Chapter 30 part 4

Ginny knocked on the door twice but she didn’t get a reply. She slowly pushed the door open and picked in the room, but there was no sign of James. She had lost track of him after the wake and now she didn’t seem to be able to find him anywhere. Every moment she pushed herself to take another breath and keep on living hurt, but she had to make sure they were okay. Albus was downstairs with Ron and Hermione and everyone who stayed after the wake and Lily was in her room with some of her cousins, but where was James?
She found him soon enough though, as she opened the door to the bedroom in which she would have to sleep by her own from now on. James was inside standing by the window with his back at her. He was holding something in his hands and as Ginny walked close enough, she realized it was Harry’s Invisibility Cloak.
“Honey, what…?”
“Do you remember last summer the day we came back from school?” he asked her turning to look at her; his eyes were watering.
“How can I forget? That was the day everything started, the day we learned about Apostollo”.
“Well, I didn’t know then”, James shrugged. “But I had my own problems that day”, he said and laughed at how stupid all that seemed now. “I had a fight with some Slytherins in the train back home and one of them gave me a black eye”.
“What?” Ginny said confused. “But you didn’t have…”
“That’s because dad fixed it before we returned so you wouldn’t know”, he smiled. “He was yelling at me all the way back, but yet somehow I managed to convince him not to tell you”.
Ginny sighed shaking her head.
“Of course he didn’t tell me”, she smiled and James nodded. Then he looked down at the Cloak in his hands.
“Remember when I took this without asking?” he said.
“Which time?” Ginny smirked.
“The one I presumably sneaked out to go see Roxanne because she was sick”, James went on.
“What do you mean presumably?” Ginny frowned.
“I never went to Roxanne”, he said. “A Muggle rock band was performing in a bar not very far from here and they are really famous even among wizards and I wanted to go see them”, he said.
“And why did I think you went to Roxanne?”
“Don’t worry; I never got into the bar. A Muggle police officer caught me and took me to the police station”.
“What?” Ginny exclaimed.
“When dad came to pick me up”, James said smiling at the memory, “he was so angry, I really thought he was gonna have a stroke!” he said. “But he still didn’t tell you, because it was two days before your birthday and he didn’t want to upset you”, he explained. “I just thought I should let you know, now”, he shrugged then. “I mean, it’s not like he’s ever gonna tell you, now”.
“Oh, honey”, Ginny sighed and walked over to him as he sat down on the bed, trying to stop the sobs but he couldn’t. “Don’t cry”, she said hugging him.
“It's just so...so unfair!”, he said as the tears became silent but kept running down his face. “Why dad? He lived through so much to die this way? It's so wrong and I just...I don't understand”.
“I know, James”, she whispered, feeling her eyes sting from the tears that wanted to fall, but she wouldn't allow them to. “But…we lost him…how can we ever understand that?”
“But, now he’ll never know”, James whispered getting out of her arms and looking at the floor. “He’ll never know what a great father he was…he’ll never know how much I loved him”.
“He already does, baby”, Ginny whispered back.
“What are we gonna do without him?” he asked her after a while. Ginny remained silent for a moment.
“I really don’t have an answer to that, James. I guess we're gonna have to get used to life without him”, she said and he looked at her.
"It just seems so unreal, you know", he said. "I don't think my mind completely understands that I'm never going to see him again or talk to him again".
"I know, honey, trust me I know", Ginny whispered stroking his hair. James looked at her for a few moments and then took a deep breath. His eyes were somewhat composed for now and he seemed like he had regained control over his emotions.
“You know we have more things to deal with”, he sighed.
“What do you mean?” she asked confused.
“Well, Albus”.
“Albus?” Ginny repeated. “I thought Albus…I thought Albus was dealing with it surprisingly well actually. I expected him to be the most devastated one but he’s better than you”.
“Oh, I let go one day and you have a conclusion” James said wiping his tears away.
“No, I am not”, she said stroking his cheek. “I know how strong you’ve been, but now it’s time to let me handle this mess of a family, okay?”
“You’re sure you’re up to it?”
“I have to”, she replied. “I promised your father”.
James sighed, closing his eyes and when he opened them again he had a determined face on.
“Okay then, come on”, he said standing up and stretching out his hand for her.
“Wait a minute”, she said before they walked out. “Just so you know you’re grounded for that police station incident”.
“What?” James snapped. “Mum, it was three years ago!” he protested.
“Do you want me to answer that or shall I just glare?” she asked.
“But…”
“Do you want me to ground you for the fight on the train too?” she asked him and he scowled. “Didn’t think so”, she smiled and left the room. James grunted and followed her downstairs.

“How are you feeling?” Hermione asked her husband rubbing his back, after Albus left to go to his room.
“Well, if you’re referring to my physical condition, I guess I’m okay”, Ron said looking straight ahead. “But if you mean how I feel that my best friend is dead because of me…well, then I don’t think I’m that good”.
“Ron, what are you talking about?” Hermione snapped standing up. “Harry didn’t die because of you! You were unconscious for God’s Sake!”
