18 - Whomping Willow
 

continued from 16 - Dragonhide gloves

Hagrid gasped loudly at the suggestion to use for the gloves. There was no way they were going to be destroying a perfectly healthy tree to save a dragon. Though he did appreciate the sentiments, as a dragon lover; he just could not feasibly see it as a possibility. Besides, “The whomping willow will attack anyone who goes near it.” Hagrid reminded Peeves.

Oh; minor detail, but Peeves wasn't really interested in the fatalities. “Physical harm is good for the soul. Strengthens you.”

“Or kills you.”

“Same difference, but...” exasperated sigh. “I guess if you prefer injuring animals, then stick with dragonhide.”

38 - Patronus
 

“Expectoooooo Patroooooonuuuuummmmbbbb”

The defense professor rolled his eyes at the rather exaggerated charm incantation. He knew that it was greatly unlikely for someone other than a human to cast a patronus charm, but that didn't stop him from killing dreams. He was a professor after all, which meant he was to be encouraging.

“Ex-pect-o Pat-ro-num” he reminded the poltergeist. “Happy thoughts.” Of course throwing a wand into the mix would be harder. Peeves had never used a wand before … ever.

“Ex-pect Pat-riot-nism” Peeves mocked the professor. This was sooo lame! Why had he ever agreed for Patronus lessons anyway?

39 - Duel
 

“PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVVEEES!!!” McGonagall's voice could be heard from two floors away, which meant someone had TOTALLY snitched on him. It's not like he was using a wand; he didn't know how. And technically speaking he wasn't breaking any rules nor hurting anyone.

“I'm gonna tell you again; Poltergeists cannot duel other students!”

“But I wasn't, Missus McGonagall.”

“That includes physical contact.”

Which, sigh, meant that his version of a duel was unacceptable. Life was so unfair. And people wondered why he caused mischief; did he really have any choice? His life was already condemned to a world of chaos because he wasn't allowed to DO anything productive.

7 - Care of Magical Creatures
 

“BLASTED SKREWT!!!!!!!!!” Peeves glared at the five foot long creature that was disturbing his routine. Technically the creature didn't do anything wrong; it didn't sting, nor did it bite. The creature was simply slugging along . . . sniffing the air for something to do. But in Peeves' mind, it was the fact that it was there that impacted his view of the darned creature.

“Be gone. Or I'll throw a hippogriff at you.” If skrewts could laugh, then these dumb ones SO would laugh at that idiocy.

And then the creature did it; it attacked the Poltergeist.

“EEEEK!!! Studdenttttttsssss!! OUT OF BED!!!”

11 - History of Magic
 

At least with History, there was no dangerous skrewts or hippogriffs. The only danger involved was boredom from the drone of the monotonous professor. Because who really wanted to be hearing about wizarding wars and famous wizards when there was chaos to wreak?

Hovering at the ceiling, Peeves waited patiently until the lesson was about ten minutes under way . . . the first years' eyes were half closed; then the first water balloon fell.

SPLAT!!

“What the--?” Before other questions or words emitted from the students... there was water balloons falling like rain, wetting ALL the students.

So much for a boring class.

12 - Charms
 

10 steadfast ways to a witches' heart. It was the most popular book among the fifth year boys. Also the lamest. The book offered only cheesy solutions for how to win the heart of your dream girl; when Peeves knew that the way to charm a girl was through laughter.

Reason number one why he started writing his own book.

10 fail-safe ways to charm a witch to laughter by Peeves

10. Pull a prank. She'll laugh about it after she cries first. Crying is a good sign though; if she has enough emotion to cry, then you know you're worth it in her eyes.

19 - Wand
 

“How many times must I tell you, Ronald? Do not leave your wand unattended.” The redheaded Gryffindor frowned at his best friend. “Everyone has a wand though; why would they want mine?”

For the number of times Hermione scolded him about his wand, Ronald still managed to drop it on third floor corridor. Peeves flitted by, scrutinizing for students out of bed, when he saw it.

“I haz a wand! I haz a student's wand!”

Swooshing the wand along the corridor, Peeves was in clear bliss. The best part of the situation was that Peeves was unable to do magic; imagine the chaos if he could.

20 - Hogsmeade
 

“It will just be a quick visit; no one will even notice I'm gone,” Filch chided to the other staff members. Shaking their heads, they were convinced the caretaker had lost his mind. After all, he never wanted to visit the village before.

“Ooh la la . . . someone's got a crush . . .” Peeves mused in a sing-song voice.

Ignoring the poltergeist, Filch went on his way to Hogsmeade, combing his fingers through his matted hair as he strode along. He didn't care what Peeves said; he did NOT have a crush . . . that he would admit, anyway.

22 - Kneazle
 

“Aaaahhhhhhhhhhchooooooo!”

