You’ll Never Know
Song By Frank Sinatra

Darling, I’m so blue without you
I think about you the live-long day
When you ask me if I’m lonely
Then I only have this to say

On nights like this, nights when the full moon shines and the stars light up the entire sky, I like to sit back, relax and think about the days when my life used to make sense. It was years and years ago, sometimes it feels as if it was an eternity ago. I had the chance to make a choice, a choice between true love and what was expected of me. Not a day goes by that I don’t regret my decision. My life is only half complete now, there is something missing, a giant hole in the middle of my heart, and the only thing I can do about it, is sit around with my memories. But at least I have those, and I can dig deep into that part of my mind and relive them anytime I want too. If I didn’t have my memories I don’t know what I’d do, for if I didn’t have them she would be completely lost and I would always be alone.

You’ll never know just how much I miss you
You’ll never know just how much I care
And if I tried, I still couldn’t hide my love for you
You ought to know, for haven’t I told you so
A million or more times?

She caught my attention the very first moment I saw her. There was something about her that I couldn’t ignore, and I didn’t want to ignore it. I could never admit my true feelings of course because of who she was. When we were younger I tried to make her hate me so it would be less painful for me when I knew I couldn’t be with her. But it didn’t work to well. It hurt me to see the tears I put in her eyes, to see the sorrow I caused her heart. Finally I stopped picking on her every time I saw her and only did it when Potter or Weasley were around. For some reason I couldn’t help but make fun of her when they were near. I hated myself for doing it.
Then the time came when the two of us were made Head Boy and Girl at Hogwarts. It was awkward at first, sharing a suite with her, living with her, seeing her every free moment of my time and not being able to openly tell her how I felt. Of course she hated me in the beginning, but after a few months I finally was able to make her change her attitude. It wasn’t long before I began to drop silent hints of my true feelings. It was wrong, in the sense of my family’s beliefs, but I couldn’t hide what my heart was feeling any longer. It took sometime, but I was able to direct her heart towards my love. Those few months we had together were the best few months of my life and I wouldn’t trade them for anything in the world.

You went away and my heart went with you
I speak your name in every prayer
If there is some other way to prove I love you
I swear I don’t know how
You’ll never know if you don’t know how

We loved each other up until the day of our graduation. It was on that day that I made the very decision that changed my entire life. She was joining the Order of the Pheonix, and was going to study to be a healer. We knew where I was going. We both didn’t like it, both didn’t want it, but back then I believed I couldn’t change my destiny. It was so imprinted in my mind that I was born to be a death eater that doing anything else was morally wrong. I wish I knew then what I know now. Oh how different my life would have been if I had chosen to stay by her side instead of choosing to stand by my father and his master.
I remember the last time I kissed her. It had been with so much passion and so much feeling. I wanted her to know that I truly did love her and nothing would ever change how I felt. I wanted her to know that I loved her, wanted to be with her, wanted to marry her. I still remember the look in her eyes when we had to leave each other for ever. There was such a pain and such a sorrow in them that I truly believed there would never be sunny days again. The pain was so intense in my own heart as well, it was hard to believe I would ever feel happy again.

I wanted to tell her that there would be a day when we would be together again. But I didn’t know for sure and I couldn’t make her an empty promise. I didn’t want her to wait for me and waist her life. I wanted her to be happy, wanted her to live as normal a life as possible. Even though it killed me inside to have to tell her those things. I had to do it, for her sake.

You’ll never know just how much I miss you
You’ll never know just how much I care
You said good-bye, no stars in the sky refuse to shine
Take it from me, its no fun to be alone
With moonlight and memories
A few years after the war was over, I was able to claim my own freedom. I broke away from my family and started a whole new life. There was always that nagging at me to find her, to see who she had become, and most of all to see if she still loved me. Finally, one day, I found myself outside her house. I didn’t go past the front gate. I didn’t have too. I saw all I needed to see right in the front yard. There she was, as beautiful as ever. Her brown curls glistened in the sunlight, her eyes sparkled with joy and happiness. Not in years had my heart been filled with so much warmth, happiness, and love. But my heart also crumbled that day. I guess deep inside me I always figured she would have waited for me, even though I told her not to, that day my heart broke in pieces to see her playing with her children. Her children were gorgeous with their brown eyes, just like her’s and their red curly hair. I tried to slip away without her seeing me, but the youngest of her children spotted me and shouted. She looked up, and in an instant we locked eyes, and every feeling of love and devotion that I had locked up inside my heart during the war to help me forget her came flooding back, knocking down the dam I had built around my heart. I smiled at her, nodded my head and quickly Apparated back to my home. I didn’t wait to see a reaction from her, I didn’t wait too see if she would invite me in. It took one look into her eyes to know she still loved me. And I carry that with me every day of my life. Even though I know we will never be together in life, we will always be together in heart and spirit.

I like this. It sounds very interesting is there more?

Please reply soon

Bri

AWSOME!!! PAMS./ cant wait to hear more!

I'm sorry guys, but this is a one time thing. I hope you enjoyed it. It was my first time writing a fan fiction in first person and I hope it cam out alright.
Thank you!

Love Always,
Heather

You know, I forgot I already read this. I was like wait she posted another story with out telling me. Good thing I remembered. LoL. I love all your work Heather. Very talented.

that was erm.....uh....intersting...thats all i ahve to say