“I’m an ex Auror”, Ron shook his head as his eyes were welling up. “I used to be his partner for like six years or so and yet I couldn’t protect myself and George against two Death Eaters and you had to come and save me!”
“Ron, will you stop?” Hermione said angrily. “If this is anyone’s fault it’s mine! I was the one who couldn’t get in and get him out”.
“Yeah, because you had to save yours truly”, Ron said bitterly also standing up.
“Ron, he told me to…”
“He didn’t know, Hermione! He didn’t know he wouldn’t be able to…to get out”, Ron exclaimed as a few tears that he could no longer retain started running down his face.
“Ron, I know you're angry, but...”, Hermione sighed. She didn’t have any more tears; she had cried them all.
“I’m not angry, Hermione! I’m outraged!” Ron snapped. “Don’t you see you shouldn’t have tried to save me? You saved me because I’m your damn husband but you should have saved him because he was…he was the best…because…”
“Ron, stop”, Hermione whispered hugging him.
“Because what is my little sister going to do without him?”
“She’s gonna learn how to live without him…just like we will”, Hermione said.
“I still don’t get it”, Ron shook his head. “Why would Artemis put the shop on Fiendfyre if all she wanted was Harry’s blood? Why did she jeopardize his life?”
“Because she said that the blood of any of Harry’s kids would do”, Hermione shrugged. “I guess after she realized that Harry wasn’t really needed, she just wanted to get him out of the way”.
“But, why didn’t she do it earlier? She had the chance before. Yet, she said that she wouldn’t kill Harry because when Voldemort came back, he should have the pleasure to do it!”
“I don’t know, Ron”, Hermione shook her head; those questions have been driving her mad over the last few days too, nothing seemed to fit. “Maybe after they got the book, they got really paranoid, trying to bring him back and maybe she thought that Harry would be able to stop them somehow”.
“So you’re saying that if he hadn’t given them the book, nothing of all these would have happened?”
“Probably not”, Hermione shrugged. “I just wish he hadn’t done it…I wish he could have found a way…”
“WHAT?”
Ron and Hermione both jumped at Ginny’s exasperated voice from the door of the living room. She and James had both come downstairs looking for Albus and both have heard the last lines of the discussion.
“Hey Ginny”, Hermione tried to smile.
“Do not ‘Hey Ginny’ me!” she said irritated.
“What’s wrong?” Ron asked confused.
“Oh, I don’t know…EVERYTHING!” she snapped and with that she crossed the room and stood right in front of Hermione. “Don’t you dare blame my husband for this!” she told her.
“What?” Hermione asked confused. “I didn’t…”
“I heard you!” Ginny said irritated. “It’s not his fault! He had to give them the book!”
“Yeah”, James whispered from the door. “It’s not his fault, it’s mine”.
“No, Ginny, James, that’s not what she meant”, Ron tried to explain as Ginny crossed the room again to hug her son.
“I only meant that if Harry hadn’t given them the book, if he had found a way around it then everything would have been different”, Hermione said still taken aback from Ginny’s reaction.
“Okay”, Ginny said closing her eyes and still clinging tightly on James. “You listen to me Hermione, don’t you even dare blame my husband’s death on my son”.
“I didn’t I…”
“James wasn’t there, Hermione!” Ginny snapped. “You were! You were there and you couldn’t save him, could you?” she told her and Hermione was left speechless as her eyes welled up; what do you know, she wasn’t drained from tears after all.
“Ginny, stop that”, Ron said irritated. “Hermione, did the best she could, if you want to blame it on someone, blame it on me!”
“I blame it on both of you!” Ginny yelled.
“Mum…” James whispered trying to retain her but Ginny’s anger was uncontrollable.
“Harry was always there for you, Harry always saved you, Harry always put up with your stupid fights and your stupid complains and whining, Harry offered you his house when yours got burned, Harry helped you through everything ever since you met him!” Ginny said exasperated. “He has been there for almost the entire of your life and neither of you could find the courage to save him!”
“Ginny…” Ron whispered startled. It was one thing to blame yourself for something and a whole another to have someone actually blame it on you. Ron felt like his stomach was turning and his lungs were ready to burst. She was right. Harry was always there to save them and he, Ron, couldn't save him this one time that he was in danger. And now Harry was dead, leaving them behind to pick up the pieces.
Ginny paced up and down in front of them. She knew deep down that she was going to regret for her outburst but she didn't care at the moment. Anger was so much better than the wreching pain she was feeling until now.
“Get out of my house!” she said with a sudden cold voice.
“What?” Hermione said with disbelief.
“You heard me”, she said with the same fatal voice. “Get your brats and get out of my house!”
“Mum!” James exclaimed. “Mum, you’re been unreasonable! It’s not their…”
“James, stay out of this!” Ginny snapped and then turned at the dumbstruck couple in her living room. “I’m gonna go up and find my other son and see what’s wrong with him and when I come back down, I want you all gone”.

“Mum, you can’t do this! Uncle Ron is your brother!” James said chasing after his mother as she was climbing the stairs fuming.
