I was going to point out a few typos but truth be told Conners, this ...
totally won me over
Quote:
Ottery tipped his cowboy hat to Lily, (who had her head out the window watching,) then magnificently swung up onto the platform as he mounted his mighty steed the Iron Horse.
Never have I written myself so heroically ... because I'm more of a comic character actually but ...
I have to admit that was ... beautiful, priceless without a doubt ... seriously flattering and a neat Christmas present to boot. The trick was more in keeping along the lines with what Severus deserved for his evilness.
I wish you had delved more into his gradual descent into the dark arts and all, but ... I guess you want to move this novel along and not say ... have it become overburdened and cumbersome like some I could name ... Human Nature.
I swear, we've been on the train to Hogwarts for years now ... 
As for the sudden death of Lily's parents you seem to gloss that over and that's a major event in a person's life. I would have written it in more detail but again ... I write too much detail and not enough action. So you can ignore that critique but not this one, James' parents dying at the same time is just too coincidental ... just a thought.
Moving on ... no I hadn't read your edits, I never go back to reread stuff if I can help it, but I like that you took my advice. That's all it is, advice and it really is given with the best of intentions.
Neways, back to the story, I don't understand, I don't know if I mentioned this before but ... I don't understand why ... okay so I think I just thought it out as I was writing this question
I was going to say: I don't get why Tom doesn't just go with her to Hogwarts when I realized, because there's soooooooooooooooo many magic users and teachers there, Hagrid alone could probably tell what he was.
I'm sorry ... I'm such a dork sometimes. As for the whole tongue licking equals skin ripping, does that apply to all cats? I don't know I don't own a real cat
Neways, why would Petunia be nice to Lily if she thinks so viley of her? That part I also don't get. Are you planning to reveal all of this in the end, maybe? I guess she isn't all bad, I mean she took Harry in but ... why? And the whole rose bit ... yeah, that's sad and sweet at the same time. I expect many tears from that later
Pams when you cans and it's nice you take my advice love, but you're an awesome writer on your own account as your readers can easily and readily attest.
ttyl,
Hope your X-mas was love mine was insane but kewl and giddying in the end ... more on that laterz.
loves,
