Here's my dare
It took forever to write it. I hope you enjoy.
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“What’s going on?” Ron came running over to join Hermione, Harry, Neville and Luna at the floating notice board currently outside the Great Hall.
“There’s going to be a Cabaret evening! And anyone can perform!” Hermione yelled excitedly. “I’m going to sing!”
Ron’s face lost all colour.
“I think Harry should do something…” Luna trailed off, staring into space, as per usual.
“Like what…?” Harry was understandably apprehensive.
“I have an idea…” Luna giggled. “Come on, I’ll show you.”
“When’s the performance?” asked Harry.
“Tonight!” Hermione squealed. “I need to get ready!”
***
Hermione was walking past the lake when it happened. Malfoy, purely out of boredom and spite, sent a hex hurtling in her direction, pushing her into the lake.
“You idiot Malfoy!” Hermione yelled. “My hair, my hair!”
And indeed, her hair was a tangled mess.
“Oh, I’ll never sort this out in time for tonight.”
She sat down next to a bush. There was a ladybird scuttling along a branch. Feeling lonely and dejected, Hermione quickly enchanted it to give it the power of speech.
“Hello.” She said to the ladybird. “I’m Hermione. What’s your name?”
The ladybird looked up in surprise.
“Phil. I can’t stop, I’m running away from my psychotic ex-girlfriend.”
“Hello Phil, it’s nice to meet you. Why don’t you come with me?”
Phil thought for a second. He looked back, and saw the second ladybird, his psychotic ex-
girlfriend running after him. This made his decision for him.
“Yeah, sure, I’ll come with you.”
Hermione scooped up Phil and took him back to the Common Room. She found Luna and Neville in deep conversation. Luna jumped up as Hermione entered.
“Hermione!”
“Hey Luna. Everyone, meet Phil. I rescued him from his ex-girlfriend.”
“Hello everyone.” Phil greeted the occupants of the room.
“Hey Phil.” Neville responded.
“Isn’t he just adorable?” Luna gushed.
“Well you’re quite cute yourself.” Phil replied.
“Let’s get married!” Luna yelled excitedly.
“Well it’ll get rid of my psychotic ex-girlfriend, so… okay.”
“Yay!” Luna almost screamed. Neville left the room quietly. Hermione gave Phil to Luna and ran after Neville.
“Neville! What’s wrong?”
“Nothing…”
“It’s obviously something. Tell me.”
“Well… it’s Luna. I really like her. I thought I was getting somewhere just now, but no, she goes and dumps me for the first enchanted insect to wander into the room.”
“Oh Neville…” Hermione felt genuinely sorry for him. Luna certainly was crazy.
Ron came running in.
“Hey guys, have you seen Harry? Oh, and why is Luna married to a ladybird?”
“Long story… and, no we haven’t.”
Luna followed Ron into the room.
“No-one’s allowed to see Harry until the performance.”
“Oh my God! I need to get ready!” Hermione leapt out of her seat and ran to her dorm.
***
“Welcome to the Hogwarts Cabaret evening!” the voice of Professor McGonagall boomed out over the audience. “Our first act shall be Hermione Granger, singing a selection of Muggle songs.”
Hermione strolled onto the stage, almost tripping in her five-inch heels. “Hello. My first song is ‘Material Girl’ by Madonna.”
Ron and Neville were sat at a table with Luna, who was busy talking to Phil.
“She’s really good.” Neville whispered to Ron.
“Yeah… she’s… amazing.”
Hermione finished her act and left the stage. She joined Neville and Ron at the table.
“Hey guys.”
“Hermione, you were amazing!” said Neville.
The evening passed pleasantly. There were many acts. A group of Hufflepuffs formed a rock band and covered some David Bowie songs. Three girls from Ravenclaw did a full costume performance of Cell Block Tango from Chicago. A couple of Slytherins had a show duel. A young Gryffindor showed off several amazing charms and spells. Two second years teamed up and did a fantastic comedy stand-up routine. And many others.
“And now, for our final act.” Came the voice of McGonagall. “Harry Potter, performing ‘Sweet Transvestite’ from the Muggle musical ‘The Rocky Horror Show’.”
Ron face lost all colour, for the second time that day, as Harry stumbled onto the stage in a mini-skirt, corset, and heels at least seven inches high.
“Oh. My. God.”
Luna simply sat and giggled. This was after all her idea.
Harry began to sing. His voice cracked slightly at first, but as he got further into the song it grew stronger, all his shame (and dignity) lost forever.
How do you do? I
See you’ve met my
Faithful handy man
He’s a little brought down, ‘cause
When you knocked
He thought you were the
Candy man
As the song finished, Harry stumbled off the stage and down to the table where the others were sitting.
“And that concludes our Cabaret evening! Thank you and goodnight.”
“Never. Ever. Make me watch that again. Ever.” Ron said to Harry, his face still white.
“Luna put me up to it…” Harry tried to offload the blame.
“I don’t care. It was still scary.”
“I think Harry looked really pretty.” Interjected Luna. “He should wear skirts more often…”
Ron and Harry looked at each other.
“Let’s go.”
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Life Is A Cabaret - dreams_of_demons' EEFFD Thread - Sa13+ 
