Raspberries! That was flooglemassig! And I was giggleflanchem till I weaplewappled! Deal.

It's fantastic!
I don't think I've laughed that much in... a day!
Good work, I like it very much.

HAHAHA! Cass that was brill! Very very good! *bows to the evilness*

*strikes evil pose and walks out the ceiling door*

hehehehe evil and excellent as always Erin

i still can't get over the magenta cape and sparkly blue tights!!

erin, this is your sister speaking....
MY letters are not for the general public.... they are for ME!!! :angry:
i'll let it slide this time, but only because i just read all your stories and they make me laugh. in the future, i will wrestle you to the ground, steal your internet connection, and then... then i'll... well, you just do it and you'll find out!


you're funny, that's all i really wanted to say

Boo... as my friend Zy would say... DEAL. I won't put anymore of your letters up. Unless I find some more or write some more or... yeah. Bring it on.

haha i loved this bit:

The lovely author was busy plotting world domination when Pansy Parkinson came to visit her office, Snape trailing along behind. “What can I do for you?” Cassirin asked, her fingers steepled and her expression serious.

“Pansy wants you to write a fic about her,” Snape answered in a monotone.

“That’s impossible. I never bow to my character’s demands,” Cass answered and waved at them in dismissal. “You may recall a certain fishbowl incident…?”

“You HAVE to,” Pansy threw herself at Cass, who wrinkled her nose in distaste and peeled the girl off her kneecaps. “Everyone thinks I’m mean and evil! You have to show them the real me.”

“The real you IS mean and evil,” Snape noted. “Can we please discuss a fic in which I…”

“Please don’t tell me we’re going to talk about your need for a girlfriend again,” Pansy rolled her eyes.

“I… I can’t believe you brought that up,” Snape burst into noisy, messy tears.

Cass started. “I can’t believe you’re this emotionally fragile. What happened to tall, cranky, and bat-like? I think I miss him.”

“Oh, Professor,” Pansy grabbed his hand and gave it a few hearty, comforting whacks. “Don't cry over anyone who won't cry over you - punch him so he cries too.” Snape removed his hand forcibly from her grip.

“Snape’s right,” Cass stuck in, causing them both to look at her. “You are evil. Now… please leave. I’m not writing a fic for anyone today.”

“We’d pay you!” Both of them shouted at her and leaned on her desk.

“Do I need to resend the memo about my personal space? You can’t buy me for love or money, now...”

“How about noodles?” Snape queried. Cass and Pansy looked at him and he shrugged. “Noodles ARE a boy’s best friend.”

“Be that as it may, first, I’m not a boy. Second, I can’t be b…”

“How about chocolate?” Pansy asked slyly.

“Ok,” Cass shrugged. She was about to ask pertinent questions such as what colors Pansy liked and if she would consider being transformed into a buffalo when Harry popped his head in the office.

“Oh, ‘lo, Ms. Cassirin,” Harry said politely. “Have you seen him?”

“No,” Cassirin said impatiently, and Harry disappeared down the hall.

“What was that about?” Pansy demanded.

“I have no clue. Now, let’s talk about…” But she was once again interrupted as Dumbledore stuck his head into her office.

“Cassirin, if I might have a moment.” Dumbledore was dressed in a sparkly vest over his normal robes and a polka dot beret perched on top of his pointy hat. She sighed loudly and gestured for him to come in.

“Dumbledore, you're looking MIGHTY fine today!" Snape inserted and jumped across the room to grab up Dumbledore’s hand.

Dumbledore yanked his hand from Snape’s grasp and scowled at him. “I’ve had enough of your silliness, Snape. If you’re all that lonely, you need to do something about it.” He handed Snape a folded up piece of paper and turned back to Cass. Snape, in turn, opened it, gave a yelp of delight, and ran from the room.

“As I was saying, have you seen him?” Dumbledore asked.

“Seen who?” Cass put her hand to her head and tried not to cry.

“Harry has lost his donkey, Jester. We’re searching the castle. You know how much trouble a Gryffindor donkey can get into when it puts its mind to it.”

“Where did Harry get a donkey?”

“How should I know? I will take your confusion on the matter to mean that you haven’t seen him?”

Cass stood up. “You know, there’s a reason I don’t let you into my fics very often, Dumbledore. First, your name is a pain in the patoot to type and second you’re bossy and kind of spacy. Plus your wardrobe hurts my eyes.” She came out from behind her desk and pushed both Dumbledore and Pansy out of the office. “Come back with chocolate,” she whispered to the girl before shutting the door.

Cass sighed in relief and was just sinking back into her chair when an owl flew through the window and deposited a roll of parchment on her desk. “What the…? Darn it! I told Lotus I DIDN’T have time to be a dating service.” She examined the application for a mail-order bride closely and threw it in the trash. “I guess I’ll just have to send a few Eliters down to appease one Severus Snape.”

She brainstormed a few ideas, finally choosing to send Zy and Kris, even though Kris was married, because they actually could tolerate the professor. She was about to think about world domination again when her door popped open.

“CASSIRIN!!11!! OMG!!11!! I want you to join my club! Its for Trelawney and we’re going to have meetings and collect dues and we’re all going to start petitioning for her to get a raise and become Minister of Magic!! Except, I totally think that a girl Minister would be like Ministeress or something, don’t you?” Lavendar Brown was babbling away.

“Do not explode her head. We do not kill off characters,” Cass reminded herself as she shoved Lavendar HARD back into the hall and slammed her door, turning the lock with a snap.

“I am TRYING to take over the world. Stay out of my office!”


