You are sooo good at this! I laughed like crazy!

Hey your fanfic is really really good - I like it

Neopets

Reinstated upon request by the author.

Here it is, my next dare. As always, it picks up where the last left off.

Ginny left the Great Hall and headed to Gryffindor Tower. Neville was coming through the portrait, a steaming mug of hot chocolate in his hand.

"Have you seen Harry?" He asked, panicked.

"Great Hall," she replied, closing the portrait behind her.

Neville dashed down the hallway, spilling hot chocolate as he went. Oh Merlin's Moustache, I hope I'm not late! he thought, his pudgy legs carrying him swiftly.

He rounded the corner, bumping into Seamus as he wandered, dejected, back to the common room.

"Sorry, Neville," he groaned.

Neville didn't reply. He was racing down the hallway towards the Great Hall in search of his friend, droplets of hot chocolate behind him.

Inside the Great Hall, Neville ran straight into Luna, spilling more hot chocolate all over her robes.

"Sorry, Luna! Where's Harry?" Neville sputtered, scanning the Great Hall behind Luna.

Luna sighed and replied, "Curled up under the table, singing "Sexy Thing" by Hot Chocolate with a hair brush."

"I knew it," Neville shouted, running past her, barely able to keep hot chocolate from spilling out of the cup as he ran. Hermione stood up, waving him over, frantically.

"Neville! What's wrong with Harry? He's under there, singing disco songs to my brush!" Hermione was worried.

"I believe in miracles…. since you came along…" Harry crooned from under the table.

"It's all right, Hermione. Make him drink this," he said, handing her what was left of the hot chocolate.

Hermione crawled under the table, pulled Harry's head back and poured the hot chocolate into his mouth. Moments later they emerged, Harry recovered and suitably humiliated.

"Thanks, Neville. That's the last time I open Ron's mail from the twins. How did you know..?" Harry asked, thankful.

"I helped Ron open his mail last week," Neville replied, proud to have finally been the hero.

THE END
Cassirin's Dare:
*Neville must be of major importance
*Hot chocolate must be mentioned repeatedly
*Someone must sing with a hairbrush
*It must be a "drabble"... ie as close to 100 words as possible.

Unfortunately, I couldn't cut it down to any fewer than 303 words. That Cass is truly EEEEE-vil!

ROFL

Excellent dare Evlpez!!!

I'll be posting my next dare later today.

Harry handed Neville his cracked mug, at which Neville clicked his tongue and shook his head sadly.

"Gran is going to kill me if she finds out I've cracked that mug. My father made it in crafts at the hospital."

"Really, Neville? You know, there's a charm that'll…"


"Just glue it," said Harry, interrupting Hermione. "Charms can wear off, but if he crazy glues it, she'll never know the difference."

Hermione reached into her bag and pulled out a tube of crazy glue. "It just so happens…" she began.

"Brilliant, Hermione!" Neville grinned, handing her the mug. The three sat down at the table to repair the mug. Neville was positively fascinated by the tube in a tube. Child-proof caps were truly a wonder never heard of in the wizarding world, and Hermione was happy to explain its finer points in detail as she slowly opened and closed the plastic tube before his very eyes.

"Afton… AFTOOONNNN…" came a call from the direction of the doors to the Great Hall. Hermione looked up to see Cho Chang rushing hurriedly after a little penguin scampering into the Hall. Not having paid close enough attention to the crazy glue in her hands, she suddenly found herself bound by the muggle adhesive, her hands stuck together in prayer.

"Oh no!" Hermione exclaimed as horror overtook her face. "Oh goodness! Noooo!!"

"Oh Hermione," Harry shared her disappointment. "You'd better see if Madam Pomphrey can unstick that. You'll hurt yourself if you try and pull them apart."

"Oh I hope so, Harry! I'll see you later." Hermione got up from the table with the shoulder strap of her book bag between her teeth, and headed for the door.

Cho Chang nearly knocked Hermione down as she chased Afton the penguin into the Great Hall.

"Sorry Hermione!" She said, embarrassed, as she blocked her way.

"Mt'th oteh, Toe. Nigh hanth ah thtuck, Toe. Wood ooh nail noothing athine, cleathe?"

"Of course, Hermione. I't would be a pleasure. You know, you and I really ought to spend more time getting to know one another, don't you think?" Cho said with an eager smile. "Where are you off to now?"

"Hothklitaling, Toe. Cleathe get ouk oth nigh leigh, I'ng in a hullee."

"I always thought so, too. I'll walk with you. Afton, come here, baby."

Afton the penguin waddled over to Cho and Hermione rolled her eyes in exasperation as she rushed off to get away from them.

Back at Gryffindor table, Seamus and Dean had joined Neville and Harry. The foursome were whispering conspiratorially.

".. and I heard this mysterious crunching sound from his office while I was drinking my iced cappuccino. I think running that coffee shop in Hogsmeade has really done something to him. I peeked in the office while he was busy making someone a latte, and there was an enormous bag of potato crisps on top of the desk." Dean leaned back, his bomb dropped.

"Whoaa… you can't be serious. Snape? Eating crisps? I don't believe it," Seamus said, his arms crossed.

