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z999993 · 11-28-2010, 05:27 AM

This will be my second official fanfic. My first one is My Life Flipped. Go ahead and check it out

Disclaimer: I own some characters. Most belongs to J.K.Rowling.
Here's the first part.
I like constructive criticism (just so you know

)
Enjoy!
P.S. just so you know, this story takes place way before Harry's time. Around 1924 if you want to be specific.

The petite, sixteen year old girl silently trudged down the cellar stairs. She yawned, and glanced at the barely working clock sitting on top of the table. 11:50.
Another long night. She thought to herself.
Her father and two brothers had already gone to bed two hours previously. They had left her alone in the kitchen to clean up the dinner things. After they had gone, the girl had snuck into the pantry and stolen some extra food, which she put into the pocket of her dirty apron. She wasn’t fed enough. She never was fed enough and her stomach always growled feebly.
She looked around the cellar that had to serve as her room. A bed stood in one corner, with a thread bare quilt strewn across it and a flat pillow slightly hanging off the edge. A lantern sat on the wooden table pushed against the wall. It served as the only light source for the room. The candle flickered. It was growing smaller and would probably last only an hour more. A square mirror was propped up against the wall. She briskly walked over to it and studied her figure.
Coralie was small for her age. She wore a too large faded green dress that made her look even smaller than she really was. She wore an apron on top of that. It was smudged with dirt and grease and was in need of a good wash.
I’ll get to that when I have time. She thought
Scowling, the girl tried to brush through her short brown curls with her fingers. It was matted and tangled and she only had a little comb, which was too small to completely brush through her hair.
After staring at her reflection for a minute, Coralie gingerly took her apron off and pulled the food out of her pockets.
She threw it in a heap on the table and stared at her hands. Burns, scraps, and scars were splattered over her forearms and palms. An owl had came while she was preparing dinner. It rapped on the window which made her jump, and she dropped three dishes.
Her father came into the kitchen, shouting as usual. He called her a filthy Squib and that she was no better than a house elf. Of course she didn’t care; he always said that. What frightened her was what he would do to her.
Coralie has been beaten, abused, and even starved.
“Thats a squibs life,” she muttered aloud.
Grabbing the food, she sat on her bed. It creaked ominously as she covered herself with the thin blanket. She tore apart the bread and ate, thinking. After a moment, she reached under her bed and pulled out a small journal. It was her mother’s.
“I wish you were here.” She grumbled, flipping open to the first picture.
It was just a picture of her mum. Coralie and her mother looked almost exactly alike. They both had the same shade of brown hair, and the same lively blue eyes. Or at least they were lively. Coralie’s eyes always looked dull and sad nowadays. She pulled a gold chain out from under the front of her dress and looked at her mother’s necklace. It was silver heart, a locket, that contained absolutely nothing.
Sighing, she returned the book to where it was and finished up her snack. Coralie stood up and walked over to the table. She blew out the candle, was plunged into pitch black, and felt her way back to her bed. Kicking off her boots, she laid down and fell asleep.

Ok, so I will post soon, and leave your replies.

11-28-2010, 05:27 AM	#1 (permalink)
z999993 Imp Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: 12 Grimmauld Place Posts: 419	A Little Golden Rose - Sa16+ Matt Lanter/The Dark Side/Anakin Skywalker/ Underland/Hookah Smoking Caterpillar This will be my second official fanfic. My first one is My Life Flipped. Go ahead and check it out Disclaimer: I own some characters. Most belongs to J.K.Rowling. Here's the first part. I like constructive criticism (just so you know ) Enjoy! P.S. just so you know, this story takes place way before Harry's time. Around 1924 if you want to be specific. The petite, sixteen year old girl silently trudged down the cellar stairs. She yawned, and glanced at the barely working clock sitting on top of the table. 11:50. Another long night. She thought to herself. Her father and two brothers had already gone to bed two hours previously. They had left her alone in the kitchen to clean up the dinner things. After they had gone, the girl had snuck into the pantry and stolen some extra food, which she put into the pocket of her dirty apron. She wasn’t fed enough. She never was fed enough and her stomach always growled feebly. She looked around the cellar that had to serve as her room. A bed stood in one corner, with a thread bare quilt strewn across it and a flat pillow slightly hanging off the edge. A lantern sat on the wooden table pushed against the wall. It served as the only light source for the room. The candle flickered. It was growing smaller and would probably last only an hour more. A square mirror was propped up against the wall. She briskly walked over to it and studied her figure. Coralie was small for her age. She wore a too large faded green dress that made her look even smaller than she really was. She wore an apron on top of that. It was smudged with dirt and grease and was in need of a good wash. I’ll get to that when I have time. She thought Scowling, the girl tried to brush through her short brown curls with her fingers. It was matted and tangled and she only had a little comb, which was too small to completely brush through her hair. After staring at her reflection for a minute, Coralie gingerly took her apron off and pulled the food out of her pockets. She threw it in a heap on the table and stared at her hands. Burns, scraps, and scars were splattered over her forearms and palms. An owl had came while she was preparing dinner. It rapped on the window which made her jump, and she dropped three dishes. Her father came into the kitchen, shouting as usual. He called her a filthy Squib and that she was no better than a house elf. Of course she didn’t care; he always said that. What frightened her was what he would do to her. Coralie has been beaten, abused, and even starved. “Thats a squibs life,” she muttered aloud. Grabbing the food, she sat on her bed. It creaked ominously as she covered herself with the thin blanket. She tore apart the bread and ate, thinking. After a moment, she reached under her bed and pulled out a small journal. It was her mother’s. “I wish you were here.” She grumbled, flipping open to the first picture. It was just a picture of her mum. Coralie and her mother looked almost exactly alike. They both had the same shade of brown hair, and the same lively blue eyes. Or at least they were lively. Coralie’s eyes always looked dull and sad nowadays. She pulled a gold chain out from under the front of her dress and looked at her mother’s necklace. It was silver heart, a locket, that contained absolutely nothing. Sighing, she returned the book to where it was and finished up her snack. Coralie stood up and walked over to the table. She blew out the candle, was plunged into pitch black, and felt her way back to her bed. Kicking off her boots, she laid down and fell asleep. Ok, so I will post soon, and leave your replies. __________________ ~o0o~ But there you were, standing in your own corner Your eyes were wide, tired, fading just like mine We could be the best of friends I’m sure of it But I’m too shy to cross this crowded room besides Wallflower -------------- I’m not here, no one sees me Wallflower -------------- I’m by myself, please excuse me ~o0o~ Last edited by z999993; 07-20-2011 at 02:41 PM.