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| | Candy Display Case (Finished Fanfiction) A dazzling showcase of fully wrapped-up stories, these sweet treats are polished and ready for your reading pleasure! | 
04-28-2007, 02:08 PM
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#101 (permalink)
|  DAFC VIPMooncalf
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 7,184
Hogwarts RPG Name:
Atticus Cornridge
Second Year  x1
|  ll Achmed's 2nd Keeper ll Team Jacob l l Otaku ll
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04-29-2007, 11:52 AM
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#102 (permalink)
| | Puffskein
Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Reading my two FF's
Posts: 1,879
Hogwarts RPG Name:
Hufflepuff and proud of it!
Fifth |
OMG! You must love cliffes! I just read it and what I found was another cliffe! I am not mad though cause I do the same thing all of the time! PAMS PAMS to a great writer no outstanding!
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04-29-2007, 06:58 PM
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#103 (permalink)
| DAFC VIP Mooncalf
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 7,184
Hogwarts RPG Name:
Atticus Cornridge
Second Year x1
| ll Achmed's 2nd Keeper ll Team Jacob l l Otaku ll
 okay next update! ************************************************** *******
Chapter 6, Part 1 “Dang.” Ari said as I tackled her. Laughing I passed the quaffle on and Ari sped out in front of me, her hair whipping around her even though it was tied back from her face. She’s just so....her. I sped up towards my team mate and he passed me the ball. Ari was trying to tackle me again so I ducked and sped of in the other direction. Player! I threw the ball to the other side of the stadium and another Ravenclaw player caught it. Not sure who cause one of the Griffindors crashed into me. “Hey! Sammy!” I looked around and there was my captain, flying above the game and pointing to another chaser. I heard someone whistle and started flying to the Griffindor goal posts. Another whistle and I had the quaffle. There was a space right behind a chaser....shoot steady. I flew off in the other direction and then spun around a tried to shoot. “YaaaaaHOOOO!” Someone slapped me on the back and I smirked, what? I couldn’t help it! “Griffindor is in possession!” Ari. Great timing. “Yo! Ari!” Arora looked back at me. Perfect. “Ravenclaw in possession!” “What?!” Snooze you lose!
We scored again! “That was brilliant!” I screamed at the chaser and she smiled at me. “20-0 to Ravenclaw!” Lee Jordan I think his name was. He was practicing too, I guess. I saw one of our chasers with the quaffle again and flew beside her. Whistling was the trick and she passed to me as I was moving away. Whistle. I passed back to her as she rounded back on the Griffindor goal posts. She caught it and flew right at the posts and then passed to another one of our chasers at the last minute and flew right through the hoop. “Ravenclaw scores!” “Yes!” Ari was frowning. Still looked beautiful. Time to score again. I flew straight at the ball and felt someone behind me and I tried to go faster. I got the quaffle and flew straight upwards to avoid the wall. WHAM! Ow. That must’ve hurt. The chaser behind me hadn’t seen the wall and flew straight into it. I had to keep flying, I whistled again and saw one of our chasers appear in the corner of my eye. I passed her the quaffle and flew on ahead. Forget about it! I can’t stop playing! Keep your mind on the game Mac Conroy!
“30-0 to Ravenclaw!” Brilliant! Ari was in front of me now trying to tackle the girl I just passed to and it looked like she’d managed it. Ari was about to shoot! I flew straight at the hoops and tried to block her view, bobbing around to try and grab the quaffle back and not let her shoot at the same time. Ari flew down and I followed her and then, suddenly, she had the quaffle soaring through a hoop. “30-10 to Ravenclaw!” Ari grinned at me and flew off to get into formation for the next pass. One of the Griffindors had the quaffle and she was speeding down the pitch. I had to get this one back on Ari so I went up to tackle her but one of my teammates got there first. She knocked the quaffle out of her hands and I rolled over and flew underneath to get the quaffle again. “Show off!” I smirked and rolled back into proper position and flew down the pitch passing to my right and then catching it again. I’m great right? The goals were coming up; then Ari popped up out of nowhere and tried to grab the quaffle. I obviously swerved out of the way and tried to shoot as Ari tackled me and I scored again. “40-10 to Ravenclaw! Those two are making things happen out there! How’d you like my voice?” I smirked and Ari grinned. Lee was the best commentator in Hogwarts...takes your mind off the pressure a bit. | |
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04-29-2007, 11:15 PM
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#104 (permalink)
| | Puffskein
Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Reading my two FF's
Posts: 1,879
Hogwarts RPG Name:
Hufflepuff and proud of it!
