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The doors of Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes first opened in the summer of 1996, sparking the reality of what had been a dream for the Weasley twins. In the years since then, the laughter has continued and the bell above the door rings consistently in the busy times. The bright store has traded hands between a handful of shopkeepers, but the legacy of the Weasley twins continues through the light and laughter in the air at any moment of the day.
Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes sells a range of items, separated into different areas of the store over two floors. You’ll find a myriad of unorganised displays in the aisles enticing shoppers to buy both tricks and treats such as punching telescopes, canary creams and anti-gravity hats. In recent decades, the store has expanded their range of stock and now sells the very objects from your child’s wildest dreams.. toys and forever floating balloons! It’s not easy to miss, but on the right of the second floor is a violently pink area full of WonderWitch products. The display here is full of bright pink flowers and confetti surrounding the stock of love potions and other items. Just a few footsteps away is the Pygmy Puff area where you can select a new friend in all shades of pink and purple with a matching cage!
As you reach the back of the store, you’ll find the queue for the counter where the shopkeeper will get you served as quick as they can. If you were looking for the Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes brand of fireworks, then here’s where to come as they are stored behind the counter on the highest of shelves. Safety first, folks.
Text Cut: Inventory
Fireworks
Basic Blaze Box – 5 galleons
Box o’ Rockets – 8 galleons
Deflagration Deluxe – 20 galleons
Explosive Enterprises – 150 galleons
Wildfire Whiz-Bangs – Price upon request, special orders only
Quidditch World Cup Fireworks
Each option supplies a 3 minute firework display.
Final 16 Team Specific (one team) - 100 galleons
Team vs Team (two teams) - 150 galleons
Player Specific (one player) - 100 galleons
Customer Choice (can be a mixture of those above, or longer time frame) - Price upon request
E-ditch-ables
Fainting Fancy – 7 sickles (box of 12)
Fever Fudge – 7 sickles (box of 12)
Nosebleed Nougat – 7 sickles (box of 12)
Puking Pastilles – 7 sickles (box of 12)
Ton Tongue Toffees – 3 sickles (box of 6)
Canary Creams – 5 sickles (box of 16)
Edible Dark Marks – 5 sickles (box of 8)
Skiving Snackbox – 1 galleon (small selection of each of the above
Had Avalon really stopped at Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes solely to look at pygmy puffs? Maybe. Probably. A joke shop wasn't exactly her cup of tea, but she was in need of a cuteness boost, and pygmy puffs were just the thing to do it. Besides, she was still waiting for her father to finish sorting something out at Gringotts—and who knew how long that would take.
After a quick browse through the fireworks section (no, she would never set any off herself, but they were pretty to look at nonetheless), she made her way over to the miniature puffskeins. Unfortunately, she would never be able to get one for herself. Her cat would most likely eat the poor thing, or at least torture it by chasing it around constantly. But there was nothing wrong with browsing, right?
Had Avalon really stopped at Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes solely to look at pygmy puffs? Maybe. Probably. A joke shop wasn't exactly her cup of tea, but she was in need of a cuteness boost, and pygmy puffs were just the thing to do it. Besides, she was still waiting for her father to finish sorting something out at Gringotts—and who knew how long that would take.
After a quick browse through the fireworks section (no, she would never set any off herself, but they were pretty to look at nonetheless), she made her way over to the miniature puffskeins. Unfortunately, she would never be able to get one for herself. Her cat would most likely eat the poor thing, or at least torture it by chasing it around constantly. But there was nothing wrong with browsing, right?
This was probably the shop that Quinn had been the most iffy about going in. A joke shop? This place was bound to have traps of some sort laid out for him—albeit harmless traps, but still. However, Quinn knew that if he could confidently go in here, he could pretty confidently walk into any other shop in Diagon Alley. Given that he could actually go in and have a purpose for being there.
Quinn entered the shop and, surprisingly, nothing actually happened to him. He found this a little strange, but not enough of a sign to let his guard down. He looked around the shop at their wares; there was nothing here that he was particularly interested in—he only came in for the test of courage—but he didn't want to look weird by walking in and immediately walking out.
Then he saw them.