It must have been like the hundredth time that day for the poltergeist to sneeze. Sniffling, he tried to think of how possibly he could cause some chaos when he kept sneezing all the Merlin's time! It had to be the kneazles; Peeves should have known that he was allergic to the darned animal. “Aaaaaaahhhchooo!”

“My! Stupid kneazles,” Peeves cursed out mentally, as he thought of ways to get rid of the animal. Finally, at long last, he SNEEZED a thick, gooey mucous flew from the spirit's nose and completed sprayed the area.

So much for needing chaos.

23 - Telescope
 

“What is it?” Peeves asked with interest as he floated around the Astronomy tower. He was eager to find out more about what that object was that the Professor and students used quite frequently to look at the stars, presumably.

“Try it.” The professor encouraged the students.

Shrugging indifferently, Peeves floated over and looked inside the eyepiece. “It's... So sharp and clear.”

“Of course. It is a scope that allows one to see things in space and study things that we cannot see with the bare eye.” The Professor explained diplomatically. “It is a telescope.”

40 - Spell
 

“Win-guard-yum Lei-vey-ooh-sure”

Filch shook his head at the poltergeists pronunciation; sure he and Peeves were in cahoots to master some basic spells before school started again in just two weeks. Really though, he wished he could take back his word and just learn on his own; Peeves was a hindrance to his learning style.

“No, Peeves, Wing-ard-ium Levi-o-sa” the caretaker rolled his eye, enunciated the two words carefully.

“Can't we work on this later? I need to get my new first year prank ready for the little ones.”

“This IS part of the first year prank.”

“Oh right.”

41 - Thestrals
 

“Can spirits see thestrals?” Ron asked inquisitively. “You know, like if they've seen death or something? Or do those rules not apply to them like they do to wizards?”

“It's different, Ronald,” the professor explained impatiently. “We can't say for sure, but I would imagine yes, the same rules apply.”

“Oh. Peeves claims he can see them.” But then again, in the age of the spirit, it was likely the poltergeist had seen death.

“I can!! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! I seeeeeee aalllllllllllllll!!!!!!” Peeves zoomed around the circle of students on the edge of the forest cackling loudly.

42 - Portraits
 

“Talk to portraits and people might think you're mad,” Peeves taunted the boy who was lucky, aka Harry Potter.

“Go away Peeves.”

Peeves sighed, feigning disappointment in the young man's displeasure in seeing him. It wasn't like he bothered Potter a lot . . . okay, maybe he did. But how could one resist when there was SO much gossip to spread about an already well-known boy.

“Fine, but so you know, one day, I am gonna be in one of those portraits.”

Harry snorted. “Yea right. You'd have to be somebody to get a portrait.”

43 - Headmaster
 

{Continued from 42 - Portraits}

“I am somebody. I am a spirit of chaos. That is more somebody than any of the Headmasters combined.” Peeves reminded the boy.

“Unfortunately, Peeves, you'd have to be more than a spirit. You'd have to be a Headmaster to get a portrait here.”

“Nu-uh. What about Cadogan, Violet or the fat lady?”

“They have portraits throughout the castle, not in the Headmaster's office.”

Peeves cackled again. “I never said specific to those portraits, but one of them portraits. And I could be Headmaster. I'd be AWESOME.”

“And the school would of chaos, not wizardry” Harry murmured before walking away.

81 - Depression
 

“We have to do something about that Poltergeist” McGonagall pressed. “He keeps wreaking havoc and quite frankly, I think it's lowering the morale of the students”

“I'm afraid there is nothing we can do, McGonagall” The headmaster reminder her gently.

The school nurse shook her head, thinking. Peeves dwelled at Hogwarts because he had no place else. His spirit was doomed to remain at Hogwarts for eternity, unless they could think of another solution. In some sense, Peeves was a lot like Moaning Myrtle, minus the wailing.

“Clearly, Peeves is depressed.” The nurse said with finality.

82 - Careful
 

“Be careful around these parts. Peeves likes to throw water balloons and spitballs at unsuspecting students.” The prefect whispered to the newest group of first years.

But like always, there was one in every group. Late one night, two first years sneaked out of the dormitory and wandered down toward the kitchen. They heard rumors that the house elves liked to give foods to those who asked.

As warned, Peeves thwarted their attempts with two water balloons aimed at each of their heads and then a loud screech:

“ICKLE STUDENTS OUT OF BED!!! ICKLE STUDENTS OUT OF BED!!”

83 - Fearful
 

“I have no phobias!” Peeves overheard a Gryffindor student telling their friend. Shaking his head, the poltergeist had to disagree. After all, if Gryffindors were so brave, then why did they often scream and yell at him? Or if any student had no fears, then why did they need professor assistance when he pranked them?

