HAPPY BIRTHDAY CASS!!!! I LUV U BRAIN!!!

*Pinky hands Brain a pretty cake that is shaped like the world*

what are we going to do tonight, Brain?

Teehee.

GO TOOTHBRUSH TREES!

Oh my! I read yours so very late again...
*brings out flowers*
:flowersmile:
Anyways, I still loved it, eventhough I was expecting more...
Please continue to write, I love all of your stories...
Okies!

you make me laugh sooooo much! i love all your stories

hehe, Harry and his common sense, which Ron is lacking.

oh no, now i'm craving mac and cheese...

i hope to read more dares soon

"I'd like to thank you all for coming," Cass called to the group following her as she walked backwards down the hallway. She was dressed in a pert black uniform and matching hat, with a gleaming button saying, "Ask me about MoAFF."

"Why are we here again?" Snape grumbled to Dumbledore. The rest of the group, including McGonagall, Harry, Hermione, Ron, and Ginny, paused to listen.

Noticing she'd lost her tour, Cass smiled largely and replied, "You're here today to visit our temporary headquarters that the Ministry has so kindly given us until our permanent EE HQ is finished."

They stared at her blankly, and her smile wavered. "And we're giving you free food," she added. They smiled and nodded and moved down the hall. Cass sighed and continued walking backwards.

"On our right is the conference room. I'll have to ask you not to interrupt Zy's current presentation."

They all peered in and saw Zy pacing in front of a small group of people with "n00b" nametags pinned to their robes. "That's it!" Zy ranted. "Turn back to page one! I can tell you aren't even paying attention." She sighed and rolled her eyes. Noticing the group in the doorway, Zy blew Snape a kiss. He scowled and set off down the hall. Cass and the tour hurried to keep up.

"This is our break room," Cass added hurriedly, gesturing to the small room to the left. The SlashMonster and the ShipMonster were dishing over cups of coffee. A stack of pancakes sat between them.

"Broke another club today," Shippy moaned, sipping his coffee.

"That's normal," Slashy replied with the air of a veteran. "Heck, I broke three in one day once. That Ron can get so inappropriate." He shook his head as everyone stared at Ron, who was turning red and spluttering.

"Where'd you get the pancakes?" Cass asked, attempting to change the subject.

"The wizards next door brought them over," Shippy explained.

"We're next to the Bureau for Experimental Charms," Slashy added, reaching for a pancake. "We get all of our food from their left over experiments. These are self-flipping pancakes."

Without warning, the pancakes leapt off the plate and began to smack the two monsters in the face. "Run. RUN!" Cass advised, and the group took off down the hall.

The hall opened up into a large room of cubicles. "This is where most of our Eliters craft their evilness." People scribbled away all over the room. Over each desk hovered a flashing number: the number of days until the next dare was due. Several desks had negative numbers flashing. Someone on the far side of the room screamed in frustration and a flurry of parchment exploded.

"We've had a lot of writing frustration since the Ministry banned..." Her voice dropped. "Itchy words."

"Words that make you itch?" Hermione asked loudly.

"No," Cass shushed them. "Itchy, itching, and itch... all gone. Let's move on," Cass said in her normal volume of quite-loud. She headed to the back of the room and opened the first in a series of doors. "This is our Head Minion Office." Next to the single desk, Edge and B2M rolled around on the floor, pulling hair and screeching.

"It's my turn to use the desk," B2M yelled. "I'm not done yet!" Edge yelled back. Cass took off a shoe and threw it at the two, who stopped and sat up.

"Guys, behave! We have guests. Sheesh... I'll talk to Lotus about buying another desk." She closed the door and they silently moved to the next door.

"This is where we keep Bill and Bob the Dementors," Cass tried to move on, but Ginny's voice piped in.

"That's a closet," she pointed to the 'janitor' sign.

"Yes, well... they're dementors, aren't they? People get scared of them, so we keep them in the closet," she snapped and moved the group to the next door.

"This is my office," Cass gestured to a closed door as they passed. "But I'm being punished for being a bad founder, which is why I have to lead tours. In addition, they are storing all the animals armies in my office until somewhere more suitable is found." She made an ugly face and moved to the next door. "And here is Lotus."

Lotus sat behind her desk, her head pillowed on her arms, snoring softly. "Um..." Cass said stupidly. "She's from Australia. She's awake at weird times." Everyone nodded in understanding and Lotus jerked awake. "Wha-?"

"I was giving the tour," Cass reminded her. "We just finished. Any questions?"

"Where's the food?" Harry asked.

Lotus leapt to her feet and produced a jar of peanuts, which she flourished proudly.

