OK, this poem has no title, and it's a bit lengthy, so I guess I'll just start with the 1st part. Most people who've read it said that they love the poem, I just feel a bit insecure about publishing it and all. I'd really like to know what you think of this narrative poem about faeries and such...anyways, enjoy...

Beyond known towers and familiar places,
Beyond your land and familiar faces
Lies a castle barely seen

Except by the trees and whispering zephyrs
And the birds that sprinkle the skies like pepper
As they fly over the ravines

This castle, so decrepit and old
Once lived in a beautiful era of gold
Too long ago to reckon

Let us see how a young woman's destiny shone
Through the dark cloak of misery that was her own
Hark! The call to the past beckons

The maiden is running, fast and quick
The maiden is running, she is sick
With sadness and despair

Her head spins; her heart shivers
At her eye a tear quivers
As she races to her lair

Heavily she falls upon her bed
Her heart fills with misery and dread
As she thinks of one other

Who forces her into a black abyss
Where depression arises and all is amiss
Her own mother.

She never understands how this could be
How one person could make her so unhappy
Some say that all is hers

But as long as she feels unloved inside
Has no one to hold her when she cries
She doesn't care for jewels or furs.

That's just the beginning of it, guys...if I get enough requests, I'll post more soon. Geez, I'm such a nerd, I typed most of this from memory...*shakes head*

hows that nerdy? i memorize a ton of my stuff! nice job tho its really really really good i love it so descriptive!

Thank you. :wub: :wub:

Would you like me to post more? It's a narrative story; the beautiful, melancholy maiden is only one of the characters.

:unsure: :unsure: :unsure: anyone??? :unsure: :unsure: :unsure:

Alright, I'm gonna post more JUST to spite you guys that have viewed the whole thing but not posted comments (I know there were at least six *looks around suspiciously*

PLEASE post comments someone; I need your genuine opinion...

Below, in the tower south
Stands a man much broad of mouth
And broad of head, alas

A rich suitor, well is his chance
Of getting the maiden; just one more dance
He smiles in the looking-glass.

She'll see his face; she'll see his fortune
She'll wed him at once; she'll yearn a portion
Thinks the man as he prepares

For the final gala of the season
He's so very vain, he sees no reason
A servant perfects his hair.

He dresses in silver furs and skins
His ponderings on his prey, his win
Many sons she will bear

In beauty she near surpasses him
Bright almond eyes, cream-coloured limbs
The sun gleams like her hair.

He hears a footfall at the door
A swish of cloak, a step once more
He turns his gaudy head

But no, he is quite mistaken
It is the mother, not the maiden
Clothed in deep blood red.

He takes her arm; they take the stairs
They reach the ballroom in a pair
They hear the lute and fife

As he circles in a dance
He looks around for his chance
For his future wife.

I'm sorry, but doesn't this guy remind you of a greedy Lockhart? I thought so...anyways, to review, the maiden is melancholy cuz her mother's nasty and cruel; the suitor wants the maiden as his bride, and the mother has her own evil intentions for this man! *gasp* What could they be?? I shall post again...

WHY does it feel that I'm talking to myself here? Hullo?? *taps on computer screen* Anybody home?

ooooooooooh yaaaaaaay nice job. youre keeping me in suspense here! defnitely want more!!!!!!!!! im waiting waiting waiting cant wait any more *starts pulling her hair out* NOOOOOOOOOOO you can't make me wait!!! NOOOOO NOOOOO NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

Thanks for making me feel better, Alyonna chica. But think about it...there are SIXTY members online right now...SIXTY!! And twenty views of this post...it's bloody mad...

No one's a critic? I would even take a nasty person...pleeease someone tell me what you think of this. I shall not reply until I get at least two replies from two different people. So there > *miffed*

I really like this! The imagery is remarkable. You really have a talent for painting pictures with words. And the rhyme scheme is unusual, but you make it work!
Please don't get discouraged! I'm dying to read more!

I bow down to you. You are one heck of a writer. Great, great work!

Thank you!!!

I shall definitely post more very soon, as soon as I get my wits together. Hey, how about a bit now...

The moonlight falls upon her hair
The moonlight glows into her lair
A single candle burns low

She dreams of places never seen
Towers of gold, childlike queens
Though at the ball she's supposed to show.

