The week continued onward with no incidents of pranking mastery. The non-Peter Marauders, which is the lazy way of saying James, Remus, and Sirius, watched expectantly for Peter to come up with his brilliant prank. Snape continued dodging Peter, usually by hiding behind trees and pillars on the grounds. No one else really cared, because… let’s be honest… it’s Peter.

At the end of the week, everyone showed up for History of Magic, wondering if they would ever get to see what the stupid prank was. Well, actually most of them were wishing Peter would stop wearing his magnificent pranking costume because it kept distracting them and was starting to smell. The last student to enter the classroom, after Snape dashed from statue to statue down the hall, under the desks and out the window of course, was Lily, who was accompanied by a large, attractive-in-a-hairy-way male. Sirius forced James back into his seat so class could commence.

“This is my cousin Bertrand,” Lily explained to her friends, and James relaxed visibly. “He’s from another country.”

“What country?” some unimportant made-up character asked.

The author was spared creating some plausible answer by the appearance of Professor Binns, who floated through the wall and through Bertrand to his lecturn.

“Raspberries!” Bertrand shouted. “Dat vas skipperingjibbersnap.” Everyone looked at each other blankly and continued on to their seats. “You know?” he continued on even though no one cared. “De vay it feels on your blabberpoopoo? Don’t you waffledaffledoodas understand vat I’m glifferschnib?”

James threw his book at Lily’s incredibly annoying cousin. “You are incredibly annoying. Be quiet or I’ll…” Lily gave him a look and he smiled hugely. “Give you a personal tour of the school and grounds and introduce you to lots of girls.” Lily nodded and moved to sit down.

Peter climbed onto his desk. “Attention! I have an announcement. You have just witnessed the greatest prank ever. If any of you decide to form a fan club, I would be more than willing to let you follow me around.” When no one responded, Peter stomped his foot, and the desk wobbled precariously. “Don’t you get it!? Lily doesn’t have a cousin! That’s the prank!”

Everyone continued just to stare at him, until finally his friends spoke up. “Well… I don’t understand…” Remus began.

“If you received one point for being completely random, you’d still only have one point. That’s not winning material,” James added.

“I’m the greatest prankster,” Sirius whined under his breath.

“She doesn’t have a cousin. But she thinks she does. And you think she does. Its BRILLIANT!” Peter nearly toppled in his enthusiasm.

“But who IS that guy?” James said, bristling with the knowledge that the hairy man standing by his Lily was NOT her cousin.

“You are totally missing the point,” Peter said. He jumped off the desk and turned to face the class one last time. “I’m going to give you a little while to think about the brilliance of this prank. You’ll come find me when it all sinks in.” He turned with a flounce, tripped over his cape, and knocked himself unconscious on a desk.

“Glopple dipperdoo?” Bertrand asked.

“Oh, shut up!” Lily said.