"It's true! I saw it with my own eyes! He's gone off the end!"

"Well, I don’t see how eating crisps means Snape's lost his mind. I mean, I was suspicious enough when he quit teaching to open a Starbucks, but think about it," Harry reasoned, "he obviously hates children, so it was about time for him to throw it in anyway, right? And do most children drink coffee? No, because it's awful stuff, really. And so running a coffee shop must be like heaven for him, right? And crisps are a nice snack wen you only get a couple of short breaks in a place like that. They come in all kinds of nice flavors like Barbecue, salt and vinegar and even Roasted Chicken."

"Roasted Chicken? Have you tried those? They taste nothing like chicken." Lee complained.

"You know what tastes like chicken?" Neville interjected, "Chicken! Why eat crisps that taste like chicken, when you could just eat chicken?!"

Up in the hospital wing, Madam Pomphrey was holding Hermione's book bag while she explained how she'd managed to crazy glue her hands together. Cho saw some girls she knew and went over to say hello while Hermione got herself checked over.

"Muggle adhesive in Hogwarts? What a disgrace!" Madam Pomphrey exclaimed. "Whatever possessed you…"

"I know Madam Pomphrey, but my parents insist I have it just in case, and Neville's sticking charms really weren't going to hold that cracked mug together convincingly enough for his grandmother.. and … -sob-…"

"Oh goodness, child. That's enough. I can manage this. You go and sit on that bed over there while I find the right potion."

Hermione turned and went over to the bed, wiping her tears with the sleeve of her robe. She heard Cho and her friends talking on the other side of a curtain beside her bed.

"Absolutely! I swear, it's true! I came up here with her. I've promised to paint her toenails pink for her, to help make her feel better." Cho said in a giddy whisper.

"Oh Cho, do mine, would you? Please?" came another girl's voice.

"Of course, Padma. I'll do yours and everyone else's if they want," she replied. A chorus of squeals and thanks erupted as Madam Pomphrey came over to Hermione.

"Well my dear, I just don't have it. I'm sorry, but you'll be stuck like this at least a week while the potion is brewing. I'll have to go down to Hagrid's patch for a good pumpkin. The best pumpkins in town, they tell me, and that's what I'll need for this potion."

Hermione's face dropped. A whole week? How on earth would she get her homework done?

"Can I go then, Madam Pomphrey? I have to get into Hogsmeade before the day is out so I can get a dictation quill."'

"Yes, of course dear. Off you go. Miss Chang, please stop running around the infirmary!" Madam Pomphrey said in a stage whisper as she rushed off to confiscate Cho's bottle of shocking pink nail polish.

Hermione managed to hoist her bag over her shoulder and set off for Hogsmeade. As she raced down the road towards the village, she ran into Professor Dumbledore, nearly knocking him over and losing her bag.

"Professor Dumbledore! I'm sorry, Sir, I didn't see you," she sputtered, a bewildered look spreading across her face. "Are you going to the village, Sir?"

"Yes, Miss Granger. I don't usually supervise the students on Hogsmeade weekends as you know, however a rumor I heard this morning at breakfast inspired me to volunteer so that I might check it out."

"A rumor, Sir?" Hermione asked as the Headmaster took her bag and began carrying it for her.

"It seems that the Weasley Twins have invented a new way to fly. I was just on my way to see it for myself when strangely enough, a cow flew overhead. I can only assume it was the result of the Twins' work, but… well what do you know?" He paused, pointing into the sky. "There goes that cow again!"

Hermione looked up to see a dairy cow swimming lazily through the air, waving happily and flying on, back towards the village.

"Amazing!" Hermione exclaimed.

"Isn't it, though?" Dumbledore marveled.

The twosome stopped briefly at the bookstore while Hermione bought a package of dictation quills. Dumbledore made the unexpected purchase of a wizarding comic book and a book on teaching oneself how to tap-dance. Purchases in hand, they made their way to Fred and George's new outlet of Weasleys' Wizarding Wheezes down the street.

The bell on the door tinkled harmlessly as they entered the shop to see it full of students eager to hear about the Twins' latest invention. Luckily for Hermione and Dumbledore, they'd just arrived at the beginning of another demonstration.

"… purely intentional, but don't let the side effects deter you! This potion is 100% guaranteed to make you fly!" Fred shouted enthusiastically.

"But of course," George interjected, "We all know there've been flying and levitation potions for years and years. What on earth could make Weasleys' Wizarding Wheezes Flight Elixir so special?"

"Control, folks!" Fred answered. "Not only will this potion get you into the air, but once you're there, you can control height, direction, speed and distance with only the power of your will! That's right, complete control over your flight and with very nearly no side effects whatsoever!"

"What do you mean nearly?" Hermione, shouted. "Knowing you two, something nasty is bound to happen to whomever tries this."

The crowd murmured their agreement and suspicion. The Twins' had a reputation that sent their company to the top of the Wizarding Joke Shop business, and a few students noted, rather loudly, that it wasn't for their prowess in flawless formulae.

"Well there is a risk of a certain degree of loss or increase in the user's intelligence, but it has been negligible in trials, and we're confident that this product is ready for public consumption!" Fred announced, his arms spread wide.

