Walk on By The Marauder’s Trilogy part I 55. Egg On


Snape and Lily walk by. James Calls to them.

“I thought I told you to leave Lily alone,” James says.

“You aren’t my boss James Potter. I walk with who I want to,” Lily replies.

“Cat got your tongue Snivellus?” Sirius sniggers. “Do you always hide behind Lily?”

“I don’t need her to fight my battles,” Snape says.

“Ooooh, them’s fighting words. Are you going to take this lying down James?” Sirius eggs on.

“Step aside Miss Evans,” James orders. “Snivellus doesn’t want your protection.”

“Let it go,” Lily pleads. “Potter and Sirius are just goading you. Just go.”

“Levicorpus!!!”

Interrogation Marauder’s Trilogy part II 56. Fight



Lily, James, Sirius, and Severus stand in front of Professor Dumbledores desk. Lily, James, and Sirius’s clothes are torn, and their faces are blooded and bruised. Severus doesn’t have a scratch on him. His clothes are in perfect condition.

“Miss Evans, I’m shocked to see you here,” Dumbledore says. “Will someone please tell me what happened?” He stares over his half-moon glasses.

No one answers him.

“Mr. Snape, you weren’t involved in the fight. You must know what happened. Can you enlighten me?”

“It was all my fault,” James confesses.

“I see. Please continue with your story.” Dumbledore smiles again.

Would You Believe…. Marauder’s Trilogy part III 72. Vex



James takes a deep breath and begins:

“Snape and Lily were walking on the grounds. He was about to trip over a rock. I used the Levicorpus Charm on Snape. Lily looked up and tripped over the rock instead. When I tried to help her get up, she bobbed me in the eye. Sirius came over to help and tripped over us. He hit the rock and broke his nose.”

“A most entertaining story Mr. Potter,” Dumbledore says. “Please do not vex me again. Mr. Snape, will you please tell me what happened?”

“I didn’t see a thing Professor. Sorry sir.”

The Greatest Show on Earth 57. Gape



Snape begins Potions Class when Professor Trelawney storms into the dungeon.

“Professor Trelawney, what are you doing in my class?” Snape demands.

Professor Trelawney hiccups. “I saw in my crystal ball that your students need a muse to inspire them. I’m here to be their muse.” Trelawney starts taking her clothes off.

“You’ve been drinking,” Snape says.

“Only some cooking sherry.”

“Stop that right now!” Snape yells.

Harry and Ron gape. Hermione blushes.

“Blimey, she’s going to take everything off,” Ron gasps.

“I didn’t know Professor Trelawney has a mole on her…” Harry adds.

“Fifty points for gaping!” Snape yells.

The Secret Keeper 63. Mooch


Petter Pettigrew sits at Severus Snape’s table at Spinner’s End. He wolfs down Severus’s food.

“Got anymore food?” Petter asks.

“You’ve eaten all the food I have. If you insist on mooching food from me, you could do some work,” Snape replies.

“I don’t take orders from you,” Peter sneers. “You just wait until I tell the Dark Lord what I know. I’ll be his most trusted servant. You’ll be taking orders from me.”


“What could you possibly know that would impress the Dark Lord?”

“I know where James Potter is hiding. That information is worth my weight in gold!”

Nightmare 64. Nap

Snape bursts into Slughorn’s office. Severus brandishes a letter from Lucius Malfoy. Snape finds Horace asleep in his easy chair. He has a stack of homework papers on his chest.

“Professor Slughorn, do you always take a nap everyday during school hours?”

Horace awakens with a shudder. “I must have fallen asleep correcting homework papers.”

“That would explain Draco Malfoy’s grade for last quarter,” Snape says’ “The Dark Lord has big plans for young Malfoy. Do you know what the Dark Lord would do if he knew you gave Draco a troll grade?”

“I’ll change that grade right away!”

The Odd Couple 65. Ooze



Benjy Fenwick hangs upside down from the ceiling. Bellatrix finally removes the Cruciatus Curse from him. White foam oozes from Fenwick’s mouth. Snape’s watches from a chair. He is bored.