"Are you kidding?" asked Hermione.

"Are you finished?" asked Ron.

"Are you drunk?" asked Snape. "We don't tour for peanuts."

"These are special peanuts," Cass assured them. Ron grabbed the jar. He opened it and began to speak to someone, but six peanuts flew out of the jar and up his nose.

"Ow! Owie!" he yelled and ran around the room. Harry clapped the lid back on the jar and shot a scornful look at Cass. She shrugged. "That's curious..."

"How about an apple?" Lotus produced three from her robes.

"Those look safe," McGonagall said and the three professors each took one. After a few bites, they got a strange gleam in their eyes.

McGonagall grabbed Snape's wand from his pocket. "Mine!" she said. Snape struggled feebly for a few moments, then threw himself on the floor and screamed.

Dumbledore toddled around the room before trying to remove his robe. "Mr. Dumbledore, we don't take off our clothes here," Cass reminded.

He climbed on the chair Lotus had vacated and pounded on the windows with glee. "We don't play that way here. That is not okay," Cass said tiredly.

He sat on top of the still screaming Snape and pulled Snape's hair. Snape screamed louder.

"We don't sit on our friends here," Cass started to cry.

McGonagall threw Snape's wand at Ginny and sat on Snape as well. She grinned up at Harry and lifted her arms. "Up," she ordered sweetly.

Harry cast a panicked look at Lotus and Cass before hiding behind Ron. Cass walked to the door as Lotus cast an anti-charm.

"That's it!" Dumbledore declared, although he continued to sit on a fuming Snape. "All apples shall henceforth be apprehended on sight!"

"My tour is over," Cass called over her shoulder. "I'm going to go to my office and hide under my desk with the chickens."

"Cass," Lotus whined. "I promise to get those animals out of your office by tomorrow, but..."

Cass cut her off. "Great," she said, waved, and left.

A few notes:

1) I didn't actually have the dare reqs with me... I was remembering them as we drove. Sue me if they aren't spot on.

2) This idea made me laugh. Deal with it.

Lotus's dare:
1. Dumbledore makes the announcement that all apples will be apprehended on site.
2. A spell goes awry (wrong) with a number of peanuts coming to life and jumping up peoples noses during their conversations.
3. The following words are deemed illegal by the wizard's council, "Itchy, Itching and Itch".
4. Due to some very random event all the teachers become raging teenagers, or toddlers.
5. And some breakfast pancakes go around slapping everything.
Due date: 21st April

Poor Snape

It's so funny!

Brain it was pure genious! Yay for you! HEhe, I'm sorry to Edge but it really WAS my turn. We have to learn to shar don't we? Teehee. I loved it Cass, so funny! Ur silly. And evil, dont forget evil!

Evilness in pink tights!
Pinky.

LMAO!

Kodak moments:
Seriously I burst out laughing with this. It still cracks me up something fearce.
Sad but true.

This was another corker of a moment.....

Do I need to say more?
I really don't but I will anyway.
Cass that was a briliant idea.....hahahaha....a tour, and you make a fantastic tour guide. You have rekindled my evil heart, I am your #1 devoted fan.

Ah... Cass. The finest and the best, as always.
A true Evil One, my fellow Triafeminat member.
I loved my cameo... thanks! (darn n00bs...)

hehehe you are soo brilliant! i loved this bit:

keep up the evil work!!

It's fantastic Cass.
I really loved the idea of having it at the EEFFD Headquarters.
You are a great writer, keep up the good work.

Okay, this is NOT an EEFFC fic... just to warn you straight off. I write these long, crazy letters to my sister, and this is my most recent one. I wanted to let a few of my lovelies see it, so here it is. You are welcome to read and ask questions, but don't criticize. It isn't for you, so who cares if you don't like.

Dear Bossy Child,

Alright, fine... you win. I broke the Internet, my book is downstairs, and I don't feel like going to bed yet, so apparently, it is time once again for me to write you a letter. I'm actually quite disgruntled about breaking the Internet... you know how I am about my addictions. I had quite a time trying to think of what to write about in this letter, especially considering you asked it be about Harry Potter. Here's what I got:

***

Erin's Predictions of What Will NOT Happen in the Next 2 Books:
* Harry will change his name to Harriet and move to Vancouver.
* Ron will suddenly decide he LIKES the color maroon. He names his first born Maroon.
* Ginny will fall in love with Dobby the House elf, who is actually a rogue agent of the Wizarding equivalent of the CIA.
* Ron will die.
* Hermione will fail her NEWTs because she spent too much time binge drinking with Malfoy the Ever-Attractive Bouncing Ferret.
* Neville will make an appearance on Survivor and will be voted off after one week because he keeps pointing sticks of wood at the water and shouting rather than actually doing any real work.
* Dumbledore will decide that a 'fro is the way to go. Long live Disco! Viva polyester!
* A nice American girl named Erin will be introduced as a character. She kills Voldemort, marries Harry, and become the Minister of Magic. She also does not live with her parents.

