I am so so so so sos os os sos os ososososo sorry for not posting for so long. Life is just a hectic mess right now, gah! Thanks for reading and here's the next part 
SB
WHAT HAVE I DONE? I am the biggest idiot in this whole world.
What happened to not flirting, Sirius? What happened to taking her off the list? What the hell happened to James is in love with her?
I am so screwed. I’ve probably left her in an unconditional state, about to faint.
I know that I am good-looking, not because I’m cocky enough to think so when I look in the mirror, but because plenty of girls have told me so, whether I was going out with them or not. Sometimes I wish that I wasn’t, that I was normal. Like James. He is, as girls say, just cute. I am the best looking one out of the Marauders.
I know this for a fact because in third year I’d gotten stuck in the girls’ Quidditch change room after a Ravenclaw Quidditch practice thanks to James; when I’d heard footsteps approaching, I’d hastily crept into a locker, because I didn’t want to deal with their screaming. About two minutes later, the Ravenclaw girls had begun talking about us. How they found me unbelievably hot. How James or Remus would be their second choice. How Peter didn’t even make the list. How I probably could make every female swoon and faint.
I’d found out then that my ‘charm’ is what makes these girls fall for me, when I don’t even want them to. What makes girls obsess over me, so much that it sometimes annoys me to hell.
What makes Lily Evans actually be on terms with me, instead of telling me that she hopes my fat head swells up so much that it explodes, like she always says to James. And she really should say that to me too, because I’m almost exactly like him.
Why am I so stupid? Of all girls in this enormous school, I have to go for Lily Evans, the girl James has been pining over for years. Sure, she’s attractive (okay, actually beautiful), but she isn’t that extraordinary. Yet.
Why, why did my face have to be so close to hers when I told her that there might be someone else for her? Why did I make it seem like I was that person? Why am I flirting with her so much when I know I like Desiree? Do I even like Desiree, anyway? Why can’t James just get over his idiocy and get Lily to go out with him? Why can’t life just unroll itself and everything would be simple?
WHY AM I SO STUPID?
***** LE
In Transfiguration, I tell Meagan everything.
I tell her how I feel about him. What I fantasize about whenever I’m daydreaming or sleeping. What we talk about last night in the Owlery. I tell her everything.
Thankfully, she doesn’t make a big deal of it, which I’ve been afraid of.
“Well, I thought it was what was happening,” she says reasonably. “It’s not a shocker.”
“Don’t tell
anyone. Especially Desiree.”
“I don’t think her relationship with him is working out very nicely today, actually,” she says with a smile.
My conflicted heart lightens. “What do you mean?”
“Well, they had a fight this morning because he seemed so zoned out and wasn’t listening to a thing she was saying.”
“That sucks,” I say, not looking at her.
Meagan smirks. “Don’t lie. You’re so happy that you’d kiss James Potter.”
“Whoa, whoa. I’m not
that happy.”
As we laugh, a very distressed looking Sirius enters the classroom, followed by Potter, who is joking around with Remus and Peter. Desiree hasn’t arrived yet.
Determined to smile at him, I keep my eyes on Sirius, who looks anywhere but me. He takes a seat in the very back, so I have no way of glancing at him without being seen. Confused, I grimace when Potter pause at my table.
“Hi, Evans,” he greets with a smirk, “how are you today?”
I am about to tell him to get out of my face when I remember what Sirius had asked me to do. Reluctantly, I reply, “Fine. You?”
He seems surprised at my politeness. “I’m very good. Guess what would just make my day? You going out with me.”
I restrain myself from a nasty retort. “Would it, now? Well, I can think of some things that would make my day. Want to hear them?”
“Sure,” he grins. “Is one of them kissing me? And the other is going to Hogsmeade with me?”
My forced smile vanishes, and I lose my well controlled temper. “No, actually,” I reply through gritted teeth. “It’s watching your fat head expanding to such an immense size that it explodes. Get away from me, Potter.”
He looks taken aback; blinking, he walks away to sit beside Sirius.
“What was that all about?” says Meagan, her eyebrows raised.