“Are you finished playing with Fenwick?” Severus asks. “The Dark Lord’s orders were to gather information from him. Remember?”

“I’m loosening his tongue,” Bellatrix replies. “Our master has never complained about how I interrogate a prisoner before.”

“That may be true, but if he hasn’t broke by now, he’s not going to.”

“Playtime’s over then.” Bellatrix laughs. “Sectumsenpra!”

“Veratiserum works a lot faster with a lot less mess,” Severus observes.

Three Cheers for Our New Headmaster 67. Quell


Snape enters the Great Hall using the teacher’s entrance. He finds a riot going on. The Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, and Ravenclaw students are having a food fight with the Slytherin Students. Snape tries to call the students to order. He gets a bread roll thrown at him.

“What’s going on?” Snape demands.

“The students are repelling against your appointment as headmaster,” Minerva yells.

“Stop this instant!” Snape bellows at the students. They ignore him. Angry, he performs a stunner charm on them.

“Well that’s one way to quell a riot,” Horace says.

“Desperate times call for desperate measures,” Snape replies.

Hogwarts Goes to the Circus 68. Roar


The Gryffindor and Slytherin students arrive for double Potions. The Gryffindors are dressed as clowns. The Slytherins are dressed as trapeze artists. Snape blows in.

“Today class you will be brewing a swelling potion. The instructions are on the board. Begin!”

Ron’s potion overflows.

“Mr. Weasley, are you incapable of brewing a simple potion?”

“I’m sorry professor. I don’t know what I did wrong.”

“You get zero for today.” Snape looks at Ron’s costume. “I’m not amused. Why are you dressed that way?”

“It’s Circus Day.”

Snape roars with laughter. “Ten points for you being out of uniform.”

Good-bye 69. Snap


Lily sits at a table in a dark corner of the Leaky Cauldron. She plays with her butterbeer. Snape enters the pub. He orders a bottle of fire whiskey. Severus sits down at Lily’s table.

“How could you Sev?” Lily pleads. “Deep down you aren’t like the rest of them.”

“I’m more like them than you know,” Snape replies. “There was a time I would have done anything you asked, but not anymore.”

Lily slaps him. “I hate you Severus!!”

“Run back to your husband Lily Potter. You made your choice.”

Lily throws her drink in Severus’s face and leaves.

Potion Class 70. Teem


“Today class we will be brewing a Wit-Sharpening Potion.” Slughorn says. “I chose this potion because it requires exact measurement of ingredients to be brewed properly. The instructions are on the board. Begin.”

Severus starts brewing his potion. He adds the armadillo bile then the crushed scarabs. He stirs counter clockwise. He adds chopped ginger and stirs clockwise. Suddenly Snape’s potion teems to the surface. Slughorn walks by.

“You added too much ginger,” Slughorn says. He waves his wand and the potion reduces.

“Continue to stir twelve times counter clockwise and six times clockwise. That should stop the teeming.”

How to Kill Your Former Professor in Five Easy Lessons 71. Untie



Snape looks at his watch. It’s been thirty minute since Bellatrix went in. How long does it take to kill one porky professor? Severus can’t stand it anymore. He goes in.

“Well, well, what do we have here?” Snape asks. He enters the parlor.

“Stop standing there like an imbecile!! Untie me!!” Bellatrix demands.

“You’re a witch. Untie yourself,” Severus replies. “I can’t. Slughorn captured my wand.”

“Wait until the Dark Lord hears about this.”

“How was I suppose to know Slughorn would disguise himself as an overstuffed chair. He grabbed it when I sat down,” Bellitrix explains.

Nutcracker Suite 73. Warn


“Lumos!” Snape walks down the stairs to his office.

“I’m warning you to leave now!” Snape yells.

A ghostly figure wearing a cap and nightshirt turns around. His lantern illuminates his face.

“Severus, are you alright?” Slughorn asks. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“What are you doing in my office Horace?” Snape demands.

“I couldn’t find my nutcracker. Albus loved walnuts like I do, so he had nutcrackers all over his office. You wouldn’t know where they are?”