The label on the cage said Pygmy Puffs, and they were the absolute cutest things Quinn had ever seen (in that moment, at least). The little pink and purple fluffballs were just shuffling around in their cages and Quinn wanted to take them all.
Alas, he knew that now was not the time to be buying a pet, especially seeing as he had no money on him. He decided that simply looking at them and sticking his finger in the cage to pet some would have to suffice—but he didn't want to disturb the girl who was looking at them right now. Quinn waited behind her with what he would like to think was patience, though he was bouncing on the balls of his feet with excitement.
When one's sister came to visit and then...just...stayed..."indefinitely", one must either confront her or make her want to leave.
Gabriel had brought a shopping list with him to Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes today. He had never, in his entire 20+ years he had been alive, created, remembered, and followed a shopping list. This was some serious business, trying to convince Isabella to either go home or find her own place. He would even settle for her admitting she wanted to live here, and they could get a bigger flat.
She had taken over the dining room with her dissertation. They had to eat standing up. Even coffee, they stood in the kitchen to drink. Don't get him started on the coffee. She drank all his good coffee.
When one's sister came to visit and then...just...stayed..."indefinitely", one must either confront her or make her want to leave.
Gabriel had brought a shopping list with him to Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes today. He had never, in his entire 20+ years he had been alive, created, remembered, and followed a shopping list. This was some serious business, trying to convince Isabella to either go home or find her own place. He would even settle for her admitting she wanted to live here, and they could get a bigger flat.
She had taken over the dining room with her dissertation. They had to eat standing up. Even coffee, they stood in the kitchen to drink. Don't get him started on the coffee. She drank all his good coffee.
Nose-biting teacups were first on his list.
Jina had never been in Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes before. Tricks and toys were not her thing, and the idea of a skiving snackbox made her roll her eyes. Pretending to be ill to ditch class was just pathetic!
Ironically, she was here to buy some e-ditch-ables, but NOT to get out of her university lectures. She and her friends found that these were pretty useful for healing practice. They would take turns to consume a sweet (or combination of sweets), and one of them would administer the appropriate spell or potion to cure them. Since they did not have real patients to practise on, it only made sense for them to become the patients, but safely.
The displays appeared rather unorganised, and the 20-year-old's eyes jumped from one random item to another without finding a system. She did a double take when she saw some innocent looking telescopes on a shelf. She hadn't used one of these since Astronomy lessons at school ... Distracted, she picked one up to observe it better. When she squeezed it slightly, a small fist extended from its end and PUNCHED the man walking past her. "Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry!" she said and did the worst thing one could do after punching a stranger - she giggled.
Jina had never been in Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes before. Tricks and toys were not her thing, and the idea of a skiving snackbox made her roll her eyes. Pretending to be ill to ditch class was just pathetic!
Ironically, she was here to buy some e-ditch-ables, but NOT to get out of her university lectures. She and her friends found that these were pretty useful for healing practice. They would take turns to consume a sweet (or combination of sweets), and one of them would administer the appropriate spell or potion to cure them. Since they did not have real patients to practise on, it only made sense for them to become the patients, but safely.
The displays appeared rather unorganised, and the 20-year-old's eyes jumped from one random item to another without finding a system. She did a double take when she saw some innocent looking telescopes on a shelf. She hadn't used one of these since Astronomy lessons at school ... Distracted, she picked one up to observe it better. When she squeezed it slightly, a small fist extended from its end and PUNCHED the man walking past her. "Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry!" she said and did the worst thing one could do after punching a stranger - she giggled.
Gabriel had not yet made it to the nose-biting teacups. He was studying his list while he walked, not the best way to avoid obstacles, but he liked to think he had good obstacle-avoidance instincts.
Clearly not, though, as he was jostled--nay, punched!--suddenly in the arm.
He looked up from the list, confused and momentarily worried his sister was for some reason also here. He let out a sigh of relief when he saw it was a young lady holding a telescope. She apologized, which was nice, but...why was she laughing? He raised an eyebrow at her. Had he just been the victim of a prank? In a prank shop? The nerve. "Now what have I ever done to you?" he asked with a confused smile. More importantly, what was this gadget?
Gabriel had not yet made it to the nose-biting teacups. He was studying his list while he walked, not the best way to avoid obstacles, but he liked to think he had good obstacle-avoidance instincts.