The moon-kissed ground is suddenly crushed
By strong bare feet soft to the touch
She awakens to the sound

The maiden starts as the windows show
The silhouette of a man in the moon-glow
Her heart begins to pound.

She stands up and steps a time, once more
The drapes of her white gown softly skim the floor
The stranger comes inside

This man has eyes like a wild mare
His muscular chest, his dark dark hair
Pants made of deer hide.

"You are of the faery!" she cries.
"True," says the man, "and none have lied,
You're the fairest I've seen."

He touches her face, he looks in her eyes
From a deep bliss within his heart he sighs.
"Come with me, my queen."

I love this. You tell a great story, with lots of description, but you also keep it rhythmic and stay true to your rhyme scheme, something that is hard to do in narrative poetry. I give it a definite thumbs up!

:up:

Panic grips; the maiden is tense
This man could attack; she must have sense
If he menas harm she musn't wait

She slaps his face, once, then twice
He catches her hand on the thrice
"You cannot escape your fate."

There are voices in the hall
They are guests come from the ball
A candle she goes to light

He holds her back, he strokes her locks
Her breath comes quick; on the door someone knocks
He leaps out to the night.

A servant enters; once she bows.
"Your mother wishes to see you now.
Strange, today, she is not distraught."

The maiden puts on a silver shawl
And follows the servant out to the hall
Wondering what her mother sought.

:flowersmile:

You are very talented, and I wouldn't be worried bout publishing if I were you. I am a published writer and I know what it takes and you definatley have nothing to worry bout. How soon will you be submitting it for publishing?

*TWO THUMBS WAY WAY UP* :sorcerer:

I'm glad you posted more! Keep going! I'm really dying to know what happens next!

Thank you all. I'm really glad you're enjoying this. I already feel more comfy with this poem, thanks to you. I feel it's time to publish, yaay! But, some people here are dying of suspense. I'll post more of the poem, tomorrow, keep ur socks on!!!

I'm pullin my socks on up to my knees because of the anxiety your causing me right now. LOL.
Please please write more soon!

:sorcerer:

^ yeah i totally agree. i definitely need more like waaaaaaaaay more. i cant wait forever you know! nice job, keep it going, and DEFINITELY publish!

Definitely publish, and definitely post more. Right now! I'm having a hard time holding on to my socks!

Come on!!!! Whatcha waitin for??????? WE NEED the story to go on!

Pleeeeeeaaaassseee give us more! :sorcerer:

*looks pleased* You really do like it?? Groovy! I'll post more guys, sorry to keep you waiting.

She thinks back to the faery lad
So full of youth, hazel eyes so sad
Almost like a dream

Despite herself, she wonders when
He would return to her window and
He’d see her in the moonbeam.

She opens the door; she sees in a blink
There is her mother in a cloak of mink
Dyed deep red.

A pretentious man is standing near
He smiles lustily; it is quite clear
He’s come to wed.

The suitor walks to embrace the girl
Bedecked with jewels, his teeth gleam like pearl
“How do?” he enquires.

The maiden pulls away in disgust
And learns from the suitor’s eyes shining with lust
What her mother desires.

I must stop here, cuz some peeps get a bit confuzzled by this part.
The mother does not desire the suitor, she desires that they marry. But she's not all sweethearted and nice; she has her own evil intentions for this man, for this marriage. Oooh, suspense...what are the mother's intentions? Will the maiden ever see the faery again? More coming next post!

OK *stretches fingers*

The wedding is set in a fortnight's time
The queen's spirit is now sublime
The kingdom will belong

To her forever and her alone
The evil queenship she will hone
Before too long.

Of horrible secrets she has one
Of wrenching guilt she has one
She hath slain the king

She would do anything for power
Her soul is bitter; her heart sour
Within her greed rings.

There is one person who found out this
And the kiss of death would soon be his
Had he not escaped her clutches.

He was a faery of forest and deer
He had filled her with love; he had filled her with fear
But now she was the queen; the duchess.

Futher into this we cannot delve
This covert mystery we shall shelve
For the wedding draws near.

I must stop here, to build suspense! :flowersmile:

You have definitely built suspense!

I'm on the edge of my seat, wondering what's going to happen next. This is really good!


BTW, have you thought of a title for it?

No, but I'm open to any suggestions you might have.

Faery Fear? Faery Love? Endless Beginnings? I dunno. :sorcerer: