Cass- I too morn Binki's loss... *bows head* and I pat the chicken abused by Lavender fondly on the head. *pats* And... oh Hagga! SNAPE doing the splits? *clutches sides and laughs hystericly* and I loved the Slytherin's sining Sinatra. (except for the fact that I can't listen to that song without thinking of Spike Jone's spoof of it anymore...) Anyhow, you are evil and wonderfull and great, and I have to go to sleep now to rest up for another sinfully busy and nasty day! *waves*

MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! EVILNESS!!!! wahooooo!!! PINK HIGHLIGHTERS for my PINK TIGHTS!!!! Go Cass!!!

(p.s. say hi to the chickens for me!!! Bawk Bawk!!!)

Coolies

i lurrrve :wub: it

i can just see the slytherins 'oooh' ing along with him, and swooping, and booping.....


and snape? doing the splits?

Hello again...

March can be a long, dreary month. Smack dab between February with Valentine's Day and April with Spring holiday, at Hogwarts, March stretched out endlessly. There weren't even any of the end-of-the-term
death-defying activities that to break things up. No, it was very, very boring. Boring. Very. Boring.

"I know!" Neville shouted, causing all the half-asleep and quite bored children to fall out of their respective chairs. It was ill-timed inspiration on Neville's part because the Gryffindors were in Potions class at the time. How any of them dared to be bored in potions is beyond me, but that's why they are Gryffindors and I am yet unsorted.

"Five points from Gryffindor for waking me up," Snape snapped and went back to sleep. The rest of the class huddled over their cauldrons and shot Neville curious looks.

"I'm throwing a party," Neville announced in a loud whisper. "A Boringest Month of the Year party."

"Boringest is not a word," Hermione reminded him and was "accidentally" pushed into her potion. She had fluffy green eyebrows for the rest of the week.

The party was a rousing success. Someone, and the author blames Dobby because it is convenient and he's short, charmed the Butterbeer and got all the first and second years quite drunk. Of course, all the older students got somewhat tipsy as well, so no one can be blamed for the stupid suggestions that followed.

"I think we should all go and do something really brave, because we're Gryffindors and Gryffindors are brave and... I think I'm drunk."

"I think you're drunk too! What should we do?"

"Uh, guys, I don't think we're allowed to be drunk on a SnitchSeeker fanfic. Let's just be... very, very silly."

"Doh! Obviously we should do something that involves pranking because that is what our author is so fond of..."

"Alright then... there will be some pranking. Anything else?"

"I rather afraid of the underpants gnomes," Ginny admitted. "You know, the ones that steal underpants? I think I'll go have an unfortunate encounter with them that I will be completely unable to recall in the morning."

"Underpants gnomes!" Ron exclaimed. "First our socks leave and now our underpants get stolen... is there some sort of plot regarding Hogwarts nudity?"

"I don't think we're allowed to have any of that on Snitchseeker either."

***
Draco Malfoy tiptoed into the teachers' lounge, easing the door shut behind him. Somehow, the teachers didn't notice his entrance, as they were all clustered around the table and arguing loudly about whether or not they should ever have another Yule Ball again. Snape, oddly enough, was all for the Ball because he liked to blast young romantics out of their respective rose bushes.

In an amazing double play, Draco swept in, kissed Minerva McGonagall and Professor Sprout soundly on the cheeks, muttered a charm that turned Snape's hair into a huge pink bouffant, and ran from the room leaving everyone startled.

"Who...?" "What...?" "DRACO!"

As Draco ran from the room, he sped as quickly as he could, making random right and left turns just to ensure his safe escape. He skidded to a stop in a dark hallway where two students were arguing loudly.

"No, Zy, you are under serious delusions! I am by far the most evil of evilest evils."

The student called Zy snorted. "Riiiight, Lotus, and I'm the Queen of Cupcaketopia, where sprinkles rule the earth. Look at my evil pose!" And she posed quite evilly.

"HEY!" a loud voice boomed and startled the two. "I'm the most evil. If you don't get out of my fic right quick, I'll be forced to show up in your stories and cause everyone to mysteriously speak only in rhyme. Don't make me do that!"

"Let's get out of here," Lotus said, giving the invisible author a deadly glare, which is quite a feat, I might add, since she's INVISIBLE.

"Excuse us," the girls started to brush past Draco.

"Sorry," he muttered.

"Sorry?" the girls looked at each other in surprise. "SORRY? Who are you and what have you done with the real Malfoy?"

