Chapter 2: Decisions

I needed to figure out where my family and I could go, having just made my escape from Azkaban. Even though I was finally free, I realized the road ahead would not be easy. I knew that the Dark Lord was really angry with me because of my failure to obtain the Prophecy for him during the battle at the Department of Mysteries. I’m sure he considered that entire incident nothing but a big fiasco and that I had failed him miserably. I knew I would pay a heavy price if I dared to come back to his presence at this point in time and there was no way I was willing to pay that price. I needed to get away, go some place where no one associated with the Dark Lord or where any of the Death Eaters could ever find me.

After much thought, I finally hit on the perfect solution. The Dark Lord knew nothing about my friend’s estate in the south of France. Esteban was a very discrete sort, he spent hardly any time at his mansion and I knew that he would have no objection if I went there and hid out for a while. None of the Death Eaters knew anything of my association with Esteban, so I felt fairly safe in going there. I had never mentioned him to anyone I knew, not even my wife or son. I have found that the fewer people you trust, the better.

Narcissa and I decided that I would go ahead to the mansion and she and Draco would join me later. They were staying in a remote part of Scotland where it was unlikely anyone would come across them, and we both thought it was best to keep separated for the time being, just in case.

I apparated to Esteban’s mansion and felt something I hadn’t felt in a very long time, a sense of freedom. I was never really free because of my bonds and allegiance to the Dark Lord and on top of that, the time I had just spent at Azkaban had been a nightmare. No one can possibly imagine how unbearable the Dementors are, how relentless and terrible,
or understand the constant fear that soon you will be the one to receive the kiss. It felt wonderful to have the freedom to walk around without anyone bothering me, watching me. I was at peace for the first time since I could recall. That is until the day she came.

I was enjoying a quiet walk near the garden when I felt something, an indescribable sensation that something wasn't right. By the time I realized what was happening, and tried to pull my wand, it was too late for me to do anything about it, which was surprising since I'm such a cautious, careful person who is not easily surprised. I heard the word ‘Incarcerous’ from out of nowhere and then ropes were suddenly on me, binding me and keeping me from escaping from this intruder who had suddenly apparated her way into my world. Who was she and how had she found me?

Somehow she seemed familiar, this slender young woman with the short, tousled, mousy hair. But wait; there was a slight trace of pink in those unruly locks as well.

“How dare you.” I turned to her. She really wasn’t that old.

“Who are you and why have you come here?”

“Who am I? You know who I am, Uncle Lucius,” the young woman said. “I’m your niece.”

“That’s impossible,” I responded, “I have no niece.”

“Yes, you do,” she insisted. “I’m Andromeda’s daughter, Nymphadora Tonks. You can’t pretend you don’t know me.”

I hissed. “Andromeda Tonks is no member of my family or my wife’s.” It was true; the woman was dead to both of us. She had had the nerve to marry a muggle and here this creature was, her halfblooded offspring. I suddenly remembered where I had seen this girl before. It was at the Department of Mysteries, she had been fighting on the side of the Order of the Phoenix. I shuddered. Was she here to arrest me and take me back to Azkaban again? And how did she find me?

“I know you’re wondering how I found you, right, Uncle Lucius?” This Nymphadora creature seemed to read my mind. “It was easy, I was able to sense your thought pattern and figure out where you were. Sometimes I’m able to do that, though not all the time. This time it was easy, and I’m not here to arrest you. I’m here to bargain with you.”

We had entered into the mansion by this time. As we were entering the sitting room she tripped over a small hassock that was near the fireplace. It wasn’t even near the path of where anyone would walk. My, this is a clumsy one, I thought. I wondered how true her words were about her sensing where I was. She seemed so inept and inexperienced.

“Well, since I have no choice in the matter, you might as well tell me what you have to say so I can be on about my business,” I sighed. The ropes were starting to become uncomfortable. I knew that I had to humor her or she wouldn’t release me from my bonds. “What is it that you propose?”

“We all know that you failed You-Know-Who and that he’s not happy with you. How can you go back to him now knowing that he’s angry with you? There’s no telling what he might do. You’re in a really bad position right now, certainly not one for bargaining. They already have plans to kill your son, my cousin Draco.” I shuddered. How dare she call Draco her cousin? She was certainly cheeky enough.

