Top Ten Reasons Why I am 'Better' than a House Elf:

10. As a man, my people have enslaved the house elves for years, causing them to actively fear clothes. Clothes are the mark of banishment and disgrace, for it leads from a life of servitude to a life as an outcast. This allows us, as men, to be better because we are better dressers than house elves, who run around all raggedy-like.

9. Men have smaller ears than a house elf. This makes them better because they can more easily turn a deaf ear to the house elf's screams of pain when they abuse themselves if they do not succeed in fulfilling our every whim.

8. Men are taller. So we can reach the stuff on the high shelves. Of course, being a wizard, I can just accio things, and house elves can do magic to bring things to their level, but their 'level' is physically lower than ours, which must be indicative of their lower status as a race. Right? Just like Lord Borr is bigger than me, and is therefore undoubtedly more man than I'll ever be.

7. Men move into the homes where house elves exist, claiming them as their own and the house elves are basically treated as fixtures like a sink or a floo. As we are not treated as furnishings, we must be better.

6. Men don't have to work as hard physically as house elves do. This allows us to relax and feast on cookies while the hard work is tended to. Huzzah!

5. I am afforded the chance to attend school and broaden my horizons educationally. House elves typically are not well educated at least not in a fine institution like Cooper's School. This must make us better than them, because we are allowed the opportunity to have fine lessons like this one from Lord Borr. Anyone who doesn't get to learn from Lord Borr is automatically a lesser individual!

4. As a man, I am more powerful in society than a house elf will ever likely be. Because society is run by men like Lord Borr at the Ministry, and they make the rules.

3. As men, we are allowed the luxury of sport and leisure. House elves don't get to play quidditch and you never see a house elf off making art or exploring culture. Therefore, we must be better as we have all this spare time for culture because of all the menial tasks we don't have to do because we've got the house elves managing those back breaking tasks for us.

2. As men, we are allowed to associate -- well, we lucky ones are -- with Lord Borr and he will take an audience with us in his lounge. Anyone who can't do that is obviously a lesser creature.

1. Men are better than house elves because Lord Borr said so. Duh!