Behind the counter stood Ron, nervously looking around him. He looked like he'd rather be anywhere else.

"We're so confident that we're willing to allow our very own flesh and blood demonstrate this remarkable product before your very eyes!" George shouted, pointing at Ron.

Fred began clapping and encouraging the crowd to applaud their courageous brother as he stepped out from behind the counter to stand between his brothers, a reluctant look on his face. Ron took a vial from George's hand and smiled weakly at the crowd before closing his eyes and pouring the contents into his mouth.

The room went silent. Hermione was horrified that the Twins had forced Ron to be their guinea pig and she looked to Dumbledore, about to demand that he do something to stop it. Dumbledore was watching Ron raptly, his hands clapping together with excitement as he waited for the potion to take effect.

Ron swayed on his feet, soliciting a gasp from the crowd. He shook his head and rubbed his chest as he nearly fell over, then regained his footing and looked around him.

"Open the door!" He called, a look of fierce determination on his face. Someone did. Ron put one fist into the air and raised one foot as the other pushed off, Superman-style. He shot into the air above the crowd and out through the door, barreling into the air above the street in a corkscrew climb. He stopped in mid-air and flipped over onto his back, feigning a backstroke as he swam in the air in a most controlled manner. The crowd went crazy, fighting to get back into the shop in time to be the first in line to buy the elixir.

Hermione was dumbstruck and looking rather silly with her jaw hanging open, her hands glued together in front of her, and her book bag once again swinging from her shoulder. Ron spotted her and flew down to land beside her as Dumbledore joined them.

"Pretty cool, don't you think, Hermione?" He asked, grinning.

"Absolutely wonderful, Mister Weasley!" Dumbledore said, patting Ron on the back.

"Well," Hermione began, "It is rather remarkable. But what about the side effects? I can't believe the risk you're taking. Ronald, you can't afford to do any worse in your classes now, and didn't you hear what Fred said? You could be struck dumb! You can barely count to ten, now!"

"I feel just fine, Hermione! Honestly, I feel smarter than ever. Watch me count to ten! One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten! In fact, I have the strangest urge to read something. Either of you have a book I might borrow?"

Dumbledore handed Ron the book on tap-dancing and watched as Ron flipped through it casually before handing it back.

"Right. Well, anything else?" Ron asked.

"You didn't read that." Hermione said accusingly.

"I certainly did," Ron replied. He struck a pose and began shuffling a soft-shoe before sweeping into a complicated time step that left them baffled and suitably impressed.

"Wonderful, Mister Weasley! Well I've seen all I needed to see. I'm off to Starbucks for lunch. Would you two care to join me?" Dumbledore had already turned and was walking away. Ron and Hermione both shrugged and followed him into the former Potions Master's new café.

Starbucks wasn't as busy as they'd expected, probably since word had spread about the Twins' new Flight Elixir. Severus stood behind the counter, wiping it with a clean towel. He brightened at the sight of his former employer.

"Headmaster! I was wondering when you might come and see me. What can I get for you?" Severus asked happily.

"A tea please, Severus. And I'd love a bowl of the Minestrone, and whatever the children will have as well. It's on me."

"Of course, sir," Severus smiled and got straight to work preparing lunch while Ron and Hermione decided what to order.

Dumbledore nodded his head towards Severus' office, and the two men stepped discreetly away to speak.

"Have you finished that little mission I gave you?" Dumbledore asked.

"Almost, Albus. I was waiting for a shipment of special rats from Africa for the potion. I have them here in my office, if you'd like to see them. They're quite remarkable."

The two men stepped into the office and Severus reached under his desk to bring up a small cage. He held it up but it slipped from his fingers and crashed to the floor, the door opening and spilling the miniature rats all over. They scattered and squealed, and a luminescent haze wafted up from them, surrounding both men in soft light.

"Merlin's Earlobes, this isn't going to be pretty. You'd better shut the door, Albus. I'd rather those Gryffindors of yours not see this." Severus snarled.

Dumbledore closed the door while the magical effects of the scared rats took hold on him and Severus. He began humming uncontrollably and Severus haltingly performed a horrible hokey pokey whilst trying desperately to reach a small bottle on his desk. As soon as he reached it, he pulled out the cork, took a swig and handed it to Albus. The amused Headmaster sang with gusto until the end of the stanza before allowing himself to sip the antidote.

Suitably composed and having retrieved the loose rats, the men slipped back into the café where Ron and Hermione were waiting to order. Just as Severus got back behind the counter, the front door swung open and in marched five figures dressed in matching black robes and pink tights. A small, sequined insignia on their robes read E.E.F.F.D. Their leader pulled back her hood, signaling the others to do the same.

"Zymurgy! Darling! Where have you been?" Severus gasped, coming out from behind the counter. He was clearly very worried about Zymurgy, and his use of an overly intimate pet name caused all within earshot to wince and look around nervously for the ShipMonster. The ShipMonster was otherwise engaged at that moment, having rushed over to Fred and George's, hoping for a chance to get a vial of their new Flight Elixir.

