Thread: Harry Potter: Love You, Too - Sa16+
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Old 04-21-2010, 05:20 PM   #23 (permalink)
Connie
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,415

Hogwarts RPG Name:
Janet Lynn Gordon
Fifth Year
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Werecats are people too! Reader of Fan Fictions

Hello Sophie. I've read your post, and I'll make some comments as I go. This was very good, but Ron was very cruel with what he said. I know that he doesn't want to see Ginny hurt, and is just unable to say the right things.
Quote:
"You think it's funny, Ginny. Do you know what's funny? When he'll leave you again and you'll be heartbroken."
I love how you put this in. At least Ron has his priorities.
Quote:
Ron ignored Harry's comment and ran after Hermionie.
I love the conversation you start part two with between Harry, and Ginny. I also loved this:
Quote:
There was a light knock at the door. Mum peeped her head round my door.
"I think it's time to get to bed now, Ginny and you too, Harry. Remember, Fleur's parent's arrive in the morning and the last thing we need is you two getting up mid afternoon" She said in a hushed tone.
"Mum, can Harry stay in here tonight?" I asked her.
"Don't push it Ginny! It's already the early hours of the morning and quite frankly I've been nice enough to let you stay up this long." She tutted "I'll let you say goodnight but then it's straight to sleep Ginny and up to bed Harry."
This would have been a perfect place to leave the story till your next post, to my way of thinking. Am I going to have to have my hands over my eyes the next post? I don't go with kids sneaking around their parents back, and I'm not good with kids being in adult situations. I hope I haven't hurt your feelings, or discouraged you. You really do have a good story, and you are a talented young writer. I'll be watching for your next post.
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