"Erm..." Draco glanced at his watch. "Hold on..." Slowly, Draco Malfoy melted into Harry Potter. He smiled, and added, "Polyjuice. The only thing better than pranking a professor is pranking a professor and getting someone else in trouble for it."

And he ran away.

Thank you, Lotus... it was fun.

(1) Underpants gnomes must plague Hogwarts by stealing underpants.
(2) A mad prankster, pranks the teachers. Could be anyone.
(3) 3 of the Elite have an argument about who is the most Evil.
(4) Nevile throws a party and a number of people get drunk on Butter Beer.
(5) Malfoy kisses 2 people.
(6) And you must say a well known Simpsons line or phrase.

Could someone please shoot me now? I can't do it anymore... one fic a day... I'm going to...

I'll post more tomorrow!

Oh Cass, that was great!!!!!

"I am by far the most evil of evilest evils." Lotus said, giving the invisible author a deadly glare.
Hehehe! *death stare*

We all are slaves to the dares, Cass. But if you want, I can still shoot you. *pulls out pump action super soaker from her shirt pocket*
MWAAHAAHAAAAAAA, with the wetness!!
*squirts Cass till she turns into a puddle, then hides behind sofa* :hide_chair:

This is hilarious, as usual! Why do you always crack me up when I'm supposed to be QUIET (like when I'm sneaking to use the comp)?

You are truly evil!

Mwhaha!! evil...

oh cass! poor dobby...how could u use him in that way > hehe

evilness...i can smell it in the air... :whisle:

The Queen of Cupcakeopia!? Is that some EVIL comment upon my weight!? I AM THE EVILIST OF THE ELITE! *thunder*
Cass: I'm coming into your ficcie... they'll all be speaking in rhyme...
Me: Gee ... thank? I guess?
Cass: Darn you Zy! You're so hard to faze!
ME: MWAHAHAHAHA! *Evil pose*

Wasn't aiming so much for sense here... sorry

Draco loved evil women. Being evil himself, he had a great deal of respect for those Evil Elite fan fiction writers... they were just so... evil. Eventually, his respect turned to love. So when he heard that a cupcake eating contest was being held in honor of Cassirin, Queen of Cupcaketopia, he knew he needed to enter and win in order to earn her undying love. (Yes, the author is aware that she is talking about herself... but she IS queen and queens talk in third person. And she wonders when she upgraded herself from a princess to a queen...?)

Other students entered too... despite the fishbowl incident, the students loved their author. Ever since she had been out-voted in favor of Zymurgy, she had been sucking up ceaselessly. "Mysterious benefactors" had gifted the student body with brooms and chocolate frogs and the evil squad of chickens had mysteriously vanished along with the underpants gnomes. They went to visit the sock preserve for a long vacation.

The day of the contest was a beautiful spring day. The birds were singing, the sun was shining, and there was a cool, scented breeze that wafted gently from the lake. Yes, the lovely Cassirin also sucks up with perfect weather.

All the contestants were gathered in the Great Hall, with Hagrid presiding over the entire show with his new cat Max. Somehow, all the professors had been mysteriously stricken with food poisoning, leaving Hagrid to fill in as Headmaster for a while. The author is ignoring the fact that they all got sick after Hagrid made them a mysterious meatloaf because Hagrid was always very nice to the now Royal Chicken Brigade.

The students lined up in front of a heaping mound of never-ending cupcakes. The winner would be whoever ate the most in 10 minutes. Draco seriously believed he could win, even though he hated cupcakes (GASP!) and hated to get messy. He had even had the foresight to ban Crabbe and Goyle, the greatest eaters in all of Hogwarts, from the festivities. They didn't care simply because they didn't even remember.

"One, two, three... GO!" Draco picked up a cupcake and immediately got icing on his hand. "I've got icing on my hand!" he complained. "It's sticky! Get it off, get it off, get it off, get it off..." The author rolled her eyes and gave him a nappy.

Ten minutes later, Draco had eaten half of a cupcake. The winner, quite unsurprisingly, was Ron, who had learned the fine art of eating on the fly by living with five other "growing boys." The author can't tell you how many he ate because the thought of it makes her ill.

"Ron is th' winner!" Hagrid bellowed, petting Max. Ron smiled a sick, pink icing smile and looked about as good as he had when he was spitting up slugs in his second year. The author seriously reconsidered her plan.

"NO!" Draco yelled and swatted Ron over the head with his broomstick. "I want to win! I'm the one who loves her! I'm the one who deserves her love! Not you! NO!"

