” said harry.
“Nope, I’m so happy I could sing.”
“Oh no.”
Once again Sirius is singing.
“Can you feel the love tonight?
The peace the evening brings
The world, for once, in perfect harmony
With all its living things.”

“Lets go Siruis, no more sugar for you.”
Harry led his godfather off to find lemons, which is the only antidote to a sugar high.

-------------------

In a muggle jail.
A gaggle of mysterious geese turn up on the door step, ring the bell, then run around madly.
The guards come out to see what the commotion is, and find that they must run for their lives because the geese are trying to steal their belt buckles.
In the mean time Draco, owner of said geese, sneaks into Flitwick’s cell.
“Professor?”
“Draco?”
“Yes, I’m here to rescue you.”
“But why have you come?”
“I figured that when, not drunk and wearing a muffin outfit, the King of Gnomes can be a useful ally to have……..and the fact that you can give me A’s is a good thing too.”
“Good enough for me.”

So Draco broke Flitwick out of jail, then they hitch hiked back to Hogwarts. When they discovered that Sirius had become Mayor and surprisingly enough, Neville was the winner of Man of the Year Award………mainly because his grandmother was on the panel and bullied the other judges to vote for him.

And thus ends my story.

HAHAHA that was great Lotus hehe I liked

i loved your MOAFFD, its great
*throws you a party*

TEEHEE! Lotus that was just brilliant! Such a joy to read! You can always make me laugh! btw, has the wnner for the MOAFFC been annouced? If it has I wasn't informed...Let me know please.

toodles!
b2m