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100 Woes of Moaning Myrtle as told to Cookie – Sa13+ Be immersed in the sound of sewage and jump in to meet with Moaning Myrtle; learn what you never knew about Hogwarts' emo ghost in these exclusive excerpts! This is my second set of drabbles…enjoy! :) Themes (ones that are finished will be striked through as well as on the way to ghost-hood...faded): Sewage This is my domain. It’s where the rush of water meets my ears and pushes me away from those horrid memories that haunt me. No one can tease me here, for it is where I gather shards of my life and wallow in the emptiness that is left. Better yet, I can emerge any time I like and voice my woes to anyone who will listen. I know they get annoyed with me; it feels better to know I’m not the only one suffering. Even when I laugh, it sounds hollow even to my own ears. Because it’s not real. |
Herbology One of the worst things in the world is to be exposed to something fatal while one cannot die from it. I made that mistake by taking the Fat Friar’s advice (at least my name isn’t as insulting as his) to come out of the toilets and visit a class. I picked one of the greenhouses. Luckily for me, there was a drainage pipe at the back of the plant-infested conservatory. I peeped my head out and heard Professor Sprout talking about putting on earmuffs that were magically strengthened to the maximum. Then— SCREECH!!! The students were re-potting full-grown mandrakes. |
Allergic There seems to be one downfall about me living primarily in the bathroom. I’m allergic to soap suds, I think. Every time I go into the luxurious prefect bath (complete with bubbles) my eyes start watering and my nose gets the sniffles. Or maybe it’s because every time I hop into the bath, a prefect who is actually using it tells me that I shouldn’t be here and to go bother someone else. Whatever it is, I’m sure I’m allergic to either bubbles or other people. That’s not very encouraging; maybe I should cheer myself up by having a soak… |
Muggle Studies Now how do you get insulted with the term ‘Muggle Studies’, you ask? Well, no worries. I always find a way to get myself offended, or rather, people always find a way to offend me! When I was still alive (oh, those…not-so-sweet days) and waiting with fellow students for class, some Ravenclaws bypassed me in the hall. “Not taking Muggle Studies?” They inquired, probably concerned at the fact. Several Slytherins commented, “No, of course she’s not. She’s a mudblood, a stupid one at that, so why would she want to find a way to embarrass herself about her own kind?” |
Plaid Plaid is awful. I don’t like the sight of plentiful lines forming boxes; it gives me a woozy feeling. There was one Gryffindor who I grew fond of. His name was Lloyd and he was in third year, same as me. One day, he gave me a present wrapped in plaid paper. Everyone in the vicinity howled with laughter. “You do know that plaid is what Myrtle hates most?” I looked around for him but he’d already disappeared. Hurt that he’d given me such a repulsive gift, I hurtled into the girls’ lavatories and flushed the package down the toilet. |
Careful I’ve got to be careful when I travel through the school pipes. For instance, yesterday I got myself jammed on the pipe under the sink. It was not a pleasant experience. I must have ended up in the wrong bathroom; probably the boys’ by how it smelled. I was stuck there for at least five hours, whimpering and trying to get someone to hear me. But all boys are deaf, especially to poor Myrtle! I didn’t have the heart (or the brains) to float through the pipe. Finally one boy decided to use the sink and I got plunged down. |
Kiss My first kiss was an absolute disaster. Never mind that it was the result of a Slytherin dare. I was outside by the Hogwarts Lake when I heard quick whispering behind me. Turning around, I saw a group of Slytherins, casting glances at me and scowling. “Fine, fine,” one Slytherin boy agreed reluctantly. “Only if you promise to—“ “Yeah, yeah, don’t worry,” the others assured him. Marching up to me, he quickly pecked my face. He missed my lips, actually, and instead clipped part of my chin. I can hear the howling laughter of the boys to this day. |
Care of Magical Creatures I can still remember my worst experience in CoMC. It all started with a stupid niffler being introduced to the class. The professor had prompted me to the front, so there I stood, sulking. A large Hufflepuff made her way towards me. “Here you go, Myrtle, it’s the money I owe you from yesterday.” She dumped the numerous coins into my hand. “Thanks.” I even almost smiled. Then disaster struck. The niffler, who had just been brought out of its pen, saw the money and instantly charged at me, barreling me over and shoving its ugly snout into my hands. |