Fifth |
I loved the part! I feel bad for Ari though! I still loved it though! PAMS PAMS PAMS PAMS
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04-30-2007, 04:22 AM
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#105 (permalink)
| DAFC VIP Mooncalf
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 7,184
Hogwarts RPG Name:
Atticus Cornridge
Second Year x1
| ll Achmed's 2nd Keeper ll Team Jacob l l Otaku ll
Thanks for reading! Don't worry it'll get better for her onwards....I think!  Will post soon!
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04-30-2007, 02:46 PM
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#106 (permalink)
|  McG's PetJobberknoll
Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: At band most likely.
Posts: 4,124
Hogwarts RPG Name:
Nemia Havishaw
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Nice post.... I like reading about quidditch.... I can'ts wait for the next post....  's Lari
PAMS!!!
~Sama | |
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04-30-2007, 04:45 PM
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#107 (permalink)
| DAFC VIP Mooncalf
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 7,184
Hogwarts RPG Name:
Atticus Cornridge
Second Year x1
| ll Achmed's 2nd Keeper ll Team Jacob l l Otaku ll
Thanks for reading! The next post should have more desciption 'cause it's not going to be POV exactly | |
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05-01-2007, 04:34 AM
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#108 (permalink)
| | Nogtail
Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Hogwarts School of W
Posts: 4,746
Hogwarts RPG Name:
Mindy Song
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Awesome post! I can't wait for more!
__________________ †Luna Lovegood,Evanna Lynch,J.K. Rowling, Sirius Black,Gred & Forge,Dumbledore's Army,Harry Potter,Draco Malfoy,Sibyll Trelawney†
†{Mindy Song, First Year Ravenclaw} {Emma's Twinnie Forever!} Luna and Nargles {Thanks to Tink for the siggy!} {Believe in yourself.}†
 A true friend | You're here 'til the end
†Hermione Granger,Ronald Weasley,Albus Dumbledore,Severus Snape,Neville Longbottom,Minerva McGonagall,Extra Characters,Ginny Weasley,Fleur Delacour† | |
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05-02-2007, 03:53 AM
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#109 (permalink)
| | Jarvey
Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: *thinking* can't remember i'll get back to you on that
Posts: 530
Hogwarts RPG Name:
Em
Second |
can't wait for more Lari!! I love your posts there just sooo good! hmmmm *ponders about stuff and Q,match*
__________________
Do your own thing(cause no one can do it better)
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05-09-2007, 04:57 PM
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#110 (permalink)
| DAFC VIP Mooncalf
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 7,184
Hogwarts RPG Name:
Atticus Cornridge
Second Year x1
| ll Achmed's 2nd Keeper ll Team Jacob l l Otaku ll
Thanks so much you two! The next post is only about a 100 words because it's a commentary  I hope I portraied Lee right! The only problem is that I don't know the names of the Ravenclaw quidditch players  If you could tell me I can edit this post! ************************************************** ************************************** Chapter 6, Part 2 “Yes. Yes this is Lee Jordan!” The boy said into the magical megaphone. “That’s 40-10 to Ravenclaw for the professor! Oh! Sam’s got the quaffle now! Circling! Passing......caught. Chambers in possession! C’mon Angelina! Crush her! I mean....no! No! Professor I promise! Okay, Chambers passes to...Bradley! Gryffindor! C’mon! Ok! Ok! I got it now, Professor! Ahem, Chambers! Sam! Chambers! Shoots! Scores. 50-10 to Ravenclaw. C’mon Angelia! Ari! Alicia! Urm, okay, professor, I’ll be impartial. Go Sam! Chambers! Bradley! Happy, professor? Okay! Oh! Oh! Ari’s got the quaffle! Ari’s got the quaffle! Passes to Angelina! Alicia! Shoot! C’mon! She passes to Angelina again and.....she scores! Woohoo! Go Gryffindor!”