Clearly not, though, as he was jostled--nay, punched!--suddenly in the arm.
He looked up from the list, confused and momentarily worried his sister was for some reason also here. He let out a sigh of relief when he saw it was a young lady holding a telescope. She apologized, which was nice, but...why was she laughing? He raised an eyebrow at her. Had he just been the victim of a prank? In a prank shop? The nerve. "Now what have I ever done to you?" he asked with a confused smile. More importantly, what was this gadget?
This gadget was a Punching Telescope (1 galleon), as Jina learned when she examined the price tag. If she had held it to her eye first, she would have been punched in the face. Hah, more healing practice for her classmates! It would have been super painful and embarrassing for her, so she was glad to avoid the telescope's assault. Still, she had to admit that this was a brilliant prank idea, which was why she could not hold back her laughter.
"Nothing! I didn't know what this would do, I swear I didn't mean to hurt you!" she quickly returned the item to the shelf and held up her hands in mock surrender. "Are you okay?"
This gadget was a Punching Telescope (1 galleon), as Jina learned when she examined the price tag. If she had held it to her eye first, she would have been punched in the face. Hah, more healing practice for her classmates! It would have been super painful and embarrassing for her, so she was glad to avoid the telescope's assault. Still, she had to admit that this was a brilliant prank idea, which was why she could not hold back her laughter.
"Nothing! I didn't know what this would do, I swear I didn't mean to hurt you!" she quickly returned the item to the shelf and held up her hands in mock surrender. "Are you okay?"
Gabriel chuckled at the young women's sincerity as she apologized a second time. "Oh, I believe you," he said, with a less confused smile this time. They were in a prank shop. Pranks had always been a possibility here.
He rubbed his arm where the telescope had punched him. Ahh...yes, there would definitely be a bruise tomorrow. He didn't need to roll up his sleeve to see that. Was he hurt? Technically yes. Was he going to complain about it? Not a chance. "I think I'll make it." He laughed again.
"You seem like you don't frequent wizarding joke shops." What an observation, Gabriel. He was really on top of his game today.
Gabriel chuckled at the young women's sincerity as she apologized a second time. "Oh, I believe you," he said, with a less confused smile this time. They were in a prank shop. Pranks had always been a possibility here.
He rubbed his arm where the telescope had punched him. Ahh...yes, there would definitely be a bruise tomorrow. He didn't need to roll up his sleeve to see that. Was he hurt? Technically yes. Was he going to complain about it? Not a chance. "I think I'll make it." He laughed again.
"You seem like you don't frequent wizarding joke shops." What an observation, Gabriel. He was really on top of his game today.
Thank goodness he wasn't mad at her. Jina thought there were plenty of weirdos in Diagon Alley who would hex her for accidentally pranking them. It did not feel very safe here anymore; she heard that spooky things were happening in Wizarding Britain. She smiled back at the man, glad to hear that he was alright. She would have panicked if she found out that the telescope gave bruises (she had not learned how to heal bruises), but was blissfully unaware.
"I don't. I'm just here to buy some things for ... my friends," she nodded, surprised by his observation. Then she remembered how she freaked out over a small incident just a moment ago and facepalmed inwardly. "You've got quite a list there. All for this store?" That was a joke, obviously. No one made a shopping list for Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes, you were supposed to be ~spontaneous~ and grab whatever tickles your fancy ... right?
Thank goodness he wasn't mad at her. Jina thought there were plenty of weirdos in Diagon Alley who would hex her for accidentally pranking them. It did not feel very safe here anymore; she heard that spooky things were happening in Wizarding Britain. She smiled back at the man, glad to hear that he was alright. She would have panicked if she found out that the telescope gave bruises (she had not learned how to heal bruises), but was blissfully unaware.
"I don't. I'm just here to buy some things for ... my friends," she nodded, surprised by his observation. Then she remembered how she freaked out over a small incident just a moment ago and facepalmed inwardly. "You've got quite a list there. All for this store?" That was a joke, obviously. No one made a shopping list for Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes, you were supposed to be ~spontaneous~ and grab whatever tickles your fancy ... right?