***

Announcer: Thank you for joining us once again for everyone's favorite game show, The Dating Game. I'm your host, Gilderoy Lockhart, and, no, sorry ladies, I'm not up for grabs. (cheesy fake smile) Let me introduce you to today's contestant. Christy come on out!

(Christy is dragged onto the platform by Erin, who is smiling widely and waving at the audience)

Christy: Erin, I already told you I don't want to do this. It was really cruel of you to get me here under false pretences.

Erin: It isn't my fault you're gullible. As if JK would let you pre-read the new Harry Potter book... HELLO? It isn't even written yet. Now you sit right here and get comfortable.

Christy: I won't! I'm going home! I don't want to go on The Dating Game.

Erin: You don't have a choice. (She coughs and ropes spring out of the stool and tie Christy down) What? I have something in my throat. Now, you have to play the game, because we need to get Mom off of my back about finding me a husband. The best way to do that is to find YOU one.

Christy: (frowns) Fine, but YOU better watch your back. I know karate.

Erin: No, you don't.

Christy: Darn! I forgot you know things about me. Nevermind.

***

Top 10 Reasons Why HP is better than LOTR:
10. Dumbledore's beard is longer than Gandalf's.
9. No nasty hobbitses.
8. Tolkien was clearly never introduced to women's lib.
7. Seven books... three books... you do the math.
6. There's only so much orc killing a girl can stomach. Yes, good job, you killed something else.
5. Oliver Wood... *swoon* *cough* I mean... what are we talking about?
4. Elves have weird ears.
3. When you chop up HP for the movie, it offends you a lot less than when you chop up LOTR.
2. "Follow the butterflies, follow the butterflies."
1. Wands are so much easier to carry than staffs, and they accessorize with any outfit.

***

Lockhart: Alright, Christy, go ahead and start asking your questions. Please keep in mind that you can't ask ME any questions. I KNOW how disappointed you are, but I'm sure these fine young men will be able to soothe your saddened heart.

Christy: How did you get out of St. Mungo's?

Lockhart: (looking panicked) Um... I said you can't ask me questions. Contestant One... here's your question.

Christy: Fine, One, what's your favorite color? (The audience boos her and someone throws a dirty balaclava at her) Eww... that was unnecessary. One, tell me about your ideal date.

One: Well, I suppose I'd take you to a really nice restaurant and we'd do something romantic like sharing spaghetti or staring at the candle or holding hands or that rot. (Christy looks intrigued until...) But you'll have to pay for it, because I haven't any money.

Christy: Okay, right... Number Two, same question.

Two: Well, I guess we'd start with a backrub. Yes, that would be nice... smooth out all those tense muscles and just get ready for a nice relaxing evening. Of course, I'd make you wash your hands first. Don't know where you've been to be touching my back like that... or even if you're a filthy Mudblood... (The audience boos again and someone throws a screech owl and a handful of melting chocolate frogs)

Christy: HEY! I didn't do anything. Watch where you're throwing that stuff. Why are you people even on a show like this?!?!

Three: Um... is that my question? I'll answer it anyway. To be perfectly honest, I'm not feeling very secure in my current relationship. I feel that she's lost interest in me... and I want to see what my other options are. (Christy looks ready to swoon over the charming Scottish accent, but Erin looks suspicious)

Lockhart: (Jumps in) That ends round one of questioning. Let's go to a commercial break, and we'll be back soon.
***

Top 10 Reasons Why LOTR is better than HP:
10. Spiders are way scary! And snakes! And faces popping out of the back of heads! And orcs... I mean.... shhhh
9. Elves are pretty. *pets* We likes it.
8. Gimli was funny... hairy women.... hahahahahahaha haha ha
7. Your dad will go see it with us. And actually want to be there.
6. Frodo and Bilbo and Samwise are really FUN words to say. Say Bilbo ten times fast.
5. Legolas! *marries him and has 15 elven bebes*
4. New Zealand is pretty, as are special effects.
3. No sisters have been lost to unfortunate Internet addictions over this series.
2. Ents are the freaking coolest things ever. No really... they are TREES that TALK.
1. You don't have to wait to read the next book.