Last edited by Obi-Wan K'Lari; 05-19-2007 at 07:23 PM.
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05-09-2007, 10:49 PM
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#111 (permalink)
| | Nogtail
Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Hogwarts School of W
Posts: 4,746
Hogwarts RPG Name:
Mindy Song
|
You, Lari, are soooo good at writing from somebody's point of view. I'll try to figure out the Ravenclaw players' name! PAMS
__________________ †Luna Lovegood,Evanna Lynch,J.K. Rowling, Sirius Black,Gred & Forge,Dumbledore's Army,Harry Potter,Draco Malfoy,Sibyll Trelawney†
†{Mindy Song, First Year Ravenclaw} {Emma's Twinnie Forever!} Luna and Nargles {Thanks to Tink for the siggy!} {Believe in yourself.}†
A true friend | You're here 'til the end
†Hermione Granger,Ronald Weasley,Albus Dumbledore,Severus Snape,Neville Longbottom,Minerva McGonagall,Extra Characters,Ginny Weasley,Fleur Delacour† | |
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05-10-2007, 03:58 AM
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#112 (permalink)
| DAFC VIP Mooncalf
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 7,184
Hogwarts RPG Name:
Atticus Cornridge
Second Year x1
| ll Achmed's 2nd Keeper ll Team Jacob l l Otaku ll
 Thank you!!! And thanks for reading!
That's Awesome Mindy! again!
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05-10-2007, 11:10 AM
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#113 (permalink)
| | Puffskein
Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Reading my two FF's
Posts: 1,879
Hogwarts RPG Name:
Hufflepuff and proud of it!
Fifth |
I loved it! It was really good! PAMS
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05-12-2007, 05:13 PM
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#114 (permalink)
| DAFC VIP Mooncalf
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 7,184
Hogwarts RPG Name:
Atticus Cornridge
Second Year x1
| ll Achmed's 2nd Keeper ll Team Jacob l l Otaku ll
Thankies! okay must write today....*grunts*
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05-12-2007, 09:20 PM
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#115 (permalink)
|  SS Featured Artist
DA Poet
Rupert is My Man!
SS100 TriumphantAethonan
Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: The Wicked House
Posts: 18,909
Hogwarts RPG Name:
Ottery St. Catchpole
Gryffindor Third Year |  Ahora y por dos minutos, dos horas, una eternidad, somos olas perdidas en esta ciudad Paris & Kellybear r luv :Read Otty 's fics:Gone With the Wind:I♥Rupert
Quote:
Originally Posted by Linda Hagrid *Otty just realized you're married to Hagrid* ZOMG!  Hi this is my first FF! I'm going to post each chapter in parts to make for easier reading. eg. Chapter 1, part1 (part 2, part3)
For a first fic, this reads pretty cool Lari, you've got some grammar troubles but you've got the plot goin' ... I liked your story.  So here are some more comments, but yay go Lari, you write cool fics. Quote:
Originally Posted by Linda "Rupert is Otty's, witch" Hagrid Progreto. I thought, performing a non-verbal spell. I could see Sam facing me squarely shooting off a relentless tide of spells at me. I was repelling them with difficulty. From bubble head charms to the basic shield charm, I couldn’t launch a counter-attack.
That's how I would have written that:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Otty fix I was repelling the spells with difficulty, from bubble head charms to the basic shield charm I couldn’t launch a counter-attack. You want to keep sentences nice and clean and simple, and not give us too many short ones. When you can fit one idea in a sentence that's a good thing. For the record. I totally loved the action there ... you've got skillz girlfriend. Are Ari & Sam going to be ... just curious  I totally ship!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Linda "Wanna see me bench press you?" Hagrid “Everyone!” Harry called the class. He had become more confident as a teacher and he own abilities since his first year and handled the group quite well.
