EEFD: TMHFPolska's EEFFD Sa13+

[TMHFPolska]

My first EEFFD...I hope it's not too terrible..
Voldy's Hoppin Hoedown

It was a beautiful, warm sunny day in April, when Lord Voldemort decided to throw a hoedown for his very favorite Death Eaters. Despite their usual hatred of all things muggle related, hoedowns were just good fun, so they all dressed up in their best cowboy and cowgirl outfits, and met up in a clearing in the Forbidden Forest. A stage had been placed in the clearing, and decorated with hay bales, red and white paisley curtains, as well as tons of red, yellow, and orange balloons. On the stage was the set up for a good ole fashioned country western band: a drum set, acoustic guitar, steel guitar, banjo, tambourine, a fiddle, and a few microphone stands. The buffet table was laden with delightful refreshments such as beans and cornbread, sarsaparilla, and most importantly, buttered corn-on-the-cob.
“Wow, Voldy,” Bellatrix said, “you really outdid yourself.” Narcissa and Lucius remained quiet, struck with awe, while Draco made a beeline for the buffet table, and began nomming on the buttered corn on the cob, "This is inCREDIBLE," he shouted. Other Death Eaters, such as Yaxley, Greyback, Mulciber, Nott, and of course, Alecto and Amycus Carrow, arrived and looked around in similar awe.
“Well,” announced Voldy, once everyone had arrived, “lets get this hoedown started! YeeeeHAW!”
Many of them dashed to the stage and picked up instruments. Alecto grabbed the tambourine, Greyback sat down behind the drums, Yaxley picked up the banjo, Amycus and Mulciber argued over the steel guitar (Mulciber won, leaving Amycus to play the acoustic) and Nott settled with the fiddle. Narcissa fronted the band, “All right boys…and Alecto…we’re gonna do “Before He Cheats!” and off they went:

Right now he's probably slow dancing
With a bleached-blond tramp
And she's probably getting frisky
Right now, he's probably buying
Her some fruity little drink
'Cause she can't shoot whiskey

Suddenly, Voldy grabbed Bellatrix, and they began to do the two-step. “Wow, Bella! You sure can dance mighty fine,” he exclaimed in a country bumpkin accent.

Right now, he's probably up behind her
With a pool stick
Showing her how to shoot a combo
And he don't know

I dug my key into the side
Of his pretty little souped-up 4 wheel drive
Carved my name into his leather seat
I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights
Slashed a hole in all 4 tires
And maybe next time he'll think before he cheats

Right now, she's probably up singing some
White-trash version of Shania karaoke
Right now, she's probably saying, "I'm drunk"
And he's a thinking that he's gonna get lucky

Right now, he's probably dabbing on 3 dollars
Worth of that bathroom Polo
Oh and he don't know

That I dug my key into the side
Of his pretty little souped-up 4 wheel drive
Carved my name into his leather seat
I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights
Slashed a hole in all 4 tires
And maybe next time he'll think before he cheats

I might've saved a little trouble for the next girl
'Cause the next time that he cheats
Oh, you know it won't be on me!
No, not on me

'Cause I dug my key into the side
Of his pretty little souped-up 4 wheel drive
Carved my name into his leather seat
I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights
Slashed a hole in all 4 tires
Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats
Oh, maybe next time he'll think before he cheats
Oh, before he cheats
Oh

To everyone’s shock…at the end of the song, Lucius began to yodel. He sang;
Now listen up!

There are crooks in this here West
Who have claimed to be the best,
And think they wrote the book on how to rustle.
Well, as good as they may be,
Not a one's as good as me,
An' I barely have to move a single muscle!
They call me mean, boys-
Depraved and nasty too.
And they ain't seen, boys,
The cruelest thing I do:

You see, I yodel-adle-eedle-idle-odle!
The sweetest way of rustlin' yet devised!
'Cause when I yodel-adle-eedle-idle-odle!
Why, looky how them cows git hypnotized!

He don't prod, he don't yell,
Still he drives them dogies well,
Which ain't easy when your chaps are labeled XXXXL!

Yes, if yer lookin' from a bovine point of view,
I sure can yodel-adle-eedle-idle
Yodel-adle-eedle-idle
Yodel-adle-eedle-idle-oo!

Here we go, boys!
Five thousand cattle in the side pocket!

[Yodeling]

Yes, I can yodel-adle-eedle-odle
A sound them cattle truly take to heart!
Yeah, I can yodel-adle-eedle-idle-odle!
An' smack my big ol' rump if that ain't art!

He don't rope-
Not a chance!
He just puts 'em in a trance!
He's a pioneer Pied Piper in ten-gallon underpants!

Yep! I'm the real rip-roarin' deal to those who moo!
Thanks to my yodel-adle-eedle-idle
Dodle-adle-eedle-idle
I got the cattle out the ol' wazoo!
'Cause I can yodel-adle-eedle-idle-oo!
Yodel-adle-eedle-idle-oo.
Little did the Death Eater’s and Voldy know, but a few people from up at Hogwarts had heard music coming from the forest and came to investigate. These were none other than Harry Potter, Ron Weasely, and Hermoine Granger. THey stared on in horror at this strange turn of events..."This is just too weird for words," said Harry. "I think I'm going to need intensive psychotherapy to get over this," replied Hermoine...Ron, on the other hand, just danced the two-step by himself, "These muggle dances really ARE fun!" he said enthusiatically....


THE END…


The Dare:
1. A hoedown
2. Buttered corn on the cob
3. Narcissa will sing "Before He Cheats" by Carrie Underwood
4. Voldemort and Bellatrix will dance the two step together
5. Lucius will yodel