It was all clear to the Hogwarts poltergeist. To prove his theories, Peeves swooped down on the Gryffindors and spat a medium-sized wad of chewing gum at the taller one's hair.

“EEK! Peeves!!” The student glared a moment later.

Point proven; Pneumatiphobia. Students were fearful of spirits.

84 - Angry
 

“There is no need to get angry, Peeves. We're not kicking you out.” McGonagall said diplomatically. She was always so diplomatic about everything and it drove him CRAZY, because he couldn't even be rude to someone like that. Sigh.

“But you restricting my every movement. It's basically like PRISON!”

“No. If it were prison, there would be dementors, and I will not tolerate soul-sucking creatures near this school”

Peeves glared, his face hot, wishing he could do something. “Well fine. I still have no restrictions to where I can go still, right?”

“Your restrictions lie in what, not where.”

75 - Yodel
 

"What exactly are you doing, Peeves!?" Hermione stared at the school poltergeist, one eyebrow raised.

For the past fifteen minutes, Peeves had been working on a step one-step two sort of thing at the Dias in the Great Hall. One foot back, one foot forward, take a step to the left, and a slide to the right . . . turn around and start it over again.

"It's called, Yo-del-ing, Miss Bookworm. Try reading about dances instead of other rubbish and you'd know."

Gasping, she frowned and crossed her arms. "I know what yodeling is. And that is not it."

52 - Bore
 

“Gee” Ron sighed as he looked out the window at his housemates playing Quidditch. “I wish I could play.”

Hermione looked up from her Runes Homework questioningly, “Why's that? Quidditch is boring anyway.”

“Pfft. You're a boar, 'mione”

“It's bore. B-O-R-E.” Hermione spelled out, rolling her eyes.

“Whatever.” Ron rested his head in his arms as he continued to gaze out the window; AWAY from the bookworm.

Just then, Peeves zoomed into the Gryffindor Common Room, cackling at their conversation. “Y'all are boring. The REAL action is on the thirdddddddd floorrrrrr......”

Cackleeeeeeeeee..... !!!

53 - Chase
 

“Oh no he didn't!!” Hermione stared after the poltergeist, cackling, no doubt off to the third floor. She might have been young, but that didn't mean she was STUPID enough to let him get away with murderrr....

“Come and getttt meeeeeeeeeeee.....” Peeve taunted at the Gryffindors, blowing a raspberry for good measure. Like the speed of firebolt, he was off and down the corridor … Running fast. They'd never find him.

Yet they would chase. Gryffindors were gullible like that. Never turn down a threat. Until he would get them in trouble; “ickleeeeeeeee second years OUTTA BEDDDDDDD!!”

54 - Dare
 

Within seconds, Severus Snape, Potions Master, came running down the corridor. He finally was gonna catch Harry Potter and his friends out of bed and put them in their place: detention.

Except for one slight problem. Peeves seemed to … hiding the ickle students. “Where are they Peeves?”

“I dunnnnnnntttttt knoww, Greasy-haired man.” Peeves flailed. Truth, sort of. Curse Hermione and her act of brilliance, like always. Double daring him.

Aggravated, he shook it off. “Fine. Don't everrr scream for me again, unless its the truth.” Scoffing, he turned on his heel.

Or a dare, Peeves thought, mischievously.

59 - Ignore
 

Reality was that Peeves didn't know how to behave nicely, despite the Headmaster's requests bequeathed upon him for the opening feast. Heaving a sigh, he glanced around the empty castle, anticipating the arrival of the students.

There was really only one solution to maintain his solemn swear to the Headmaster. Ignoring them. He just had to find a way to entertain himself, but without stolen dungbombs or prank items, he was at a loss.

This was going to be one long feast, Peeves concluded, as he conceded to hiding up on the roof. At least he could be mildly entertained by attempting to connect the stars . . .

57 - Gape
 

“Close your mouth! It's rude,” McGonagall scolded for what must have seemed like the hundredth time. Yet no matter how many times she told him, Peeves always found away to keep it open. Gaping, as one might call it. It wasn't that he lacked the coordination to close it, but simply he was in permanent shock.

Dolores Umbridge … was going to be teaching that term. Already Peeves knew she would be a good target for pranking, but he wasn't about to openly admit it.

The shock of it all. And poor Dolores … she was going to HATE Hogwarts by the end of the term.

51 - act
 

“Stop goofing around” The Head Boy glared at the ickle first years, as he tried to control them. They were asking for trouble, yet nothing he did was going to help.

“We're just improvising,” said the first kid. “Innocent, non-silliness. Promise.”

“It would be improvising....only cause you can't act.” Peeves said tauntingly, as he strolled down the corridor. “Seriously, if you could act, then you wouldn't be scolded because it would be something people would actually want to see.”

The Head boy rounded on the poltergeist. “Thank you for that fine definition of acting.” He commented sarcastically.