The following sayings must be said:
*"Don't cry over anyone who won't cry over you - punch him so he cries too!"
*"Noodles are a boy's best friend"
*"Dumbledore, you're looking MIGHTY fine today!"
- Lavender starts a Trewlawney Fan Club and tries to attract members
- Snape gets lonely and mail-orders a bride - and gets a Elite Evil Fanfic Darer of your choice!
- Harry must lose his pet donkey, Jester.

It's overdue... because I couldn't find my thread.

lol i just read the rest of the ones i missed and they were so funny, i wont pick out favourite parts.. I'd be here to long but Nice Job

What? You'll send HER has a mailorder bride!? Snape is MINE! *Cries*
Great going, Cass!

Ooh, it's good good good good! Very funny.

Last update: 10-24-04

Aw, Erin... you posted in mah thread. Does that mean you love me? *huggles*

I Love you Erin.

Severus Snape was pacing the halls outside the Great Hall as the students left dinner one evening. His usual scowl was in place and the only real difference from usual was the piece of mistletoe he carried carefully in front of himself.

“Ah, Severus,” Dumbledore stopped him and eyed him carefully. “What are you doing with that mistletoe? Christmas was a month ago and even before this dare was two weeks late it was well after that season.”

Snape’s scowl deepened and he shoved the mistletoe deep in his pocket. When he realized what he’d been doing, Snape gave a small, girlish shriek of dismay and yanked it back out of his pocket. He cooed and petted it, making sure none of the leaves were damaged or the berries hadn’t fallen off.

“If you MUST know,” he sneered and gave Dumbledore a look that was about as cold as he could give, considering the man was his boss, “I’m searching for my one true love. I’m saving this so I can give her a big kiss.”

Dumbledore stared at him for a long moment, then they both turned to stare at Harry as he walked past them, whistling loudly and rather tunelessly, his hands shoved deep into his pockets. Dumbledore turned back to question Snape further, but the other man had disappeared.

Snape, meanwhile, had wandered deep into the dungeons, stopping at the occasional mirror and puckering his lips before he caressed the mistletoe and continued on his way.

Outside his office, Snape encountered Ginny and Ron arguing with Hermione. “Do it, Granger,” Ginny said coldly. Hermione shook her head vehemently and covered her mouth with her hands. Ginny stomped her foot and pried Hermione’s fingers off her mouth. Hermione promptly burst into song, singing “Auld Lang Syne” at the top of her lungs.

“Ms. Granger, do desist in that racket,” Snape snapped, shaking his mistletoe at her gently. “What is the meaning of this out of season rendition of a Muggle tune?”

Hermione had stopped singing and was looking quite red, so Ron took it upon himself to answer. “She was hit with a hex that makes her randomly sing until she gets all the words right. She’s been fighting it all day, so she really hasn’t let it run its course properly.” He gave her a look that clearly said he was surprised a clever witch like her would behave in such a way.

“I wonder if its run through yet,” Ginny asked, looking pointedly at Hermione. Hermione opened her mouth to answer, and immediately began to sing again. “I suppose that’s a no,” Ginny shook her head and was about to suck it up and ask Snape for help when she suddenly realized he had wandered off. “Well, rude much? Not even a goodbye or a detention issued.”

Meanwhile, Snape had wandered into the upper hallways. He found Edge hiding behind a mysteriously placed potted plant. Snape shook his head and clung a bit tighter to his mistletoe. He blew a kiss at his reflection in one of the glossy leaves, and Edge looked a bit frightened and scampered from behind the plant.

“What ARE you doing back there?” Snape barked. “And why is there a potted plant here?”

Edge glanced around and finally whispered, “Do you hear that?” No sooner were the words out of his mouth then a huge herd of flamingos in legwarmers stampeded through the hallway, stomping all over Edge and carrying Snape off. “I KNEW it,” Edge picked himself up and dusted himself off. “A gratuitous herd of legwarmered flamingos. They’re everywhere!” He picked up his potted plant and darted down the hallway.

The herd of flamingos deposited Snape in front of the Gryffindor Common Room, where Harry was climbing from the portrait and whistling loudly. His hands were still shoved in his pockets.

“Potter! Zip it!” Snape yelled as he checked his precious mistletoe. “And get your hands out of your pockets.”

Harry grimaced and pulled his hands out to reveal a badly misshapen piece of gingerbread with a huge bite out of its head.

“Brunhilda!” Snape cried out and grabbed the cookie, petting its broken head. “What have you done to her, Potter? Oh, my poor lost love.”

Harry scratched his head and blinked at Snape before answering. “I found it laying in the corridor. I was hungry.”

“Well,” Snape studied the cookie. “I can’t kiss her when she’s been horribly disfigured like this. I’m far too good looking to be pinned down by a broken cookie.” He handed it and the mistletoe to Harry and wandered away in search of a mysterious potted plant.

“Don’t worry about it, Brunhilda,” Harry tossed the mistletoe down and took off down the hall. “I’ll take good care of you.” He ate her foot and lived happily ever after.

1) Snape must be seen carrying a mistletoe and looking in the mirror as if practicing to kiss somebody.
2) A character must have his hands remain inside his pocket at all times and can only take it out at the end of the story, revealing a badly shaped gingerbread cookie.
3) My flamingoes with leg warmers should make an appearance.
4) Someone must sing "Auld Lang Syne."
Due Date: Jan. 13, 2005


Yes... EJ's dare. Late. Deal.

That was an excellent story! 'Tis an honor to read another one of your uberly-humorous stories. *curtsies*
Yay for potted plants. I shall name her Debbie. *puts a boa around Debbie's stalks and puts her on a wagon* Let's go, dear.

You're the cutest ever, EJ hubby. *pets Debbie* Better watch her. Snape loves her.

tee hee... that was hilarious. *pets Snape*

excellent dare Erin.

ROFL at the mental images of Snape puckering up to a mirror...