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**Aparecium** · 08-26-2009, 12:46 AM

Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!...
_______________________

We received a tear-stained letter. Yes, dear readers, someone made this poor little boy cry. Boy in question? Oh, you know, that Upstead kid. His name is Jake or something? Has pink hair? Yeh! Yeh! Him! Well, he has been going through some stuff it seems.

For those of you who, like Aphrodite, follow relationship gossip, you may have known that little Jake Upstead and evil queen witch, Dani, were a couple. They had long walks on the beach during sunset, shared food in a sickeningly similar way Lady did with the Tramp and Jake also had to jump out of her bedroom window when her Dad spontaneously arrived home one evening! TskTsk.

Well, it appears our favourite wellington boot wielder experienced a little heart break when Mr. Upstead informed her that he thought they should no longer be together. Oh! Tough. How would you react ladies? Well, our dearest decided to take a note from Bone-Crusher Kovac's book and slapped that boy silly!

If you see Jake with a nice purple bruise to go with that pink hair of his, then now you know why. But never fear! Dionysus is here! And I have made up a list of what to do in situations such as this:

a) You could slap her right back! None of this never hit a girl nonsense if she's the one raising a finger. Psssst! I recommend the use of rolled up Daily Prophet. Wondrous weapon!

OR

b) You could take note from Varius Tipps and tickle torture them as could be witnessed between he and Willie Crocker in the middle of Weasley's Wizard Wheezes. Oh, did you know he steals? I'm surprised the WANTED posters aren't out by now!

OR

c) You could write a tear-ridden letter to your favourite gossip parchment.

ORRRRR (my favourite)

d) Go get yourself a random girl and snog the face of her infront of her! That is sure to sting worse than a slap, let me tell you!

Hope our advice helps you with any future break-ups, Jake!

Pleasure as always,

Dionysus

08-26-2009, 12:46 AM	#6 (permalink)
Aparecium Shhhh! Gnome Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Everywhere Posts: 323	Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!... _______________________ We received a tear-stained letter. Yes, dear readers, someone made this poor little boy cry. Boy in question? Oh, you know, that Upstead kid. His name is Jake or something? Has pink hair? Yeh! Yeh! Him! Well, he has been going through some stuff it seems. For those of you who, like Aphrodite, follow relationship gossip, you may have known that little Jake Upstead and evil queen witch, Dani, were a couple. They had long walks on the beach during sunset, shared food in a sickeningly similar way Lady did with the Tramp and Jake also had to jump out of her bedroom window when her Dad spontaneously arrived home one evening! TskTsk. Well, it appears our favourite wellington boot wielder experienced a little heart break when Mr. Upstead informed her that he thought they should no longer be together. Oh! Tough. How would you react ladies? Well, our dearest decided to take a note from Bone-Crusher Kovac's book and slapped that boy silly! If you see Jake with a nice purple bruise to go with that pink hair of his, then now you know why. But never fear! Dionysus is here! And I have made up a list of what to do in situations such as this: a) You could slap her right back! None of this never hit a girl nonsense if she's the one raising a finger. Psssst! I recommend the use of rolled up Daily Prophet. Wondrous weapon! OR b) You could take note from Varius Tipps and tickle torture them as could be witnessed between he and Willie Crocker in the middle of Weasley's Wizard Wheezes. Oh, did you know he steals? I'm surprised the WANTED posters aren't out by now! OR c) You could write a tear-ridden letter to your favourite gossip parchment. ORRRRR (my favourite) d) Go get yourself a random girl and snog the face of her infront of her! That is sure to sting worse than a slap, let me tell you! Hope our advice helps you with any future break-ups, Jake! Pleasure as always, Dionysus Last edited by Mad Eye Touz; 08-26-2009 at 03:19 AM.