“I don’t eat walnuts,” Snape bellows.

“Oh, no nutcrackers?”

“Nope!”

Never Go to Sleep When You’re Hungry 74. X-tinguish


Hermione brews the Felix Felicis potion during Snape’s class. To make sure she does it right, Hermione borrowed the Half-blood Prince Potion textbook. She looks around at her fellow students’ potions. Ron’s looks like purple mush. She can’t see Harry’s for all the smoke. Her potion looks perfect so far.


Another Outstanding, Hermione smirks.

Snape walks around to check the potions. Hermione puts her last ingredient in. Her potion burst into flames.

“What are you trying to do Miss Granger? Burn the castle down.” Snape x-tingishes the fire. “Troll for you!”

Hermione wakes up screaming. “Troll!! I’ve never gotten a Troll before!!”

A Midsummer Nightmare 75. Yodel


Snape dreams he’s a member of the von Trapp Family Singers. Eat your heart out Julie Andrews.


Snape climbs the Austrian Alps in a pair of Lederhosen. He reaches the top of a high peak. With a song in his heart screaming to be heard, Severus starts to yodel.

“Odl lay odl lay, odl lay odl lee, odl lay odl lee odl lay odl lee…”

Snape wakes up in his bedroom spread eagle on the floor. “No more German Chocolate Cake before bedtime. I always have weird dreams.” Severus then sees a St. Bernard sitting in the corner with a cask of brandy around his neck. “Very funny Black!!! Jokes over!!! Turn back into your ugly self…”

A Wand by Any Other Name Will Not Perform the Same 76. Zap


“Professor Carrow, I am a busy wizard. Student discipline is your and your sister’s responsibility. Why have you brought Mr. Finnigan to me?”

“I caught this brat writing Dumbledore’s Army Still Recruiting on the walls near Gryffindor Tower. I tried to get him to spill the beans, but Finnigan won’t talk.”

“I don’t talk to smelly ole deatheaters,” Semus says.

“Crucio!” Amycus yells. Zap! Amycus’s wand flies out of his hand and beats him around the head and neck.

“Your wand has been switched for one of Weasley’s fake wands. Twenty points from Gryffindor, don’t steal anymore professors’ wands. Leave!”

So Long, Farewell aud Wiedeshen, Good-bye 77. Cheerful


Snape makes his way to the entrance hall. He stands next to Dumbledore.

“Lemon Drop?” Dumbledore asks.

Snape scowls. Dumbledore looks in his bag of candy.

“Black Pepper Imp?”

Severus takes one.

“You’re awfully cheerful today,” Snape pops the Imp in his mouth.

“The school term is over. The students are happy, so I’m happy too. Why are you so glum, Severus?”

The students’ moods don’t affect me. It’s just another day.”

“Severus, sometimes you are such a pessimists. Surely you can find one reason to be cheerful today.”

The corners of Snape’s mouth curls up. No Potter until September!!! Priceless!!!!

The Perfect Gift 97. Dictionary

It’s the first day of classes after Christmas break. Lily searches the castle for Sev. She finds him in the library.

“I’ve been looking everywhere for you,” Lily says.

“I’ve been in here doing my homework,” Snape replies. “How do you spell operation?”

Lily smiles. “O-p-e-r-a-t-I-o-n, I have a present for you.”

Snape opens it. “What is this?”

“It’s a dictionary,” Lily explains, “a muggle book of words and meanings. When you aren’t sure how to spell something, you can look it up.”

“A muggle d-i-c-t-i-o-n-a-r-y,” Snape says. Just what every Slytherin wants. “Thank you Lily.”



Merry Christmas Everyone!

What is It? 81. Depression


Snape storms out of the entry hall. He heads for the green houses. Professor Sprout is having a problem that requires his immediate attention. Severus finds Sprout and Firence standing over a depression in the ground.

“What seems to be the problem?” Snape asks.

“Professor Firence found this depression. He thinks it may be an omen,” Professor Sprout says.

“The protective wards are interfering with the natural flow of nature,” Firence says. “It’s definitely an omen of trouble.”