I seriously loved that description of Harry, you give a lot of his character right there without bogging us down. I think that was brilliant. I'm very impressed Lari, I still haven't mastered the art of minimal description ... I usually write two paragraphs to say what you said rather very quickly and a lot more prettily.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Linda Hagrid; yup just Lari Ari wasn’t really my name, it was Arora. I hated the name and didn’t use it if I could help it because it was nothing like me. Ari just sounded more...well natural. Sam and I stood facing the chest Harry was holding onto. Cute, that's all I'm sayin' cute.  *Ships A/S* 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Linda Hagrid; Hey where are my socks? LARI!!!!!!!!!1111111 The Boggat rose its wand and I imagined the lunch lady at my muggle school – wearing the clothes I hated. Ridiculus, I thought and immediately a dumpy woman in a tight dress with uncomfortable shoes appeared. She looked horrified and there was a wart on the end of her nose. I burst out laughing as much of the class did and then as I looked up Sam shot the Boggart with a spell and she flew up in the air standing on a thin plank. She was so shocked that she hardly had time to find another person to concentrate on. I flipped her around and let her land on the plank then Sam pulled it from beneath her feet.
You mispelled boggart, but I loved what you wrote here ... I loved seeing that in my mind ... I can picture teh annoying lunch lady ... You've got quite a talent for painting pictures Lari, you really sure this is your first fic? I mean seriously ... that was cool.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Linda Hagrid; All in a day's work unless you're Otty then it takes you a month “All in a days work,” he said and smiled. I punched him and Cendie shoved him causing him to lose balance completely that he fell backwards. Cendie almost tripped herself if I hadn’t grabbed her shoulder in time. Sam sat up.
Sam seems kind of cocky I love that in a boy ... but I oddly enough hate it in girls. 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Linda Hagrid “Oh, are we supposed to be watching?” I asked.
“Yeah,” Cendie said and grabbed my arm.
“Come on.” She dragged me up to the group and we looked on at the unique bogeyman make his changes.
Did I mention I love their friendship? It's kind of cute. So they're our heroes? Not Harry, Ron and Hermione? Another trio? I know I know I know ... I need to read the rest of the story gimme some time to catch up, kay? So far so good though ... PAMS Lari ... just not too fast I'm behind
__________________ 
Last edited by OtterySt.Catchpole; 05-12-2007 at 09:22 PM.
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05-13-2007, 10:20 AM
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#116 (permalink)
| DAFC VIP Mooncalf
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 7,184
Hogwarts RPG Name:
Atticus Cornridge
Second Year x1
| ll Achmed's 2nd Keeper ll Team Jacob l l Otaku ll
Otty!   Quote:
Originally Posted by The Otter's first comment *squee*
For a first fic, this reads pretty cool Lari, you've got some grammar troubles but you've got the plot goin' ... I liked your story. So here are some more comments, but yay go Lari, you write cool fics. Thanks man! Yeah I do don't I? I think I'll edit a full story once I'm done with the fic and use some of your comments *huggles Otty* Quote:
Originally Posted by KK I'll Back off!Rupert's yours! That's how I would have written that:
I was repelling the spells with difficulty, from bubble head charms to the basic shield charm I couldn’t launch a counter-attack. Thanks sooooooo much! I knew there was something wrong with that, I just didn't know how to fix it! Quote:
Originally Posted by Prof Otter You want to keep sentences nice and clean and simple, and not give us too many short ones. When you can fit one idea in a sentence that's a good thing. For the record. I totally loved the action there ... you've got skillz girlfriend. Are Ari & Sam going to be ... just curious I totally ship! Okay cool! I'll keep that in mind! *ish so happy* maybe! Okay there's no point in hiding.....YES! Quote:
Originally Posted by Otty's making me go :)
I seriously loved that description of Harry, you give a lot of his character right there without bogging us down. I think that was brilliant. I'm very impressed Lari, I still haven't mastered the art of minimal description ... I usually write two paragraphs to say what you said rather very quickly and a lot more prettily. Can't say thanks enough! *clings*  Go A/S! Quote:
Originally Posted by eek! Otty's so nice :)
You mispelled boggart, but I loved what you wrote here ... I loved seeing that in my mind ... I can picture teh annoying lunch lady ... You've got quite a talent for painting pictures Lari, you really sure this is your first fic? I mean seriously ... that was cool. :arg: Spelling....:hack: Hehehe....I enjoied writing that bit! Thank you! Yep 'tis my first but I write a lot of stuff in English so yeah Yeppers! lol I love that in him....  Naughty Otter! *pets* Yeah....kind of....It gets a little more interesting as it goes on  lol yeah I need to write soon! | |
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05-14-2007, 01:47 AM
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#117 (permalink)
| | Nogtail
Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Hogwarts School of W
Posts: 4,746
Hogwarts RPG Name:
Mindy Song
|
Okay...here's the least I got.