Zymurgy groaned in pain, unable to explain the hold of her fellow Evil Eliters' powers of persuasion. En masse, the group of struggling writers broke into song, serenading Severus with a less than stellar rendition of You Are My Sunshine. Edge and Kristy McGonagall were flushed and furious as they were written to sing particularly horribly, croaking out each note with pained expressions. Evlpez sang with gusto, and B2M tried desperately to conduct, singing as loud as possible in effort to get the group to sing in the correct key. It was for naught, as Felicia had the misfortune of being written and forced to put on a most embarrassing interpretive dance, enraging and flustering her fellow Evil Eliters to the point that they could barely finish the song before trying to wrap their hands around her throat.

When the song ended, Zymurgy rushed to Severus' side, apologizing. Severus was especially forgiving and sympathetic, hushing her cries with consoling comments like, "It's all right, love," And, "You were fabulous, considering." He finished with, "I know how you feel. Those blasted fan fiction writers have made me do far worse than this, I assure you."

Ron and Hermione sat in stunned silence. Dumbledore waited patiently for his tea and soup, and Severus gathered the Evil Eliters around him while they conspired to exact their revenge on the loathsome writer who dared to humiliate them this time.

THE END…. (for now)


This was:

Kirsty McGonagall's Dare:
*Hermione glues her hands together and cannot do homework for a week.
*Cho runs around the school offering to paint people's toenails pink
*The following lines must be said:

• " Watch me count to 10!"
• "You know what tastes like Chicken? Chicken!"
• " The Best Pumpkins in town"

* And a pink penguin called Afton must appear.
Due date: 1st March

aftonhouse74038's Dare (first one!):
*Someone must find a bag of potato chips in snapes office.
*Ron must learn to tap dance.
*Snape must accidently let loose a box of rats at lunch and start doing the hokey-pokey.
*Dumbledore must say "THERE GOES THAT COW AGAIN!"
*5 of the EEFFDers must appear and sing a song to Snape
*Fred & George must invent an unusual way to fly.
Due Date: March 1, 2005

The next day, Aftonhouse74038 was found out. As a favor to Severus, Zymurgy had interrogated her the best way they she how, forcing her to read endless "Mary Sue" stories until she broke down in a sobbing heap, confessing that she was responsible for the latest EEFFD choir serenade to Severus. In penance, Afton was ordered to work for Severus in his Starbucks café, mopping the floors and tables wearing a T-shirt that said, 'Accio Wench'. Consequently, any witch or wizard who read her shirt aloud caused her to be hurled through the café to land in their laps. Severus enjoyed the wind in his hair as her body flew past him, and the sight of her flying uncontrollably through the cafe was very amusing. All the while, Afton sobbed, unable to speak coherently.

Back at Hogwarts, Evlpez had somehow managed to get Severus' old job, teaching Potions. She read voraciously, hoping that no one could tell she hadn't even gone to Wizarding school. The first week was simple, as Severus had left behind all of his lesson plans. He had offered to help her by tutoring her on the weekends so that she could at least keep up with her students, for which she was grateful, until she actually began spending time with him in his Potions laboratory in the basement of Starbucks. AU!Snape was a very different person than the real thing, and Evlpez wondered how he ever managed to make friends with anyone, much less Zymurgy and the Evil Eliters. He was a horrible person to everyone really, just like Jo had written him. He took delight in humiliating Evlpez and berating her lack of wizarding experience. He bought her a pet jarvy named Nigel to insult her when he wasn't around. Nigel was adept and making up new and interesting ways to insult her choice of robes, or her short black hair. These were the little things Severus didn't like but felt he was above commenting on. He resolved to give a jarvy to everyone he didn't like, in future. Their tutoring sessions had been going on for weeks before the EEFFD Choir incident for which Afton was being punished had occurred. In the course of those weeks, Evlpez learned that Severus had a really twisted sense of humour. Not only did he like to test her understanding of potion making by quizzing her and asking for strange and unusual potions for him to evaluate, but he sometimes deliberately changed recipes on her, causing her to potions to fail outright, or even to nearly destroy her office on occasion.

Evlpez had taken to brewing the subject of the next lesson in her office the night before the next day of classes, so that she could be sure it would work in class. She'd already learned her lesson when her own Shrinking Potion brewed in class demonstration had caused a great, purple cloud of smoke to take the corporeal shape of a huge, talking parrot named Julius. Severus had smirked when she told him, and asked her again why she thought she was qualified for this job.

One night, she was working on a Draught of Peace. Having much better understanding of potions now, she realized too late that he had tricked her again by instructing her to add boysenberries at a crucial moment when she knew she should have added Leech juice. To her horror, the deed was done and the potion ruined. Eager to start over, she extinguished the fire and levitated the cauldron over to the sink when thick, black smoke began to fill her office. She cleared the room with a flick of her wand, but found standing there a strange looking woman in a sixteenth century American vintage costume.

Evlpez pointed her wand at the stranger and asked, "What are you doing in my office? Who are you?"

The woman's eyes were wide in horror. She shook her head as she regarded Evlpez's robes and pointy hat.

Nigel the jarvy popped up from under the desk and squealed, "Ooooh! Ugly, poorly dressed stranger in our office, Pez! Jinx her! Hex her! Give her Sevvie's nose and hair and send her on her way, it'll be an improvement!"