“It’s a hole Professor Firence,” Snape snarls. “Just fix it and don’t bother me again.”

Harry Potter’s Swan Song 83. Fearful


“And what happens if Harry Potter can’t find and destroy the Dark Lord’s horcruxes?” Snape is having a hard time believing what Dumbledore has told him. Harry Potter, the horcruxes? The whole thing is madness.

“That’s a fearful remark Severus. Are you having second thoughts as to which side you should be loyal to?” Dumbledore asks.

“I burned my bridges a long time ago. I just need to know how I can be sure Potter has succeeded. I hate for him to die for nothing.”

“I have all the confidence in the world. Harry will complete this mission. Stop worrying.”

The Halfblood Prince’s Enemies 85. Snappish


“Where is it Potter?” Snape demands

“I don’t know what you’re talking about professor,” Harry sheepishly replies.

“You are so much like your father Potter. James thought he could get away with murder too. Look what happened to him. I know where you found that curse. I want that book, and I want it now!”

“Is that why you created that curse, so you could use it on my father? What kind of monster are you?”

“That is a very snappish tone Potter. I imagine you would like to use the Sectumsempra Curse on me too.”

“No sir, I wouldn’t dare.”

The Last Stand 86. Daring


“You’re sure you want to do this Severus?” Voldemort asks.

“Dumbledore’s dead. Potter’s dead. I’m the only one left to send you to Hades,” Snape replies. “For Lily… Avada Kedavra!”

Voldemort laughs. “Poor Severus, Dumbledore didn’t tell you. I’ve conquered death. You can’t kill me.”

“How dare you attack our master!” Bellatrix yells. “Crucio!!!”

Snape falls down in excruciating pain.

“A daring move Bellatrix, face it Severus. You can’t win. You are as weak as your precious Lily. Avada Kedavra!!!”

Snape dies.

Severus wakes up in a pool of sweat.

It was just a dream, or was it an omen?

I Dare You 93. Chicken


Severus, Lucius, and Bellatrix walk to the greenhouse. Bellatrix sees Lily sitting with Sirius and Remus. “There’s your little Gryffindor girlfriend sitting over there,” Bellatrix taunts. “Why don’t you go over and say hello Sev.”

Snape boils. No one but Lily is allowed to call him Sev.

“What’s wrong Sev?” Lucius asks. “You aren’t afraid of Black and Lupin.”

“Sev’s no chicken,” Bella adds. “He’s not afraid of a couple of Gryffindors.”

“Chicken! Chicken!” Lucius prance around acting like a chicken.

“I’ll bet Sev can go over and kiss Lily Evans right in front of them.”

"She's not my girlfriend, Bellatrix!"

Oh How I Hate Owls! 94. Allergic


Snape climbs the steps to the owlry. His eyes start watering. His sinuses fill with mucus. Severus is having an allergic reaction. He goes in and finds Dumbledore.

“Why did we have to meet here?” Snape asks.

“No one comes to the owlry at this time of night,” Dumbledore says. “Are you alright?”

“I’m allergic to owl droppings.” Snape sneezes.

“Then let’s make this quick,” Dumbledore says.

They walk to the window.

“What have you found out about Quirrill?”

“He let the troll… a-a-a-c-h-o-o-o!” Snape sneezes all over Dumbledore.

“We should have this meeting some place else.” Dumbledore suggests.

“Good Idea.”


I can't believe it. Two more drabbles and I'll be finished with Snape forever.

See You in The Comics 99. Newspaper

Snape enters the Great Hall and spots Colin Creevy reading a muggle newspaper.

“What is that your reading?” Snape inquires.

“It’s a muggle newspaper,” Colin says. “My mom sent it to me.”

“Give that to me,” Snape demands. “Students aren’t allowed to read newspapers only The Daily Prophet. Twenty points from Gryffindor!”

Snape takes the paper back to his office. He reads it while he drinks his coffee. Severus finds the page with pictures with words in bubbles. He laughs until his side hurts.

“These pictures are great,” Snape muses. “The Daily Prophet should add comic strips to their newspaper.”