Bradley
Chambers
Roger Davies
Cho Chang
__________________ †Luna Lovegood,Evanna Lynch,J.K. Rowling, Sirius Black,Gred & Forge,Dumbledore's Army,Harry Potter,Draco Malfoy,Sibyll Trelawney†
†{Mindy Song, First Year Ravenclaw} {Emma's Twinnie Forever!} Luna and Nargles {Thanks to Tink for the siggy!} {Believe in yourself.}†
A true friend | You're here 'til the end
†Hermione Granger,Ronald Weasley,Albus Dumbledore,Severus Snape,Neville Longbottom,Minerva McGonagall,Extra Characters,Ginny Weasley,Fleur Delacour† | |
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05-15-2007, 04:07 AM
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#118 (permalink)
| DAFC VIP Mooncalf
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 7,184
Hogwarts RPG Name:
Atticus Cornridge
Second Year x1
| ll Achmed's 2nd Keeper ll Team Jacob l l Otaku ll
Awesome! *huggles* Thanks soooo much Mindy!
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05-18-2007, 05:11 AM
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#119 (permalink)
| | Jarvey
Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: *thinking* can't remember i'll get back to you on that
Posts: 530
Hogwarts RPG Name:
Em
Second |
read the post! lol I just love Lee he's almost as funny as the twins! lol my side hurts help! *falls off chair, gets back on* lol great Lari!
__________________
Do your own thing(cause no one can do it better)
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05-19-2007, 06:29 AM
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#120 (permalink)
| | Nogtail
Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Hogwarts School of W
Posts: 4,746
Hogwarts RPG Name:
Mindy Song
|
No prob, Lari!
__________________ †Luna Lovegood,Evanna Lynch,J.K. Rowling, Sirius Black,Gred & Forge,Dumbledore's Army,Harry Potter,Draco Malfoy,Sibyll Trelawney†
†{Mindy Song, First Year Ravenclaw} {Emma's Twinnie Forever!} Luna and Nargles {Thanks to Tink for the siggy!} {Believe in yourself.}†
A true friend | You're here 'til the end
†Hermione Granger,Ronald Weasley,Albus Dumbledore,Severus Snape,Neville Longbottom,Minerva McGonagall,Extra Characters,Ginny Weasley,Fleur Delacour† | |
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05-19-2007, 07:10 AM
|
#121 (permalink)
| DAFC VIP Mooncalf
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 7,184
Hogwarts RPG Name:
Atticus Cornridge
Second Year x1
| ll Achmed's 2nd Keeper ll Team Jacob l l Otaku ll
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05-19-2007, 04:40 PM
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#122 (permalink)
| | Nogtail
Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Hogwarts School of W
Posts: 4,746
Hogwarts RPG Name:
Mindy Song
|
Aww...it's no big deal, Lari. 