"Not now, Nigel." Evlpez chided before speaking to the stranger. "Answer my questions."

The woman screamed behind her hands and shouted, "A talking ferret? WITCH! AAHHHHHHHHHH! GOD SAVE ME AND SEND ME BACK TO SALEM! WITCH! AAHHHHHHHHHH! BURN THE EVIL WITCH!"

Jan closed her eyes and sighed before casting a quick finite, dispelling the loud woman and sending her back into the ether.

"Why do I put up with this?" She asked Nigel.

"Because you're stupid and ugly, and don't know any better," Nigel replied.

"Nigel, you're MY jarvy. Don't insult me, or I won't feed you."

"Hey, hey, HEY!" Nigel shook his fist at her and scampered back under the desk for a nap.

Resolving to suck it up and get over it, Evlpez cleaned up the mess and started the potion again. First though, she had an owl to send.

The next day, Severus was making lattes for his customers and watching with satisfaction as Afton's body whizzed around the room, mop flailing. He was particularly pleased with the knowledge that he'd managed to fool Evlpez again. He was sure she was humiliating herself in front of the sixth years right about then. He knew her better than some, being such a skilled legilimens. He'd probed her brain enough to know that she was a peaceable person who liked to communicate rather than retaliate. She had no business being in Zymurgy's band of sinister writers, despite Zym's assurances that she was 'good people'. He loved Zymurgy dearly, but it just didn't do to have her surrounding herself with half-wit hippies like Evlpez. And she'd managed to take over his vacated position at the school, and as much as he enjoyed being free of it, she didn't deserve it. At least Afton has the stones to try something, he thought. That EEFFD Choir was juvenile, but at least she tried. She'll need lessons on how not to implicate herself, but she'll learn eventually.

Satisfied with the few days of humiliation Afton had received, Severus called her over.

"You're done. You may go," he said, taking the mop out of her hands.

"Really? I don't have to do this anymore?" Afton asked, suspiciously.

"Yes. Report to the EEFFD and accept a dare as soon as possible. Don't muck it up, either. Do it up right, mind your spelling and punctuation and we'll call it even."

"Coolio...er...I mean coolness...er...I mean cool! Er… yes, sir." Afton muttered before making a break for the door.

Severus watched her go and looked around at the mess left by the midday rush. He sighed contentedly and began clearing tables and bidding good-bye to the last of his customers. His back was to the door when the bell jingled.

"Severus Snape?" called a woman with an American accent.

"Yes," Severus called out as he wiped a table. He didn't get many foreign customers, and even less who knew his name. He looked up.

Roseanne Arnold stood at the door, dressed in a red evening gown with a red rose in her hand. She swaggered seductively towards him and handed him the rose as she burst into song.

"You made me love you
I didn't want to do it, I didn't want to do it
You made me love you
and all the time you knew it
I guess you always knew it.
You made me happy sometimes, you made me glad
But there were times, Dear, you made me feel so bad

You made me sigh for, I didn't want to tell you
I didn't want to tell you
I want some love that's true, yes I do, deed I do, you know I do

Give me, give me, give me what I cry for
you know you got the brand of kisses that I'd die for
You know you made me love you."

Severus was dumbstruck, a sick feeling in his stomach. Before he could regain his composure, she repeated the song over and over at the top of her voice.

"You made me love you
I didn't want to do it, I didn't want to do it
You made me love you
and all the time you knew it
I guess you always knew it.
You made me happy sometimes, you made me glad
But there were times, Dear, you made me feel so bad

You made me sigh for, I didn't want to tell you
I didn't want to tell you
I want some love that's true, yes I do, deed I do, you know I do

Give me, give me, give me what I cry for
you know you got the brand of kisses that I'd die for
You know you made me love you

You made me love you
I didn't want to do it, I didn't want to do it
You made me love you
and all the time you knew it
I guess you always knew it.
You made me happy sometimes, you made me glad
But there were times, Dear, you made me feel so bad

You made me sigh for, I didn't want to tell you
I didn't want to tell you
I want some love that's true, yes I do, deed I do, you know I do

Give me, give me, give me what I cry for
you know you got the brand of kisses that I'd die for
You know you made me love you

You made me love you
I didn't want to do it, I didn't want to do it
You made me love you
and all the time you knew it
I guess you always knew it.
You made me happy sometimes, you made me glad
But there were times, Dear, you made me feel so bad

You made me sigh for, I didn't want to tell you
I didn't want to tell you
I want some love that's true, yes I do, deed I do, you know I do

Give me, give me, give me what I cry for
you know you got the brand of kisses that I'd die for
You know you made me love you

You made me love you
I didn't want to do it, I didn't want to do it
You made me love you
and all the time you knew it
I guess you always knew it.
You made me happy sometimes, you made me glad
But there were times, Dear, you made me feel so bad

You made me sigh for, I didn't want to tell you
I didn't want to tell you
I want some love that's true, yes I do, deed I do, you know I do

Give me, give me, give me what I cry for
you know you got the brand of kisses that I'd die for
You know you made me love you

You made me love you
I didn't want to do it, I didn't want to do it
You made me love you
and all the time you knew it
I guess you always knew it.
You made me happy sometimes, you made me glad
But there were times, Dear, you made me feel so bad