Sorting Hat I gazed up at the tattered hat in Dumbledore’s office. “Why did it put me in Hufflepuff, I wonder?” I muttered dolefully to myself, twirling a bit of dark hair around my finger. “You were an easy one, Myrtle,” it suddenly said, causing me to jump a few feet into the air. “I knew right away you weren’t to be a Slytherin or Gryffindor.” “Thanks a lot,” I moaned, glaring at it. “But Ravenclaw didn’t seem to fit you either. And you know Hufflepuffs are the rest of them.” Still sniffling, I retorted, “Shut up!” and scuttled from the office. |
just like everything else you write, this is absolutely amazing!! PAMS! |
No comments in this thread, please! Untie As I was floating aimlessly along the sewage pipes, something drifted through my stomach. It looked strangely familiar. I drifted to the package. It was small…and plaid covered. I gasped; tears filled my eyes with the terrible memory of Lloyd, my one love (or crush) giving it to me. What was in it, though? Curiosity ate at my brain. Finally, I decided to see what lay under that gross wrapper. Gingerly untying the ribbon, I unwrapped the gift. It was a beautiful ring (even though it was plastic). The thought of what I could’ve had made me very sad indeed. |
Chicken “Please mount your broomstick,” my irritated professor instructed me. Everyone else had already flown around the Quidditch pitch once, with the exception of me. “This broom is one of the slowest we have. There’s nothing to be scared of.” “For Myrtle, there is!” A Slytherin boy objected, cackling laughter following his next words: “She’s a chicken!” “Too chicken to do this, ickle Myrtle?” another Slytherin boy asked me in a mocking baby voice. A Gryffindor interrupted them. “Aw, stop it, will you?” Then she whispered to her friends, “But she is rather chicken about it…” My eyes stung with tears. |
Chocolate I was hurt again, this time physically. While sprinting to the girls’ washrooms (some Ravenclaw girls had been commenting on how slow I got the arithmancy concept) I had slipped and fallen on the slick floor that the caretaker had just mopped. My head hit the ground with a resounding thud. A Slytherin prefect was alerted by the noise and rushed me to the Hospital Wing. “Tom, what are you doing here?” the nurse inquired, then saw my shaking body. The only good thing about staying in the hospital wing was that I got to eat yummy chocolate every day. |
Chase “Come play chase with us, Myrtle,” a fellow first-year invited me over. Did they really want me to play? Then I noticed that they needed one more person or else they couldn’t play. Sighing, I slowly walked over to them. One Hufflepuff shot out an arm and tagged me. “You’re it!” They shrieked as I made a dive for them. Ten minutes later of exhaustion, I still couldn’t get anyone! No matter how much I chased them, they were too fast; my legs were too stubby. All I remember was walking away, dejected as they chose someone to replace me. |
Gape I gaped. He was beautiful. His dark brown hair lay neatly on his head, his high cheekbones adding to his handsome features. I couldn’t take my eager eyes off him, just like the rest of the girls. Funny, he seemed familiar. He was quite a few years older than me. But that didn’t stop me from gaping at him. Then I recalled it. “Hey, remember me? I’m the one you helped to the hospital wing,” I said before I could help myself or think of the consequences. He turned a cold eye to me and said nothing. “Get lost, Mudblood.” |
Ooze I discovered a very big wart on my foot. This wasn’t any wart. It was the kind I’d read in a book; it was the result of stepping on augurey dung and not washing for three days. Worst yet, it released pus and reeked. “Uggh, what stinks in here?” one of my roommates asked, plugging her nose. “I have a wart.” I lifted my foot. “Ew! Thanks for showing me, Myrtle,” she grimaced. Then the pointed at it. “It’s oozing! Gross! I’m out of here.” Dejected (I’d just wanted to make her laugh) I studied the oozing pus with disdain. |
Portraits On rainy days I spent my time wandering down the hallways, looking at portraits. Sometimes I wished I were a portrait. Then I could run from my frame if someone was calling me names and hide behind another one so no one would ever find me. And as a student walked down the hallways, I could taunt them without them being able to do anything about it, because I would just follow them around each frame. Of course, I never got my deepest wish. But now I’m a young ghost. And I like that much better. At least I’m 3-D. |
