"Lily, what are you trying to do?" Severus asked as he sat down beside the redhead on the Hogwarts Express.

"Trying to charm this flower to yodel," she said in a rather matter of fact tone. "If I can't do this properly, then how am I expected to pass my Charms OWL?"

"There is a potion for that, you know," he replied calmly, eyeing her hand that was resting on the seat. So close...he could just reach out and --

"Potions can't solve everything, Severus," she laughed, flicking her wand at the plant once more.

"I think they can..."

Flopping down on one of the couches in her common room, Lily curled up by the fire roaring in the fireplace and simply watched the flames lick the brick wall. There was a lot on her mind already and it was only after the opening feast of the term, but ironically OWLs were the furthest thing from her mind. Seeing how Severus, her best friend, was interacting with his Death Eater friends was alarming. More than alarming...it was frightening.

"Such a serious face, thinking about me and my offer?"

"Shut up James," she sighed before retreating to her room.

The thing about this activity that had Severus the most nervous was that he had no idea what shape it would take. Would it be an exploding cauldron? His horrible muggle father? Or something else entirely? Fidgeting with his wand as his turn came, Severus took on a dueling stance as he nodded to the professor to proceed. Whatever it was couldn't be THAT bad...

Only it was worse...much worse...

Severus froze when he saw the mangled body of Lily Evans on the ground, her eyes vacant, and he dropped his wand.

"Look at that! Snivelly is in loooooooooooooove."

All the snickering and finger pointing that came in the days following the Defense Against the Dark Arts lesson drove Severus to find counsel in his Death Eater friends who only encouraged him to find a means to seek revenge on Potter and his group of toe rags. His dark eyes had slaved over spell books and texts on Dark Magic while the taunting voices and glances continued mooching his happiness.

"Sectumsempra," he grinned to himself as he wrote it in the margin of his potions book, adding a small memo to only use it on enemies.

Enemies like Potter.

All thoughts about James 'not being so bad' had been obliviated from Lily's mind. He really was a pompous toe rag and while she was admittedly a little uncomfortable around Severus now, knowing how he felt, the Slytherin didn't deserve such foul treatment. Yet he seemed to be avoiding her...sinking deeper and deeper into darkness where things were snowballing out of control. Her best friend was like a firework just waiting to explode and she was terrified as to what would happen when he eventually did.

"Hey..Sev?" she whispered. "We... need to talk. Lunch in the Great Hall?"

To say he was surprised by Lily suddenly asking him to lunch was an understatement and the fifth year had seriously considered rushing back to the Slytherin common room to change into dress robes instead of his typical uniform. Only he was far too nervous to actually do so. That...and going all the way back to the dungeons could potentially mean less time in the Great Hall and that meant less time with Lily.

"Hey, Sev," Lily said without sitting down.

"Lily! H-H-Hey..."

"Sev...about your boggart..."

The Slytherin swallowed nervously, his eyes not leaving hers.

"I...I'm sorry..."

Severus felt as though he had just played ten hours of Quidditch...without brooms. Which was really the only way he could imagine the sport since he had never mounted a broom himself. His heart was pounding and his breathing was so short and uneven that he felt as though he would collapse at any moment.

Lily...she had...she didn't...

Pushing his way through a crowd, he hurried into his dorm and slammed the door shut with such force that one of the paintings fell from the wall. More desperate than ever, Severus removed the vial from his pocket.

Desperate and careless, Severus found himself following a one Remus Lupin towards the Whomping Willow. He didn't care that it had been Black that had told him about this, Severus really didn't care about much at the moment. Lily seemed to like reckless and stupid...so he was really just doing what she liked...

"Snivellus you coot!" Jame shouted as he grabbed the other boy by the collar. "You have a death wish or something?!"

Severus had his suspicions confirmed that night about Remus' true form, but he also found himself in debt to Potter...and Severus hated this fact.

"You lot are the most irresponsible bunch of arrogant toerags!" Lily scolded as she folded her arms while tapping her foot and looking at James and his friends. "Your prank could have gotten him killed and you are laughing about it."