You made me sigh for, I didn't want to tell you
I didn't want to tell you
I want some love that's true, yes I do, deed I do, you know I do

Give me, give me, give me what I cry for
you know you got the brand of kisses that I'd die for
You know you made me love you

You made me love you
I didn't want to do it, I didn't want to do it
You made me love you
and all the time you knew it
I guess you always knew it.
You made me happy sometimes, you made me glad
But there were times, Dear, you made me feel so bad

You made me sigh for, I didn't want to tell you
I didn't want to tell you
I want some love that's true, yes I do, deed I do, you know I do

Give me, give me, give me what I cry for
you know you got the brand of kisses that I'd die for
You know you made me love you

You made me love you
I didn't want to do it, I didn't want to do it
You made me love you
and all the time you knew it
I guess you always knew it.
You made me happy sometimes, you made me glad
But there were times, Dear, you made me feel so bad

You made me sigh for, I didn't want to tell you
I didn't want to tell you
I want some love that's true, yes I do, deed I do, you know I do

Give me, give me, give me what I cry for
you know you got the brand of kisses that I'd die for
You know you made me love you

You made me love you
I didn't want to do it, I didn't want to do it
You made me love you
and all the time you knew it
I guess you always knew it.
You made me happy sometimes, you made me glad
But there were times, Dear, you made me feel so bad

You made me sigh for, I didn't want to tell you
I didn't want to tell you
I want some love that's true, yes I do, deed I do, you know I do

Give me, give me, give me what I cry for
you know you got the brand of kisses that I'd die for
You know you made me love you

You made me love you
I didn't want to do it, I didn't want to do it
You made me love you
and all the time you knew it
I guess you always knew it.
You made me happy sometimes, you made me glad
But there were times, Dear, you made me feel so bad

You made me sigh for, I didn't want to tell you
I didn't want to tell you
I want some love that's true, yes I do, deed I do, you know I do

Give me, give me, give me what I cry for
you know you got the brand of kisses that I'd die for
You know you made me love you

You made me love you
I didn't want to do it, I didn't want to do it
You made me love you
and all the time you knew it
I guess you always knew it.
You made me happy sometimes, you made me glad
But there were times, Dear, you made me feel so bad

You made me sigh for, I didn't want to tell you
I didn't want to tell you
I want some love that's true, yes I do, deed I do, you know I do

Give me, give me, give me what I cry for
you know you got the brand of kisses that I'd die for
You know you made me love you

You made me love you
I didn't want to do it, I didn't want to do it
You made me love you
and all the time you knew it
I guess you always knew it.
You made me happy sometimes, you made me glad
But there were times, Dear, you made me feel so bad

You made me sigh for, I didn't want to tell you
I didn't want to tell you
I want some love that's true, yes I do, deed I do, you know I do

Give me, give me, give me what I cry for
you know you got the brand of kisses that I'd die for
You know you made me love you

You made me love you
I didn't want to do it, I didn't want to do it
You made me love you
and all the time you knew it
I guess you always knew it.
You made me happy sometimes, you made me glad
But there were times, Dear, you made me feel so bad

You made me sigh for, I didn't want to tell you
I ---"



Severus finally got over the nausea and pulled his wand, silencing her.

"Who sent you?! Why are you doing this to me?!" He cried.

"It was me, Severus," called a voice from the door. Severus spun around and there stood Evlpez with a most satisfied and evil look on her face.

"Pez! Never…"

"Of course not. It couldn't be, could it?! You make me sick, Severus; assuming you know me. I'm sick of you humiliating me and treating me like garbage."

Snape smirked. "Couldn't think of an original prank, could you? You even copied Afton's little serenade prank. I'll admit that using this creature was clever even for you, but so unoriginal."

Evlpez cackled, causing a brief look of fear to cross Severus' face. "Afton? You still believe Afton was behind the Evil Elite Chorus the other day?" She glared darkly at him. "It was I. A simple Imperius and a suggestion was all it took to get her to confess to my crime, and you ate it up like the fool you are."

Severus sneered at his folly.

"Don't ever underestimate me again, Severus. This," she indicated with a wave to Roseanne, who was still singing, unaware she couldn't be heard, "was nothing. Don't make me get angry with you, Severus. It would get very ugly." She handed Snape an American one dollar bill and with a swirl of her robes, she was out of the café and gone, leaving Severus to deal with Roseanne on his own. He wouldn't figure out that the bill was in fact a timed portkey for Roseanne back to the US until it was nearly too late.

THE END



felicia1995's dare:
*Roseanne from 'Roseanne' must make an appearance and dance and sing a song to Snape
*The following lines MUST be said: "Hey, hey, HEY!" "Coolio...er...I mean coolness...er...I mean cool!" " WITCH! AAHHHHHHHHHH! BURN THE EVIL WITCH!"
*Make use of the following:: a ferret, a parrot, YOU, a one-dollar American bill, A person from the town of Salem from the 1700's
*And to add a little twist to the story
*Your story MUST be at LEAST 3,000 words long with theses dare requirments ONLY!
Due Date: April 2nd, 2005

Oh my god...weird, very weird..but funny! Nice job Jan!!