Lockhart: And we're back to... (pause) that show we're doing. (cheesy smile) The one with the name! Here's our contestent... (pause) and isn't she lovely. She has a name too, I bet.

Christy: It's Christy.

Lockhart: That's right! It sure is! Kristin... go ahead and ask the people over there some questions.

Christy: Sigh... okay, Two, if you could be any animal, what would you be and why?

One: *coughFERRETcough*

Lockhart: Bless you!

Two: (smacks something behind the curtain) I would be a snake, of course. Stealthy, noble, symbol of great power and eternal life... and they are just soooo cute.

Christy: I think I hate my life. I think I officially hate my life. Can I get a judge's ruling on that??

Three: Well...

Christy: No way, bucko, you aren't going to get away with answering a rhetorical question again. One, if you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?

One: Its all about money for you, isn't it? (yells) ISN'T IT? What can you buy me? Where can you take me? How much money can you give me? IF YOU WANT MONEY, YOU'RE LOOKING AT THE WRONG BLOKE.

Christy: Well, aren't you a bundle of laughs. I think I'll move on instead of addressing your obvious need to see a psychologist.

One: (pouty voice) I can't afford to do that either.

Christy: Right, carrying on then? Three, tell me about yourself in three words.

Three: I would say: Scottish, magical, and athlete. I'm a big Quidditch player... kind of let it define who I am too much.

Erin: (Jumps up from the seat she took in the audience) I KNEW IT! (she hurries over to the curtain and pulls it back, revealing Oliver, as well as Ron and Draco) You cheater! You cheating cheater who cheats! (she puts her face in her hands and runs off crying, followed by Oliver)

Lockhart: Um... let's move on. Karma, would you like to ask One or Two another question?

Christy: Are you crazy? First, my name is CHRISTY. Plus, if Erin's gone, I don't have to stay and finish this stupid game show. (She hops off the stool) Come on, Ron. I'll buy you a taco with my BuckID. (Draco pouts) Fine, Draco, you can come too, but you have to buy your own taco.

Lockhart: You can't goooooo! What about the thingy we're doing? Aren't we in the middle of a thingy? YOU CAN'T LEAVE THE THINGY! (he puts his thumb in his mouth and sucks) My shoes are on the wrong feet and I want my Teletubbie.

THE END

I don't get what this is for but it's still funny anyways...
Good job as always...

lol, Cass! The Brain has successfully taken over the world with her evilness again. I, Pinky, solute you. Because without you, I wouldn't be evil enough. I'd be the diet coke of evil. Wait a minute... :ermsmile: I AM the diet coke of evil! Wait! SHHHHHHH! I didn't do it!

OKay, I better leave before I reveal that my secret identity is- (You thought I was going to say it, right?)

Well actually, I don't have a secret identity and thats the only reason I didn't say it.

I dont know why I'm rambling on and on and on when I should be in bed so I'm going to stop.

REALLY.

Ok.

Toodles with Noodles my evil Brain,
Pinky

P.S- æ < isn't that the most awsome thingy? OK I'm really done now.

^ That's a phoenetic symbol, b2m. It's kinda pronounced like a cross between and a and an e and a y.... almost. :ermsmile:


YOU ROCK CASS!
That's really funny, your sister is very lucky to get cool letters like that. If I sent my sister a letter at all, she would be like 'Who are you, and what have you done with the sister who hates me?' :whisle:

So yes, that's very funny. Keep up the good work dahling.

LMAO Cass even your regular letters are hilarious!

*pouts*
I want a sister.......and a Oliver

Peter entered the Great Hall wearing a magenta cape and sparkly blue tights. All over the Hall, people turned to stare at his ensemble.

“I swear,” Sirius shook his head. “One day he’s going to grow up to be a Muggle.”

“I only have one thing to say. And that is…… wee wee wee all the way home,” James responded. His friends stared at him and he shrugged. “I always wanted to say that.”

“Raspberries! Peter! Why are you wearing that?” Remus called as Peter got closer.

Peter climbed onto the table and posed. “I am going to be the greatest prankster ever. This is my magnificent pranking costume.” He stared off into the distance, letting everyone get a good look at the magnificent costume. Across the hall, Snape started to squirm. That little pudgy Gryff was looking at him. And he was wearing a cape. Something was up.

“Raspberries!” Snape exclaimed. “I have to go.” He crawled under the table and raced for the door of the Great Hall, trying to hide behind chairs as he went.

“Snape’s lost it,” Remus commented in an offhand way.

“So what else is new?” Sirius shrugged.

Peter fell off the table.