Ron fell over, holding his head with one hand and his stomach with the other. Hermione and Harry, who were smart enough not to enter, crouched over the poor boy.

"Erm... Draco," the author said tentatively. "I'm very flattered by your, um, love for me. But... I don't think... well... you are... you're too young for me. I know that in the books you'd actually be like 23 now but in my fic you are only 16 and that's just icky and..." She rambled on for several minutes and no one understood anything.

"Too young!" Draco interrupted. "Love is ageless! You're an evil Queen, and I'm the Slytherin Prince. All of the fan fic writers say so." He began to cry, which really did nothing to earn him any points.

"OH!" the author got flustered at crying boys. "Here... love Jenn. She's the right age." The author handed him Jennifer W, and he brightened right up.

"That was nice of you," a voice said to Cassirin's right.

"Oh, Zy, what did I tell you about appearing in my fics?"

"Fine... I was going to change your theme song as a reward, but I suppose I'll leave instead."
"No... here, have a cupcake."

After Zy, the wonderful and magnificent, had left, and Draco swooned over Jenn and made the author sick... your author gets quite queasy at PDA... things began to settle right back in. The author was whining, but she does that a lot, about how all the characters were too young and how she really wanted Charlie Weasley for her birthday. But the book version, not the movie version... Your author is very weird.

Suddenly, Hagrid's pet cat Max, who had been sitting tamely and quietly, reared up and ate one of the house elves who had been cleaning up the cupcake mess.

"Call the Fashion Police!" Lavender shrieked, "Unhinging your jaw is always out of style."

"I think we have bigger things to worry about," Hermione interrupted. "That poor house elf never had a chance. I'm going to give Hagrid a piece of my mind."

"Yeah, go yell at the guy with the man-eating cat. Brill plan, Hermione," Ginny said sarcastically. "I think this is the perfect time to end. The author is relatively happy and no one is dead."

And the author agreed.

Dare was from Kirstie McGonagall:

1, Ron must win a cupcake eating contest
2, someone hits someone else over the head with a broomstick
3, Hagrid becomes Headmaster
4, someone must say "Call the Fashion Police!"
5, a cat named Max must be included somewhere in the story

I'm very tired from all my fic-iness. Anyone want to give me a back rub and/ or a Weasley of my very own.

hehehe i'm in the storie!

go away Draco! now i know why he's been following me all day

Charely Weasley :whisle:

mwahahahaha

You can't just tell him to go away. He LOVES you now... I suggest you let him down easily in your next fic .

hahaha, woops *clears throat* Mwahahahaha!!! Evil laughing should be a hobby...don't u agree? Hm...that was funny....I think I'll laugh s'more...Mwahahahaha!!!! evil!

LMAO! Great job Cassirin!

Ok, quit impressing me. My eyebrows have risen right off my face.
Great now I just look silly with no eyebrows. *scampers off to find them*

:o You killed a houseelf!?

... I guess that's allowed. You are evil after all.

Oh, yes, and as I said in Lotus' fic- I've upgraded you theme.
ALL HAIL TO THE GREAT AND TERRILBE QUEEN CASSIRIN! *dun dun dun*

Like it?

In honor of the house elf who DIED (I did not kill him)...

Ron arrived just in time for Transfiguration, throwing his books to the desk and slumping into his chair. "So, the house elves are revolting."

"Ronald Arthur Weasley! How dare you? Just because they aren't attractive in the normal ways, you judge them so harshly. I'm sure they think you are no great prize either, no matter how good looking you might be."

"Geesh, Hermione, tell us how you really feel," Harry laughed.

"Erm..." Ron's face was red, either from embarrassment or because he thought Hermione may have just suggested he was good looking. "I mean that the house elves are in revolt. They refuse to do any work or make any food until their demands are met."

"What are their demands?" Hermione said excitedly. "Vacation, pay, a 401k plan?"

"Apparently, someone has been leaving out clothing in an attempt to trick them into freedom..." Ron began when he and the other two noticed that the entire class and McGonagall were watching their conversation with interest. "Good morning, professor."

***
The house elves were not completely idle. In the rooms off the kitchen that they lived and slept in, the elves made signs that said, "We is not needing clothes" and "House elves is deserving respect."

Winky had a great dab of red paint on her round tomato nose that made it even more closely resemble a tomato. "After we make the signs, we is needing to get upstairs to walk in the Great Hall."

