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Old 07-04-2010, 05:39 AM   #442 (permalink)
Jessica
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Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Middle of nowhere
Posts: 4,526

Hogwarts RPG Name:
Cherrinell Baron
First Year
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JayMay ♥ Big, yellow duckie <3

Quote:
Originally Posted by SenoritaMaxie View Post

She walks in beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies;
And all that’s best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes;
I love the start of this poem! It clicks every time I read it. Lovely pick. I see you left out the second stanza.

Quote:
Ginny gathered her dress, its pink sea of silken foam cascading to her dyed high heels in beautiful, rippling waves
Two things here. One, I love how you put life into the description and two, how you give us a glimpse of how the life she is now leading is different from her true. Dyed high heels. It shows how important it had suddenly become 'to match.' G'job!!

Quote:
Outside, the sky rolled by in thick, rolls of blue. The houses rose against the skyline like expensive toys, magnificent but flawless - devastatingly plastic - in each detail.
Good bit here. I like how you show that the flawlessness is in itself a flaw. Ginny comes from a family where you kick out gnomes, cook, get dirty every once in a while. There is no perfection but the little flaws make life more real. 'Devastatingly plastic'........... aptly put.

Quote:
She pushed aside a curtain and almost peeked out, before she realized – thankfully, in time – that that, too, was a most unladylike act, and that if anyone saw her do so, Aunt Muriel would think of it what Fred and George thought of Percy singing in the shower.


Quote:
Lights burned from the windows of the mansion, but they were dimmed by the wave of illumination that curled into twists in the confines of the vast, beautifully-kept gardens: it seemed that others had already arrived, and their presence made her shift slightly uncomfortably, for they were clearly men and women of high repute, none of whom seemed to have landed here by a stroke of luck – and, of course, the persistence of a mother who was a little plump, loved her children dearly, and had once thrown a shoe at a gnome and ended up thwacking her husband on the head, instead.
To begin with beautiful description at the start. I love the way you have with words! To end (my comment on this portion!) with, love your description of Molly. It sums her right up. She's a mother and a dear little lady but she does carry a fire. Remember Bellatrix?

Quote:
The moment that carriage reached back to the mansion, she was dead.

Dead.

Deader than Merlin's fat pink cat had been, when the Merlin in Ron's self-invented, baby-time story had realized that it had chewed through Merlin's favourite set of underpants.

DEADER than Fred and George had been, when they had sneaked into Great Aunt Muriel's temporary bedroom at the Burrow in the middle of the night and realized, just when they had been about to sneak back out after replacing the Great Aunt's solemn, brown slippers with fuzzy, neon blue bunny ones that could make any amount of immature, rude faces, that Aunt Muriel was standing in the doorway.


I love how you slip humour into this chapter. Ron's self-invented Merlin! Fred and George......... heeeheeheee. GOOD work!

Quote:
Glad for the refuge, she came to a silent stand beneath it and, from a distance, any onlooker would have been breathless, had they looked at her, right then -- for the moonlight washed down on her, filtered into quiet silver by the splendid canopy of moonlit leaves overhead, and it brought out the glow of her dress, the brown of her eyes, the precise yet gentle cut of her face -- danced across the red of her hair in a way that made one unable to look for her faults - which there definitely were, though the scene then had little, if any, place for them -- in a way that made one want to touch her to see if she was real, or a doll or a dream.
Breathtaking description! I love how you show that she does have flaws but that the picture is altogether so pretty that it is impossible for one to dawdle on them. I hate Mary-Sues and I'm glad to see you say that Ginny does have little flaws appearance-wise. I also love the way that despite that declaration you've given us a perfect picture of how lovely she must look.

Quote:
It was the moment Lord Rostov saw her.
Bless my heart! The man is a goner!!

Love,
~~Jay~~

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Jessica's time on SS is now limited
thanks to that big and BAD thing called
real life


Last edited by Jessica; 07-04-2010 at 05:45 AM.
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