She was buying things for...her friends? Like Gabriel was buying things for his sister? That must be what she meant. He nodded in understanding. Maybe she needed help picking some things out, from someone who had been here before. Oh, she had...seen his list? Gabriel tucked it into his pocket so she couldn't see its contents.
"I always shop with a list," he lied, not directly answering the question. He wasn't sure why, but he wanted this lady to think he was ~organized~. "I am getting a few things for my sister, she has been staying with me." That part was not a lie. She had been staying with him for months. That girl couldn't take a hint. Not this girl, his sister.
"It's a going away present," he added. More like a Go Away present.
Ooh- were those the Nose-Biting Teacups right behind her?
She was buying things for...her friends? Like Gabriel was buying things for his sister? That must be what she meant. He nodded in understanding. Maybe she needed help picking some things out, from someone who had been here before. Oh, she had...seen his list? Gabriel tucked it into his pocket so she couldn't see its contents.
"I always shop with a list," he lied, not directly answering the question. He wasn't sure why, but he wanted this lady to think he was ~organized~. "I am getting a few things for my sister, she has been staying with me." That part was not a lie. She had been staying with him for months. That girl couldn't take a hint. Not this girl, his sister.
"It's a going away present," he added. More like a Go Away present.
Ooh- were those the Nose-Biting Teacups right behind her?
No, NOT like that. She was really running an errand for her study group, not trying to prank her friends to make them go away. Jina would have explained in more detail if she knew that there was a misunderstanding. Or maybe she would have agreed with his version anyway, because the truth was too nerdy and potentially dangerous. She looked in a different direction when he tucked the list away, making it clear that she was not peeking at its contents.
He did not directly answer her question, but she understood that it must be an overall grocery list that he made regularly. That was something they had in common. "Oh yeah, me too. Having a list is super helpful," she agreed. She did not have a checklist on this occasion because she only had a vague idea to "get some of every e-ditch-able". It wasn't exactly something she needed reminding of.
A present for his sister! How sweet. As an only child, Jina got warm fuzzies whenever she saw siblings doing nice things for each other. It brought a smile to her face as always. "I see. Well, it was nice talking to you, I hope your sister likes your present."
With a polite nod, she moved on to the next shelf, where she was able to find some fever fudges and nosebleed nougats. She picked up two boxes of each and paused before the puking pastilles, wondering if she should buy them. They could be pretty nasty ... She unconsciously glanced back at the man she spoke to earlier. She was curious about what he was planning to buy for his sister. The WonderWitch products made nice gifts, did he know?
Gabriel gave the lady what he thought was a very charming smile. He was proud of himself for coming up with an agreeable lie. He was glad the shopping list impressed her, especially since it was so unusual for him to be so organized as to make a list. It was...useful, though. Maybe he should always shop with a list.
"Yes, nice talking to you, too," he replied. He waited for her to move to the next shelf, then reached for the Nose-Biting Teacup he had spotted. He didn't check to make sure she was looking away, but...it was a joke shop. Obviously this going away present had to involve some practical jokes.
He tucked the Nose-Biting Teacup under his arm, then pulled the list out of his pocket. What else did he need? Canary creams, that's right. He looked up, realizing the lady was by the shelf with the e-ditch-ables. He hesitated, waiting for her to finish shopping and walk away so he could get the sweets for his sweet sister. Well, this was awkward...
Oh, a teacup. Jina wondered what was special about the cup - it had to involve some sort of trick, like the mini-telescope that looked normal but could punch you in the face. Perhaps it was like a dribble glass and made you spill the contents all over your clothes. But that would not be a very pleasant gift. Why not get a pygmy puff or some never deflating balloons instead? Turning back to her own shopping, she recalled that many of the people she knew who had siblings liked playing practical jokes on each other. It should not be a surprise if this man also had a prankish relationship with his sister, but it WAS because he made it sound so nice!
Engrossed in her thoughts about things that were none of her business, the former Ravenclaw accidentally took too many boxes of puking pastilles. Five boxes of twelve could make sixty people vomit, which no one really wanted. Upon noticing her mistake, she tried to put them back on the shelf, and ended up dropping them all. Eeek! It's okay, no harm done, they were just sweets. She bent down to pick up the boxes and decided that a shopping list was absolutely necessary for Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes too.