Thanks, Amaris.

A bit late...



Winter came swiftly to Hogsmeade, and Severus was beginning to get a little twitchy, drinking all that tasty coffee from his little Starbucks franchise. After only a week and a half of drinking nothing but hot cocoa, his spirits lightened and he found himself happier than he'd ever been in his life. He'd even completely stopped badgering Evlpez and had genuinely offered assistance with her lesson plans. She still didn't trust him though, and had abandoned his tutelage completely. As a result, the kids up at Hogwarts weren't learning much in Potions Class other than how to make some most excellent soup.

His cup of cocoa in one hand, Severus waved his wand at the door to the coffee shop, unlocking it. The Open sign flickered on and he began his Saturday. Immediately, the Patil twins came in, bickering loudly.

"I said [i]non-fat, half-caf latte," chided Padma.

"Don't be ridiculous. You're skinny. You do not need non-fat. And half-caf? What's the point of caffeine at all if you're only going to get half of it?" Parvati was shaking her head incredulously.

Severus tossed back the last of his hot cocoa, the bitter sediment of cocoa washing over his tongue pleasantly.

"My dear girls. Why argue over such a silly thing? Miss Patil, let your sister enjoy her morning cup however she likes it. There's no need to press your taste in coffee upon her. Here," he said as he finished making them both their favorite concoctions, "On the house."

The girls looked at each other with more than a little fear and hurried away. Severus poured himself another hot cocoa.

The bell above the door jingled once again as the Weasley twins came in. Fred was holding George's shoe in his hand, a mess of green goo dripping from it.

"But once we get the timing right on the third and fourth charms, it'll be better. The wearer will transfigure into a polar bear. It will be perfect," Fred was saying.

"Yes, except for the part where that isn't my shoe. Use your own next time," George pouted as he took his shoe back and performed a thorough Evanesco on it."

"Two large lattes, Sevvie," Fred sang. They'd begun apparating to Hogsmeade from their store in Diagon Alley just to have him serve them their morning coffee. It was their favorite way to start the day.

Severus couldn't be bothered to sneer at them. He sipped his hot cocoa as he held the milk jug in his other hand to the steam wand of the espresso maker.

"Little wonder then, little wonder. You little wonder, little wonder, you," he sang absently. He'd had that David Bowie song stuck in his head ever since he'd heard it the other day on the Wizarding Wireless.

George put his shoe back on and promptly transfigured into a polar bear and five penguins.
Rather than gloat over the twins' latest failure, Severus chose to make five more lattes for George, free of charge. All six of him were very grateful as they waddled and padded out of the cafe behind Fred.

Severus drained his cup and frowned. He'd definitely have to go back to coffee.


This was..
Cassirin's Dare:
*The Patil twins must fight over something silly.
*There must be a polar bear and five penguins.
*Someone is addicted to hot cocoa and/or soup.
*Someone says "Except for the part where that isn't my shoe."
*Include lyrics from your favorite song in some way.
Due Jan 18

This had everything twin! hehe Sevvie, Starbucks, mah twin, cocoa, a David Bowie song, Fred and Goerge - what else can one ask for?

He should never have switched!

Very clever! I need to read all your dares and learn the technique! Loved it!

As Severus Snape tended his Starbucks cafe in Hogsmeade, students were still not learning much back at Hogwarts in Potions class. He knew it, and had begun owling little notes to Dumbledore. Evlpez, in an effort to draw attention away from her abysmal lessons, convinced Dumbledore to allow her to direct a school play. He was all for it. Actually, he had little idea about it because it was Harry's sixth year, and he spent most of the time off chasing memories and behaving strangely in sixth year fan fictions.

Had Dumbledore known what was happening at the school, he'd probably have thought twice about allowing Evlpez to do this play. In fact, it could hardly be called a play. It was a ballet. And since Harry was spending more time with Dumbledore, that freed Ron up to play the lead.

At their first rehearsal, Evlpez congratulated them all on being chosen to play their parts. Ron wasn't too impressed with the attention he was getting, especially from Nigel, Evlpez's pet jarvey, who incidentally was the stage manager.

Ron had been dating Lavender Brown and the two were so often stuck together like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich that he had come with her, auditioned and been cast before he even knew what had happened. He wasn't much pleased with the news that he was to dance in a ballet until Evlpez assured him that his part wasn't all that dependant on his dancing ability.

"It's not a real ballet," Evlpez assured him. "It's actually a puppet ballet. You're providing the voice of the lead character, a snowman named Frosty who comes to life with the aid of a magical hat. He's the one doing all the ballet dancing. You'll all be taught how to move your puppets in the puppetry workshops."

"Excuse me, professor," Luna Lovegood interrupted. "I don't understand the cast list. I'm listed as..."

"Reason. That's correct, Miss Lovegood. You are the voice of Reason. Reason is one of the pink elephants who lead the chorus in the second act, when the evil wizard steals Frosty's magical hat. The whole number is performed on these little miniature pogo sticks. It's going to be very exciting."

Padma and Parvati Patil came forward, arguing.