Spell When I wasn’t at Hogwarts yet or even knew I was a witch (my parents were Muggles) my older brother, who turned out to be a wizard, tried a spell on me to ensue that I’d never need glasses (the optometrist scared me; I was only eight years old). I waited dumbly as he muttered something. Then there was a blinding flash and we both went flying in opposite sides of the room. Our parents ran up the stairs and immediately took me to the eye doctor. He subscribed me the thickest glasses I’d ever seen. Thanks a lot, bro. |
Hogsmeade I entered third year with a ray of hope: Hogsmeade! My parents had signed my sheet and, better yet, I hadn’t lost it. I planned what I would do there; since I was going by myself (that was a given) I could do whatever I wanted. Honeydukes was to be my first stop, then window-shopping. The morning dawned bright and crisp. I jumped from my bed and reached for my sheet that lay on my bedside table. It wasn’t there. I soon found out that my friend had disposed of it after using it to catch all her owl’s droppings. |
Ignore The best way to avoid being teased was to ignore the taunts. That’s what my older brother told me (he was well-practiced in this area). So that’s what I tried for, well, a day. It was so hard, though. “Myrtle, you’re fat.” “How do you get up in the morning knowing you’re so ugly?” “Just give up on life, Myrtle.” I bit my lip and ignored their jeers. They still knew that they were getting to me, though. At a loss, I ran away (they laughed more) and cried in the girls’ toilets. Why did I have to fail everything? |
Quidditch The Hufflepuff Quidditch captain came up to me. “Myrtle, I bet if you came to tryouts today you could make the team.” My eyes widened. “Really?” He just gave me a toothy smile. So, obviously, I showed up on the field after classes ended with an old, battered broom. It was time to show what talent I had. Perhaps I could be a beater. When the captain saw me on the pitch, he guffawed. Shaking his head and still laughing, he headed off in the other direction. “I was just kidding, Myrtle. I didn’t think you’d actually take me seriously.” |
Zap In Muggle Studies we were doing electricity. We were given some pieces of equipment to make a light bulb work. I stood back and watched the Ravenclaws in my group sort wires out and mumble complicated-sounding words. Finally, they looked up. “Come help us test this,” one Ravenclaw said. “Dip your finger in the water jug and touch the end of this wire.” Since I trusted Ravenclaw sense, I did as I was told. Then— ZAP! I was shocked! Literally! I recoiled my hand with a yelp. The Ravenclaw laughed. “Now we know that our electric current works. Thanks, Myrtle.” |
Telescope Half of the class had gotten the hang of working the telescopes, but of course I was the part of the class that hadn’t. “ Look, Professor!” A Gryffindor shouted excitedly, pressing her eye into her telescope so hard that I thought it would get stuck. “I found a planet’s surface…” she swiveled this way and that. Annoyed, I bent back to my telescope. “It has a bumpy, reddish surface…” I could hear her rambling: “Oh, it’s Myrtle’s face.” The class broke out with laughter. At that I wished that I had gotten my entire head stuck in the telescope. |
House Elf From time to time I would explore different pipes under Hogwarts (the girls’ bathroom can get boring). All was peaceful until something clunked into my head (it has a tendency for attracting unwanted things). It was a torrent of bread crusts! I was under the kitchens were the house elves worked. Sure enough, a head with large orbs for eyes peered down at me. “Sorry, Miss!” it squeaked. I glared at it and zoomed out of sight. Idiot house elf. Didn’t it see that I was already inflicted? Then I remembered it was an accident. How depressed can one get? |
Dragonhide Gloves Dragonhide gloves were the new rage at Hogwarts. I swung into this mindset that maybe if I got the top-notch type, people would think better of me. For Christmas that year I asked for a pair. My brother already had some old ones he bought off a friend. I dearly wanted to better him for once. Christmas morning came and my parents told me to open their present first. Eagerly tearing open the paper, I saw two nauseatingly bright-pink Muggle gloves. “We thought they were much prettier,” Mother explained. My brother received beautiful dragonhide gloves. Life is so not fair. |
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