Dobby, wearing a stack of hats and a pink tutu, stared at her in disbelief. Who would have expected this little house elf, once so drunk and desolate, to become so excited and hard-working?

"Winky, I is thinking I love you."

***
The professors tried to take the strike seriously, but the sight of all those little elves hoisting signs that were twice as tall as they were was too much for them. The entire meeting about the "situation" was interrupted by titters and huge smiles.

"Well, ahem," Dumbledore had his trademark gleam in his eye. "I suspect we need to bring in an expert to take care of the castle and the students until everything is smoothed over."

Umbridge popped out of a closet. "You are in luck! The ministry has sent me to..." Four teachers immediately cursed her, causing Umbridge to turn into a large, extremely ugly frog who was sent back to the ministry in a box with large holes poked into it.

"What was she doing in the broom closet?"

"Looking for a broom, perhaps," Dumbledore said, reminiscing about the author's very first dare ff.

"Any other ideas?" Dumbledore asked. "No? Good... I propose we send out for the foremost expert on such things. Unfortunately, she IS a muggle."

Sorry... hate overly long posts...

Martha Stewert arrived at Hogwarts the next day. Dumbledore had connections and her time at Hogwarts was in lieu of time in prison or hefty fines. As Snape gave her a tour through the castle, she eyed the drab walls and dark corridors with disgust. In the kitchen, she almost fainted when she saw the ancient appliances and complete lack of a food processor.

After only a week, Martha needed to spend some quality time at St. Mungo's. She had been found screaming loud and non-repeatable things at the painting to the kitchen in the middle of the night. Mostly, her yelling was about how tiny everything was in the kitchen - she had to cook on her knees - and the fact that no one appreciated the excellent salmon soufflé she had prepared. It made her crazy when people didn't appreciate the salmon. She was also very unhappy about a strange "no chicken" rule that had been enacted.

The students were happy to see her go. The corridors had these gaudy pink and green lamps spaced throughout and great swaths of cloth had been hung up to brighten the dank, dark spaces. Snape almost had a heart attack when he found her making potpourri in his cauldrons. The students also didn't like how she had redecorated their dorms and kept eyeing their uniforms speculatively.

"Well, I guess we're back to the drawing board," McGonagall complained one evening as they all gathered together to discuss the "situation" again.

"To the contrary..." Dumbledore twinkled. "We have come to an agreement with the house elves. Hermione Granger's knitting needles have been broken and to say we are sorry we are allowing the house elves to have their own little eccentricities for the time being."

"Such as?"

"Apparently, we need to host and attend the traditional house elf wedding ceremony for Dobby and Winky that involves a joining of wash rags, a sampling of each others' cooking, and a delightful final dance that looks just like Swan Lake."

"That should look especially nice considering that Dobby has taken to wearing the pink tutu."

And it was.

dobby tutu...i will have the image stuck in my head...forever!

hehehe.....Martha Stewart....hehehe....

The usual...

*a well known celebrity must appear
*Prof. Umbrige must appear and be turned into a toad
*Dobby must develope a relationship with Winky hehehe
*the house elves must go on strike
*a male character must wear a pink tu-tu and preform a ballet routine for the entire school

Thanks, Malfoy_is_HOTT! That was fun!

Stay tuned for a bonus feature

I had Matchmaker, from Fiddler on the Roof stuck in my head today. So I wrote a little song for us:

Snitchseeker, Snitchseeker, seeking the Snitch.
You call us evil, call us a witch.
Snitchseeker, Snitchseeker, we've read the book,
And we've found our perfect niche.

Snitchseeker, Snitchseeker, we write the dares.
If anyone reads them, nobody cares.
Causing great laughter is our only goal,
As onto the floor they roll!

For Z'murgy, brilliant we call her.
For Lotus, humor is the thing.
For me, well, I'll make you holler
As chickens go running through every scene.

Snitchseeker, Snitchseeker, watch as we grow.
Watch all our ficcies stealing the show.
Playing with evil, a girl can get turned.
So laugh at our tights, our jokes and our fics,
Our endless debate over who's evilest.
We are the Ev-il E-lite!

I swear, it actually does work, although I cut out abot 62 verses.

I challenge YOU to come up with a song... a FILK

haha that was awesome cass! *wipes the tears from her eyes from laughing so hard*

I love it Cass. Absolutly fantastic song, between you and Zy, I'm sure you could rhyme anything.

:arg: Lets see, I can rhyme "Nuts, Clutz and Butts." And thats about it.