James, Sirius, Remus, and even Peter seemed to find the outraged Lily a hilarious sight and burst into fits of laughter - which only set Lily into another fit of rage.

"That would have been so bad," Sirius laughed, jabbing James in the side.

"Yeah...he would have just come back as a ghost to haunt you," James mused.

"You didn't have to do that you know," Severus grumbled, his pale features turning a faint cheek around his cheekbones when Lily told him about her telling of Potter and his gang of thugs. "I can handle it myself."

"Right, because you have done such a good job of that already," she retorted, tossing a stone into the lake. "I'm just looking out for you and --"

"Lily...stop. I don't need you to look out for me. I know how to handle that strutting Potter."

Lily furrowed her brow and pursed her lips. "Just don't do something stupid, okay?"

Just don't do something stupid.

Lily's words had been echoing in Severus' ears ever since she had said them. It was almost as if she knew what vial he had in his pocket. What possible mistake he was about to repeat. Only how could anything as pure as the emotion he was feeling be wrong?

"I'm gonna do it," Potter's voice echoed in the corridor as he laughed with his thug friends. "I'm gonna snog Lily Potter...soon."

The words were like a slap across the Slytherin's face and his blood boiled. "Not if I kiss her first," he whispered.

Pulling his head out of the pensieve once more, Snape leaned against it for a moment before slowly crumbling to the floor. Sitting there, almost hugging his knees to his chest like a lost child, he thought back on everything that had happened this night.The best of him, as Dumbledore had said. No, the best of Snape had died this night. The best of him...

Wand out, he struggled for a moment to find the proper memory but eventually a silver doe appeared from his wand and slowly approached the broken man on the floor. "Always," he whispered desperately.

Lily was sitting in the Great Hall FUMING. James had put her in a very awkward position that morning, one that had earned him a prompt slap across the face, and now the red-head found her skin to be practically crawling.

"H-H-Hot chocolate?" Severus stammered as he offered a mug towards her while his hands shook so much that some of the hot liquid spilled over the side.

"Thanks, Sev," she smiled in reply, accepting the mug and setting it down on the table.

"Y-You...aren't going to d-drink it?" he asked, eyes fixated on the mug.

"Not right now."

Throwing his books on top of his trunk in frustration, Severus flopped onto his bed. She hadn't drank from her mug of hot chocolate and the Slytherin was unsure whether he was relieved about that or not. Eyeing the now empty vial that had once contained Amortentia, he began to wonder if he should have brewed a more golden colored potion.

Groaning, he rolled on to his side and removed a picture of him and Lily from the dresser beside his bed. "Why can't I just tell you how I honestly feel?" Maybe he needed to take a truth serum.

Walking down the corridor with her textbooks clutched to her chest, Lily ran her fingers through her thin red hair. While she had been grateful for the Ravenclaw boy being willing to help her with her Charms homework she wasn't too keen on his obnoxious toothy smile.

"Snivellus breeeeeeeeeeeeewed a looooooooooove potion!" Peeves voice echoed through the hallway towards no one in particular...until he spotted Lily. "And he brewed it to use on yooooooooooooooooooooooooou!"

Lily stopped in her tracks and stared at the poltergeist with confusion until she saw Severus appear at the other end of the corridor.

"W-Why?"

Peeves continued his love potion chant down the corridor and eventually disappeared through one of the walls, leaving Lily and Severus completely alone. Severus found himself unable to move as he gazed upon the Gryffindor. What...what was he supposed to say? How should he answer?

"Why?" Lily repeated, closing the gap between the two.

"N-N-Nothing...it was for Potions homework," he lied, averting his eyes and looking at the floor.

"Sev...we're in the same Potions class. There was no such homework."

"Because...because..." He stammered, biting his lower lip. "It was a stupid idea, alright? Forget about it."

Severus had practically run out of the corridor after his lame attempt at covering up his...whatever it was...leaving Lily alone with nothing by the sound of his footsteps echoing through the stone corridor. Some silences were welcomed, like the soft purring of a kneazle, but this was not one of those. This silence that met Lily now was a roar that echoed and vibrated through every fiber of her being.

