Written by: SlytherinSissa
Snape grabbed the parchment and looked over the ingredients. "I need passion, chocolate and that muggle actor Gary Oldman in order to make an essence of Valera. Let's see. Well, I know I have passion. That's in my top right hand drawer of my desk. Considering my real passion is the Defense Against the Dark Arts position, I have to take some passion every day in order to endure this Potions Master schtick."
Severus walked over to his desk, opened his drawer and withdrew the vial of passion. He walked back over to the cauldron and added the ingredient.
Next to the cauldron sat a sizable amount of of Honeydukes solid chocolate. Snape broke off a piece and stuffed it in his mouth. It was a little too large and he had some difficulty reading the steps. "I eed some cholat. Wat," he said, swallowing some of the melting chocolate, "maybe I shouln be eatn it." He swallowed again and rid himself of the lump of calories. He hulked the remaining chocolate into the cauldron and it quickly began to melt.
"Now all I need is--"
The dungeon door slammed open and a very pale, very old man with rolling hills hair and spidery fingers glided into the room. "I am Dracul. Creatures of the night. What music they make," he said in a thick Romanian accent.
Severus blinked at him. "You're in the wrong movie, Gary."
"I--what?" He put his hands on his hips. "Are you serious?"
"Do I look like Keanu Reeves?"
Gary Oldman pulled off his wig, letting his dark brown hair show, and pulled the old man make-up off of his face. "You know, I had a feeling I should have donned the Azkaban gear. The castle confused me."
"Foiled by granite, I see?"
"So, who are we making today?"
"Essence of Valera. I have everything ready to go except you."
"Oh, she wants me? Cheeky. It still gets me going that at my age the girls still fancy me."
"Just get in the cauldron."
"Right." Gary Oldman walked over to the cauldron and climbed in.
Severus grabbed a giant wooden spoon and dipped it into the potion and began to stir. At first Gary resisted the chocolate, trying to swim the opposite way but eventually conceeded. It wasn't long before everything was mixed and Valera was standing before him.
"You know, Gary was hotter as the younger version of Dracula," Valera said, crossing her arms.
"I'll take your word for it but I wasn't expecting him to show up in fang."
"Gotcha. Well, thanks for brewing me!"
"I should have saved myself some chocolate."
"Well, I think there's still some in the cauldron."
"Chocolate-covered Gary Oldman. You know what? I think I'll go rig up a swing on the Whomping Willow." |