This fanfiction is a "one shot" fanfiction that i wrote a couple of months ago, way back before Christmas. It is a "nonsense" fic, where nothing seems to make any sense...even to me, and i wrote it.

Disclaimer: All Characters not mine…you guys know the drill by now! Slightly AU, in that I wrote it before the 6th book, so Dumbledore is alive etc. Enjoy.

Of Pink Donkeys and Pole Dancing

It was the house of a convicted murderer. Not the house of a murderer. The house of a convicted murderer. This murderer was not a murderer, he was a convicted murderer. This convicted murderer had never killed anyone. This convicted murderer was also dead.

The habitants of the house did not think he was a murderer. On the contrary, the loved him. But they knew he was a convicted murderer. And they knew he was dead. I think.

“He’s hiding” A 30 year old drunken saviour of the wizarding world (which had happened 15 years ago, but it was a title he would never get rid of) slurred to his best friends. “He is hiding just behind that veil.”

“I am sure he is” hiccupped a tipsy Ronald. “Look, Fred and George, I mean, Gred and Forge have turned into Donkeys.”

“Pink Donkeys!!” Hermione Granger tripped over Ginny Weasley, who had passed out long ago at Harry’s feet. Hermione fell head first onto the couch.

It was Christmas at number 12 Grimmauld Place, and the group of men and women were having a party. (It was actually Boxing Day, the party having started at 2am Christmas Eve morning and not yet stopped) Hermione was sure that they had set a record. She vaguely thought that even if it wasn’t a wizarding record, it might have been a muggle record. She was sure there wasn’t a muggle record for the longest lasting Wizard Party. This was quite a complex vague thought to have, especially when you are trying to stop a Pink Donkey from eating a report which you have to hand into your boss next week, but which had conveniently turned into a bowl of Daisies.

“H…Her…Hermy” Ron struggled with her name. “Have another drink thingy” He shoved another fire whiskey at her. Before turning to help Bill and Charlie, who had put Ginny’s hand in a bowl of warm water and were now taking it in turns to change the colour and style of her hair and draw on her using Luna’s Lipstick.

Fred and George had turned back into people rather than Donkeys, and were now watching Albus Dumbledore being taught how to pole dance by Minerva McGonagall, who to Harry’s amazement had turned her hair green.

Severus Snape was playing his fortieth round of a muggle game called Twister, with Draco Malfoy, Neville Longbottom and Gilderoy Lockheart. Harry watched as Snape jinxed Neville out of the way so he could get his left hand on green. The four of them were becoming twisted, which, needless to say, was the aim of the game.

A very peeved looking Voldemort (affectionately dubbed Voldie by the sugar happy twins) had fallen victim to the Creevey Brothers in the kitchen. They had tied him to the chair, and were attempting to make him look ‘pwerty’ (as Colin kept saying) by using Make Up spells. Dennis, however, couldn’t quite get the hang of these spells, and Voldie kept receiving wedgies from the over eager, wand happy young man.

Remus Lupin and Nymphadora Tonks were doing the Time Warp in the middle of the living room. Moments before they had been dancing the Macarena in a wonky two man line. Mundungus Fletcher had been dancing with them, but he staggered over to Mad Eye Moody, pronounced him ‘uglyified’ and collapsed at his feet. Moody had proceeded to kick him with his wooden leg and go over to join Dumbledore in the Pole dancing lessons. Apparently, however, Moody could pole dance to Minerva’s satisfaction, as she transfigured him into a Pole to replace the one Dumbledore had broken moments before.

There was a squawking sound as someone opened a crate full of chickens into the room. Quite where they got the chickens, nobody knew. But they were there. Luna Lovegood started amusing herself by changing the colour of the Chickens, but Fred and George went one step further and transfigured the chickens into Nifflers, which proceeded to wreck the house.

Rubeus Hagrid was fast asleep in a corner and had been fast asleep since three hours into the party, only waking up to be sick four times. It seemed that Giants could not hold their drink, just like humans.

An argument was coming from the Kitchen. Harry, Ron and Hermione had decided to make dinner for everyone. (At 4 am?) Ron and Hermione were arguing about what to make, while Harry was sat on the table and quite happily mixing all the ingredients together, which he could find in the cupboards. The Creevey brothers had disappeared but Voldie was still tied to the chair and was now instructing Harry on how to make a triffle.

“And then you add the Jelly – the JELLY Potter, not the Mash Potatoes…. Oh alright Potter, yes, you can add the Tuna to the sponge cake…”

Snape appeared in the doorway triumphant. He had won at twister. For the first time. He untied the feminified Voldie and the two went to join Remus and Tonks, who were now dancing to “Charlie Brown”

‘Jump to the right” And Voldie goes left and collides with Snape.

The Birdie song came on over the loud speakers and all present and coherent persons (Hagrid and Ginny included) sand and danced along at the top of their voices.