__________________ †Luna Lovegood,Evanna Lynch,J.K. Rowling, Sirius Black,Gred & Forge,Dumbledore's Army,Harry Potter,Draco Malfoy,Sibyll Trelawney†
†{Mindy Song, First Year Ravenclaw} {Emma's Twinnie Forever!} Luna and Nargles {Thanks to Tink for the siggy!} {Believe in yourself.}†
A true friend | You're here 'til the end
†Hermione Granger,Ronald Weasley,Albus Dumbledore,Severus Snape,Neville Longbottom,Minerva McGonagall,Extra Characters,Ginny Weasley,Fleur Delacour† | |
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05-19-2007, 07:25 PM
|
#123 (permalink)
| DAFC VIP Mooncalf
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 7,184
Hogwarts RPG Name:
Atticus Cornridge
Second Year x1
| ll Achmed's 2nd Keeper ll Team Jacob l l Otaku ll
Righto! Last post edited and next one's comming up!
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05-24-2007, 04:21 AM
|
#124 (permalink)
| DAFC VIP Mooncalf
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 7,184
Hogwarts RPG Name:
Atticus Cornridge
Second Year x1
| ll Achmed's 2nd Keeper ll Team Jacob l l Otaku ll
Ok finally! You've got the next post!
************************************************** ********
Chapter 6, Part 3
A breeze blew in shifting the position of the players slightly as the scoreboard glowed neon announcing Gryffindors' goal. “50-20 to Ravenclaw!” Lee Jordan said bouncing around in his seat jeering at the Ravenclaws to the displeasure of Professor McGonagall. The crowd was cheering, calling out Angelina’s name and the chasers were grinning at her widely. That was a big mistake. Ducking around the girls Sam picked up the quaffle and flew straight at the hoops. Whistle....Bradley! He had caught it and was making an incredibly difficult shot. Ronald Weasley had come forwards in an attempt to grab the quaffle from the boys’ hands and instead Bradley had twisted upside down on his broom and made a perfect goal. “Oh wow! That was an amazing goal made by Bradley! 60-20 to Ravenclaw!” Lee Jordan said almost happily. Sam grinned at Arora as a wisp of the girl’s hair wandered across her face that was creased in concentration.
Sam gave his captain a thumbs-up. It was all he could do before Alicia Spinet sent him spinning around in circles as she dived for the quaffle. “C’mon Sam!” Another boy was flying past him, his name was Chambers and he was about Sam’s age. The Ravenclaw keeper blocked the hoops as best as he could but the blur of players were too fast for him to follow. The boy dived to the right and the quaffle soared through the left goal hoop. “60-30! Yes! Hahaha!” Lee Jordan was ecstatic in his chair ducking around Professor McGonagall. "Need the snitch,” Sam said to no one in particular.
A roar erupted from the stands as the seekers went into a dive and soon they were level. Chow Chang surged forwards as Ginny Weasley did the same. Their arms flying out to confuse the other as the crowd cheered in anticipation. They reached out and the crowd roared. Sam wheeled around as his last goal hit the ground. "70-30 to Ravenclaw....and the seekers are about to get the snitch!" | |
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05-25-2007, 04:28 AM
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#125 (permalink)
| | Nogtail
Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Hogwarts School of W
Posts: 4,746
Hogwarts RPG Name:
Mindy Song
|
Ooohhh...what's going to happen? I love quidditch! PAMS
__________________ †Luna Lovegood,Evanna Lynch,J.K. Rowling, Sirius Black,Gred & Forge,Dumbledore's Army,Harry Potter,Draco Malfoy,Sibyll Trelawney†
†{Mindy Song, First Year Ravenclaw} {Emma's Twinnie Forever!} Luna and Nargles {Thanks to Tink for the siggy!} {Believe in yourself.}†
A true friend | You're here 'til the end
†Hermione Granger,Ronald Weasley,Albus Dumbledore,Severus Snape,Neville Longbottom,Minerva McGonagall,Extra Characters,Ginny Weasley,Fleur Delacour† | |
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