Forget about it. Those had been his parting words. Only one problem, Sev. Lily couldn't do that...which was why she took off down the corridor after him.

Lily eventually caught up with him just as he was trying to disappear down one of the corridors leading down to the dungeons.

"Sev, wait," she pleaded, grabbing his arm. "Tell me what is going on? Why did you brew a love potion?"

Halting, he reluctantly turned to face her. "I told you...it was a stupid idea..."

"Sev..." she begged, tugging on his robes.

His eyes dropped briefly to her lips. "Because...I didn't think I could...that you would..." And then it just happened. One minute he was talking and the next his lips were pressed against her's.

His hand had moved from his side to her cheek where his thumb began slowly tracing over her skin without realizing it. He should pull back. Should apologize for kissing her out of the blue like he had. Should be doing a lot of things but right now he was too wrapped up in the present to think about what he should do next. He felt too light and breezy because of the way her lips felt against his.

Finally.

Only the look in Lily's eyes right now, full of confusion and something else, broke the spell over the moment.

Lily felt as though someone had hit her with a Full Body-Bind Curse the moment that Sev's lips were pressed softly and tenderly against hers. Yet she couldn't help but sense this overwhelming feeling of desperation there as well. Breathless and eyes wide, Lilly pulled back just a little and bit down on her lower lip almost shyly.

"W-Why did you do that?" she asked softly.

"Why? Isn't it obvious why?" Severus replied, her words stabbing him like a hot blade. "S-S-Should I not have?"

Lily frowned and turned her gaze towards the floor. "I...I don't know," she whispered.

It had been a few days since Severus had finally mustered up the courage to confess his feelings to Lily. Actually, he hadn't exactly confessed his feelings to her as much as he had shown them to her, but they did say that actions spoke louder than words. Too loudly. He had hope that she would have reciprocated his feelings right then and there, but things had not added up that way. 1+1 did not equal 2. He didn't even know what it equaled anymore.

"Hey Snivellus Greasy, why you looking so depressed?" came the taunting voice of Potter.

Severus' lips curled into a snarl when he saw Potter and his gang approaching him. If he wanted to he could easily wipe those seemingly painted on arrogant smirks off their faces with nothing but a flick of his wand, but he didn't on account that he knew it would hurt Lily. For whatever reason she fancied Potter and his strutting ways.

"None of your concern," he grumbled, folding his arms across himself while leaning more against the tree.

James' smirk only grew more as he drew his wand. "None of my concern? I think it is every bit so."

Lily was walking along the lake with some of her girl friends when she heard some of commotion coming a few yards up from the bank. "What's going on?" she asked to no one in particular when she noticed the small crowd that had gathered. The red head gasped when she heard Severus' voice and the hairs on the back of her neck stood on end when she saw James practically pacing around the Slytherin like a hungry lion.

"James...James stop it...please," she said while pushing her way through the crowd.

But her efforts were in vain.

"Impedimenta!"

"James! Stop it! Stop it right now!" But Lily's pleas were drowned out by the crowd chanting Snivellus Greasy over and over again. It seemed the louder she shouted, the louder every one else's voices became - especially James and Sirius. She was just barely able to make out Severus spout out a series of swear words and hexes directed towards James.

"Wash out your mouth," said James coldly. "Scourgify!"

Watching in horror as Severus turned the shade of a sick leprechaun, Lily finally emerged from the crowd. "Leave him ALONE!" she shouted in a voice that rivaled a howler.

Wandless, Severus found himself facing his worst nightmare. There was nothing that could make this worse as he hung upside down in the air and had his tighty-whities to the entire school.

"James, stop it!"

Lily somehow managed to force the Gryffindor to put him down, but it did not alleviate his mood while Lily continued to reprimand Potter for his actions.

"I didn't need your help," he snapped at her.

"Right, because you were doing a fine job on your own," Lily retorted

"Just say out of my business you...you...you Mudblood!"

Tears weld up in Lily's beautiful green eyes.