“My wife’s family disowned your mother a long time ago. They want nothing to do with you or your mother and haven’t since the day they kicked her out of the Black House,” I told her in my most pompous, arrogant tone possible. My, the Blacks were an embarrassment, I thought. For such a noble family they had many members who were not even deserving of the title ‘wizard’ and Andromeda was certainly one of them. I knew that Narcissa and Bellatrix were worthy, but I could think of no other Black in recent history that I could say the same thing of.

She shrugged. “Say what you want, but that’s the way it is and you know it. I am just here to help you and hopefully save Draco’s life and yours as well. Are you interested in what I have to say?”

I nodded. Draco was probably lost to me anyway; I needed to save my own life and couldn’t worry about anyone else, even my own son. My philosophy has always been to put yourself first, look out for your number one because no one else is going to. “Okay, what is your proposal?” I asked, bored. I had no intention of giving her an answer, at least nothing so certain as a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ at this point, this filthy half-blood daughter of the muggle Ted Tonks. She was lucky I was even speaking to her in the first place, but then again, she held all the cards in her hands at this point.

“It’s very simple. You work with us against the Death Eaters, tell us where He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is hiding and share information with us. In return, we will work to get Draco out of danger and see that no harm comes to you. You aren’t really safe here, you know. If I found you, somebody else might be able to find you, as well. We have the power to make sure that you stay safe. Why don’t you consider what I’m saying, at least?”

I thought for a few seconds. It was a very tempting proposition, in a way, but I still wasn’t prepared to risk everything by switching to the side of the Order. I had no interest in their plans, didn’t condone anything they did and didn’t understand them. They have no concept of why it’s so important to keep the bloodline of wizards pure, that mixing with muggles taints the magic and makes wizards far less powerful than what they are, thins out the great line of wizards we have had throughout history and ensures that we ourselves will one day have no magic and be nothing but muggles ourselves. I was very proud of my pureblooded line and had no respect for any wizard who didn’t feel the same way. This girl was trash to me, a half-blood who wasn’t worth my time or attention. Narcissa and Bellatrix would have been appalled if they knew I had even spoken words to her. But like I said, she held the cards so I was putting up with her.

I turned to the girl with a fake smile. She was gawky and not very attractive at all to me with her sad, heart shaped face and messy short hair, so very unlike my beautiful Narcissa. “I’ll think about your plan,” I said. That was all I would do. I wasn’t prepared to give up the Death Eater cause at this point, especially when it was the cause I truly believed in and I was still convinced that it was the cause that would win in the long run. “Can you at least free me of my bonds? I’m not going to do anything.” It was true. Though I had nothing but complete loathing and contempt for the girl, I had no intent to do anything to harm her, at least not at this point. “How about it, Nymphadora?”

She suddenly became very upset. “Don’t call me Nymphadora!” she exclaimed. “I prefer to be known as Tonks.” I shuddered, the very thought of actually wanting to be called by that muggle name. “All right then, Tonks,” I said resignedly. “I will give it my consideration and I promise that you’ll be safe if you release me.”

She lifted her wand and said the spell that released the ropes from around my body. I breathed a sigh of relief. “In return, will you promise not to come back here again, and that you will tell no other member of the Order of the Phoenix where I am? I presume you haven’t already done so, have you?” The girl nodded that yes, she had kept my secret safe and not told anyone. “Thank you, Tonks," I finally said. "I will consider what you’ve told me and I will send an owl to you if I decide to take you up on your offer.”

She smiled at me. “I appreciate it, Uncle Lucius,” she said. She looked like she was barely out of her teens. What was the Order thinking, enlisting the help of a young girl like this? “All right, we’ll leave it at that,” I said. “Is there anything more you need from me?”

”I don’t think so,” she answered. “I’ll be on my way, then. But do think about our conversation.”

With that she pulled out her wand and apparated away, leaving me alone with my thoughts once again. I knew that now was not the time to make any kind of decision one way or the other. I decided to stay in hiding here until I could figure out exactly what I did want to do. I had to think about what was best for me. But I was pretty sure that the Order of the Phoenix had no place in any plans I would be making in the future.