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Jessica · 04-12-2010, 03:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SenoritaMaxie

Women empowerment. The term may seem outdated - today, or in the country we live in - because we have achieved much of what is termed "gender equality," but it has been a vital part of the lives of many individuals, individuals who have broken down dams of evil and prejudice to lead the way to a new world.

I found this an awesomethhhh start! It shows that she cares and of course that she's headed in a unqiue direction with the essay.

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Is that a big achievement? It might not seem so to many, for younger girls have proved their mettle, but delve deeper, explore Khan's background, and you will come to what there is in her that inspires, that wants one to speak of her in golden words.

Golden words. Nice phrasing! I told ya this essay deserves a review of its own.

I enjoyed the read!!!

Quote:

There was no lack of people who verbally abused her, there were even people who wanted her hurt.

That's so mean! *pokesez them all* The part most remarkable is that this is all true and comes straight from RL.

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But Khan?

She refused to back out.

I find this nicely worded. It sort of gives one that upsurge of strength and hope. It's like a play of words. Well done!!

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Sweat, passion, hard work, practice - she infused of all of this, into her love for swimming.

Another good bit since it not only carries the essay forward in a nice way but it also tells how swimming was more than just a sport for the girl and how she actually put her dreams and labour into it.

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She won sixteen gold medals at the South Asian Federation Game, and a heap of silvers at others, but she knew there was more she could do, and she strove for it with all of her might.

Right! She had talent but when put on a world-level it wasn't as good as it could have been. She lacked a lot of support but she was trying. That especially makes your choice of athlete unique since it shows she was a natural but not the best and she had to try to get what she wanted and work very very hard for it.

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Because my story is about a girl who had only constraints, an absolute lack of funds, total opposition, not even a homeland that housed proper training centres, but who still continued to labour.

Go her!!

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Because my story is about a girl who sowed hope and faith in the hearts of the people she belonged to -- hope that a new world is possible, and faith in oneself, faith in the crystal dreams that we fashion.

That was gorgeously worded. 'Crystal dreams that we fashion.' It's true. We raise dreams but they're so delicate and it takes so little to crush them especially since we humans are so quick to give up.

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-- a girl who held, in her palm, a tiny firefly that lit up a metaphorical night.

Once again nice wording!

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Because my story is about a girl who showed that, where there is a will, there is always, no matter how tiny, a way to the realms of candela.

And that was a very fitting end to a very fitting essay! It just summed up everything that the essay said - where there's a will, there's a way. I love the reference to candela which is the unit of light.

GREATTTTTTT work chicka!!

PAMS! PAMS! PAMS!!

Love,
~~Jay~~

04-12-2010, 03:18 PM	#224 (permalink)
Jessica Nogtail Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Middle of nowhere Posts: 4,526 Hogwarts RPG Name: Cherrinell Baron First Year x3	JayMay ♥ Big, yellow duckie <3 Quote: Originally Posted by SenoritaMaxie Women empowerment. The term may seem outdated - today, or in the country we live in - because we have achieved much of what is termed "gender equality," but it has been a vital part of the lives of many individuals, individuals who have broken down dams of evil and prejudice to lead the way to a new world. I found this an awesomethhhh start! It shows that she cares and of course that she's headed in a unqiue direction with the essay. Quote: Is that a big achievement? It might not seem so to many, for younger girls have proved their mettle, but delve deeper, explore Khan's background, and you will come to what there is in her that inspires, that wants one to speak of her in golden words. Golden words. Nice phrasing! I told ya this essay deserves a review of its own. I enjoyed the read!!! Quote: There was no lack of people who verbally abused her, there were even people who wanted her hurt. That's so mean! pokesez them all The part most remarkable is that this is all true and comes straight from RL. Quote: But Khan? She refused to back out. I find this nicely worded. It sort of gives one that upsurge of strength and hope. It's like a play of words. Well done!! Quote: Sweat, passion, hard work, practice - she infused of all of this, into her love for swimming. Another good bit since it not only carries the essay forward in a nice way but it also tells how swimming was more than just a sport for the girl and how she actually put her dreams and labour into it. Quote: She won sixteen gold medals at the South Asian Federation Game, and a heap of silvers at others, but she knew there was more she could do, and she strove for it with all of her might. Right! She had talent but when put on a world-level it wasn't as good as it could have been. She lacked a lot of support but she was trying. That especially makes your choice of athlete unique since it shows she was a natural but not the best and she had to try to get what she wanted and work very very hard for it. Quote: Because my story is about a girl who had only constraints, an absolute lack of funds, total opposition, not even a homeland that housed proper training centres, but who still continued to labour. Go her!! Quote: Because my story is about a girl who sowed hope and faith in the hearts of the people she belonged to -- hope that a new world is possible, and faith in oneself, faith in the crystal dreams that we fashion. That was gorgeously worded. 'Crystal dreams that we fashion.' It's true. We raise dreams but they're so delicate and it takes so little to crush them especially since we humans are so quick to give up. Quote: -- a girl who held, in her palm, a tiny firefly that lit up a metaphorical night. Once again nice wording! Quote: Because my story is about a girl who showed that, where there is a will, there is always, no matter how tiny, a way to the realms of candela. And that was a very fitting end to a very fitting essay! It just summed up everything that the essay said - where there's a will, there's a way. I love the reference to candela which is the unit of light. GREATTTTTTT work chicka!! PAMS! PAMS! PAMS!! Love, ~~Jay~~ __________________ Jessica's time on SS is now limited thanks to that big and BAD thing called real life