“Do I look like I want to talk about this?” she told him.
“Mum”, James said grabbing her elbow at the top of the stairs. “You know it’s not their fault”.
“It’s not yours either!” Ginny snapped. James lowered his head.
“But they’re right. If dad hadn’t given them the book…”
“Then I would have thrown a funeral three months earlier”, Ginny said irritated and then her characteristics relaxed as she placed her hands on his face. “Your father did what he thought was right, but that wasn’t what got him killed, James”, she said and then her anger was back again. “What got him killed was the fact that people in the Weasley family are stupid!”
“Excuse me, weren't you in the Weasley family?”
“Yeah”, she nodded. “I was the one who told him to go with Hermione, wasn’t I?”
“Oh, mum”, James shook his head. “That’s what this is all about? You couldn’t have known! You just…”
“Okay”, Ginny stopped him. “How about we stop this irrational ‘whose fault is it?’ game and go see your brother?”
“But mum haven’t you realized that you just kicked Uncle Ron and Aunt Hermione out?” James asked. “You know dad wouldn’t want this!”
“I know”, she nodded gloomily. “But I really can’t have them in my house, when they survived the fire that killed your father. It’s too hard”, she shook her head and then she sighed. “Okay, Albus now”.
James exhaled unpleased but followed her inside his brother’s room. She walked inside without knocking to find Albus sitting on his desk drawing something on a piece of parchment. As Ginny walked next to him, James started wondering if this was a good idea. He wasn’t really sure if Albus was still on his denial phase since he came in the funeral, but if he was, James wondered if his mother would be able to deal with it.
“Hey, honey”, Ginny smiled as Albus turned around to look at them.
“Oh, hey”, he said and then turned back at the parchment in front of him.
“What are you doing?” she asked glancing back at James. He shrugged.
“Well, we’re going back to Hogwarts in a week and our first match with Ravenclaw is coming up so I was making some game plans”, he explained.
“Oh”, Ginny said in a confused tone. She turned to James again and he just grinned at her. “Well, I meant how you are. You know, after the funeral?”
The boy just shrugged. Ginny looked at James again utterly bemused. James sighed and walked forward.
“Albus?” he said and his brother turned to look at him; there was something hostile in his expression, like he was provoking him to dare to go on. “Albus, mum is really trying here, maybe you should too”.
“I don’t understand”, Ginny said looking from Albus to James and then back. “Honey, don’t this the wrong way”, she told Albus then. “But I don’t thing making game plans right after your father’s wake is the most natural thing in the world”.
Albus gulped and James saw him trying to decide whether he would say to their mother what he thought or not. He closed his eyes and sighed and James knew he had taken the wrong decision; typical Albus.
“Mum, I only came to that so called funeral because of you”, he said.
“Albus please stop”, James whispered.
“What do you mean?” Ginny asked him.
“I don’t think that dad is dead”, Albus told her.
Ginny’s eyes widened and for a few moments she couldn’t say anything. Then, she turned to James with her eyes still widened. James shrugged and grinned at her in an ‘I told you so’ kind of way.
“Honey…” she said turning to him again with a sad look on her eyes.
“Do not look at me like this, mum! Not you too!” Albus snapped.
“Honey”, Ginny whispered again as she tried to find what to say. “Nobody wants him dead but…”
“No, mum, I am not making this up!” Albus said. “He’s just not dead! I know it! Why can’t you believe me?”
“Okay, Al, come here”, Ginny sighed and taking his hand, she made him sit down on the bed. “You know how much I adored your father, right?”
“Yeah”, the boy nodded.
“Well, then you know that there’s really no other person that would want him alive more than I do”, she said.
“But, I know he’s alive”, Albus said.
“He’s not Albus”, Ginny whispered and the boy stretched out his hand and wiped an unnoticed tear that had left one of her eyes.
“Why are you doing this to me?” Albus said. “Why can’t you believe me?”
“I want to, baby, but…”
“Mum, dad survived Voldemort, survived almost twenty years as an auror….don’t you think he would have survived a fire?”
“It wasn’t a simple fire, Al”, Ginny shook her head.
“Yes, but my father wasn’t simple either”.
“Albus…”
“You’re not going to change his mind, mum”, James sighed. “Almost everyone tried. He’s in denial and there’s we can do”.
“I am not in denial”, Albus snapped jumping up.
“No, of course not”, James said ironically. “You’ve only developed a sixth sense, nobody else has!”
“James, stop making fun of him!” Ginny said irritated. James grunted and left the room. “Honey…”Ginny started again.
“Let it go, mum”, Albus said still shaking from anger. “He was right about one thing; you’re not changing my mind”.
“But, Al…”
“No”, he shook his head and got up turning his back at her. She fought with herself for a moment, but this whole situation was overcoming her, so she just walked to him and after hugging him and stroking his hair, she left the room.
When the door closed Albus exhaled as his eyes filled with tears. He walked over to his desk again and flipped over the parchment. It read only four words: ‘Dad where are you?’

-Angie-