"Professor!" Padma fumed. "It says here that I am playing the part of Miss Candy Corn. Miss Candy Corn has only two lines. Don't you remember my audition? I performed a monologue from Macbeth, complete with blood stains."

"Yes, Padma. I remember."

"Well?? Parvati was cast as Milk Dud, who has exactly twenty six lines. She recited the alphabet for her audition, Professor. How can you say she is better fit for such a large part than I am?"

"Because I have a nicer voice, Padma," Parvati said. "Besides. I am more talented than you. You got the brains, I got the talent. Mum and Dad have always said so."

"So that's how it is in their family," chirped Nigel, Evlpez's jarvey. Evlpez bopped him on the head.

At that moment, Dumbledore came in, his black, singed little hand waving furiously.

"STOP! This woman is an imposter! She's not a Potions teacher. She's not even a witch!"

The students murmered in shock. There were whispers until Ron's whisper hushed them all.

"Fan fiction writer," he hissed. They advanced on her angrily.

Evlpez went red, tossed her script and ran out of the room, Nigel scurrying behind her.
She left Hogwarts and fleed to Severus' Starbucks, where she fell in love with a double shot mochaccino with whipped cream and never returned.

The End... for now.

Lissy's Dare:
* Ron stars in a ballet
* Luna is the voice of reason
* Two people fight over a Milk Dud
* Someone says "So that's how it is in their family!"
* Objects: Pink elephants, a snowman, a pogo stick, and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich

Due March 5th, 2006
__________________

Twin! My dare all written up!

I don't believe it!

LMAO

hehe

Aha!! hehe Cool idea!

My twin is too clever for me! Great play on words! Luna is Reason!

bahahahaha Milk Dud!

I was looking forward to that one!



I can understand the double shot mochaccino, but you have to come back! Aaahhhhh!!!

Awesome dare Twin, you Fan fiction writer! I needs a new dare

You're too brilliant, Jan. PAMS!!!!!!



Love,
##Alex##

While Evlpez spent her days at Starbucks with Severus, Deputy headmistress McGonagall spent hers trying to find a replacement Potions professor. Pickings were slim and she started considering anyone who knew their way around a kitchen. She'd asked the rest of the staff to think of people who might be able to take the job.

There was a knock at the door.

"Come in," Minerva called out. Hagrid entered, tracking mud across the Persian rug on the floor.

"I rounded up everyone's suggestions, Per'fesser. I knew you'd want 'em righ' away."

"Thank you, Hagrid. Just leave them on the desk," she said, then conjured up a telephone.

"Will that work 'ere, Per'fesser?"

She'd have answered, except that Argus Filch burst into the room just then, panting.

"It's Peeves, Professor. He's done something dreadful. He's spiked the pumpkin juice and now all the students are sloshed and vomiting all over the great hall!"

"Better out than in, as I always say," muttered Hagrid. Minerva cast him a warning glance and he excused himself and went back to work.

"Poppy can handle it, Argus. Do call her down there and make sure she brings enough Elixer of Sobriety as she can. I'm too busy at the moment," Minerva said as she began browsing the stack of recommendations. Some of them were actual applications filled out by ordinary wizarding folk. Some she'd taught and would rather not hire and others were just terribly unsuited. One of the unsuitable applicants was a leprechaun who'd filled his resume out in rhyming couplets and naughty limericks.

Among the papers was a newspaper article about a muggle woman who worked magic in the kitchen. Minerva picked up the receiver of the telephone and waved her wand at it.

A week later, Hogwarts was abuzz with the news of a muggle guest professor coming to Hogwarts. Hermione was less than impressed, but the other Gryffindor girls were positively star-struck to be getting a chance to meet the queen of domesticity herself, Martha Stewart.

"That horse-faced old battle-axe can't teach potions. She's not even a proper witch! Not to mention she's an ex-convict!" She complained to anyone who bothered listening.

Minerva was at the grand entrance hall doors as carriages pulled up and Martha Stewart's entourage spilled out onto the cobblestone in front of the castle. Most of the crew couldn't even see Hogwarts, so they looked a bit like tourists wandering around with video and film cameras, while Martha Stewart looked around, smiling appreciatively at the landscape.

"Oh my word, what have I done?" Minerva asked herself, as she clutched the newspaper she had brought down from her office. It was a very old issue from somewhere in America. She should've taken the time to read it further before making calls, but was so anxious to find a teacher that she acted on instinct. Opening it up now, she saw a rather embarrassing photo of her new potions mistress trading cigarettes for coordinated napkin rings in a womens' prison.

"I think I'm going mad," Minerva whispered. Quickly, she closed the door, hoping they would all just go away.

The end, for now.

This was:

Durro's Inaugural Dare
* Someone thinks they're going mad
* A Muggle is invited to Hogwarts as a special guest. Explain the circumstances behind this.
* Hagrid must say "better out than in, as I always say"
* Peeves does something dreadful
* The following must be incorporated seamlessly into the story line -
1. An embarrassing photo of someone 2. a battleaxe 3. a leprechaun 4. A Persian rug

Nicely done. Peeves spiking the pumpkin juice was a stroke of genius. And Martha Stewart ? Ha ha ha !

Keep up the good work. Hope you liked mine.

Durro