“I tried,” I say simply. “It’s just not going to work. I hate James Potter with a passion.”
“You didn’t have to be so hostile, though?”
“I was annoyed. It works, though – it made him go away quietly, didn’t you see?”
“Yeah, but…”
Just then, Desiree enters, looking unhappy. “I’m not late, am I?”
“No, but you missed my experiment with Potter.”
“What do you mean? Oh my god, you didn’t kiss him, did you?”
“No, no, no, no! Of course not!” I say hastily, laughing.
“She was nice for the first few seconds,” explains Meagan, “then she turned into a vicious lion. I’ve never seen him look so surprised.”
“Serves him right. He needs to get it into his head that I will never, ever go out with him. That’s going to be my mission for this year.”
***** SB
“Did you see that?” hisses James, taking his seat beside mine.
“Did I see what?” I say, raising an eyebrow.
“What just happened! Lily’s having a major mood swing today.”
I glance at her; she is discussing something in amusement with Desiree and Meagan.
“She looks happy enough,” I say to James.
“Well, you should have seen how fast her tone changed. It’s like she decided to give me a chance, but then thought better of it.”
I smirk to myself. “Wonder what made her do that.”
“Yeah, me too. But you know what? It means she’s considering me! I wonder what made her change her mind. In the last few years she made sure to prove that she would never, ever go out with me. What do you think?”
I don’t reply; Lily laughs at something Desiree says, and she looks outstandingly pretty.
“Hello? Earth to Padfoot.”
“Huh – sorry, what?”
“You okay? I mean, I know you fought with Desiree, but why are you so upset? It’s not like you’ve never had a fight with a girlfriend before. What’s wrong?”
So much, Prongs. More than you can understand. “Nothing. I’m a bit tired. Talk to Moony, why don’t you?”
“No!” I hear Remus hiss; clearly James doesn’t, because he addresses his babbling to Remus instead, who shoots me a nasty look. I simply give him a thumbs-up and return to my thoughts. It’s easier, too, because class has started, and everything becomes quieter.
Truthfully, I don’t know what to feel about my fight with Desiree. Sure, I’m a bit upset, but it doesn’t make me want to settle things right again with her – I almost want to leave things the way they are, so that we won’t have to talk again. Craziest thing is, I still have feelings for her, but my attention is now also focused on someone else.
Basically, I’m torn between Desiree Harmon and Lily Evans. What’s worse, they are two very different people. Desiree has a personality unbelievably similar to mine, while Lily just… makes everything great.
It’s evident that I have now completely given up on my goal of forgetting about Lily. But after what happened between us last night, there’s obviously something going on. I wouldn’t have said those things to her if I didn’t like her, and she definitely wouldn’t have said the things she’d said either.
But to make sure I don’t actually fall for her, I would have to stay away from her for a bit. If she gets upset about it, then that would be when I would talk to her again. And I can’t just stay in a fight with Desiree, either. I would make up with her, tell her I’m sorry for not listening to her (I’d been brainstorming what I would do about the whole Lily situation while Desiree was talking).
“I think,” says Remus in a low voice as we left class, “I like Meagan Lara.”
“Finally you admit it!” I say loudly.
“What do you mean?” he asks in confusion.
“Moony, it’s so obvious,” says James, rolling his eyes. Remus frowns.
I put my arm around him. “Well, I’m glad you’ve decided to come to your senses and ask her out.”
“I never said I was going to,” his face flushes.
“Uh, then what are you going to do? Pine over her for the rest of your life? You need to learn to take risks and let excitement into your life. Like me. I never hesitate to do anything, do I? It’s what makes me cool.”
“Ha!” Remus snorts. I ignore this.
“Well, are you taking her to Hogsmeade?”
“I don’t want to ask her out.”
I grin. “You know, you’re a horrible liar. Don’t worry; I’m sure she likes you too. You two would be so cute.”
Remus smiles, but James looks rather bitter, probably at the fact that we all have lovers except him. Well, not Peter, but as long as there is food and candy, he doesn’t need a girl. And sometimes, like now for example, I’m jealous of him for that phenomenon.