“Wormtail, you can’t be the greatest prankster,” James said as if he hadn’t been listening, which is actually quite likely. “I’M the greatest.”

“Now, come on, Prongs,” Sirius protested. “I’m most definitely a better prankster than you.”

“Are you daft, man?” James leapt to his feet.

“Well,” Remus turned to Peter, who was massaging his bruised… ego. “At least we’re handling this like adults.” Peter pointed to James and Sirius who were slapping at each other in a rather pathetic and embarrassing manner.

“Stop that!” Remus shouted and earned a slap from Sirius. Peter ducked under the table and pulled his cape over his head as random on-lookers received wayward slaps.

Lily jumped up from her end of the table. As a prefect, it was her duty to ensure the safety and well-being of… SLAP! James struck her hard on her pert little nose.

The slap fight quickly ended as James realized what he had done. “Raspberries! I’m sorry, Evans. Raspberries, raspberries, raspberries.” She gave him a LOOK and stalked away.

The week continued onward with no incidents of pranking mastery. The non-Peter Marauders, which is the lazy way of saying James, Remus, and Sirius, watched expectantly for Peter to come up with his brilliant prank. Snape continued dodging Peter, usually by hiding behind trees and pillars on the grounds. No one else really cared, because… let’s be honest… it’s Peter.

At the end of the week, everyone showed up for History of Magic, wondering if they would ever get to see what the stupid prank was. Well, actually most of them were wishing Peter would stop wearing his magnificent pranking costume because it kept distracting them and was starting to smell. The last student to enter the classroom, after Snape dashed from statue to statue down the hall, under the desks and out the window of course, was Lily, who was accompanied by a large, attractive-in-a-hairy-way male. Sirius forced James back into his seat so class could commence.

“This is my cousin Bertrand,” Lily explained to her friends, and James relaxed visibly. “He’s from another country.”

“What country?” some unimportant made-up character asked.

The author was spared creating some plausible answer by the appearance of Professor Binns, who floated through the wall and through Bertrand to his lecturn.

“Raspberries!” Bertrand shouted. “Dat vas skipperingjibbersnap.” Everyone looked at each other blankly and continued on to their seats. “You know?” he continued on even though no one cared. “De vay it feels on your blabberpoopoo? Don’t you waffledaffledoodas understand vat I’m glifferschnib?”

James threw his book at Lily’s incredibly annoying cousin. “You are incredibly annoying. Be quiet or I’ll…” Lily gave him a look and he smiled hugely. “Give you a personal tour of the school and grounds and introduce you to lots of girls.” Lily nodded and moved to sit down.

Peter climbed onto his desk. “Attention! I have an announcement. You have just witnessed the greatest prank ever. If any of you decide to form a fan club, I would be more than willing to let you follow me around.” When no one responded, Peter stomped his foot, and the desk wobbled precariously. “Don’t you get it!? Lily doesn’t have a cousin! That’s the prank!”

Everyone continued just to stare at him, until finally his friends spoke up. “Well… I don’t understand…” Remus began.

“If you received one point for being completely random, you’d still only have one point. That’s not winning material,” James added.

“I’m the greatest prankster,” Sirius whined under his breath.

“She doesn’t have a cousin. But she thinks she does. And you think she does. Its BRILLIANT!” Peter nearly toppled in his enthusiasm.

“But who IS that guy?” James said, bristling with the knowledge that the hairy man standing by his Lily was NOT her cousin.

“You are totally missing the point,” Peter said. He jumped off the desk and turned to face the class one last time. “I’m going to give you a little while to think about the brilliance of this prank. You’ll come find me when it all sinks in.” He turned with a flounce, tripped over his cape, and knocked himself unconscious on a desk.

“Glopple dipperdoo?” Bertrand asked.

“Oh, shut up!” Lily said.

Lotus's Dare:
1) Sirius and James have an argument in which they both start slapping each other and innocent by-standers with little girly slaps.
2) Everywhere Snape travels, he is dashing from tree to tree, statue to statue, etc.
3) Someone thinks they have pulled off the prank of the century, which everyone else thinks is pathetic and lame) turns to make their dramatic escape, and trips on something.
4) Someone brings their cousing ot class who has a heavy accent or uses terms form their country which no one understands.
5)Quote: "I only have one thing to say. And that is.... wee wee wee all the way home."
6) Anytime someone uses an exclamation, instead they say "Raspberries!"

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

More evilness from Erin! Raspberries! It's been so long!

Oh my goshness hahahaha Cass I loved the slapping and Bertrand!
GREAT!

Wonderful use of non-exsistant words.
LOL I liked the ending too.