Owen!!!!
This is your best chapter yet! You have everything: love, intrigue, arguments, humour, family... There almost seems to be a difference, somehow, in writing technique, which I really enjoyed. Anyway, on with the comments...
Quote:
They reached cover just in time; Cei had stopped walking and, strangely, had the beginnings of a smile.
So, what I would like to know is, Did Cei actually know that he was being followed by the girls? Was it his secret desire for them to know what he was up to, or was he kind of showing-off? Just curious...
Quote:
"Is he crying?" Rose asked.
"What? How can you tell from here?"
"Water dripping from his eyes is at a different angle to everywhere else."
He temporarily added 2 inches to his already impressive height -
Okay, so I had to cut and paste a little, but this whole passage was great. Is Cei crying because of the circumstances at hand or because of the pain he is about to incur? The description of Cei before the 'blood draw' was very well thought out and real.
Quote:
To the surprise of both girls, Cei returned the hug, lifting Lily off her feet as his expression changed from one of grief and anger to warmth, happiness and relaxation. He began to whisper to Lily, softly and quickly so only she could hear.
Now this, this was MY favourite passage! To see Cei accept Lily's hug and comfort so readily make me truly happy. The boy needs a feminin touch in his life... Lily will be a bright spot, I'm sure, but you better be nice to her... (since you're the writer...
)
The conversation between Harry and Ginny was very creative, funny and truthful! Everything is going so well... until... it isn't! Funny how nice, easy-going conversations can turn on a dime and become arguments... life is weird.
Quote:
"Don't worry, Ogranak. Have you heard of the fellytone?"
Okay, so this passage comes in as a close second! It sounds so much like Mister Weasley; I just had to laugh! He's definitely a potential to the Weasley part of the family...
Okay, last comment... a titleless chapter just won't do! So, put your thinking cap on, I'll lend you mine, and do a little brain storming...
Great work!
Katie