When the song was ended, more drinks were passed around. Moaning Myrtle, Nearly Headless Nick, the bloody Baron and all the other Hogwart’s Ghosts took the floor and danced to Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” while Fred and George held a bet on how long the Pole (previously Moody) would break under Dumbledore’s rather energetic dancing. Minerva seemed to realize this would happen and quickly transfigured Moody back, which meant Dumbledore’s lesson had to stop. Dumbledore happily trotted into the kitchen to find Harry, who was amiably making a shepherds pie under the instruction of Voldemort (who was back in the kitchen tied to his chair, but this time by Bill and Charlie, who had lost a victim when Ginny woken up. Voldemorts hair was now bright Pink). Harry was happily adding Jelly to the beef mince.

Everyone gathered about the fire, bowls of Harry’s food half eating lying around the carpet. Voldie had promised them a nice story about butterflies and baby bunnies (which, he reminded everyone, was called Kittens). As he started his story (which just happened to start in a bright morning in Tellytubby land) another bottle of fire whisky was passed around. On the window ledge, a certain beetle smiled to itself. In 10 minutes, the whole group was fast asleep.

The next morning (and Harry and the gang were nursing hangovers the size of central America) a picture appeared in the daily prophet. The picture showed a circle of people fast asleep by the fire. In a little while the people captured in time by the picture would start to move and show a little snippet of the party they had just endured. But for the moment, they were asleep. In the middle of the circle, flanked by his best friends, Harry Potter laid, a smile of his face. The headline read, “Harry Potter has found a family at last”

The catchy and attractive title attracted me here. It was such an amazing name, that I just had to check this out, dude. And when I finished my reading, I laughed till my sides ached. It was all perfectly done. It was one of the best stories I have ever read for sure.

And YAYNESS!!!!!

I'm your first official reader.

That was such a hilarious start. I have no idea if it was meant to be funny, but it was. It was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Comical.

If possible, this was even more hilarious. It was downright amazing. *Glomps her Freddy Skeleton* YAYNESS!!!!!!!!!

Do I even need to go on? Seriously, this is one of the best ficlets I have EVER read, and i've read dozens of them, mind you. I can't believe Professor Mc.Goangall is trying to teach Dumbledore how to dance --- And that twisting game sounds awesome.

That is the funnies picture of Voldemort anyone has ever painted in my mind. Keep it up, Freddo. I loved this part beyond words.

All this, I would have quoted sepearately, but I found each soooooo very funnier than the next that I ran out of words. *Swoons over ficcie* This is for sure the most comical piece of writing I have read in my whole Potter life.

This is where people make their hugest mistakes - the ending. But in your case, the ending couldn't have been more perfect. It was SOOOOOOOOO hilarious and unexpected that I was ready to cry with mirth. *Wipes happy tears away and laughs like mad*

You're an awesome writer, Freddy, and I hope to see more from you soon. Better still, post more ficlets around in this thread. It wuld be one awesome collection. You're the best writer I've ever come across - in the sense of funny-nes, of course. *Glomps repeatedly*

GO GO FRED_THE_SKELETON

Keep up the brilliant work. There is certainly no room for improvement, dovey. You are an awesome writer.

love,
~~Jay~~

Ha ha! It's soooooooo funny. Hilarious! PAMS!! Keep up the comical stuff, its great!

Oh my gosh Jay, thats the best review that i have ever got! Thanks, i love you!!!

Im really really really glad you liked my ficlet, and im so pleased it made you laugh!

I think you quoted like, the entire story there XD.

Your comments were really helpful (for inflating my ego if nothing else XD) and keep watching this space...i havnt got anymore humor fics on the go, but there may be some more in the furture! you have inspired me to keep writing i think...

And thanks to you to zodiac girl, thanks for reading!! You all make me feel so loved!!

That Was Soooooooooooo Funny Oh My Gosh
You Should Put That In The Funny Fanfic Section Thingy
It's Wierd Though Because All Of That Stuff Would Happen When **** Would Freeze Up And It's Also Funny Bacause All The Ghost And All Those People Where There

That.....was pure amazing.

This is by far one of the funniest things I have ever read!!!!

This is very well written and imaginative and anyone who puts the Time Warp in a ficlet is amazingly my favourite in my book!!!! You aer so riding the rollercoaster on the rings of Saturn!!! Hehe..it means cool..basically.

Really I loved it. The title was catchy and absolutely hillarious and honestly this is just amazing!!!! I loved the way you incorporate all the main characters including Voldemort and how you had Voldemort telling Harry how to cook. Brilliant!!!!
Alays and Forever,
~Aria~

I read this a while back and it was only until a lot later that i thought, there's a section in the Grimmauld Place that is for the Evil Elite Fan Fic Dares. You might do really well there with your style of writing that you used here. Just a thought. Check it out. Great story and I hope you post more stories.

That is the funniest thing i have ever read in my life. Hahahahahahahaha I can't stop laughing hahahahahahahahaha this was awesome beyond words. post another story sooon!!!!!!!!!

I came here looking for Jessica and stayed for the party. I don't think firewiskey could do all that. What were they smoking?

Aww, Freddy, you're so cute. I wrote what I felt, and that's exactly how I felt. I love ya. Post more ficcies soon. I really want to read more from you.

Love,
~~Jay~~