Gabriel sprang into action when the lady he had been talking to--who was blocking the shelf of Canary Creams he now needed--dropped several boxes of trickster treats. Wait, no, that wasn't what they were called...Never mind that, he immediately bent down to help her pick them up. He couldn't just stand there and watch, he had already felt awkward lingering while he waited for her to move on.
He picked up two boxes, and quickly noticed both were puking pastilles. Why would anyone need twenty four of these? Wait--they were all puking pastilles?
Gabriel gave the woman an incredulous look. Sure, he was going to prank his sister. But he didn't hate her. Maybe this lady just didn't know what the candies would do. "This is a lot of prank candy," he said. "Why...is everything okay?" Not that he was one to judge, but...he was judging.
They weren't all puking pastilles! Mixed in the pile of sweets on the floor were also a few boxes of fever fudges and nosebleed nougats that Jina chose earlier. These she picked up and levitated next to her so that her arms were no longer full. She was about to reach for the pastilles that she dropped, when she saw that the man who was shopping for his sister had picked them up for her. She had not noticed him waiting for her to walk away from the e-ditch-ables, so she thought she must have made quite a commotion to attract his attention. Great job, Morin, you can't even go into a shop without embarrassing yourself more than twice.
"Thank you, yes I'm fine - " she began to say, then paused at the judgmental look he was giving her. UH??? "OH. I'm a Pre-Healer student, you see, so my friends and I use these prank candies to simulate symptoms and practise healing. Just for fun and only sometimes. It's quite safe, really." As for why so many, "I live in Canada, where it's difficult to find these ingenious sweets, so I decided to buy a lot on this trip. But I wasn't intending to get the puking pastilles, because no one likes them very much." Blushing furiously by the end of her unnecessarily detailed reply, she took the two boxes from him without meeting his eye, summoned the other three from the floor and shoved them all back on the shelf.
On second thought, she took one box of puking pastilles and added it to her levitating shopping load. "... Are you buying something from here too?" she asked and stepped aside. Perhaps some ton tongue toffees to go with tea?
A healer and from Canada, Gabriel dropped his judgmental look for an impressed one. "That's a fascinating idea, to use these for practice," he said. He let her take the two boxes. It seemed there was a whole niche market for prank foods that he had never thought of. Maybe he needed to quit the whole Auror training thing and start his own line of wizarding pranks, marketed at the educational crowd.
No, that was a terrible idea.
As she moved, he reached in to grab a package of Canary Creams. He held them up. "Harmless, yet hilarious," he said with a smile, stacking the sweets with his teacup. Her honesty had made him forget his own lie about getting a gift for his sister, so...he was no longer taking care not to let her see what he had. He was starting to think he didn't need everything on his list, though. Maybe just enough to get his sister to move out, not to leave the country and never return.
Right. He had decided he was ready to check out with just his two items, so he made his way toward the counter. He glanced awkwardly back at the woman. Should he have offered to let her go first? It was unclear if she had gotten everything she needed, though, so he went ahead and stood in the queue.
He was impressed?? Jina thought he would find her story dumb. She was glad to clear up the confusion about the puking pastilles, but was still embarrassed by her inability to stop rambling. Making up her mind to just shut up and finish shopping, she smiled back when he held up the canary creams (they would also pair well with tea!) and glanced back at the shelf. She would definitely not need ton tongue toffees, since the effects were easy enough to remedy. So it looked like she had everything she needed for the next few months.
She joined the queue behind the man, her prank boxes floating behind her. It was weird to be buying so much in a joke shop. She felt like a Gryffindor. "Did you go to Hogwarts, by any chance?" she asked while they waited for their turns, disregarding her previous decision to stop talking. He did not look familiar, but appeared to be around her age, so he could have been in a year or two older/younger than her. The canary creams he had also reminded her of school, because of the number of times she accidentally transformed into a bird at common room parties.
Gabriel nodded politely in recognition as the young lady joined him in the queue, but followed it with a quick shake of his head at the question. "No, Castelobruxo," he replied quickly. Unlike his big sister who would hopefully soon be a bird (temporarily), he had never been to Hogwarts.
