okay, lemme sharpen up my skeelz picked up in my Literature course. First off, let me say that I'm quite intrigued by the story and the character and will definitely be coming back to read more. Quote:
I woke up to the beeping of an EKG machine for what felt like the millionth time in my life.
The very first line sets the tone of the story (or chapter, cos I havent read the rest...so wouldn't know). We know it's going to be sad, and there is a sense of hopelessness about the character. Quote:
The door opened and my mother rushed through it. She always rushed like that, as if I'd die in the next few seconds from the doorway to my bedside. She took my hand, the one that didn't have the IV, and laid her forehead on it. I could feel her tears on my fingertips as she cried. Somewhere through the sobs I could hear her apologizing to me, and I didn't know what for. Even if I was dying, it's not like she hadn't done what she could.
This was incredibly touching. Where in the first chapter we see how Angelica reacts to her illness, we see the more frantic one of a mother losing a child. Or a mother who has been losing her child. I dont know, with the mother apologizing to her, it feels like she's already given up. Her mother knows that Angelica is as good as lost to her. Quote:
I didn't know how to feel anything about it, much less what to feel. I drank a little of that ice-cold water at a time and slowly felt my throat go numb. Pulling a sliver of ice into my mouth, I enjoyed the feeling of that smooth piece become nothing.
The simple innocence of a child who lost her innocence. I love this part, it shows how she can't be scared or angry at being sick, but she can find enjoyment in something as simple as a melting piece of ice, or a dripping IV. Quote:
I'm Angelica Morayne, ten and a half years old, and have just been told that all the medical marvels in the world have failed. Tomorrow I will wake up on the fourth floor of the hospital. My guess is, I'll be all alone.
That is a wonderful ending to the chapter, and also a great opening to the story. Usually, in lit papers, we get asked to judge how effective an opening is in a story, and I'd say this one hits the nail on the head. You've given us a brief background story on the main character, and also an insight into the way she thinks and feels. The tone of the story is set and I expect quite a few people are gonna read this, love it, subscribe to the story and will keep coming back for more. I have a feeling about what's going to happen, but wont speculate on it. LOL. It's a great beginning, Zelly and I can't wait to read the next bit.