Oh look everyone, I'm back and I'm lucid
Sorry, I was just seeing red about the whole Kid Flash book going on permanent hiatus ... you know it did since no one actually drew anything and the scripts were probably tanked ...
Moving on ...
I can't stand emotional outbursts ...
A proper critique of your first post ...
Quote:
Originally Posted by My Kelly
Seamus sat up and grinned. He’d know that voice anywhere. He tried to move in closer to the radio as Dean’s voice filled the room.
+600 points ...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kelly Bear the Fair
Another voice chimed in that the news wasn’t all bad. It sounded like Fred, but Seamus couldn’t be sure. It was one of the Weasley twins, at any rate.
Cute. I mean twins would sound alike wouldn't they?
The touch of humor is cute in a sad instant ... and this post was sad.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kelly Keeper of my heart
Then came the part of the broadcast that Seamus dreaded most. The list. He was still grinning, knowing without a doubt that his best mate was safe and whole at this very minute, when he heard a familiar name and his stomach leapt up into his throat.
“Amelia Bonebridge, deceased.”
Aunt Amelia was--had been, he corrected himself--his favorite aunt.
That was jarring ... and it played off really well, what with Seamus all happy and then *Bam* 9_9; horrible news ... nice set up. I'm going to have to borrow it. Euphoric happiness and then ... catastrophic disaster. The Colcannon and the Haggis were nice touches too. *goes off to look Colcannon*
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kelly-chan
She hung back until most of the students had left, hesitating even when Neville met her eye and smiled at her. Finally, smiling shyly, she sat next to him on the edge of his cot.
You display timidity admirably.
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Smokey to my Bandit
Hannah scowled at her, then quickly kissed Neville on the cheek before running after Ginny.
“Uh, oh…” Neville said under his breath, letting his head fall back on the pillow.
“Neville! I’ve been dying to tell you! The display Halloween night, it was amazing!” Colin Creevey fairly danced on his toes with excitement.
“Absolutely amazing!” piped up little Dennis Creevey.
The HannahvGinny antagonism works cutely
especially considering Ginny is Luna's friend if Luna likes Neville I mean :o
Then the set up for Colin
with the whole "uh, oh..." 2 cute
I love the Creevy's *book 7 Spoiler*
I think Colin's ... *ahem* in book 7 shocked me second most to Dobby's. You fall in love with a character you know ... Neways, I root for non-canon and then I get N/L and C doesn't have to meet that fate ... no? *crosses fingers*
My only criticism here though would be the whole thing with that Velch girl. Uhm, seeing as you haven't updated in a while ... I don't remember so well what happened at the dinner ... so ... uhm,
you shouldn't do that to your readers we have to go back and reread ... *goes back to re-read* so you should maybe drop context clues in the paragraphs ...
Quote:
Originally Posted by MyFavoriteFiccer
“Yeah, well, they don’t seem to mind turning me into pork pie.” said Neville, ruefully.
Fun-e. And I like pork pie ... I always decry SS's lack of a piggy smilie ... oh woe.
The Luna kiss, subtle but conveying soooooooooooo much. Nicely done. Now your new post. *goes to read*
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kelly-sama
Somehow, the thought of seeing both Luna and Hannah filled him with nervous excitement, and with not a little dread. He was still all tangled up inside about how he felt about them, but he had to choose. He grinned at the thought of him having to choose between two girls. If Ron could see him now, he wouldn’t be so quick to tease.
Oh, Nevy-poo
If I could see Ron ... *sniffles* but I thought this was cute and neat. It's a nice reference to events outside of Hogwarts, it shows character, and it's funny and cute and goes with what I said in my last post which shows you actually read what I say and take it into consideration
Now about the giant Death Eater Mecha ... or maybe the werepigs ... I mean ... you could always retcon it if it doesn't work
Quote:
Originally Posted by Just Kellybear
As much as it hurt, he was going to have to keep his distance from both of them for the time being.
Okay, that was a shocker again ... gah boys are so stupid in love ...
All in all nice posts all of them. My only gripe would be if you reference something from a while back like say ... last month
you should link it, mention it, or don't make me go look for it ... it throws off reading the present post. Otherwise, all around brilliant writing as always ... kewl.
PAMS when you cans loves ... *pets* and Happy New Year love ♥ ;3