Luckily, though, he knew a little bit about it. "Did you? Which house were you?" he asked. No, that didn't seem right. Did he switch up the words? Gabriel frowned but didn't correct himself, trying to identify why his question felt awkward. Maybe he should have used present tense? He would have to ask Isabella later. She could be useful for something, at least.
Castelobruxo! The Brazilian school! It was well known for having advanced Herbology and Magizoology curriculums. Jina had always envied the students there even though the two subjects were not her main interests. She just had a competitive streak and could not bear the thought of learning less than some kids on the other side of the world. She wondered if this man knew how lucky he had been to attend a school surrounded by fascinating magical flora and fauna. "That's so cool, which country are you from? I went to Ilvermorny, then transferred to Hogwarts in my sixth year - Ravenclaw." The two schools were also pretty awesome, but Hogwarts scared her a little bit.
Looking around him, Jina pointed at the counter where the customer before him finished their purchase. "It's your turn!"
Gabriel knew. He couldn't not know how lucky he was to go to school in the middle of a rainforest, not with a mother like his. She might have disowned him if she found out his flat here in London had a grand total of zero plants and zero pets. And...hopefully his sister wouldn't rat him out when she went back home.
As for which country he was from? Gabriel shrugged. "I was born in Peru, but we moved around a lot growing up," he explained. Six? Had they lived in six countries? Gabriel tried to count in his head, but was fairly certain the woman's pronouncement she had transferred schools in her sixth year had thrown him off. He did not process that she had previously gone to Ilvermorny, nor that she was a Ravenclaw like his mother. He was too busy trying to count.
He stepped up to the counter, and deposited his two items while he dug for one, two...seven sickles. There. It was easier to count something tangible. He handed the coins to the shopkeeper, and scooped the teacup and sweets up.
He stepped out of the way. "Well, it's been a pleasure talking to you...again." Hadn't they already tried to part ways earlier? Maybe this time they would be successful.
Aha, he must have moved to the UK at some point in his childhood. That would explain how he knew this joke store so well. Jina envied people who grew up internationally - she lived in three countries, though she could not remember life in Korea at all. Anyway errr apparently she envied many people for a lot of things, and she had to stop thinking about what she could not change.
"Yep, nice talking to you again! Bye!" she waved brightly and paid for her own items, which cost a lot more than seven sickles.
She was thinking of going to Sugarplum's next for some REAL sweets, but she would have to cut her spending there.
Hey Ju! Or for anyone else who would like to help bring him to his senses
Mom says I have no sense of direction, so I packed my bags and right.
It must have felt like years ago that Oakey was in Weasleys' Wizarding Wheezes. He tended to avoid buying prank toys for any of his kids opting for more of the muggle variety of entertainment to keep them occupied. It also helped that a majority of his kids were all young adults now. So what was Oakey doing back here in this joke shop you ask? Well it was a very reliable place to purchase a few things for some of his classes he was going to be teaching very soon. And of course he would need to get them off his own galleons. Still though it was worth the lesson he figured. For the greater g...no not that one. That was not the good he was trying to achieve. Stupid phrase was bad very bad and Kurumi's father was bad very dumb for even uttering it.
Anyways. Yes there were some items he knew the shop held that he would need to seek a shopkeep to discuss purchase of. Though the other item was easily found. He went to their display and selected a few Headless Hats. Putting a few under his arm. Then yeah just for kicks he placed one atop his own head. How brilliant. He must look ridiculous being a 40 some year old man without his head in a Joke Shop. Quite the sight you must be Oakey Gunter.
Yes well. He moved along to the counter then proceeded to trip over stray self winding yo-yo currently self winding itself on the floor. Right into a display of patented daydream charms.
...
uh oh
...
...
oh no
...
... .... ... What a wonderful trip this was back to Egypt. Oakey felt 20 years younger and was delving into an old tomb of some long dead pharaoh. He was deftly dodging dangerous traps laid out before. Nimbly dancing around the site as though he had no ounce of bad luck in his bones. He was going for a very rare and priceless item at the end of this tomb. He was better than Indiana Jones. Much more handsome too... ... ...
...
...
...
...
Oakey was sitting in the pile of Patented Daydream charms one or two opened from the collision and he looked almost catatonic but blissful with a bit of drool come down his mouth.
Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes 
x7 
x8
